Hatin' On Dave Doeren

Dave Doeren likes to mimic his mascot's facial expressions.

Dave Doeren thinks that NCSU is the flagship program in North Carolina.

Dave Doeren is betting the farm on NCSU (-13.5)

Dave Doeren thinks that VT's offense is far too reliant on a star QB and that it's going to bite them when he goes out for the season with an injury.

Dave Doeren still cites Devin Leary statistics when touting his offense's prowess.

Dave Doeren has fallen a long way since starting in the live action version of Futurama as Professor Farnsworth

DISCLAIMER: Forum topics may not have been written or edited by The Key Play staff.

Comments

Dave Doeren doesn't think little particles fly around when you flush so he leaves his toothbrush out uncovered. Even if they did (which he's insistent that they don't), he says he wouldn't mind.

Dave Doeren has never gone as Ernest for Halloween.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Doeren autocorrects to Doreen. And that's all I'm allowed to say about that without violating CGs.

Dave Doeren anagrams to "An Odder Eve"...see above

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Doeren poses as a coach on the Wolfpack sidelines

uva - the taint of the ACC
Callused perineum is a symptom of being a uva fan

Dave Doeren thinks candy corn is "simply the best", sings it that way whenever he talks about it, and also calls it "corn candy"

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Dave Doeren stops in the middle of an intersection, throws on his flashers, and sits. When you beep at him, he puts it in park, gets out of the car, and tells you to go around because "that's what the flashers mean." When you roll down the window to tell him to move up 20' so you can make a right turn into the road he's blocking, he moves slowly, adjusts the rearview window, then slowly creeps forward 5 feet so you still can't make the right turn. When the cop walking down the street gives him an open handed "wtf" gesture, he finally inches forward so you can make the turn and park on the 3rd floor of the garage. And by the time you get back down to the roadway, good old Dave is still sitting there in the driving lane with his flashers on right next to the Convention Center.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@VTnerf on insta, @BuryHokie on twitter, #ThanksFrank

This sounds VERY specific LOL.

From the 2018 VT-uva game-"This is when LEGENDS are made!"

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@VTnerf on insta, @BuryHokie on twitter, #ThanksFrank

Did the car have Pennsylvania plates? That would be my first guess.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting


AND, it was a home game for him.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@VTnerf on insta, @BuryHokie on twitter, #ThanksFrank

Dave Doreen has his kids dress up in NC State uniforms for Halloween because "people should really be scared of us!"

Dave Doeren likes to listen to the NWO Wolfpack theme pregame to get pumped up, then comes up behind you real close and says, "Don't turn your back on the Wolfpack!"

Dave Doreen likes to lead fans cheers for doing that wolf thing with your fingers because he knows it intimidates the other team.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

Dave Doeren hates Dora the Explorer because everyone gets confused when seeing his name.

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

Dave Doeren thinks he is the only person who should get to enjoy double Ds.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dave Doeren thinks Mike Glennon was a better college quarterback than Russell Wilson

1-0 every week

Dave Doeren hates halftime passouts

Dave Doeren is not a very good coach, most of his "success" comes from beating teams under .500. State just gave him a $2 mil raise and an extension and he's about to go 7-5 in "the year".

Dave Doeren does not think NCSU fans are douchebags.

Is coronavirus over yet?

Dave Doeren told his wife, "Stop being so dramatic" while she was pushing in labor/delivery.

Dave Doeren purposely shoots the clips off of the range target holders.

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

Dave Doeren will lose to Syracuse every single season

I just sit on my couch and b*tch. - HokieChemE2016

Dave Doeren waits 10 minutes for the group on the green of the par 5, 275 yards away to clear before hitting then slices a ball out of bounds.

In his defense, that's a makeable shot.

"Nooooooooooo!"
~What happened?
"James Franklin to Virginia Tech...."
~Fuck me......*sigh*
"Oh my God.... They're gonna take all our recruits... like WTF bro...."
~*squints eyes in disbelief*

Dave Doeren needs SoupHokie09 to defend his golf game.

I'm game for a round of golf anytime. I will say that striping a 3 wood off the deck from 250-275 yards out is my favorite shot when it goes as planned.

"Nooooooooooo!"
~What happened?
"James Franklin to Virginia Tech...."
~Fuck me......*sigh*
"Oh my God.... They're gonna take all our recruits... like WTF bro...."
~*squints eyes in disbelief*

While you are waiting behind him. Then he drops another ball and repeats the success of the first one.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@VTnerf on insta, @BuryHokie on twitter, #ThanksFrank

Doeren anagrams to red one.

#Let's Go - Hokies

Dave Doeren leaves his porch light on, doesn't leave candy out, and gets annoyed, when "costumed party goers" ring his doorbell.

Dave Doeren doesn't believe funny costumes should be allowed. He calls Blacksburg PD on you in your penis costume walking through Terrace View.

Dave Doeren thinks Halloween on Roanoke St is lame.

Dave Doeren worked hard to buy a home in a college town, and is upset that his neighbors are college students.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Don't be a Dave, Dave!

uva - the taint of the ACC
Callused perineum is a symptom of being a uva fan

Doeren thinks he's a sportscar heiress.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Dave Doeren is gonna lose on Thursday.

21st century QBs Undefeated vs UVA:
MV7, MV5, LT3, Grant Wells, Braxton Burmeister, Ryan Willis, Josh Jackson, Jerod Evans, Michael Brewer, Tyrod Taylor, Sean Glennon, and Grant Noel. That's right, UVA. You couldn't beat Grant Noel.

I know this is a "Hatin' On" thread, but I loved Dave in Wallace and Grommit

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Dorean's dentist is rich, but he does nice work.

Dave Doeren thinks it's much better to give out "fun sized" (i.e., nanosized) candy bars for Halloween instead of those horrible full sized ones.

He also demands his kids' teachers assign homework on October 31 and tests on November 1.

And he forbids his kids from watching It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown because he thinks it is too unsophisticated for them.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dave Doeren talks loudly in your backswing

Dave Doeren makes up his own rules for bar games and then acts like everyone who doesn't know or play by those rules is an idiot

Dave Doeren yells "BOOOOBS!!1!" every time someone goes over 21 points in cornhole

Dave Doeren refuses to make deals in Monopoly and forces the game to go on FOREVER because he owns one of every Monopoly and has no interest in making any of his own monopolies - he's just relying on passing go every round and landing on free parking every-so-often

Dave Doeren likes to play Texas Hold'Em but he plays with wilds. He doesn't announce this until he throws down a pair of 2s and claims a full house because 2s are "wild" and "everyone plays that way, I shouldn't have to tell you that" as he scrapes all the chips into his pile

Dave Doeren bowls with the gutters up "to make it more interesting"

Dave Doeren uses a leaf blower to blow all the leaves out of his yard....into his neighbor's yard. Daily. And then he complains to the HOA that his neighbors don't keep their yards clear which is affecting his property values.

Dave Doeren blames everything on the younger generation(s)

Dave Doeren drives 5 MPH under the speed limit in the left lane and speeds up when cars try to pass him on the right. He gets irritable and tells his passengers that you're not supposed to pass on the right and that these drivers are terrible and they probably voted for *insert your political opponent here*

Dave Doeren loves to bring up political topics and then when you respond he tells you that he hates talking about politics and would rather just discuss sports instead, trying to make you feel bad for "bringing it up"

Dave Doeren told his kids that Santa retired. When they were 5. Because he didn't want to get them what they asked for.

Dave Doeren hides Easter eggs in the toilet. And the compost. And the Garbag Disposal. And behind the fridge. And then denigrates his children for not finding them all.

Dave Doeren thinks that targeting and roughing the passer calls have been made fairly and with precision this year. He doesn't understand why anyone could be upset about it.

Dave Doeren posts all of his jokes in one post and expects everyone to read every. single. one. What a schmuck

Onward and upward

Dave Doeren thought he would get off easy on a short week.

Gotta be honest-I DID read each one and there were a lot of great ones!

From the 2018 VT-uva game-"This is when LEGENDS are made!"

Dave Doeren uses a leaf blower to blow all the leaves out of his yard....into his neighbor's yard. Daily. And then he complains to the HOA that his neighbors don't keep their yards clear which is affecting his property values.

🧐 I think I just solved my leaf problem.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Dave Doeren refuses to make deals in Monopoly and forces the game to go on FOREVER because he owns one of every Monopoly and has no interest in making any of his own monopolies - he's just relying on passing go every round and landing on free parking every-so-often

Dave Doeren doesn't understand how the Free Parking house rule severely extends the game.

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

Dave Doeren isn't coaching the best team who will be playing a home game in Carter-Finley the next 4 months.

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Dave Doeren didn't know that VT was in the same conference since they had not played in Raleigh since 2010.

Dave Doeren decided on his current hairstyle after seeing pictures of the montauk monster.

Dave Doeren and Pat Narduzzi are good friends.

JP

Dave Doeren believes that ACC officials are absolute experts in the definition and application of the Targeting rule.

Dave Doeren thinks "Lets Ride" is a super clever catchphrase and RW should have never abandoned it

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Dave Doeren buys cigarettes with change and doesn't bother counting it out until the cashier tells him the exact amount.

uva - the taint of the ACC
Callused perineum is a symptom of being a uva fan

Dave Doeren doesn't look good in red

Dave Doeren cheats at Trivial Pursuit and then acts like you are a dumbass.

Dave Doeren isn't worth generating jokes for.

Dave Doeren at NCSU is what Justin Fuente could have been if he even remotely tried to recruit

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Dave Doeren stands on the sidewalk, watching a transformer burn, and jump-waves at the PD/FD trucks screaming to the scene like they don't see the smoke... Then takes credit for getting them there.

Warning- Filter lost.

"Look at this... This is just spectacular.... These people are losing their minds"