#goacc Power Rankings: Week 10

Florida State is amazing, Clemson is really good, Miami is good and every other team ranges from slightly above average to morbid. Let's just get to the rankings before one of the teams near the bottom of the list tries to knock me out for the rest of the season.

The Dave Shinskie Division

(Dregs of the conference)

14. Virginia (2-7, LW: L 59-10 vs Clemson): Congratulations are in order for Chris Fowler for winning the "Best Joke That Made Me Angry That I Didn't Think Of It First" award for his work in calling Virginia the Cadaver-liers. It was a joke fit for this column, and he beat me to it. I guess that's why he hosts College GameDay and why I'm not wearing any pants right now.

If Virginia was a television show, they would be: Teen Mom. Everyone knows what this show is about. In fact, more people hate watch it than you realize, if only to remind them why their life is so good. It's definitely a pick me up for anyone with a relatively normal life.

13. NC State (3-5, LW: L 27-19 vs UNC): I'm not really sure where State goes from here. They couldn't take care of business against a two-win (albeit hot) North Carolina team, and although their schedule isn't hard from here on out, does anyone really think they can win three out of four games against Duke, Boston College, East Carolina and Maryland? I don't. That passing game is so bad...do you just pull a 2011 Temple and run it 65 times a game from here on out? If you're Dave Doeren do you follow Mark Gottfried's lead, buy a lot of hair gel and go full wrestling heel? At least it'd make his team interesting.

(Who would have thought that this team would have gotten MORE boring in the absence of Tom O'Brien? Don't we all just miss making Notorious TOB jokes while imagining that he's making us a turkey and cheese sandwich in our kitchen?)

If NC State was a television show, they would be: Any show on NBC that you've never heard of. Any time you see them on television you're confused, realize you're on the wrong channel and wonder if you'll ever see them again. The Dave Doeren era everybody!

The Cameron Sexton Division

(Not the worst...but close)

12. Wake Forest (4-5, LW: L 13-0 @ Syracuse): #CAMPANAROWATCH was sadly brought to an end this weekend, as the Wes Welker of Winston Salem™ went full Danny Amendola on us and broke his collarbone. Despite fact that roughly 37 percent of their receiving offense was on the sideline, Jim Grobe decided to have Tanner Price throw the ball 54 times anyway. Needless to say, it didn't go well for them. They got shut out, and Price completed 40 percent of his passes. Isn't it completely fitting that after a three game stretch that made people start to think that the Demon Deacons weren't as bad as we thought, this Syracuse game happens? Just when Wake fans were in, Grobe pushes them back out.

If Wake Forest was a television show, they would be: Two Broke Girls. People accidentally watch Wake, usually when they scroll through ESPNU on the way to another football game. If one of those people were unfortunate enough to stop and watch, they will quickly realize that there's nothing entertaining about it and leaves you confused and empty inside.

11. Syracuse (4-4, LW: W 13-0 vs Wake Forest): Syracuse won in large part due to the worst trick play defense that I think I've ever seen. I mean, I know the 'Cuse passing game isn't particularly dynamic...okay, okay it's anemic...but don't you have to at least consider the possibility of a trick play there? Regardless, is Syracuse just the ACC's bad/horrible team? What I mean is that, in a similar vein to Bill Simmons' "Good Bad team", they're able to beat the teams that are worse than them. The problem with that, however, is that the Orange aren't good; they're actually pretty bad. So they're a bad team that beats the horrible teams worse than them. Congratulations Scott Shafer, you're team is below average, but less below average than other teams in the conference!

If Syracuse was a television show, they would be: Any sitcom involving Tyler Perry on TBS. Oh good God, this is terrible. I mean, truly terrible. I'm talking beat you up and leave you lying in a ditch terrible. Who watches this? People actually watch this, right? Like, at least one person finds this entertaining?

The Reggie Ball Division

(Yeeeesh...at least they have some wins?)

10. Maryland (5-3, LW: BYE): Since Maryland had a bye week, I took it upon myself to see what sort of injuries the Terps have suffered this season. According to the Washington Post's Alex Prewitt, the team has lost its starting quarterback, running back, both wide receivers, tight end, two linebackers and both corners. More like the Ter-REHAB-ins, amirite? Just chuckle and move on, please. My question is this: what are the expectations of Randy Edsall? You would think that after two terrible seasons the heat on his seat would be higher than most, not, London high, but not comfortable. I think this is a team on the rise, but is it rising fast enough? Not because Maryland football is expected to win right away, but because they're trying to sell tickets. Seriously, look at Edsall's contract. Big time bonuses for ticket sales and luxury suite sales? Will this come down to the fact that he just doesn't get the chance to reinvigorate a fan base that doesn't always (or usually) care? I think he deserves to be there a while, but could he eventually be the casualty of a university that spent too much money?

If Maryland was a television show, they would be: E.R. Because...well I don't want to beat a dead horse. Especially if that horse plays for Maryland, it's probably due for an MRI any day now.

9. Pittsburgh (4-4, LW: L 21-10 @ Georgia Tech): Poor, poor Tom Savage. He was originally a Rivals 4-star guy and ended up signing with Rutgers and head con man coach Greg Schiano. After being replaced after injury by a guy named Chas Dodd. Searching for the playing time that he was obviously not going to get with the Scarlet Knights, he transferred to Arizona to play for Mike Stoops. We all know how that ended (hint, not well). Then after sitting out a second season due to transfer rules, Savage is playing in his last year of possible eligibility with Pitt. He has since been batted around by any opposing defense with a pulse (23 sacks by Virginia Tech, Virginia, Georgia Tech and Florida State). For Savage's sake, I hope he can get two things: Icy Hot and a hug.

If Pittsburgh was a television show, they would be: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. You know what you're going to get. Seriously, there are probably 250 episodes of this show, and they all follow the same cookie cutter plot. You still watch, but that doesn't mean you're always happy about it.

8. Boston College (4-4, LW: W 34-27 vs Virginia Tech): The Eagles are hard nosed, run well and play good teams close. That's what I've been saying for weeks, WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO RIGHT? I have to give it to Steve Addazio and Co., that their team is almost a lock to be bowl eligible for the first time since 2010 is a testament in itself. In all honesty, I hope the Eagles turn the corner. I'm excited to finally be able to hate BC again, something I really haven't done since Xavier Adibi set the remains of Matt Ryan on fire in the 2007 ACC Championship Game.

If Boston College was a television show, they would be: The Killing. It tried so hard to be good. Sure, it may not have succeeded entirely, but at least it had its moments.

The Riley Skinner Division

(They'll do...whatever they're super average and no one really cares)

7. North Carolina (3-5, LW: W 27-19 @ NC State): Yeah, UNC in the Belk Bowl is happening. Destiny has proclaimed it. Yes, I realize that Bryn Renner will miss the rest of the year. Yes, I know that Marquise Williams hasn't exactly set the world on fire in his limited amount of action post-Blacksburg, but doesn't this feel like something that's working out just a little too perfectly for Larry Fedora and the Heels? Gone is a quarterback that, while definitely productive, was not a fit for the Fedora system. Williams is a guy that can supplement the running game that has been DOA since Gio Bernard turned pro. I think Williams will kill it against a Virginia defense that has been known to give up during the last three quarters of a game (not the wisest strategy, I should say). That being said, I thought a healthy C.J. Brown was going to be a revelation, and I thought that Vad Lee would make the Georgia Tech offense terrifying. What I didn't know was that Lee would only make the Yellow Jacket offense terrifying for his own fans, and that College Park is apparently cursed. I obviously know nothing.

If North Carolina was a television show, they would be: Anything with Guy Fieri on it. Larry Fedora is the Fieri of the conference. They both wear a lot of visors, have hair that's just a little too stiff and makes you secretly hope for a fire to break out any time you watch them.

6. Virginia Tech (6-3, LW: L 34-27 @ Boston College): I was geared up to write the piece about our favorite quarterback that I've been trying to write for the past year. I've tried to write it at least ten times, and the furthest I've gotten is a couple paragraphs in. I'll write it soon, if only because I'm running out of time, but I think I need to ride the entire three year experience before finishing it. Speaking of Logan though, has anyone ridden higher highs and lower lows on the Logan Thomas train than Rod Gilmore did on Saturday? In the first quarter, Gilmore was talking so highly about LT3 that he did everything but say that Logan was a gentle and caring lover. By the fourth quarter, he couldn't even bring himself around to talking about him. He was already over it, checking out of the Logan Thomas experience before the game even ended. Does Logan need to come with a warning sticker or something? Can we just use the same ones that announcers have used while calling Jay Cutler games for years? What Gilmore seemed to go through emotionally just didn't seem healthy.

If Virginia Tech was a television show, they would be: How I Met Your Mother. Once entertaining and fun, it's now one of the most depressing moments of their fans' weeks. Sure, they watch, but it's with a sense of shame and depression.

5. Georgia Tech (6-3, LW: W 21-10 vs Pittsburgh): I can't get a read on this team. Are they a good team that just hit a three game skid in the middle of the year? Are they an average team that can beat bad teams, but doesn't really have a chance against a team with talent on both sides of the ball? Are they simply going to fulfill their destiny as the ACC team that will disappoint people most during bowl season? Well, will disappoint against any team not coached by Lane Kiffin, a qualifier that should obviously go without saying.

If Georgia Tech was a television show, they would be: The Tonight Show Jay Leno. It doesn't matter that it's not on anymore, it's family friendly comedy will be appreciated by all. "CONAN AND FALLON CAN EAT IT," proclaimed an emotional Paul Johnson to the waitress at his favorite 50s style diner.

The Russell Wilson Division

(The little engine that possible could)

4. Duke (6-2, LW: BYE): As a Tech fan, I know that I should want the Fighting Cutcliffes to lose at least one game. In fact, the Hokies need Duke to lose in order for them to get to the ACC Championship Game. That all being said, let me go all true confessions here...this is a safe space, right? I want the F.C.'s to win out. I mean, I want them to go 10-2 and flip double middle fingers all the way to Charlotte. Who wouldn't root for Duke against Florida State? Seriously, that entire stadium would feel like the fight at the end of Rocky 4. They may lose by a hundred, but at least people would be on their side as they watch it happen. (There also may be a chance that if this happens, it would kill Ben Swain. I think he'd be okay with that.)

If Duke was a television show, they would be: Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. People in the south love Jeff Foxworthy. People in the south love the Manning family. The Manning family loves David Cutcliffe. David Cutcliffe loves Jeff Foxworthy.

The Philip Rivers Division

(Really, really good...just can't beat the best)

3. Miami (7-1, LW: L 41-14 @ Florida State): And we're exactly in the place right now that we thought we'd be last week. The Canes will be fine, they're a good team that will get better. They may not be a juggernaut, but it's hard to deny that they'll get there soon enough. Now, please excuse me as I sit in the shower hugging my knees and crying for the next thirty minutes...I don't think anyone's ready for annoyingly good Miami again.

If Miami was a television show, they would be: 90210. Sure it's back, but is it as good as the original? Probably not, but it definitely still conjures up memories of classic years past.

2. Clemson (8-1, LW: W 59-10 @ Virginia): I don't think I can fully put into words how excited I am for Clemson–South Carolina. Beating Georgia was cool, but that was so long ago that I think people have forgotten how good this team is, especially after their loss to Florida State. If Tajh can somehow navigate his team to a win, they're a legit top-10 team. If not, Clemson further solidifies its place as the team that will never quite get there, no matter how high the hopes are for it.

If Clemson was a television show, they would be: Mad Men. It's really not fair that a team in their own division is overshadowing them. They're good in their own right! They have their own fans, and keep people entertained. Still though, they just can't fight what's happening with another team/show.

The Jameis Winston Division

(The Wizard)

1. Florida State: (8-0, LW: W 41-14 vs Miami): I think the Seminoles have a better chance to beat Alabama than Oregon does. There, I said it. Not only that, but I believe it more and more each week. The reasoning is two-fold. One, Alabama won't play a defense as talented as Florida State's all year. If you think for a second that Lamarcus Joyner is going to be intimidated playing opposite Amari Cooper, think again. This wouldn't be a Notre Dame situation. The 'Noles have the athletes to go toe-to-toe against the Mr. Chest Tat and the rest of the Tide offense. Two, Florida State won't be as easy to scheme against. Give Nick Saban a month to plan for Oregon's offense, something tells me that he'll come up with something pretty special. Give him a month to plan for Florida State, he'll also have an excellent game plan, but he can only plan for so much. Magical quarterback play is probably not one of those things that you can game plan around, and the Seminoles would have that. Jameis plays like Manziel with a better arm, and while the Ducks' Marcus Mariota really could win the Heisman, there's only one quarterback in this race that has the magic. His name rhymes with famous.

If Florida State was a television show, they would be: Breaking Bad. Jimbo Fisher threw a pizza on both Dabo Swinney's and Al Golden's houses. Do you really need any more analysis than that?