Happy birthday Stiney! Or belated birthday as it were. I can't believe that I forget about your special day. Truth be told I've regularly forgot my mom's birthday every year since my freshman year in '01.

/dorm phone rings at around noon

Mom, "Hi Joe, how are you doing."
Joe, "Good, just finishing up homework."
Mom, "OK. Anything going on today, something special maybe?"
Joe, "No, not really."
Mom, "Nothing on your calendar then..."
Joe, "Nope."
Mom, "OK hun, I know you're busy I'll let you go, just remember Mommy loves you."
Joe, "Love you too."

/hangs up phone
//grabs another beer out of the fridge
///puts on headphones and goes back to playing Counter-Strike

later that weekend...

Me blurting out during a game of pong, "Shit, I think I forgot my mom's birthday."

Anyways, I hope you had a splendid birthday. I'm sure you did. I wonder what happened...

Stinespring's Birthday Itinerary

7:00pm After practice he meets the family in Christiansburg at Texas Roadhouse for dinner.

7:15pm Orders half rack of ribs well done, "you gotta work for the meat, don't wanna lay up short near the bone neither", a loaded house salad with gravy dressing and green beans smothered in cinnamon butter. Mrs. S points out he didn't coordinate that well.

7:50pm At the behest of his family, he rides the wooden bull around the restaurant moving an efficient 2 inches per pull-n-buck.

8:00pm Tells his family, "my real gift is that I can provide for y'all." Pulls the waitress aside, hands her exactly $63.74, and says, "Oh, and your tip, how 'bout some inside info, we're gonna throw it long first play against Wake Forest."

8:20pm Returns home for coffee and dessert with friends and family.


8:27pm Stiney blows out the candles, wishes for a mid-sized American luxury sudan, nothing in particular they all just get the job done and meticulously slices his German chocolate cake in 16 even servings. His guests are amazed how he cut each piece exactly the same way, over, and over, and over again. Unfortunately the cake has been left out to dry for too long and is stale.

8:38pm Friends and family retire to the living room.

8:40pm Coach Beamer calls to say he's running late and is only one block away.

8:42pm Stiney regales his guests by reenacting the Empire's attack on the Rebel Alliance's Echo Base on Hoth. He turns off the lights and uses a flashlight to make shadows on the wall to show the Millennium Falcon escaping. It was quite beautiful really.

9:15pm Mrs. Stiney puts the kids to bed and asks Bryan to put on some easy listening music.

9:16pm ♫ Tupic - Hit 'Em Up ♫

9:21pm ♫ Eazy-E - Real Muthaphuckkin G's ♫

9:26pm ♫ Jay-Z - The Takeover ♫

9:30pm Everyone decides a game of Monopoly is in order. On his first turn Stiney lands on Chance, advances token to Boardwalk and decides it's best to put it up for auction. "I don't like anything that flashy."

10:00pm With the caffeine wearing off everyone decides to call it a night and wishes Stiney one last "happy birthday" on their way out.




I needed that this morning, I really did.

"I don't know what a Hokie is, but God is one of them.' So I'm going with God. I'm going with Virginia Tech." Lee Corso Aug 23, 2000


Don't forget...

11:30am Drive to Caribbean Tan with youngest daughter and wait in parking lot until crowd inside dies down. Roast skin for 12 minutes in bed 17, which is the bed furthest away but closest to the second exit. Hustle the heck out of there.

(100% true... I am concerned for his daughter's eyes after being exposed to tanning lights at a young age)