An ACC Halloween

Ryan and I started talking about Halloween, candy, and the ACC at midnight. Bad things happened and they follow.

Once in a while, Tom O'Brien enjoys a caramel cube. The bland taste reminds him of American values. And there's just enough sugar to necessitate the need for an evening jog (running is showing off), but not enough to consider him "high" on anything. He hands out dental floss.

Wake Forest gets a ten-dollar bill, because, "Take it, get the hell off my porch, and I don't ever wanna see you around here again."

Much like FSU, pumpkin flavor is back in September–October. Everybody raves how it's in everything they're eating and drinking, but by November no one gives a shit and they just want it out of their life.

Randy Edsall seems like the kind of asshole who turns his porch light off and doesn't give out candy, so Maryland gets egged. They try to return fire, but don't have a quarterback to do so.

Virginia Tech is best represented by a Krackel Bar. Each season it looks promising on the outside, but once you bite in, there's no substance.

Beamer forces O'Cain and Stinespring try to trick-or-treat in a two-man horse costume, but they can't get out of the door. He encourages them, "You're just a couple of steps away".

Miami's excited when they get a quarter because they don't have any money. :( HAHAHA, NO, NO JUST KIDDING MIAMI DOESN'T TRICK-OR-TREAT BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE FANS AND THEIR STADIUM ISN'T LOUD.

There's always that jerk kid in the neighborhood that doesn't respect the "Please Take One" sign next to an unguarded bowl of candy. He's the same kid that copied his buddy's homework so he could go out in the first place. Anyway, that candy is the cream of the crop because the people who leave it there are successful and too busy with work to deal with the hassle. He just takes the bowl off the porch, dumps it in his bag, and doesn't think twice. Eventually though, word spreads back to his parents, and he can't go out for Halloween next year.

Virginia got a rock.

It too will get a chance in spring to earn the starting quarterback job.

Randy Edsall's dream candy is a Mr. Goodbar. (Not really)

Georgia Tech's offense is like a candy apple, really popular back in the day, but now is just annoying to deal with.

FSU and SweeTarts are both horribly overrated.

Duke is a leftover Cadbury Egg from Easter, because March/April is the only time they're good, or relevant.

12:04 AM Joe: Boston College is whatever the perceived least respected candy that is actually the shittiest.
12:05 AM Ryan: Tootsie Rolls?
12:07 AM Joe: Boom.

Florida State's also candy corn, because everyone hates candy corn.

Clemson gets some Pop Rocks...

They're the best when mixed with Coke.

And finally, we all know Heather Dinich's favorite candy.

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Comments

UNC would probably be Worther's Original. Just seems right....

Livin the Dream

Follow me @HokieBarek

That's weird, because I don't find UNC delicious and awesome.

Logan Thomas the Tank Engine

i was thinking more along the lines of "old people love them, and they make you choke"

Livin the Dream

Follow me @HokieBarek

If by "everyone hates candy corn," you actually mean "everyone loves candy corn," then you are correct.

Also, uva probably promises all the kids in their neighborhood great things like full size candy bars, but only 6 people show up.

I'd also like to believe that VT gives out full size candy bars, and also invites the parents in for a beer.

My co-workers with kids had damn well better bring some candy in tomorrow

twitter.com/weavez22

NC State is Twix. It has everything and should be good, but it isn't.

Top Halloween Candy (ie, the house you go back to every year)
1) Reese Cups (If you disagree, I can't take you seriously as a football mind)
2) Kit Kat
3) Peanut Butter Snickers
4) M&M's (all varieties)
5) Nerds

Worst (ie place you avoid next year)
1) Tootsie Rolls
2) Candy Corn
3) Anything wrapped in saranwrap
4) Offbrand Sweet Tarts
5) Milky Way

Viva El Guapo

I think you switched your 5s. Because Nerds are gross and Milky Way is awesome.

Candy Power Rankings

  1. Peanut M&Ms
  2. Snickers
  3. Reece's Cups
  4. Mike and Ike
  5. Caramello

GT

Paul Johnson hands out the black and orange peanut taffy shits that end up the only thing left at the bottom of your bag.

"Fuck You"
-CPJ

I am always drunk when I make my videos.

LOL

Well done, CPJ is the worst.

"I oughta punch a UVA fan right in the neck" -Colin Cowherd

My candy power rankings

1. White Reece's pb cups (you just don't get too many of them, unfortunately, because the parents eat them before the kids make it to the door).
2. Those round caramels with the white center (sorry, don't remember the name, because the wrapper never lasted long enough for me to read it).
3. Anything dark chocolate (the really cheap kind of chocolate is never dark)
4. Any regular chocolate (except the really cheap stuff, like Palmer).
5. Any cheap chocolate (I'm sensing a theme here.....).

The things I hated to get when I was a kid (some of which I don't think they make anymore, thankfully). This is the kind of stuff that made me stop going trick-or-treating:
1. Candy cigarettes (you can't even gauge how disgusting I find these).
2. Those little wax bottles that look like soda bottles, but with some disgusting syrup kind of stuff in them. Or anything else with/or made out of wax. There used to be little orange wax harmonicas that people handed out, that were supposedly edible. Really? Wax? Come on people. Glad I haven't seen anything like that kind of stuff in a long time.
3. CPJ taffy (see post above)
4. Any kind of candy made to look like or with a wrapper made to look like a body part. (exception: chocolate eyeballs-see #5 top candy rating above).
5. Candy corn. This stuff is only marginally better as a decoration than it is as a candy. It's way too much like wax (see #2 bad candy rating above).

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Candy Power Rankings

1. Snickers
2. Snickers
3. Snickers
4. Twix
5. Reeses
....
Last (I would rather eat toothpaste). Candy Corn

Candy Power Rankings

Top:
1. York Peppermint Patty
2. Reece's cup
3. Peanut M&M's
4. Butterfinger
5. Nerds
Also receiving votes - Junior Mints

Being demoted to I-AA soon:
1. Orange foam chalk shaped like a peanut
2. Peanut taffy in the black and orange wrappers
3. Anything inside a small white bag with a picture of a ghost on the front
4. Milk Duds
5. Tootsie Rolls

Class of '02. GO HOKIES!

My reaction to not being able to find a Clemson fan doing the slow motion pinky "O":

GIFSoup

Viva El Guapo

A few more.

Miami is that guy who brags for months about how amazing his costume is going to be, then forgets about it until the night before and winds up going as the Joker for the fourth year in a row.

Clemson is that seemingly-plain looking girl you know that wears an incredibly slutty costume that gets everyone excited for one night and then goes back to loose sweaters and disappoints everyone until next year.

Also, Candy!

1. Twix
2. Milky Way
3. Butterfinger
4. Sour Patch Kids
5. Baby Ruths

The Worst
1. Runts
2. Candy Corn
3. Tootsie Rolls
4. Smarties
5. Jujy Fruit

Candy: 1) Gobstoppers 2)

Candy:

1) Gobstoppers
2) Milky Way
3) Swedish Fish
4) Sweetarts
5) York Peppermint Patties

I have no idea why my username is VT_Warthog.

@VT_Warthog

Chapel Hole is the Ferrero Rocher of candy. Elitist with an overvalued opinion of self-worth, when in reality is just average and douchy. UVA is Tobleron - similar snobbery but with less substance. Miami is cotton candy. Looks awesome and lot's of hype, but no substance. Melts into sugar when gets wet (see 09 Va Tech game)

Top 5:
1. Almond Joy
2. Peanut Chews
3. Mary Jane
4. Nibs
5. Zero Bar
Honorable Mention: Whatchamacallit, Caramel Cremes, Special Dark

Bottom 5:
1. Smarties
2. Candy Corn
3. Ju Ju Bees / Dots
4. Bazooka gum
5. Sugar Babbies

#CandyPowerRankings

1.Snickers
2.Reese's
3.Butterfinger
4.100 Grand
5.Gummy Bears
6.Peanut MMs
7.Zero Bar
8.Nestle Buncha Crunch

HM: Kit Kat, Sour Patch Kids, LemonHeads

WFP

UNC '11

BCS computer rankings

Top 5:
1) full sized anything
2)mike and ike
3)Reece's Cups
4) milkyway
5)almond joy

bottom dwellers:
1)mentos
2)craisins
3)candy apples
5)candycanes

you people ranking mike and ike so high are insane. they are down with the fruity tootsy roll knockoffs and the black and orange toffee things

twitter.com/weavez22

not exactly related to the article but i felt like this pic was appropriate today

"I promise you I will keep getting back up as long as you keep pushing forward." -Michael Brewer
"That kid you're talking to right there, I think he played his nuts off! And you can quote me on that shit!" -Bud Foster

This made the thread.

/dead

Thank you

I approve of this photo posting, and so does drunk Santa

Viva El Guapo

And obviously

He did better than candy....unless of course, her name is Candy...

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Groh

Al Groh hands out resumes.

Notre Dame is Candy Corn

Every year people buy into them and then when they see/taste them they realize how bad they are but they have been around forever so people keep buying them every year.
(I know they arent in the ACC but I say CLOSE ENOUGH....Also I am aware that they have not lost yet)

A new season...new hope