March Madness Power Rankings

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DUNK CITY [http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2013/03/25/florida-march-madness]

I often call March Madness the most wonderful time of the year. It's like Christmas for me. I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say any of this either, as most people's feelings about the tournament range from love to complete "I've sent you twelve of my eyelashes in this letter" obsession.

For most of the first three days we got terrible basketball. I don't mean the standard "the college game is inferior" basketball either. I'm talking ten blindfolded kids playing outside on a windy day bad. Shooting percentages were down, turnovers were up, and if the court they were playing on didn't have an NCAA logo in the middle, no one would have been watching.

And then, just like that Sunday's games single handedly redeemed the weekend. It was awesome. Anyway, as the Sweet Sixteen tips off tonight, here are my power rankings (in reverse order) the past week:

#292. Reggie Johnson: Coming in dead last, I went with this number because it's what Big Reggie's weight is listed as. 292 pounds? Come on now. That's like saying Trey Edmunds ran a 40 in 4.37 seconds. Reggie only played 18 minutes in Miami's win against Illinois, while also suffering an injury that will force him out in tonight's game against Marquette. Hard times out there for a big man.

#291-100. Frank Haith, John Thompson III, Bo Ryan, Steve Alford and Mark Few: This ranking is just a disappointment purgatory for coaches who you can never trust. And by never, I mean NEVER TRUST THEM. I was an idiot and picked Bo Ryan's Wisconsin team to go to the Elite Eight. Why? Because I thought they deserved my faith. Wrong. Every single missed jumper punched me in the face. I put them all here because in this purgatory I want them to be forced to stand silently in a circle, arms across their chests while being forced to stare at a picture of Reggie giving them the goat. It's only appropriate.

# 69. Marshall Henderson: Poor Marshall. Not only did he have a downright terrible game against Wisconsin (6 for 21 from the field), but missed a golden opportunity to keep this party going into the next week. Of course, the way the embarrassingly short news cycle works all people will remember is the report that he gave a Marcus Vick (double middle fingers) to the crowd after the loss. The biggest travesty of the Marshall Henderson experience is the professionalization of his Wikipedia page. What once said, "Henderson keeps a poster of the Easter Bunny in his room to remind him that 'life ain't no motha fuckin game homie'" is now just a boring list of "facts". Sometimes fame changes a person, and sometimes it changes their Wikipedia page. And yes, I made Henderson 69 on purpose.

#50 Roy Williams: I have never once in my life felt bad for Roy Williams. He has too many advantages to count, has won a few titles with teams that were insanely talented, and then fell short in every other tourney. He also was coaching one of the hottest teams in the country going into a game against Kansas, his old team. A bunch of #goacc people were picking UNC to pull the upset, and Ole Roy got their hopes up with a first half that put them up nine. They were then outscored by 21 points in the second half, shattering the dreams of Carolina fans everywhere.

#49. Ben McLemore: The Kansas freshman shooting guard had a less than stellar outing against Carolina. And Western Kentucky before that. And Kansas State before that. And Iowa State before that. Somehow, McLemore is still considered a top flight prospect and almost surefire top-3 pick in the draft should he declare. What the hell am I missing? He disappears in more games than James Michael...

#48. James Michael McAdoo: Oh. Not to be outdone by McLemore, McAdoo wanted to make sure EVERYONE forgot about his draft stock a season ago (surefire top-3 pick) by going 5-19 from the field, a whopping 26 percent. Now pundits are saying he should stay in school another year to improve (read: to get off the Marvin Williams' fast track).

#20. Hipsters: Specifically those of the Richmond variety. Their lord and savior, Shaka Smart, will apparently be sticking around for another year despite allegedly being the lead candidate for the open UCLA job. Instead of a raise, VCU has commissioned students to build him a statute. The statue is actually just four metal beams twined together in different colors that no one is allowed to understand.

#10. Rick Pitino: Everyone was saying that Pitino's team was the best team in the tournament and through two rounds they have not disappointed. He is becoming the opposite of those coaches in disappointment purgatory. You just have to trust him and hope he doesn't trade a rookie three months into his career. The bad part is that if his team beats Oregon, he has to go up against another coach like him (what can we call this, the good coaches club? Over-achievement heaven?) in Tom Izzo or Coach K. Pitino's just doing all he can to remind us that he's one of the best college coaches of all-time, as well as that he can rock the hell out of a white suit.

#9. Khalif Wyatt: The dude from Temple, who plays like that old guy in your pick up league with the awkwardly high shorts, single handedly showed CJ Leslie and Lorenzo Brown out the door and almost ended Indiana's run early. He has this weird game that looks like it was taught to him by a guy who played in the ABA around 1978. He's also one of those guys that you know will never make it to the pros, so you have to soak up his final performances and Wyatt's 62 points in 2 games was more than many teams scored in the first round.

#8. Karma: VCU and their emperor of terror beat a depleted Akron team by an embarrassingly high amount (46 points) and pressed the entire game. They were then destroyed by Michigan in the next round. Is your school close with a 7-on-7 team? Then they get left off the board on Selection Sunday. It's how these things work (that's right, UVA getting snubbed was Mike London's fault...I said it).

#7. Jamie Dixon: His Pitt team lost by 18 to Wichita State in the first round, so why is he in the top 10? Because dude got PAID. Almost immediately after the loss, word broke that Dixon signed a 10-year extension with the school, a telling comment on the difference in expectations between football schools and basketball schools (although he does have a ridiculously high regular season winning percentage).

#6. Nevin Shapiro: Finally Shapiro gets to see some of his money at work! After providing impermissible benefits to a group of underperforming football teams, the basketball team comes through. Sure, Frank Haith isn't there anymore and the program is clean under Jim Larranaga, but I would have hated to see all of that dirty money towards the Miami programs go to waste. I really want to see Durand Scott light a pile of Shapiro's money on fire with a caption that says "suspend this"...but something tells me that won't happen.

#5. Adam Morrison: "YOU SEE?? GONZAGA IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME...NOTHING!" – said somewhere in Serbia to his poor roommate who doesn't speak English.

#4. Ohio State: After beating Iowa State, Matta, Kraft and Co. probably looked at was left of their bracket (which Cinderella had already lit on fire) and noticed they were a Louisville loss away from the easiest trip to the finals out of anyone if they can get past Arizona. That's why I hope Arizona fans start a "Teabag Paulus" chant in Los Angeles, because Greg Paulus should never be allowed to live that down...even as an assistant coach.

#3. Jim Harbaugh: A sleeper in the power rankings, but think about it. His brother beat him in the Super Bowl. His brother-in-law has one of the best teams in the tournament. Would the Pleated Avenger ever be able to recover from that? Luckily for him, Temple showed their weaknesses, and all of a sudden Indiana looks beatable. If Indiana makes the Final Four would anyone be surprised if Harbaugh shows up to give the other team a pep talk? Would he sneak Vernon Davis or Alston Smith into the opposing lineup? Something would happen...and it would be glorious.

#2. The Southwest Philly Floater: My brother's favorite Tech basketball player was Ty Garland. So naturally, he immediately texted me after La Salle beat Ole Miss to go to the Sweet Sixteen with the words "SOUTHWEST. PHILLY. FLOATER." I think the best part was that he gave a shout out to his mom and to his cousin burn after the game. I don't care what could have been had he stayed in Blackburg, I just want more quotes like this. I'm all in on La Salle.

#1. Dunk City: Is there anyone else? If La Salle played FGCU in the finals, I have no idea who I would root for. Luckily for me, if that happened the world would explode so I would be obliterated before having to decide. I know it's not going to last, and they'll probably get run out of the gym by Florida, but isn't there also a chance that they get a few dunks, keep it close, get the crowd into it and all of a sudden be up by 4 in the final minute? If only they had Southern's uniforms. Then I'd definitely pick them to win.

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Rick Monday... You Made a Great Play...

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