The Mad Men Season 5 finale is Sunday and we're still (glances at watch) WAY too far away from the beginning of football season. So, to help pass some of that time and welcome the finale, enjoy this half-baked, fragment-heavy ACC football-Mad Men mashup.
Virginia Tech: Don Draper
Easily the most consistently successful character in the bunch. Emerged from obscurity. Underlying the attention and attractive exterior, nagging flaws. Despite regular success, can never quite get what they desire most.
Florida State: Pete Campbell
Whether it's name-dropping their lineage at every opportunity or resting on the laurels of days-gone-by dominance, they feel they're entitled to accolades based on history. Capable, talented, but immature. Envious. One eye on the door, welcoming any opportunity to jump ship and get what they "deserve".
Miami: Roger Sterling
A high roller in their heyday, but no one's really sure what they DO anymore. Living off Lucky Strike and past championships only to have their more recent subpar effort catch up to them. We expect big things out of them, and sometimes they show glimmers of canny play, but more often they're an embarassment - especially around the holidays.
Clemson: Bert Cooper
Been around since the founding of the organization. Interesting, eccentric, plenty of stories. Sometimes loopy or unfocused. Still commands respect and still revered, as is evident whenever any meeting takes place in his office/Death Valley. Also, maybe just a teeeeensy bit racist (I keed, I keed).
Duke: Lane Pryce
Reserved and smart, but pleasant façade can't hide the shame of failure. A doormat, but once in a while puts things together and notches a very brief, but satisfying win. Can't hang with the rest (rimshot).
Wake Forest: Peggy Olson
Uptight, but capable. Aspires to greater things, looks up to Don in particular, but still competes in the shadow of bigger fish. Once in a while, puts it all together and does something that makes everyone takes notice.
Georgia Tech: Ken Cosgrove
Good at what they do, even outperforming Pete head-to-head. Won the conference/got promoted, but forced to give each up. Science fiction/engineering nerds.
Boston College: Paul Kinsey
Are they taking all this seriously? Pretentious, not particularly good, and kind of an insufferable dick. They talk a big game, believe they're better than they are, and consistently disappoint. Destined to be left behind, shave their head, and join the Krishnas.
Maryland: Harry Crane
Flashy title/founding member sounds impressive, but they consistently underwhelm. Pushover that just doesn't have the guts to compete. Compensates by being a smarmy butthole. Known to throw Paul a bone to brighten their depressing circumstances.
North Carolina State: Freddy Rumsen
Longtime presence in the organization, but hasn't done anything impressive in many years. Undistinguished, not very memorable, unless they're pissing their pants.
North Carolina: Duck Phillips
After previous failures, hopes for a clean start and reinvention with AA/Sterling Cooper/Butch Davis. Becomes sneaky, dangerous, too cute by half. Always seems like they might be on the verge of something great, until they inevitably fall off the wagon and take a poop in the office.
And - as this is a Hokie site - perhaps the easiest comparison of all, even beyond football...
Virginia: Betty Draper
Prim, pretty to look at, but an arrogant, childish brat. Moody. Vain. Entitled. Upset by seeing Don happy. Crumbles under pressure.