#goacc Power Rankings: Week 6

Obviously the biggest story of this week transcended the sports world. The government shutdown has been weighing on the minds of many. That's why this week I decided to commemorate the shut down in my own little #goacc way, by thinking about what each coach would do with their time if they had been furloughed.

Let's get to the rankings, shall we?

The Dave Shinskie Division

(Dregs of the conference)

14. Virginia (2-3, LW: L 48-27 vs Ball State): It's come to this, and what a long, strange trip it's been. Just over a month ago, the Cavaliers beat BYU to start the season and had a few (but not many) people thinking that they were better than expected. Now? I'm starting to wonder if there was any assistant coach/babysitter in the entire country that could help the travesty that is Mike London's ability to actually...you know...coach football.

What Mike London would do if furloughed: London would form a volunteer police department. It would initially be the best volunteer police force in the country due to his ability to recruit new members, but would fall apart after five weeks due to a lack of direction and organization. It would end in a mutiny and London going on a rogue-cop spree.

The Grant Noel Division

(Sorry Terrel Hunt...and Joe)

13. Syracuse (2-3, LW: L 49-14 vs Clemson): Remember the fun stuff that everyone was saying about Terrel Hunt sparking life into the rather dead Orange offense? Yeah, an 8-24, 55 yard, 3 interception outing later, and I don't think people are going to be writing many more of those stories for a while. As much fun as it would be to make fun of Hunt pulling a Noel (under 50 percent completion percentage with less than ten completions and 3 or more picks), let's get to the heart of the matter. How much do we know much about 'Cuse? They've played good teams (Northwestern, Clemson), bad teams (Tulane and Wagner) with only one "bad" loss to Penn State-a team that isn't as good as people were hoping they would be. We will know more after this week as they go to Raleigh to play a reeling NC State team.

What Scott Schaffer would do if furloughed: He would wander the streets of New York City, bumping into people on the subway and then promptly challenging them to a fight. In case you didn't know, he's an agressive fellow.

The Entire State of North Carolina Division

(That's right...they make up the next four spots)

12. Wake Forest (3-3, LW: W 28-13 vs NC State): What the hell is going on? A week after I trashed Wake for being a rudderless team led by a coach that probably shouldn't be there, they continue their reign of terror over NC State in Winston-Salem. (We're going to get to that in the next paragraph). Let's instead look at a very peculiar stat out of the Demon Deacon receiving corps: power ranking favorite Michael Campanaro has caught 44 passes this season (good for 7th in the country). The guy that's next on the team in catches? Yeah, that would be Jonathan Williams...with 13. Campanaro has over three times more catches than the next guy on the team! How does this happen? If you're game planning, don't you realize that one guy has caught 42 percent of Tanner Price's completions? Don't you cover the guy who leads the nation in Wes Welker comparisons with four defenders? Sometimes football confuses me.

What Jim Grobe would do if furloughed: Come on guys, we've covered this. Even in the midst of a shutdown, Jim Grobe would be snapping necks and cashing checks until those checks start bouncing.

11. NC State (3-2, LW: L 28-13 @ Wake Forest): These were all things that happened within 6 months of the last time NC State beat Wake Forest in Winston Salem:

• Michael Vick was drafted first overall by the Atlanta Falcons in the NFL draft.
• To get that pick the Falcons traded with the San Diego Chargers, who drafted LaDainian Tomlinson.
• Nick Saban began his second year as the head coach at LSU.
• Joey Harrington was wowing the nation at Oregon.
• Eric Crouch won the Heisman .
• Ken Dorsey was a relevant and productive quarterback.
• Maryland won the ACC.
• Kliff Kingsbury lead the nation in completions.
• The Houston Texans had their expansion draft.
• The New England Patriots shocked the world behind a 24-year-old second year player named Tom Brady.

You get my point. Two coaching changes and 10 starting quarterbacks later, NC State always seems to be NC State. It's science.

What Dave Doeren would do if furloughed: He would put his free hands to good use, individually bedazzling signs for the "Lynch4Heisman" campaign. It doesn't matter to him that no one remembers who Jordan Lynch is, he's already used to being irrelevant coaching football at NC State.

10. North Carolina (1-4, LW: L 27-17 @ Virginia Tech): So...is this the unceremonious end to the Bryn Renner era? First, this ridiculous story comes out. I don't care if it's true or not, blaming your quarterback's bad throws on sweaty palms just makes it seem like you're covering for him. And then came backup Marquise Williams' relatively impressive performance against Virginia Tech, in which the former four-star looked way more than competent, his throw to Eric Ebron in the second quarter was money. (By the way, the only reason I linked to his Rivals page there was the "similar quarterbacks" section for Williams. Braxton Miller, J.W. Walsh and Kiehl Frazier? Talk about best case/worst case/set yourself on fire scenarios.)

I'm not saying that Fedora replaces Renner, but if he struggles against Miami (assuming he plays), does he at least think about letting Williams play the rest of the year? That guy's the future of his team, and gives him the best chance to win behind a shoddy line. Even Renner may thank Fedora should he get replaced, because that guy would take more shots than Dana Holgorsen at an Oklahoma casino.

What Larry Fedora would do if furloughed: Fedora would move to Canada, find the best job that could be considered a promotion, and then watch in a month as rumors swirl about a promotion to another job.

9. Duke (3-2, LW: BYE): The Blue Devils, or the Cardiac Cutcliffes as I will now always refer to them, will be fascinating to watch. Sure, they're lacking talent in some crucial areas, but all of a sudden they look like a team that could potentially win eight games. I realize that it sounds like a long shot, but let's take another look at their schedule:

vs Navy
@ Virginia
@ Virginia Tech
vs NC State
vs Miami
@ Wake Forest
@UNC

That looked a lot more troublesome before State lost to Wake, Wake lost to BC and the Heels lost to everyone. Now, I'm sure they won't sweep all of the winnable games on their schedule (the loss to Pitt is evidence to that), but the fact that it's even a remote possibility says wonders about the change in their program. As a bonus, remember how awesome that Duke/Carolina game was last year? Well now think about it if one (or both) of those teams were fighting for bowl eligibility. The Triangle would explode.

What David Cutcliffe would do if furloughed: He would grab all three Mannings, go up to DC and make magic happen. If there's something that Americans love more than America, it's the Manning family.

The Riley Skinner Division

(They'll do...whatever they're super average and no one really cares)

8. Boston College (3-2, LW: W 48-27 vs Army): Remember all of those jokes I made about Michael Campanaro and Wake a little while ago? Well the Eagles' Alex Amidon has 32 catches, and Spiffy Evans is next on the team...with six. SIX! The reason that a lack of spreading the wealth like that works a little more for BC? Andre Williams leads the nation in rushing attempts, and is third in rushing yards. Now none of this should surprise anyone, Steve Addazio likes his running game, but who would have thought that it would actually work in the ACC? Of course they've struggled in certain games and probably won't be bowl eligible, but there's a ton of improvement there and I think they will legitimately fight harder than most teams on this list. I believe in the 'stache.

What Steve Addazio would do if furloughed: Go to work anyway, if only to stare intensely and feel his mustache grow.

7. Georgia Tech (3-2, LW: L 45-30 @ Miami): Well, let the speculation start now. There were (unfounded) rumors that Vad Lee would not start against Miami. And after he did, he turned the ball over twice and was pulled in the fourth quarter in favor of Justin Thomas (who threw a pick six). It could definitely be a rough year in Atlanta, especially if they drop even one of their games that they should probably win. What if they lose to Pittsburgh and finish either 6-6 or 7-5? Well, if they finish at .500 they wouldn't make a bowl game because they played two FCS teams this year. Does Paul Johnson get canned, or have the realities of that job (an ACC school in SEC country) softened expectations for the program? I doubt the latter, so Paul better have his quarterback situation on lock.

What Paul Johnson would do if furloughed: He would sit in a lawn chair in boxers and a t-shirt yell "IT'S NOT A TRIPLE OPTION" at anything around. Passing strangers, small children, the family dog, that small oak tree across the street. People will worry, children will cry. All in a days work for jobless Paul.

The Danny O'Brien (at Wisconsin) Division

(What the hell happened to this guy?)

6. Maryland (4-1, LW: L 63-0 @ Florida State): I want to apologize to the Terrapin nation about the jinx that I put on their te...okay who am I kidding? Everyone in the ACC was happy that Maryland lost. They want Maryland to leave and go foster a newfound rivalry with Purdue or something boring and Midwestern like that.

What Randy Edsall would do if furloughed: Sit at his kitchen table, calling sports talk shows throughout the state of Connecticut to keep bringing up the Paul Pasqualoni firing and how much they miss the old coach. He signs off every call by yelling "ROLL DAMN RANDY" and high-fiving himself.

The Russell Wilson (at Wisconsin) Division

(Really? This guy? I guess we'll just see where this goes)

5. Pittsburgh (3-1, LW: BYE): Has it really come to this? That a team that had a bye was shot up the rankings after wins against Duke and Virginia? Well...they seem like they could be the fifth best team in the conference, right? Who knows, really? This week's game against Virginia Tech will probably tell us exactly where the Panthers are as a team, because they've been all over the map thus far. After getting smoked by Florida State, Pitt beat a non-AQ, won in a 58-55 shootout against Duke and a 14-3 grinder against Virginia. Is the defense improving, or is Virginia's offense just that bad? Is the offense good, or is Duke's secondary a travesty? Maybe they're not that great, and are just taking advantage of the middle of the conference being so...grossly below-average. Or maybe they're getting a little better every day under a blue-collar head coach and pose a threat to everyone on their schedule. They legitimately frighten me this weekend (though I think I'm going to say that about every Tech opponent between now and roughly 2057).

What Paul Chryst would do if furloughed: He would call up Bret Bielema and they would proceed to do all the little things they used to do back at Wisconsin like throw toilet paper at other coaches' houses and eat tons of cheese curds while farting on playbooks containing the spread offense.

The Logan Thomas Division

(Don't look now, but this team could actually be good...much to the chagrin of some)

4. Virginia Tech (5-1, LW: W 27-17 vs UNC): And here they are, plugging along like the Tech teams of old. My favorite part about the win against UNC? Logan Thomas became the school's all-time leading passer, and no one cares. It's just completely symbolic of his entire career at Tech, the quarterback who never wanted to be a quarterback becomes the most statistically impressive passer in school history. Sure, there will people who will simply never accept him as a Hokie great, but those people are wrong. He's done everything asked of him, and more, yet he's the most polarizing player in Tech history. I want to see him kill it the rest of the season, so he can turn to the camera at his last ever press conference with a smile that says "F the haters". He deserves it more than anyone.

What Frank Beamer would do if furloughed: He would acknowledge that this furlough is well-coached and gets after ya, before kicking back on the bank of a lake with his boy Ralph Friedgen.

The Tyrod Taylor Division

(The People's Champs)

3. Miami (5-0, LW: W 45-30 vs Georgia Tech): I finally did it. I finally had to move the Hurricanes out of Too-Soon-To-Tell Division. I think we know that Miami is legitimately talented, and has the weapons to outscore almost anyone on their schedule. I am actually looking forward to Miami beating Florida State, riding as high as they possibly could, and then losing to Tech the very next week because, you know, Miami is still Miami.

What Al Golden would do if furloughed: He would move to Indianapolis in an attempt to see just exactly what's going on with the NCAA investigation into his team. It was the last time anyone ever saw Golden again.

2. Clemson (5-0, LW: W 49-14 @ Syracuse): It was a nice win, sure, but I was having this discussion on the radio last week. Clemson isn't quite as good on offense this year as it has been in the past two. They really miss Andre Ellington and Nuk Hopkins, and just don't have quite the same pop as before. Sure, Tajh is tons better than two years ago, but he makes it look a little better than it is. The defense is still shaky, and will probably struggle with a talented offense (see the Georgia game). Is this a year where Clemson's not quite as good as the past two, but no one notices because of Boyd? I think so, but that's definitely not a top-five team. I could be wrong, but come on, they have to rely on Martavis Bryant to be a legitimate part of their offense. I'm not wrong.

What Dabo Swinney would do if furloughed: He would show up at Chad Morris' house uninvited every single morning because he doesn't know how to go about his everyday activities without him.

1. Florida State (5-0, LW: W 63-0 vs Maryland): Holy god. When things go right Florida State is the best team in the ACC, and is a legitimate national title contender. They made Maryland wish that they had played a linebacker at quarterback so they could have at least had an excuse as to why they were out gained a nearly a 3 to 1 clip. You know what? I'm pretty sure C.J. Brown wished that the Terps started a linebacker too. The only question I have about the 'Noles is how do they respond by getting punched in the mouth? They have Clemson, Miami and Florida all remaining on their schedule. I think if they beat Clemson (I think they will) that they go 12-0.

What Jimbo Fisher would do if furloughed: Jimbo is definitely that guy who gets on his wife's nerves enough that she forces him to do one of those endless tasks, like cleaning the garage or bagging leaves...just so he doesn't talk anymore.