BowlRensics: Sun Bowl and El Paso

Hello. Welcome to a special edition of BowlRensics. Last week we took an in depth look at the full lineup of college bowls which will allow us to be the most well rounded, knowledgeable college football fans in the universe. This week, we'll take a closer look at the Sun Bowl, its host city of El Paso and the surrounding environs. Before we get too far into it, I cannot recommend highly enough that you go read A Guide to El Paso by EPHokie which, if you actually are going to El Paso, PLEASE read that instead of this.

Also, as we are now in the thick of bowl season, I'd like to remind everyone that despite, according to Mike London:

LOLUVA being awarded an unprecedented THREE bowls in one season, they did not manage to win a single one. On that note, let's dive in!

1. Before you get started, what happened the last time the Hokies took the field?

A. Great question! Last time we saw our Hokies, they were taking on our vaunted1 in-state rivals from UVA. The highlights of the game include:

  • Sam Rogers and Logan Thomas causing approximately 14 brain aneurysms due to Sam Rogers throwing a pass2 and Logan Thomas doing what a vocal portion of the fan base wants him to do, which is be a large man catching passes.
  • Kendall Fuller being the best player on the field, picking off one pass and knocking down four more, including the very smart play to bat the football DOWN on the hail mary at the end of the first half instead of going for the pick.
  • A bar mere steps from LOLUVA's campus flying a Hokie flag, the inverse of which (LOLUVA flag at a bar in Blacksburg) being an acceptable defense for arson.
  • The Head Ballcop inserting Greyson Lambert as a sacrificial lamb in the third quarter, and Bud Foster seemingly responding by blitingz 32 guys on every single play.
  • All the Hoos in Hooville boo-hoo-hooing, at least those that care enough to pay attention anymore.

2. So, essentially, we've now Dominated them for a Decade?

A. Indeed. I bet that would look good on a t-shirt.

3. Excellent! So, where to now?

A. The Sun Bowl!

This is roughly 1000% sweeter than a Hyundai logo.

4. What's a Sun Bowl?

A. The Sun Bowl is actually the joint-second oldest bowl in existence, being played continuously since 1935. As a response to the announcements of the Sugar and Orange bowls, some not-so-swift-on-the-uptake oil tycoons decided they would respond by holding their own bowl which would played on the surface of the sun. Upon discovering that was not (yet) possible, the decided to play the bowl temporarily in El Paso until such time as transportation was available to the center of our solar system.

5. So if it's one of the four oldest bowls, why isn't it a BCS bowl?

A. Did I forget to mention it's in El Paso?

6. Oh. So tell me about El Paso. Where is it?

A. Texas! Specifically, the far western tip of Texas in the middle of the desert, right next to nothing. Interestingly, the city was originally named Olvidado de Dios, but the late 1800s saw the innovation of the forward pass take place at the local university. Since the city was right near Mexico, where Spanish is the national language, spectators at the game exclaimed "El Paso! El Paso!" which eventually caught on as an all purpose phrase, much like "Roll Tide" is in Alabama. Due to its presence in every part of city life, they eventually renamed the city to honor it.

I found this and think I just fell in love with El Paso a little bit.

7. Wow. Anything interesting going on there?

A. Well, some of the highlights include the National Border Patrol Museum which, holy HELL how have I not made it there yet? Also, the AAA baseball El Paso Chihuahuas play there. OH, and it was rated the 44th most walkable city out of the 50 largest cities in the US. I'm not exactly sure why the hell someone would make the effort to include that on El Paso's Wikipedia page. Way to highlight your city's shittiness at walking.

8. So, has anyone famous ever managed to build up enough strength of will to leave all that behind?

A. Cormac McCarthy, who writes what are probably the most depressing, well written books in the world lived there for a time, so thanks El Paso for those nights I cried myself to a nightmare filled sleep while reading The Road. Also, El Paso claims Stevie Nicks who appears to have lived there briefly during a transient childhood before joining a band with a bunch of Englishmen (and woman)3 dating many of them, doing many drugs and singing many emo songs. Continuing our "What the hell, I thought they were English?!" theme, Alan Tudyk, who played Wat in A Knight's Tale was born there. Lastly, Beatrix Kiddo's fictional daughter B.B. was fictionally born there, which is pretty solid starting ground for the eventual sequel Quentin Tarantino is going to make about revenge stuff.

9. Solid. Is there college football in El Paso?

A. There is! If you weren't aware, The University of Texas El Paso (UTEP) is the alma mater of our very own offensive line coach, Jeff Grimes. Before he made Wang the tip of the spear, he was...well, sort of the shaft of Andy Reid's spear, playing offensive tackle from 1987-1990. Coach Grimes already came out and declared the best Mexican food he's ever had was in El Paso, and if you don't love Mexican food, you're un-American.

10. Okay then. Anything else about El Paso?

A. Not El Paso itself, but the city lies just across the border from one of the most enchanting vacation destinations on Earth, Juarez, Mexico!

11. Uh, but the other lady said not to g-

A. Where's your sense of ADVENTURE, man4? First of all, it's in the Mexican state of Chihuahua, so it's basically the equivalent of a tiny, hairless dog. Are you scared of a five pound dog? Plus, a cheap place to stay should be easy to find, as estimates say over 110,000 homes have been abandoned in the city by people who could afford to go elsewhere in the last few years. Their loss is your gain!

But why would they leave? The EXCITEMENT of potentially being caught in the crossfire of drug cartel warfare. The potential that the police officer you are stopped by is on some bad guy's payroll or is just an ass who shakes down tourists for bribes is pretty high. And c'mon, it's a city of 1.5 million people and only eight people are murdered there a day, on average. That's like a 99.999467% chance that you'll be FINE5.

12. Okay! I'll go book a hotel right now6! In the meantime, tell me more about football!

A. Right! Back to the Sun Bowl! As previously mentioned, it started in 1935 and has been played every year since then. It has featured such gridiron legends as the University of Denver, Case Western Reserve, the Second Air Force and UNAM Pumas, which is a Mexican college. The Hokies, of course, made their first ever bowl appearance here on New Year's Day in 1947, losing 18-6 to Cincinnati.

13. Great, thanks for bringing that up. Does the Sun Bowl happen to have a mission statement?

A. As a matter of fact, they do! It reads: The Sun Bowl Association is committed to improve the quality of life by presenting, through its volunteers, the Southwest's friendliest bowl game and a series of festive events appealing to El Paso's diverse cultural heritage.

Wow. That's some pretty strong smack talk they've laid down to the Fiesta Bowl and the New Mexico Bowl. Now I'm anxious to see El Pasoans, New Mexicans and Phoenicians in a friendly-off.

14. Any Fullers on the bowl committee?

A. Nope. However, they do appear to be engaging in some shady practices; by all appearances they appear to be purposely clouding the name and to hide the identity of one of their Board of Directors, namely Augustin Montes. Or should I call you Agustine Montes, as you are ALSO listed? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE, MR. MONTES?

15. Wow. And to think we entrust these men of integrity with our student athletes. So, I'm heading to the game, where should I sit?

A. Some would say purchase tickets to one of the 51,000 seats available. However, some people are a little braver, and would recommend you climb the mountain overlooking the Sun Bowl and perch up there to watch for free! It's also known as Hand Job Hill, because El Pasoans are the friendliest folks in the Southwest and will always give you a hand in climbing up the mountain. And once you get up there, they get even friendlier.

16. Yes, I would like to order that ticket, please. Now, anything else about the Sun Bowl I should know?

A. Well, since 1994 they have awarded the John Folmer Most Valuable Special Teams Player, which has been awarded no less than three times to a punter. As the expression goes, I believe, Punting is Winning, and once A.J. Hughes lowers the boom on someone to force another fumble, I'm sure he's a shoo-in to be the fourth.

17. Hahaha, that Miami guy that got rocked by our punter.

A. Yep. That was also an excuse to repost this.

A.J. go boom.

That's all for El Paso and the Sun Bowl. Next up we'll take a closer look at our esteemed opponents, the University of California at Los Angeles.

1Giggling
2He was a quarterback in high school, remember, so it's not like Loeffler had to teach him how to throw before the play.
3Yes, Lindsey Buckingham is American, but his name is Lindsey, so he gets honorary Englishness.
4DO NOT LISTEN TO ME, DO NOT GO TO JUAREZ.
5SERIOUSLY, DO NOT GO TO JUAREZ, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
6You fucking idiot.

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Comments

Ah, the great Old El Paso. Phenomenal taco dinner packs. Also reminds me of a now extinct mexican chain:
d*Note: a Google image search of Chi Chi's brings up an interesting amount of cleavage pictures
**Note: those aren't bad to look at on occasion
***Note: what would be interesting is to try the reverse search to see if the Chi Chi's logo still pops up
****Note: it doesn't

HA

H_O_K_I_E_S-HOKIES!

Proud Member Of The Key Play Community Since January 2012.

To me, Alan Tudyk will always be Steve the Pirate, because Dodgeball was just that great
Pirate

I support Coach Frank Beamer.

VT '10, Born & Raised in the 804. Hokies, Keydets, Army Black Knights, NY Giants, NY Rangers, and ATL Braves.

Chuck Norris agrees.

chuck

I'm here for the memes, I just stay for the football.

He'll always be Wash to me

Though he's also pretty good in the British version of Death at a Funeral.

According to this NY Times article, Juarez is making a comeback. In fact, murders are down by 25% THAT'S ONLY TWO MURDERS A DAY.

Worse than the murders though, the city is in danger of turning into Brooklyn:

New restaurants pop up weekly, a few with a hipster groove.

For this reason alone I would advise not visiting. Well, that and the fact that the State Department still has this warning posted:

Chihuahua: Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua City, and Copper Canyon are major cities/travel destinations in Chihuahua - see map to identify their exact locations: You should defer non-essential travel to the state of Chihuahua. In Ciudad Juarez, personal travel by USG employees outside the northeast portion of the city (the area near the Consulate General) is restricted. Although homicides have decreased markedlyfrom a high of 3,100 homicides in 3010 to 749 in 2012Ciudad Juarez still has one of the highest homicide rates in Mexico. Crime and violence remain serious problems throughout the state of Chihuahua, particularly in the southern portion of the state and in the Sierra Mountains, including Copper Canyon. U.S. citizens do not, however, appear to be targeted based on their nationality.

Also, according to Wikipedia there are 5 colleges in Juarez. Maybe we can schedule a home and home with one of them to get ECU off our schedule. I'd say it's worth the risk.

twitter.com/weavez22

If murders are down BY 25% wouldn't that mean there are only 2 less murders/day(that comes to a grand total of 6/day)? If there were only 2 murders/day I think they would say that the rate was down TO 25%.

Big difference...just sayin'

"I like to hit a home run early" ~ Whit "knows how to create a Buzz" Babcock

Woah woah woah...there is an AWFUL lot of math going on here. What do you guys do in your spare time, launder money for the Zetas?

SHHHHHH!!

"I like to hit a home run early" ~ Whit "knows how to create a Buzz" Babcock

Quiet! Shut up!

True Hokies STICK IT IN!!!

STICK IT IN Army of Virginia Tech

Fosterball

I was not a math major, but I think you are right. Still, 6 murders a day is not bad. That's probably less than Memphis.

twitter.com/weavez22

And Juarez is almost three times the size of Memphis.

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

So you're saying it's on par with Morganhole?

ChicagoHokie

One has to also take into account that they are looking into the future of 3010 for the murder rate. So in reality they are saying it's getting more dangerous because by the year 3010 they will have reached 3,100 homicides. So take heed. Funny math going on here.

If you don't want to recruit clowns, don't run a clown show.

HA! Well done. This one made me choke on my cheerios

A. Some would say purchase tickets to one of the 51,000 seats available. However, some people are a little braver, and would recommend you climb the mountain overlooking the Sun Bowl and perch up there to watch for free! It's also known as Hand Job Hill, because El Pasoans are the friendliest folks in the Southwest and will always give you a hand in climbing up the mountain. And once you get up there, they get even friendlier.

Not only is the name "Lindsey" English, but so is "Buckingham". You might have heard of an English palace with that name. So yes, he gets honorary Englishness. But I would point out that one of his bandmates, Mick Fleetwood, has thrown off his Englishness to become an American citizen.

I'd be interested to see whether the Mexican food in San Antonio is better than El Paso. There's some darn good mexican food in San Antonio and I'd go back in a heartbeat.

In Beamer & Co. We Trust #Livefor32 #DecadeofDominance

Depends on whether you want authentic Mexican food (El Paso), or the actually edible Tex-Mex (civilized cities in Texas).

You mention both Cormac McCarthy and taking a quick and leisurely trip to Juarez, and this brings to mind the image of a slowly-bleeding-to-death Josh Brolin in "No Country For Old Men" lying on a park bench at dawn, handing a bloody $100 bill to a mariachi and whispering "Medico, por favor."

Disturbingly funny.

Which wallet is yours?

The one that says "Bad Motherfucker"

To the Chik-Fil-A Bowl committee that chose Duke over us:

Wash

Live for 32. Ut Prosim. Let's Go, Hokies.

My take on this column.

01:39:48–01:40:03

Viva El Guapo

That ain't right.
Who would do that to Charlie Hustle?
(except maybe the MLB Hall of Fame.)

Allen H. "Bud" Selig would do it... once he discovered the Internet.

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

So basically what I'm getting out of all this is don't go to Juarez until after SAM ROGERS, Bud Foster and Chuck Norris have cleared it out first.

True Hokies STICK IT IN!!!

STICK IT IN Army of Virginia Tech

Fosterball

Well.....due to several finical obligations for the year 2013, my soon wife to be and myself had decided back when the season started we would not go bowling this year. No matter the bowl game (except if by some grace of god we would be playing in the NC). Even though we go to the bowl game every year, we thought this would be the year we would have to skip.

Upon further review it appears this is the best possible Bowl game to miss (in person) out of all the 32 bowl games. I take that back.....may the 2nd or 3rd best bowl game to miss in person. The Famous Potato bowl looks unpleasing as well....
potato

-Mr. 501

"If there is oxygen in your brain, you're not loud enough"

First of all, it's in the Mexican state of Chihuahua, so it's basically the equivalent of a tiny, hairless dog. Are you scared of a five pound dog?

I almost had pee pants because of this.

Nice work Fifth, nice work

"And it is caught, it is caught for a touchdown"

I thoroughly applaud your shitting all over El Paso. Good job!

Achievement unlocked: All of the Fullers

When Sam Rogers chooses which NFL team is allowed to use his services, the NFL will have to revisit the 'defenseless receiver' rules.


-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Wow. That's some pretty strong smack talk they've laid down to the Fiesta Bowl and the New Mexico Bowl. Now I'm anxious to see El Pasoans, New Mexicans and Phoenicians in a friendly-off.

Any time you can work in a Phoenicians reference (or any ancient civilization) you're going to have a good time.

Logan - Frank - & Bud

Commonwealth Cup Champions since Sat, Nov 27, 2004 at 4:05:00 PM EST

this is an old school Hingle McCringleberry

"I like to hit a home run early" ~ Whit "knows how to create a Buzz" Babcock