After weeks and weeks of speculation, the new offensive staff was finalized and officially announced. On Friday, Scot Loeffler, Jeff Grimes and Aaron Moorehead will ride into Blacksburg like white knights on stallions.
Other than that, it's been a pretty quiet week. I mean, Shane Beamer did troll some people on Twitter, leading me to embark in a twenty-minute mental exercise as to what would happen if Bud Foster had an account. Could you imagine? Some UVA bro tries to troll Foster’s defense on Twitter, which is then followed by Foster’s threats of "total, soul crushing annihilation" while motivating Jack Tyler and Antone Exum to send a season-long message.
Speaking of Exum...
1. Saban is probably up watching film. So I'm hitting the field to get some work in! #AUG31— Antone Exum Jr. (@IAmSwag1) January 21, 2013
That was at 3 A.M. Monday morning. You know where normal people were at 3 A.M. Monday morning? Sleeping...or sleeping off a night at Big Al's. This man is insane, in such a good way.
That may have been all the news in Blacksburg, but lucky for us the sports world got weird (and awesome) over the past week.
There was the Manti Te'o thing. The worst part about this whole saga is that I simply cannot come up with any original jokes that we haven't heard before. It's more punched out than one of Kristen Saban's sorority sisters. Deadspin broke this story last Wednesday, the exact same day as my last TWTW came out. I immediately knew my column was going to get about 10 more views for the day, as the story basically broke the Internet (of those 10 views, six of them were probably from Googling "Rorell Breddie" on accident).
Seriously though, hasn't this thing gone full Tyson Zone on us? For those who don't know, Bill Simmons' Tyson Zone is the term for when an athlete has been so odd, that you will believe any single story about him or her. Obviously it is named after Mike Tyson, but think Metta World Peace or Bill Romanowski.
Side note, I think that in college football, this should be named the Les Miles Zone, because I think I would believe anything I hear about Les Miles. "Les Miles self-cleanses by drinking his own urine before games? Sure he does." Insane, yet pretty believable.
Apparently Te'o did an interview with Katie Couric, who not so coincidentally uses the same publicist, trying to clear the air on the whole debacle. In this interview Te'o could say anything and at least half of Twitter would run with it. If he looked Couric straight in the eyes and said that he used the fake girlfriend as a pseudonym for his Robitussin dealer, people would probably just go about their day. It is probably the weirdest story of my generation, and second weirdest sports story to the Harding/Kerrigan debacle.
In other news, University of Virginia verbal commit Taquan Mizzell, the first 5-star recruit of the Mike London era, ran into a little trouble when he was arrested for "underage possession of alcohol"...while on his official visit in Charlottesville. Upon hearing this Mike London fired the arresting officer, just to send a message.
In pro football news, Matt Ryan lost in the playoffs again. It's cool though, because Jeff Jagodzinski is currently the offensive coordinator at Georgia State and Tyrod is headed to the Super Bowl. Everything feels very right.
Quick basketball news and notes:
- The Hokies beat Wake Forest by one, 66-65, largely in thanks to Jarrell Eddie's big first half, and Erick Green's big second half.
- The star of the game in my mind was Cadarian Raines, who grabbed a career high 13 boards, blocked four shots and had about 100 mean mugs.
- Tech plays Virginia on Thursday. Sticking with recent trends, both coaches decided to say that the first one to 40 wins.
- Freshman Marshall Wood was dressed for the Wake game, however never got off the bench. This is great news for a team desperate for one more scholarship player, bad news for anyone who is a fan of the sweater vest/flat top combo he wore on the bench.
- Last note-Kendall Fuller was ranked as the ninth best recruit in Rivals' Top 100 prospects (Wyatt Teller was also #59 and Holland Fisher was #83). Fuller is the team's highest prospect since...oh god no.
Have a great week y'all.
Comments
This was top shelf!
Great writing!! You remind me of the Great Dave Barry....(which incidentally, would be a great name for a rock band!....fans of DB will get that).
I have a friend who is a Cville cop & works the corner regularly...I have to talk to him and see what he knows about the Mizzell incident. That should be good for a laugh. Who knows, he might have been the arresting officer.
Exum is really starting to make me believe he might be as good as his potential next year.
The Les Miles Zone would also be a great name for a rock band!
Looking forward to next weeks TWTW!
"I have a friend who is a Cville cop & works the corner regularly..."
I didn't know that Charlottesville had sunk so low as to have their cops picking up side jobs as hookers and gigolos. But then again, it's UVa territory so I wouldn't put anything past them.
They actually have to have cops there on an ongoing basis
even though it impresses me as having to break up girl fights. There are a lot of sloppy wahoo drunks, apparently.
Those Zima's will get after
Those Zimas will get after ya.
Exum
If nothing else he's using Sabanism against him. Keep motivating himself, the fans, and (hopefully) his teammates.
Questions: When we #beatbama do Loeffy and Grimes actually get white horses and be celebrated as saviors? Does that then pissed Bud off to the point of no return motivating the single greatest college defense that has ever played. Also does Exum release a new rap song?
So many questions...
#Aug31
When Tech's new rushing attack helps it #BeatBama, Loeffler and Grimes will be on their way to Hokie Immortality.
Foster's defense will be top-notch this year regardless. Can't wait.
I vote they rush the 'Bama sidelines with a saddle. Tackle the sorry excuse for a mascot Alabama Elephant, throw a saddle on him and ride him out of Lane Stadium towing the Skipper by his tail. Leoffler rides the Elephant and Grimes get's the cannon. Grime's is shouting "Now feel the power between my legs" as he's setting off the cannon.
we need a gif of this asap
WHOA
This comment is absolutely absurd. Here, have a turkey leg.
Oh my gosh hahahahaha comment of the year.
THIS!
This right here wins everything forever!
Yeah, I hope his motivation is rubbing off on his teamates. We need som solid senior leadership this year.
^^^^agreed .. gif asap!!
please
I have seriously tried to find the right photos to 'shop together and cannot find anything that even closely matches. I've been unable to locate even a full body shot (head to toe) of either of the coaches. Some help would be greatly appreciated!
I knew this kid once that was a whiz with Excel. Great site. I check it as much as I check Grantland. Seriously (they are better. But not with Excel. Kid was a whiz).