The Key Players Week 6 Fantasy Recap

By: historyhokie

HOWDOITURNTHISON

on October 15, 2013, 1:51 PM | 5 comments

Week 6 is in the books.

Week 1's recap is here.
Week 2 is here.
Week 3 is here.
Week 4 is here.
Week 5 is here.

Your standings:

Hernandez's Legal D 149.3, OrangeBarrelReroute 97.2
Hernandez's Legal D gave Scobeard the D this week, crushing them by 52 points (and the scariest thing - Scobeard had the 4th most points scored by any team this week; Hernandez's Legal D scored about 26 more points than anyone else in the league this week). Scarier: imagine if he had started Cutler (26.5) over Romo (14.5) (and not like that would have been a good idea, because who would have thought the Skins' D would be competent for a game...but WHAT IF?!?!?). Hernandez had bomb diggity weeks from Brandon Marshall (20.5), Larry Fitz (18), Arian Foster (21), Kyle Rudolph (15.5) and Knowshon Moreno (28.5). You know things are going well when Kyle Rudolph scores 15.5 for you. Scobeard suffered from a just-okay week out of Peyton Manning (21) and while Justin Blackmon (19) and Alf Morris (16) had nice weeks, it wasn't enough to keep up with the league's highest scorer, especially with Gronk in the lineup (he didn't play). Hernandez's Legal D stands at 2nd in the league and along with ANUSTART and Treadmill Horses are sitting in good shape in the early playoff hunt, as all are at least 2 games above the glut of 3-3 teams. Scobeard is currently second in points out of the five 3-3 teams and is about 38 points behind JONESing for Austin for 4th.

Treadmill Horses 123.38, Denver's Nuggets 84.10
Treadmill Horses had great weeks from Cam Newton (35.5), Jordy Nelson (19.5) and Jamaal Charles (25) and would have looked even better with an average performance out of Dez Bryant (held to 3.5 points by the Skins' amazing defense!!). They'll certinanly be hurt by Randall Cobb's injury, as he could be out for 6-8 weeks. On the other hand, Beau had a solid week considering HE STARTED MATT RYAN WHO WAS ON A BYE WEEK. Had he put in his QB who had actually played (Andy Dalton, 32.68 points), he would have still lost, but he would have leapfrogged Scobeard and closed the gap a bit behind Cody's 4th place squad. As a guy who is currently tied with Beau, I would not be upset if this comes back to haunt him in my benefit. Don't worry, though, I'll finish the year on a 0-9 run. Marshawn Lynch (28.5) and St. Louis' D (29) had phenomenal weeks while the rest of Beau's team ranged from 2.5 to 7 points. Treadmill Horses are currently 3rd in the league (but tied for 2nd with Hernandez's Legal D, just 2 points behind them for the year). Denver's Nuggets are currently in 6th place, and are 3rd in the tiebreak out of the 5 3-3 teams.

ANUSTART 114.19, #OperationImpatience 95.66
Drew Brees (22), Reggie Bush (19.5) and Vernon Davis (32 WTF) led the way for our league's only undefeated team, led by Isabelle. Pierson had nice weeks out of Tom Brady (21.5), MJD (13.5) and Kansas City D (26), but just didn't have that breakout game needed from guys like Calvin Johnson, Frank Gore, etc. for the win. Things could get tough for ANUSTART in week 7, as she faces the 5-1 Treadmill Horses without Brees and Colston (both are on bye weeks), with her only backup QB being Josh Freeman. The loss drops #OperationImpatience to last place, falling behind fry-fry chicky-chick and Imagine Wagons in the tiebreak, but even so, they're still just 2 games out of playoff contention with 8 weeks remaining in our regular season.

EverydayI'mRussellin 94.73, JONESing for Austin 90.09
The fighting Russell Wilsons helped out a bunch of the middle-pack teams in the league, knocking Cody to 3-3 this week. Russell Wilson scored 22 for his namesake team, who also had a great game from Vincent Jackson (23.5 points, and on passes thrown by Mike Glennon...that should be worth at least 2-3x as many points). Cody had 19 points out of RGIII, 15 out of Emmanuel Sanders and 14 out of Dallas, but below average weeks from Demaryius Thomas (9) and Adrian Peterson (8) didn't give them quite enough to win. As previously mentioned, Cody is now in that five team tie for the last playoff spot but holds the top spot due to having the most points scored out of the group (by a lot). EverydayI'mRussellin now lurks all alone in 9th place, but will need to string together some wins to pass the 3-3 teams, as they have the fewest points scored in the league and wouldn't win any tiebreak.

Centaurrian Gray 87.78, fry-fry chicky-chick 79.88
Going into last night's game, DaniBails held a 63.40-61.80 lead; I felt comfortable with Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates and TY Hilton playing, even though she had Andrew Luck and Indy's D left. All five players performed well below expectations, and I won the battle thanks to having 3 guys left rather than 2. Philip Rivers led my team in scoring with 19, followed by AJ Green (17), Josh Gordon (12.5) and the now injured Demarco Murray (11). DaniBails only had 3 double digit scorers in Luck (13.5), Shady McCoy (16) and DeSean Jackson (18.5). Both of us could have used a few of our bench players to have a better week, as I left Matt Stafford (31.5), Rueben Randle (13.5) and Ryan Mathews (10) on the bench while Dani had Stevan Ridley (23) there. I'm in fourth out of the five 3-3 teams, just 9.7 points behind Beau for 6th place overall, while Dani is leading the three tied for last place due to points. She has more points than me, which I originally typed "she has more points than men" which is still true for the most part, as only three men in the league have more points than her.

Money Badger 76.18, Imagine Wagons 69.35
VTJawo survived with about a 7 point win despite awful weeks by Jimmy Graham and Danny Amendola (a combined 0.10 points). Joe Frankenstein Flacco scored 25 to lead the team, while rookie RB Gio Bernard (16) and Phil Dawson (13) also pitched in to get the W. Steven had solid weeks out of Aaron Rodgers (22), Matt Forte (11) and Deangelo Williams (11.5), but got negative points out of Donnie Avery (-1.5) and had a handful of 1-5 point performances as well. Money Badger is last out of the teams tied for 4th place at 3-3, but is still well within striking distance for playoff contention. Imagine Wagons is second out of the three 1-5 teams, but has enough points that a few wins strung together could put them back into the playoff picture pretty quickly.

HERE ARE YOUR NFL GIFCAPS!

Bears 27, Giants 21
The Giants are bad this year, but looked almost like a competent football team in this game. Eli only threw three interceptions in this one, and just one was returned for a touchdown! Jay Cutler looked solid for the Bears, completing two thirds of his passes for 262 yards and 2 TD (both to Brandon Marshall). Devin Hester broke the Bears team record for most kick return yards in a career.

You want Manningface? I CANT DENY THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!!

Lions 31, Browns 17
Undrafted rookie dancing sensation Joseph Fauria caught 3 of Matt Staffords 4 TD passes as the Lions came back from a 17-7 halftime deficit to end the Browns Trent Richardson-less win streak at 3. Im not sure what was less likely to happen this year: a) Joseph Fauria having 3 TDs in a game, b) Joseph Fauria having more TDs through week 6 than Calvin Johnson, or c) the Browns had a 3 game winning streak after trading away Trent Richardson. Ill go with d) all of the above.

Who cares about this game. There were wiener dog races!!

Weeden gonna Weeden

Our favorite rookie Joseph Fauria busted some moves

Bengals 27, Bills 24
I managed to make it through the entire GIF-cap and almost hit submit before I realized that I forgot about the Bengals-Bills game. Would anyone have missed it? Thaddeus Lewis took the Bengals to OT. Woof.
Giovani Bernard is good, the Bills tackling is bad, or d) all of the above?

Chiefs 24, Raiders 7
Kansas City looked more human than they had for their first five games, but scored 24 unanswered points to end the game and keep their record unblemished at 6-0. Their fans also surpassed the Shehawks Guinness World Record for loudest stadium, reaching 137.5 decibels to Sheattles 136.6. Terrelle Pryor was sacked 10 times, so the Raiders offensive line shouldnt expect any Rolexes or dinners in the near future.

HOW DID THE CHIEFS FORCE A THIRD AND 48?!? Oh, Raiders being Raiders. But hey, thats the team the Redskins beat, HTTR!

Panthers 35, Vikings 10
I kinda wanted the Vikings to win this one for Adrian Peterson, whose 2 year old passed away on Friday after being horribly abused, but the Panthers respectfully disagreed. Cam Newton was just about perfect this week (after being the exact opposite last week), completing 77% of his passes for 242 yards and 3 TDs; he added a rushing touchdown as well. Peterson had a decent week by starting RB standards, but well below his normal standards, with 10 carries for 62 yards and 3 catches for 21 yards. It certainly didnt help that the Vikings were playing catch-up for essentially the entire game and Matt Cassel threw the ball 44 times.

Mike Tolbert reminds us that he has at least $5.5 million more than any of us, and therefore can tap dat ass.

Cam Fig Newton to Brandon I didnt LaFell for 79 yards

STEVE SMITH WITH THE KILLER BLOCK

Steelers 19, Jets 6
There are a lot of things that make me sad in life. The Steelers starting 0-4 was not one of those things. They finally got the monkey off of their back this week with a boring win over the Jets, who were surprisingly 3-2 going into this week. Even in victory, the Steelers looked mediocre, with just 328 total yards and relying on four Shaun Suisham field goals and a long TD pass to Emmanuel Sanders to win. The Steelers D looked like the old school Steel Curtain, however, holding Geno Smith to 201 yards passing with 2 picks and no TDs and allowing just 267 total offensive yards by the Jets.

This was pretty cool, Emmanuel Sanders, but it would be better if you landed on your feet and not your back.

Eagles 31, Buccaneers 20
I really thought the Bucs might win this game, forgetting briefly that they are the Bucs. They played a fairly solid game, but were undone by some combination of penalties, MRSA and an opposing QB that looks like Napoleon Dynamite. Nick Foles completed 71% of his passes for 296 yards and 3 TDs, and added a rushing TD as well. Foles longest TD pass was a 47 yarder to Riley Cooper, which somehow must be raycess.

OMG LeSean McCoy now has MRSA all over his sexy body

Packers 19, Ravens 17
Im not sure what was less likely: Joe Flacco out-passing Aaron Rodgers or Eddie Lacy out-rushing Ray Rice. Both of these things happened in a field goal-filled game, and my boy Jarrett Boykin caught a 43 yarder as well after the entire rest of the Packers team was lost to injury (okay, just Randall Cobb and James Jones). The Ravens were awful on third down (2/14 for the game) and could never get the ball moving on the ground (22 carries for 47 yards).

More white people throwing to white people

The Ravens got a first down after having their punt blocked. KUUUUUUUUUHN!

Rams 38, Texans 13
Good Lord are the Texans bad. They lost by 25 to the Rams. The amazing thing is that the Texans had 12 more first downs and almost twice as many total yards as the Rams. Going 1 for 6 in the red zone and turning over the ball four times (twice for defensive TDs) will do that for you I guess. Dipshit Texans fans cheered when TJ Yates came in to replace an injured Matt Schaub, and deserved the red zone interceptions that he threw on his first two drives (the former being returned 98 yards for a TD). The Texans are (rightfully) pissed at their fans for being derpheads. This will end well, as long as youre not a Texans fan or a friend or relative of Gary Kubiak or Matt Schaub.

Texans fans after Matt Schaub got hurt

You did this to yourself with the karma, Texans fans

Broncos 35, Jaguars 19
The Broncos didnt cover their outrageously stupid line. Jacksonville looked more competent than they had in any other game this year, probably because they were pissed off about being the biggest underdogs in the history of the universe (no hyperbole of course). Peyton Manning completed just two-thirds of his passes for 295 yards, 2 TDs and 1 INT, which looks like a 2013 Eli Manning performance when you compare it to any of big brothers other games from this year. Knowshon Moreno found a way to be terrible (15 carries for 42 yards) and still get 3 TDs. Justin Blackmon had a ridiculous day (14 catches for 190 yards on 20 targets!!!), partly because Cecil Shorts (THE THIRD) left in the first quarter with an injury.

Hey, look, the Jaguars actually got within 2 points of the Broncos!

Shehawks 20, Titans 13
This game was closer than it should have been, as Sheattle had 11 more first downs, 181 more total yards and 6 and a half more minutes of possession than Tennessee, while having the same amount of turnovers. Tennessee never put together much offensively, with two field goals to their name to go with a 77 yard fumble recovery resulting from a botched hold by Chris Maragos. Maragos, a safety, was serving as the holder because normal holder Jon Ryan was kicking because normal kicker Steven Hauschka got blown the F up on a kick return. Its funny because last week Ryan was the one who got blown the F up.

I still cant believe this Titans players generosity. RUSSELL WILSON ALREADY HAS MANY DOLLHAIRS IN THE BANK, HE DOESNT NEED THIS KIND OF CHARITY!

Marshawn Lynch would beat you at football and hopscotch

Great form, Hauschka!

Great hold, Maragos!

That return TD deserves a Terio

Patriots 30, Saints 27
As if Boston needed any more ridiculous sports favoring from the gods. After throwing a pick on his first attempt following a Saints FG late in the fourth, Tom Brady got the ball back on his own 30 and proceeded to throw a 17 yard TD pass to Kenbrell Thompkins with 5 seconds left. On the final drive, Brady passed Vinny Testaverde for 8th in NFL history in passing yards and Fran Tarkenton for 4th in passing TDs. Bill look ma, no sleeves Belichick passed Chuck Noll for 5th in NFL history with his 210th career win as well. And Big Papi hit a game-tying grand slam with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th, forcing extra innings where the Red Sux won. WHY DOES GOD LOVE BILL SIMMONS SO MUCH I DONT UNDERSTANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. AND JIMMY GRAHAM WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU I NEEDED YOU SO BADLY.

Torii Hunter did not enjoy Sunday:

RIP ~~Wayne Chrebet~~ Danny Amendola

No high fives for Tom Brady

This was a beautiful play to win the game.

Tom Brady had a little longer to pass on his game-winning TD due to great blocking

Not gonna lie, sad Rob Ryan doesnt exactly make me sad.

49ers 32, Cardinals 20
As someone who faced Vernon Davis in four leagues this week, screw all of you. He caught 8 passes for 180 yards and 2 TDs. I hate everything. The Cardinals turned the ball over 4 times (2 picks, 2 fumbles) and Carson Palmer was sacked in the end zone for a safety. Somehow they are still 3-3.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Cowgirls 31, Redskins 16
Barf. At least RGIII looked comfortable running the ball (9 carries for 77 yards).

Fucking Dwayne Harris

Fucking guy (KEITH BURNS) that replaced hated special teams coordinator Danny Smith and found a way to be a more hated special teams coordinator than Danny Smith.

BREAKING: RGIII HATES FOOTBALL(S)

Chargers 19, Colts 9
What better way to cap off a week of boring games in all of the time slots but 4 PM Sunday with another snoozer? Philip Rivers did what he needed to, throwing for 237 and a TD, including 9/107 and a TD to rookie sensation Keenan Allen. Trent Richardson continues to look like garbage (61 carries for 191 yards and 2 TD to go with 2 catches for 19 yards in his four games since being acquired by the Colts). I mean seriously, he got outplayed by Ryan Mathews (22 carries for 102 yards), who is so injury prone he has been declared legally dead multiple times in his short career.

EXTREME RIVERS

Somebody left this in the comments on Deadspin and I want this to be turned into a fathead please kthx.