Weekly Rewind: Week 3

THE FAB FIVE

(My five favorite storylines from last week)

THIS SEASON'S GAME OF THE MILLENNIUM (so far): Man, this thing was fun. Two things were obvious from the opening kick: Johnny Football is better than he was last season, and there was no chance in this world that Alabama was losing that game. Manziel was in ultimate JFF mode, doing whatever he wanted all the while giving Gary Danielson an aneurism. Bama, on the other hand, made the Aggie defense look like they hadn't played together this season. It was such an exciting game with so many storylines that I've decided to write an ending to the inevitable movie script written about this game:

ACT 5 SCENE 2

[After the game, Johnny and A.J. walk through the crowd of players when they spot each other across the field]

A.J.: [whips off his aviator sunglasses to look Johnny in the eyes] {slowly and emotionally} Manziel. You're still dangerous. {smiles} But you can be my wingman anytime.

Johnny: [quickly signs an autograph for A.J., his sunglasses are obviously still on] Bullshit. You can be mine.

[Camera cuts to a dual shot, where a shirtless McCarron, walks away with Johnny to the nearest strip club]

Okay, so I may have ripped that off the ending of Top Gun, but in the history of college football there haven't been two quarterbacks more like Ice and Mav. You can put that in the books.

THE KNEEL DOWN THAT WASN'T: I'm assuming that by now, everyone has seen the extremely weird ending to the Arizona State–Wisconsin game. Badger quarterback Joel Stave attempted to center the ball into the middle of the field and made an odd motion while taking a knee (or what was attempted to be a knee). The officials were confused, Sun Devil players tried to jump on the ball thinking it was a fumble (which wasn't out of the realm of possibility), and by the time everything got sorted out, the game was over. The refs are being reprimanded and Wisconsin is trying to "forge ahead", but I don't think the biggest culprit in this situation has been taken to task enough.

If you're the quarterback in that situation, what are you trying to do? Center the ball and get back to the line as quickly as possible for a spike. Just fall on a knee, throw the ball to the ref and get back to the line! You don't need to do anything out of the ordinary or weird, just fall, get back up, and spike the ball.

YOU PROBABLY KNOW BO: Bo Pelini's Nebraska Cornhuskers lost to UCLA 38-21 on Saturday, but the problems only started there for the Bo-Meister. He then did not react kindly to Husker legend Tommie Frazier calling for the firing of multiple Husker defensive coaches. Bo said of Fraizer "we don't need him". The very next day, someone leaked an audio recording of Pelini ranting against his own fans to Deadspin. That being said...it hasn't been the best of weeks for the head coach, who now has tons of fans calling for his head. The problem with that? It's not exactly like Lincoln is a destination job anymore, and what has Pelini done since taking over for Bill "The Big Windbreaker" Callahan? Only win nine or ten games every season.

Nebraska fans have to wake up if they think that they can do better than Pelini in 2013. He's gone 48-20 and has brought in a top 25 recruiting class every spring, not too shabby for a guy who had never been a head coach before being hired. Who are they going to get that's better than Pelini? It's just not a destination job, and hasn't been in years. It's not as desirable a job as the potential openings at USC and Texas, furthermore a Nebraska openning may not be as appealing as whichever two schools USC and Texas poach from. If he gets canned, this will be extremely reminiscent of Frank Solich's firing after a 9-3 season in 2003. How'd that work out? Please see previous windbreaker joke.

THE JINX OF THIS COLUMN: After praising Michigan quarterback Devin Gardner last week, his Wolverine's came within one completion of losing to a team that's won four games in the past four years. Not only that, but Gardner went 16-30 with three picks (although he also threw for two scores and ran for over 100 yards). Oh well, Michigan moves on, and Akron still has one of 1997's best coaching staffs.

POUR ONE OUT FOR MACK BROWN: After wondering last week, the concerns from Bevo-faithful fans came true. Brown's team lost to the Ole Miss Freshmen err...Rebels, and there's no chance in this world that Brown comes back. In fact, there is a higher chance that Case McCoy morphs into Colt McCoy than Brown coming back next year. (That would be a funnier joke if that game hadn't aired on the Longhorn Network, which means all of twelve people outside of the McCoy family were able to see the game.)

THE #goacc POWER RANKINGS

The Dave Shinskie Division

(Dregs of the conference)

14. Wake Forest (1-2, LW: L 21-19 vs LA-Monroe)

The Good: Michael Campanaro. Michael Campanaro's 16 catches against Louisiana Monroe. Michael Campanaro's catchy theme song.

The Bad: To start, I'm going to remind everyone of Wake's first three opponents: Presbyterian, at Boston College, Louisiana-Monroe. Now, I'm just going to start throwing numbers out and you can choose the one you think is the worst. In three games, the Demon Deacons have scored six touchdowns (with three of those coming in against Presbyterian). Their leading rusher, Josh Harris, has rushed for 55 yards...in three games. As a team, they average 2.4 yards per carry, and have only one run longer than 15 yards (which went for 21). Pick any of those? No? Well how about this: since he signed his 10-year extension (which pays him roughly 2.25 million a year), here is Wake's record under head coach Jim Grobe.

• 2007: 9-4 (5-3, ACC)
• 2008: 8-5 (4-4)
• 2009: 5-7 (3-5)
• 2010: 3-9 (1-7)
• 2011: 6-7 (5-3)
• 2012: 5-7 (3-5)

Of those 36 wins, only 30 of them were over FBS opponents. If you want to do a little math with me, that's $62,500 a win and $75,000 a win over teams that weren't someone's safety school (not including Florida State). I love Jim Grobe, he's apparently a great guy, but I wonder if this contract has reached mutual regret level. Wake probably needs to move on, and Grobe could have had a better job around 2007.

But until the contract's over, let's just enjoy Winston Salem's number one stunna.

13. Syracuse (1-2, LW: W 54-0 vs Wagner)

The Good: The Orange got back on track against a school called Wagner, whose biggest accomplishment this season was beating Georgetown by 7. They also switched quarterbacks, replacing Oklahoma transfer Drew Allen with sophomore Terrel Hunt, who promptly threw for 3 scores. Will this be the spark the Orange needs to find success this year? Will Jim Boeheim enjoy eating dinner with Roy Williams and Mark Gottfried at a Greensboro Denny's? Both are questions, but I'm pretty sure we all know the answer to both.

The Bad: It took three consecutive three-and-outs for the Orange to replace Allen, showing exactly how poor their offense had been through two games. I think my biggest problem with Cuse so far this season is that they're just not fun. If you're going to be a bad team, at least give me things to make fun of you for. It's easy to make fun of you if your quarterback is Greg Paulus. If it's a battle between Drew Allen and Terrel Hunt? Much more difficult.

The Cameron Sexton Division

(Not the worst, but really, REALLY close)

12. BC (2-1, LW: L 35-7 @ USC)

The Good: They started 2-0! They already have a conference win! That's really all I've got. Lane Kiffin would probably like me to add that the Eagles failed to incite a riot in the greater Los Angeles area this weekend, saving him the trouble of having to morph into a bat and fly away from danger once again.

The Bad: They gave up 521 yards to a team that couldn't score more than a touchdown against Washington State last week. Their offense was also brought back down to Earth after running for a ton of yards against Wake (known as a Melvin), gaining a paltry 184 yards of total offense (known as a Rettig). Looking at the schedule, it's hard to imagine them getting to bowl eligibility. Their chance? Beating Army and New Mexico State, tripping up one of their remaining home opponents (Florida State, Virginia Tech or NC State) and then playing Syracuse in the Carrier Dome during the last week of the season to get to win number six. Beating one of those opponents at home is unrealistic, you say? Well you have obviously not watched enough noon games in Chestnut Hill. It's apparently the best home field advantage in the country. Just ask 2001 Miami (arguably the best team in the 2000s), whose only close games were against Tech and...you guessed it! Boston College. Not even a team with over twenty pros can escape the nooners at BC.

11. UVA (1-1, LW: BYE)

The Good: Theoretically speaking, the Cavaliers have the skeleton of a bowl-bound football team. They have a defense that is good enough, a stable of above-average runners and a threat or two at receiver. Their head coach seems to have that "strategy" thing figured out, as well as the whole "substitution" thing. At least that's progress for the HCC (head cop coach).

The Bad: A year ago, I wondered whether or not David Watford would transfer. He was sitting third on the depth chart behind Michael Rocco and Philip Sims, and was redshirted after playing during his freshman campaign. And then, quicker than you could say "hey bro hand me a Zima/Michelob Ultra/Smirnoff Ice/cranberry juice", Watford was the starter. That's not necessarily a good thing. While he could eventually morph into a Jameel Sewell type of player (completes 55 percent of his passes, is a threat to scramble and in no way scares opposing defenses), he's not even there yet. Sure, I know any UVA supporter with "facts" will point out that Watford is completing 64 percent of his passes. That's cool and all, but considering he averages less than 4 yards an attempt, I'm going to chalk that one up to Operation Screen Pass (coincidentally also the title of Mike O'Cain's biography).

The Reggie Ball Division

(Not good, but somehow wins games)

10. Pitt (1-1, LW: W 49-27 vs New Mexico)

The Good: The Panthers didn't look nearly as bad against New Mexico as they did against Florida State, and had two 100-yard rushers. If Tom Savage (who is somehow not related to neither Ben nor Fred...which is a depressingly dated joke for someone born in 1990), can be an efficient passer like all of those game managers at Wisconsin in the mid-2000s, Pitt can probably win six or seven games. On the plus side, Paul Chryst winning six or seven games in each of his first two seasons means that he's actually been there for two years. Progress, right?

The Bad: It's not like New Mexico is any good. Pittsburgh has now played a top-5 and a bottom-5 team, so do we really know anything about them at all? Their defense still gave up 27 points, so that's something that'll be a concern. We'll know a lot more after consecutive games against Duke and Virginia. If they're better than they showed in week 1, they go 2-0. If they're the team they showed in week 1, they could go 0-2. If they go 1-1, well, they fit right in with the average #goacc community.

9. Duke (2-1, LW: L 38-14 vs GT)

The Good: There's still a solid chance that they become bowl eligible!

The Bad: It looks like the Brandon Connette era may bring back memories of eras past...and not in a good way. The Blue Devils could only muster 254 yards of total offense, with Connette throwing for 122. God bless David Cutcliffe and his ability to create a passing game out of nothing, but if this season is a success it definitely proves that he sold his soul to the remains of Phillip Fulmer.

8. NC ST (2-0, LW: BYE)

The Good: If this was 2010, I'd say that the good is they play Clemson on Thursday!

The Bad: It's 2013.

The Chris Rix Division

The Rollercoaster of Emotions

7. Virginia Tech (2-1, LW: W 15-10 @ ECU)

The Good: The Defense

The Bad: Everything else?

The Joshua Nesbitt Division

(Can do one thing EXTREMELY well)

6. UNC (1-1, LW: BYE)

The Good: Due to John Swofford home cooking, the Heels get an extra week to prepare for the Georgia Tech offense! Because that's totally going to matter in a matchup that yielded 118 total points last year! It's more like Brenner (the only name I will use for Bryn Renner from now on) has an extra week to fuel up his laser, rocket arm to get his passing numbers back to normal after a poor performance against South Carolina.

The Bad: Let's be honest...extra week or not, it's not like UNC players are used to studying for upcoming tests anyway.

5. Maryland (3-0, LW W 32-21 vs UConn)

The Good: Guys, I really like Maryland. I think they'll be sneaky good this season, and have the potential to only have two losses when they come to Blacksburg. C.J. Brown is an offensive sparkplug, and Stefon Diggs terrifies the bejesus out of me. Is this the season that Randy Edsall finally puts his two middle fingers in the air and makes everyone forget that they passed on James Franklin for him?

The Bad: Guys, I actually like Maryland. That means that they'll be a huge disappointment this season, and have the potential to have five losses when they come to Blacksburg. C.J. Brown has the potential to lose one of his legs below the knee, and it's hard for Stefon Diggs to terrify you when the captain of your best flag football team is throwing to him. Maybe this is the season that Maryland finally figures out that they pay too much for things, and starts cutting back with the contract of their head football coach. Go Maryland football!

4. Georgia Tech (2-0, LW W 38-14 @ Duke)

The Good: The Yellow Jackets firmly cemented themselves as the fourth best team in the conference. Vad Lee gives them a threat in the passing game that we've never seen in a Paul Johnson offense. Seriously, remember when Johnson would get his sweater vests in a bunch when people called his offense the triple option, because it was technically a "spread"? Well with Lee, who threw four touchdowns against Duke, that's a legitimate gripe.

The Bad: They have an extremely tough stretch coming up, with UNC, Tech and Miami back-to-back-to-back. If they win all three of those games, the division is theirs, but it goes without saying that that will be an incredibly tall task. Can the Jackets bore their way into another ACC Championship Game? Both the ACC and ESPN hope not, but everyone knows that Paul Johnson feasts on the unhappiness of other humans.

The-STILL-Too-Soon-To-Tell Division

(They're actually good, right? Maybe? Who knows for sure?)

3. Miami (2-0, LW: BYE)

The Good: Miami is helping the conference validate its standing as a top second-tier conference (the group behind the SEC). Currently ranked at 15, Al Golden's Canes are partying like it's the early 00s (insert Nevin Shapiro joke here). This year they could be for real too, with a legitimate star at tailback (Duke Johnson), and a coach in Golden that seems to have just the right balance of recruiting savvy and on-field decision making ability.

The Bad: Overrated? Noooo, the ACC is just hoping that the Canes aren't partying like it's 2006, 2009 or 2010. Also, what's not to say that Golden doesn't get offered one of the numerous high profile jobs that will be open in January? Which is better, a Miami job that's still at least two years away (assuming that there is a successor to Stephen Morris), or Nebraska? Probably Miami. If USC comes calling? That could be a different story.

The Tyrod Taylor Division

(The People's Champs)

2. Florida State (2-0, LW: W 62-7 vs Nevada)

The Good: Their offense looked absolutely unstoppable. Famous Jameis has thrown five incomplete passes through two games, and their defense is seemingly better than last season. They're also the darlings of advanced stats, and when advanced stats and regular guy stats align, that's usually a good sign for that particular team.

The Bad: Are they becoming a little too popular? Look, national media, when I picked the Seminoles to go to the national title game, it was edgy and cool. DON'T KILL THIS FOR ME.

1. Clemson (2-0, LW: BYE)

The Good: They are everyone's favorite ACC team. They have everything that the conference needs to be nationally relevant (significant wins, watchability, two famous players and a top five ranking), and one difficult game that stands between them, and 12-0. This really could be Yabo Dabo's year.

The Bad: They are everyone's favorite ACC team, which means that traditionally they will lose to NC State tomorrow. Now, maybe they've shaken the "Clemsoning" stereotype, and maybe the defense can hold together for 12 weeks...but are you really willing to bet on that?

WHAT'S ON TAP

1. College GameDay's Getting Weird: Fowler and the gang are headed to...wait for it...Fargo, North Dakota for GameDay this week. First of all, can you wait for Herbie to ask where the nearest tanning bed is? And also, what's the over/under for number of hours Desmond Howard is in North Dakota before he gets insecure about his job status? And also (also) what's the over/under for the amount of time it takes for Howard to read this. Two hours? Take the under.

2. Michigan St. @ (22) Notre Dame: Michigan State is basically Virginia Tech on steroids. They have an even better defense (statistically speaking) with an even worse offense (statistically...and normally speaking), yet still have a chance to win nine games. One of their biggest tests will be going up against the Irish, who struggled putting away Purdue last weekend. Speaking of the Irish, is there anyone who falls victim to more backhanded compliments than Tommy Rees?

"Sure he's not good...but Tommy Rees sure knows how to play football."

"He's the son of a coach, so it helps him make up for what he lacks physically."

"Tommy Rees has the arm strength of an eighty-year-old knuckleballer, but at least he knows how to read."

I only made one of those up.

3. Utah St. @ USC: CHUCKIE KEETON CHUCKIE KEETON CHUCKIE KEETON CHUCKIE KEETON.That's all I should have to tell you. If you don't know, don't ask.