It may be a few weeks away but I just watched the Netflix documentary, and I'm searching for anything I can get to help me make it to the season. Let the hate flow through you my friends.
Shane Beamer thinks he didn't come to Virginia Tech because he'd be known as Frank's Son. Really it's because we laughed him out of the building because of his boxing glove on a stick.
Shane Beamer thinks USC stands for university of South Carolina, we all know it's really for University of Southern California.
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Shane didn't use Wake Forest's playbook and managed to still come off as a cheater who lost against one of the worst teams we've ever faced.
Noice!....
Shane felt he had to go to one of the worst SEC schools to prove that he wasn't just Frank's son. It didn't work.
I just can't. I went to school with Shane and he is one of the nicest guys I know.
As did I. Very nice guy. I once spent an afternoon with him in his dads caddy driving around throwing snowballs at UPS trucks. It was fun.
I mean, that sounds like a lot of fun and I'm sure it was (mostly) harmless but something about throwing snowballs at UPS trucks just seems antithetical to *being a very nice guy*
Shane thought he wasn't going to get a Hatin' On thread because his last name is Beamer.
Shane probably would have been disappointed it he HADN'T gotten one.
Because his last name is Beamer.
BOXING GLOVE ON A STICK!
We made fun of it repeatedly. How often did they fumble...
Hatin' on Shane? I know just the guy
Shane will always live in the shadows of his father...
Fuck South Carolina.
Shane thinks the new remake of "War of the Worlds" is the best movie ever made.
Shane prefers his prime rib well done with a heavy topping of ketchup and ramen noodles as a side.
This is just uncalled for.
Well, scrape off the ketchup, mince up the meat and add it to the ramen noodle soup and you can actually eat something like that. Ramen makes the most of leftover meat and also vegetables to liven it up some. Cheap but quite tasty way to clean out the fridge.
The crime described above is certainly beyond the pale, though.
Shane thinks Frank will be rooting for South Carolina.
Shane thinks all VT fans pine for his return.
Shane watches Love is Blind
Shane paints around switch panels instead of taking them off, if he's feeling squirrelly he just paints over the whole damn thing
in fairness to the landlord, the tenants really shouldn't be using that particular outlet or that particular switch
Shane thinks Columbia is prettier than Blacksburg.
Triggered.
Columbia is a shithole. Sorority house with bars over the windows. So ugly.
Feels like living inside a dog's mouth
Reminds me of a quote I just heard today for the first time: "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
So, you're saying I should hope my daughter doesn't go there. It's not in her top group of schools (Emory, College of Charleston, Georgia and Wake Forest) but she has it in her next group that she'd be fine with.
If your daughter wants a state school/SEC experience, I'm sure she'll be able to find it at SCAR.
If you want to spend time in nature, have a pretty campus, etc, don't go to SCar. But A lot of people don't care what the campus looks like.
Shane makes intense eye contact with you while eating sloppy Joe's
Shane likes em extra sloppy
Shane think SEC teams playing neutral site games in Atlanta is better than playing a home and home series.
Shane is a Cock coach.
Shane steals the werther's that Frank leaves out for the grandkids
And he doesn't even eat it. Just throws it away.
TBH, that's just good parenting
Shane thinks he's too old to eat the lil plate of cookies Cheryl makes him whenever he visits mom and dad.
Shane is fully confident he will have as much success on August 31st as he did recruiting Richmond as a Hokies Assistant.
Shane took the USC job so that when he won there he'd prove he was good a boy like Hank
We need a Foe'rensics for this game.
Shane doesn't enjoy a Martinsville Speedway hotdog
Yeah, I can't be that mean to the guy.
Shane tried to claim "Beamerball" for the Cocks.
It was probably Shane at NC Central (in a VT polo).
Shane gets caught stacking the Candyland deck by his kids
Shane didn't want to recruit Sam Rogers.
That's why Shane will never be the coach Frank was. Frank saw heart, Shane sees if they can tic tok dance with him. I
So you're saying Shane was the first to try to deny his pussy touchdowns.
Shane was clearly a professor of the dork arts.
Sam is probably one of the recent last of the this type of people we love on on our teams.
Sheer grit and determination, his genetics didn't help him.
My youngest daughter named her kitten Sam as she even recognized him for the determination and leader he was/is.
Long live the Sam Rogers' and those of his ilk that lead us into the future.
Getting to know and be a part of stories like Sam's is dwindling in this era of CFB, and it saddens me deeply.
Shane is jealous of his father's locker room dance skills and fumes at the fact he will never wins his players hearts and minds like Boogaloo Shrimp Beamer did.
This is what I imagine retired boomers are doing grilling and chilling on their back decks on Sundays.
Hey now! I resemble that remark!!!
Shane's best recruit at VT was Holland Fisher...
Man him, Joel Caleb, and Drew Harris could have been all stars.
Shane brings chicken to Thanksgiving.
If we beat South Carolina, he will have to change his name to Shame Beamer.
"Shame Cock Beamer", just throwing out ideas.
"Cock Shame Beamer"
Too much?
Shane watches the Hallmark channel alone every night with a quilt, a quart of ice cream, and a box of tissues.
I would not go so far as to say he's turned on by the Hallmark Channel.
Hey now.....you know that's not what I meant.....
Shane doesn't think the cheer, "LICK THOSE 'COCKS!" is hilarious.
counterpoint: Shane does think the cheer is hilarious
Shane Beamer told my son who is 5'11 and a musician that never played football in HS that he was too small to tryout for the Hokies. Fact.
Lil Beams thinks the only way short unathletic players can play for the Hokies is if their dad has in on getting them the long snapper position.
Wrong. Shane was a great athlete in High School. I played football and baseball with the guy. He was big enough, and a very solid athlete. Really good arm fwiw. WR, backup QB, CF in baseball. All around great player. Five of the guys I graduated with played for VT, and he had the second best career, behind Tim Schnecker, who started at Center during the Mike Vick years.
Which is funny, because his dad was well known to say, "I may have been short, but at least I was slow."