#goacc Power Rankings: Week 9

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This is finally the first week that we know some things in the ACC. We know that there's a true cream of the crop, a few incredibly bad teams, and everyone else muddled in the middle.

Wait...you're saying that we already knew that? That teams between 4 and 8 on this list are so jumbled and confusing, even Ron Cherry wouldn't know what to do? Oh yeah, I guess nothing's really changed at all.

Anyways, let's get to the rankings.

The Ted Roof Division

(It's getting to be laughable)

14. Virginia (2-5, LW: L 35-25 vs Georgia Tech): While at my tailgate on Saturday, our neighbors next to us had the UVa game on the radio. I wandered over without knowing the score, and immediately heard that Georgia Tech had four first half turnovers. "Maybe they'll hold on to the lead this time," I thought to myself. Then I heard they were actually losing, did not score off any of the turnovers and let the clock run out while on the Yellow Jacket's one yard line to end the half. Yeesh. Later in the day, I saw this photo. Yeeeeeeeeeeesh.

While I know a picture like that conjures up memories of the last few weeks before the firing of Al Groh, with people like me saying that the Cavaliers couldn't afford to keep him, regardless of the buyout. Is that really the case for London? Would the crowds get better if they hired a different coach? Remember, this is a team that didn't sell out home games against BYU and Oregon, two of the best 30 teams in the country, in September (when there's supposed to be renewed hope). It seems as if it would take multiple positive seasons to see the fan support return.

If Virginia was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The undercover cop. You'd think these jokes would get old after a while, but as of right now they make me laugh every time.

13. NC State (3-4, LW: L 49-17 @ Florida State): For the second time this season, Brandon Mitchell lined up at quarterback for the Wolfpack. He started the season as the primary signal caller, but broke his left foot during the third series of the game. His game against the Seminoles was the first full contest that he's played in a State uniform. He didn't perform well, putting up 128 passing yards, two picks and -1 yards rushing, making me beg the question: WHY IN THE HELL DID HE PLAY??? This was a game that the Wolfpack were going to lose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the whole "any given Saturday" deal, but is a quarterback, in what was basically the first start of his career, really going to light it up against one of the best teams in the country? Wouldn't you want the quarterback that gives you the best chance to win against a normal team to play his first conference game against, you know, a normal team (aka anyone but Florida State or Clemson)? Why risk possible injury and a chance at bowl eligibility?

If Brandon Mitchell is the key to State winning three more games why risk a major shot to his confidence? I'd have sat him against Florida State, just so everyone remembers what the basement was like with Pete Thomas.

If NC State was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The redneck fan. Jorts, flannel, a camo Dale Jr. hat. They are loud and kind of obnoxious, but basically inconsequential. Heck, they may even make a good point every now and again, but by that time everyone had already stopped listening.

The Chuck Amato Division

(Sure they have some wins, but do you really have confidence in them?)

12. Syracuse (3-4, LW: BYE): I'm not sure how this is possible, but Syracuse's five remaining games are all must-haves for their opponents (as well as themselves). They play Florida State, who will presumably be on the hunt for an undefeated season, and then four teams that are battling for bowl eligibility (Wake, Maryland, Pitt and BC). Does anyone suspect good enough quarterback play for Syracuse to win three of those games? Since playing two soft teams (Wagner and Tulane) Terrel Hunt has thrown for under 100 yards in 3 consecutive games. Not to mention the fact that in those three games, he has a 44% completion percentage. If you ever complain about quarterback play, just think about the Orange, and know that it could be worse. I think it's definitely what Greg Paulus would want you to do.

If Syracuse was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The freshman. Easily identifiable by the lanyards hanging out of their pockets and the mystery in their eyes, these guys are new to the scene. They'll struggle to keep up, and the upper classmen can't stop making fun of them.

11. Wake Forest (4-4, LW: L 24-21 @ Miami): If Wake had beaten Miami, I don't know if the biggest upset would've been the game, or that a Wake wideout had more receiving yards than Michael Campanaro. In case anyone was still curious, a dude that looks like a slot receiver on my flag football team has 65 catches this season, even though the next guy on the team has...wait for it...14. FOURTEEN! We have a legitimate chance of seeing this guy break 100 catches with the next best Wake player having less than 25. This has to be some sort of record. Someone ask Zach Mariner if Campanaro leads the country in catch efficiency, because he definitely leads it in Wes Welker comparisons.

If Wake Forest was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The crier. No one knows why this person is crying. Are they even with anyone they're sitting around? Usually the answer is no, and usually this fan leaves ten minutes after kickoff.

10. Boston College (3-4, LW: L 34-10 @ North Carolina): While the idea of a scrappy little team clawing its way to six wins was fun, this team just reminded everyone as to why they're beatable. They rely on the run, but they do so for an obvious reason: the alternative is a pretty substantial drop off. Chase Rettig threw for 59 yards. Total. Let me remind you that this was against a North Carolina team that has shown the ability to give up 59 passing yards a drive. Rettig's yards per pass was so bad, that it even made the check down maestro himself (Bryn Renner) look like Peyton Manning chucking the ball all around the field. Wait, maybe that's a bad comparison.

If Boston College was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The dude WHO'S BEEN THERE BEFORE. Not in terms of experience, but meaning that they've been to a few games but wants everyone to think that they know more than they do. They repeat any little fact they can think of, eventually making the person next to them commit homicide.

The Larry Coker Division

(They could easily win, they could also be coaching in Conference USA soon)

9. North Carolina (2-5, LW: W 34-10 vs Boston College): The Tar Heels FINALLY did what they were supposed to all season long: beat a team that they're better than. No one has questioned the talent in Chapel Hill, we all just make fun of the results. Is it possible that this team is simply above-average, and that their schedule has also been incredibly front-heavy? They not only played the best three teams in their division in the span of four weeks, but they also played a top-10 team in South Carolina and a better-than-you'd-think East Carolina team. Sure they probably should have beaten ECU, but all of those other losses were tough. I bet they rally and become bowl eligible, if only by the skin of their teeth.

If North Carolina was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The drunk big dude who falls. There's always a drunk big guy, and there are always those certain drunk big guys that completely eat it while jumping. You feel kind of bad for him, because he definitely had the heart.

8. Pittsburgh (4-3, LW: L 24-21 @ Navy): So remember what I just said about a team finally doing what they're supposed to do and beat a team they were better than? Yeah, Pitt didn't do that. In what was definitely the #goacc game of the week, the Panthers lost to Navy and made me question everything that I thought I knew about them. Check that. I don't think we know anything about this team. Look at these results. They're so up and down that they probably send more fans to the psychiatrist's office than any other team in the country. They're not even on a roller coaster of a season, it's more like one of those slingshot rides that bring you up and down so quickly that you think you may throw up. Actually, that may be my best simile of the season.

If Pittsburgh was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The people in the yellow jackets that scan tickets. On the first reaction you'd think they're having a good time, considering that they're technically inside the stadium. Then you remember that they don't really have a chance to do anything, and everyone simply passes them by without a second look.

The Randy Edsall Division

(Because only one man deserves this Maryland team)

7. Maryland (5-3, LW: L 40-27 vs Clemson): Who cares. Whatever. Just go home to your boring Big Ten lives. This team isn't fun to watch, so it'll fit right in with the rest of that conference. Don't they have a rivalry to try to start with Purdue or something?

If Maryland was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The hipster who was dragged there by the rest of their friends. "Whatever man, I'm not even staying here anyway," they say as they skip away in their skinny jeans towards the nearest vegan coffeehouse.

The Ralph Friedgen Division

(Because these teams are definitely better than Maryland)

6. Georgia Tech (5-3, LW: W 35-25 @ Virginia): It's all well and good that Georgia Tech won, but did that three-game losing streak ruin their chance at bowl eligibility? Because they lined up a schedule as soft as baby food, they need to beat two out of these three teams in order to simply make it to the Sun Bowl: Pittsburgh, Clemson and Georgia.

Ouch.

Not only that, but did you know that the Jackets haven't cracked the Top 25 sinceNovember 20, 2011? We're coming up on nearly two years since the last time people on a national stage had to care about the triple option. Nothing was more depressing than a Georgia Tech fan telling me that they just simply don't have the money to buy out Paul Johnson. It was just a sad, fleeting look of depression normally reserved for that couple everyone knows that's been together about a year too long. Everyone knows they should be divorced, but they're staying together because of money issues.

If Georgia Tech was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The older person that falls asleep midway through the third quarter. I'm just going to leave this one with no explanation.

5. Virginia Tech (6-2, LW: L 13-10 vs Duke): Look, that game has been analyzed up, down and sideways. Clips have been watched, theories have been spewed and strategy has been written. I'm over it. Call it age, call it maturity, call it that I work for a sports radio station, which poured scalding hot lava into my wounds by talking about it for two hours straight on Monday afternoon, but for whatever reason I'm not letting that loss eat away at me like it would have in past years. We know what this team is. They play great defense and has an offense that makes the last ten years of Dennis Rodman's life seem consistent and predictable. How different is a 13-10 loss to Duke and different than a 19-7 win against Pittsburgh? A different bounce here and there, and we could have seen the exact same result against the Blue Devils that we all saw against Pitt. Let's try to not set anything on fire, and breathe instead. This isn't your mid-00s Virginia Tech team, and that's okay.

If Virginia Tech was a fan in the stadium, they would be: Hyperbole guy. This is the person that lives or dies way too much on every single play riding highs that are way too high, and lows that are way too low, making you remind him, "C'mon son, it's just 2nd-and-3 from our own 37".

4. Duke (6-2, LW: W 13-10 @ Virginia Tech): Yeah, I did this. You know what? I don't even feel weird about it. Sure, this is probably about four spots too high, but the Fighting Cutcliffes could win nine games and prove that their unusual uptick last season is a trend, not an outlier. That being said, I don't know how humans will be able to handle a world in which Duke is good at both basketball and football. I usually imagined a world like that would be inhabited by the zombies from I Am Legend, but this isn't the first time that I've been wrong.

If Duke was a fan in the stadium, they would be: Liquor girl. You don't really know where it came from, but somehow this girl smuggled roughly a handle of various liquors into your small area. You don't know if this kind of success is sustainable all season, but you're definitely not taking her for granted as you dump bourbon into a large Coke.

The Paul Johnson Division

(Sure they win...they win a ton. Do you reeeeeealllly believe in them?)

3. Miami (7-0, LW: 24-21 vs Wake Forest): We ALMOST had it. Miami playing at home the week before a huge game, against an underwhelming opponent, and blowing up more than my Twitter timeline after a fat guy touchdown. To their credit, they found a way to win. That way was a healthy dose of Duke Johnson, who racked up 168 yards and two scores. The most fascinating thing about Johnson, by the way, is that he only has four catches on the season. I'm not an offensive guru, but don't you want the ball in that guy's hands as much as possible? Heck, let him play quarterback. I'm sure he can hit Seantrel Henderson in the back of the head.

(Side note: I had never heard Al Golden speak until he did an interview with Dan Le Batard on Monday. That dude is terrifying. Are we sure that Miami isn't just winning because their players are scared about where their family would wind up if they lost?)

If Miami was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The Historian. WE GET IT, you're a walking encyclopedia of knowledge. You correct others, daring someone to ask you about a random passing statistic accumulated between 1988 and 2003. JUST LEAVE US ALONE BECAUSE YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING.

The Bud Foster Division

(Good at what they do...but seemingly will forever be the bridesmaid)

2. Clemson (7-1, LW: W 40-27 @ Maryland): Clemson did exactly what it needed to do after that horrifying loss to Florida State, they persevered. A normal Tigers team would have folded when Maryland cut it to three late in the third quarter. Instead, they piled 21 points on the Terps and ran away with it relatively comfortably. This team doesn't get in its own way anymore, and in fact if they win out we could see another year in which the ACC gets two BCS teams, which would be quite a way to end the last year of the system. In fact, depending on how the rest of the season shakes out, the Tigers could still represent the conference better than any team has in quite some time (with potential wins over two SEC teams and a possible BCS caliber team).

If Clemson was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The frat star. He'll show up. Well, he'll probably show up... if he didn't chug too many times out of that unspecified clear container labeled "I dare you".

The Frank Beamer Division

(Because I'm biased and Frank deserves the top slot)

1. Florida State (7-0, LW W 49-17 vs NC State): Which happens first, the Seminoles lose a game, or Jimbo Fisher is accosted at midfield by the opposing coach after the 'Noles fake a punt up 28 (or something douchey like that)? I say the odds are about even.

If Florida State was a fan in the stadium, they would be: The aggravating super fan. You've been to every game since your freshman year in 1996, painting your body or dressing up like a weirdo. You know everything about the team. You're just a better fan than everyone else. They know it, you know it and that Jumbotron camera guy that you assault every home game knows it. That doesn't mean anyone (especially the cameraman covered in paint and body hair) likes it.

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