No idea if this is true or not (but seems appropriate). However, we launched a similar forum topic for Urban Meyer...but DIDN'T for Ruffin. We lost the later game. Pretty sure it had nothing to do with coaching, schemes or execution...it was because we didn't make fun of their coach.
Some others to think about:
CPJ says "a whole 'nuther".
CPJ wears black socks, pulled up to his knees, at the beach with sandals.
CPJ thinks Jim Tressel's vest is "a cool fashion statement".
CPJ uses a typewriter.
CPJ calls TV "the picture radio".
CPJ thinks Lane Stadium is "just too loud".
GO HOKIES!
Forums:
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Comments
CPJ farts in crowded elevator right before he gets off
...and says "that was you".
and thinks that was one of his coolest moves yet
You say that like it's a bad thing...
before he gets off [the elevator]
...don't put words in my mouth. haha.
Paul Johnson... He just has a punchable face
He definitely has nice bangs as well...
And a striking resemblance to fat chris christie
not sure why, but i always think this
when i see CPJ. No? Just me? I'm cool with that. baaby roof!?
Oh I thought we were running with punching puns, nice BANGS, STRIKING resemblance, etc. no?
Paul Johnson has man boobs
...and wears a "manzeer".
He wears a bro!
What's wrong with a whole nuther? I say that all the time.
CPJ is so fat, his patronus is a cake.
nice harry potter reference
Approve.
NO, NO THAT IS A LIE
Paul Johnson cannot have Dork Magic... it is forbidden
Yeah really, that's a whole nuther can of worms we don't want to open (have you been to swva)
CPJ is probably going to haaaaaaaaate the piped-in music more than I. That's saying something.
We can only hope all the paper airplanes act as a sound barrier to block it out.
CPJ looks like Chunk from the Goonies grew up and face planted off a motorcycle.
CPJ orders water, with extra lemons. Then adds 17 sugar packs and makes his own lemonade to avoid paying "that outrageous $0.99".
Then puts the rest of the sugar packs in his pocket to take home.
I do this at the Mexican restaurant, eat their free chips, then leave. Lunch Score!
I've seen one of my friends do this, only instead of asking for extra lemons he just took the lemons from everyone else at our table. I gave him a quizzical look and his explanation was "It's just like Hot Dog On a Stick." I have to admit, it did taste pretty good.
CPJ is most definitely a bad influence on Jameis Winston.
http://grantland.com/features/2014-acc-college-football-preview-florida-...
Paul Johnson is responsible for Beiber Fever
No way he's approves of that hippie haircut!
-Paul Johnson never watched Lost
-Paul Johnson brings 12 items to the express line
-Paul Johnson doesn't like Jennifer Lawrence
-Paul Johnson prefers baths
-Paul Johnson eats snickers with a fork
-Paul Johnson likes the Godfather 3
-Paul Johnson reads the Terms of Service
she hates paul johnson as well
This is too far. NOBODY likes Godfather 3. We cheered when his daughter died, that irritating, cousin-fucking bitch.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I am eating my dessert. How do you eat it, with your hands?
Paul Johnson only shoots layups when you play him in H-O-R-S-E
Paul Johnson thinks Dabos jokes are funny....
Paul Johnson starts a fight in the front of the bar and sneaks out the back
CPJ gets a kickback for every ACL and MCL surgery performed in the continental United States.
So on top of teaching his players to target knees, he moonlights at nursing homes as the "clumsy nurse".
Credit him for turning his sweaty moobs into a key part of his disguise.
Guess that's why he thinks his offense is "the Bees Knees".
I have photo evidence of him moonlighting as a nurse.
Paul Johnson had Calvin Johnson on his team...and STILL ran the triple option.
Admittedly, he had Reggie Ball at QB so that negates your passing options (save one Saturday in Blacksburg)
I thought Calvin Johnson and Reggie Ball were before CPJ..?
I remember the "Got Meningitis" signs directed at Ball when Gameday was in town in 2005.
Although I must admit until I looked it up after reading this thread, I was thinking that CPJ showed up in 2006.
Megatron actually didn't play for CPJ. He lucked out on that one. But anyway, back to Paul Johnson being an assclown!
You are correct sir...good call!
Paul Johnson had Demaryius Thomas and STILL ran the triple option
Paul Johnson eats pizza crust first
Is it stuffed crust? IS IT?! IS IT?!?!?!?!
Paul Johnson hired Al Groh
We're done here.
Paul Johnson always tries to use expired coupons
Paul Johnson won't stop to smell the roses, but will stop to smell a dirty diaper
Paul Johnson once had a staring competition with a cat. This is what the cat looked like afterward
Paul Johnson supports the metric system.
How dare you insult the metric system!
Looks an awful lot like Little Foot from Land Before Time:
Paul Johnson eats Tofu burgers at tailgates.
...and white wine spritzers. (even he won't drink zima)
I thought it was "kwee-no"
Is this a loufa??
"Its Quinoa!"
DRINK!!!
Paul Johnson hired Lou Holtz to be his Speech Therapist.
*Edited for clarity
hahah this one got me
Should I feel bad for laughing really hard just now??
Yes...but it's still hilarious!
CPJ bought all the apple pies at a Burger King to get revenge on the whiny kid in line behind him.
Paul Johnson tries to deny Sam Rogers' pussy touchdowns.
Also, Paul Johnson has never scored a pussy touchdown.
His response:
Paul Johnson thinks Game of Thrones is just ok
Paul Johnson thinks Wu Tang is NOT for the children
This one had me laughing.
John Lennon does not approve lol
I'd like to believe these two sit around and freestyle and riff in heaven
Paul Johnson thinks Wu Tang Clan is something to f*** with.
WU TANG CLAN AIN'T NUTHIN....oooooooh, I see what you did there.
Paul Johnson walks around singing,
Shimmy-shimmy-ya
Shimmy-yam-shimmy-yay
Gimme your knees
So I can chop'em away!
Paul Johnson steals the scratchy TP from public restrooms
Paul Johnson is the reason for the franchise fee on your cable and utility bills.
Paul Johnson farts in crowded elevators... for fun. EDIT: Oops, didn't read the first comment.
Paul Johnson introduced Kanye to Kim
Paul Johnson thought Jack and Jill was a funny movie
Paul Johnson buys a bag of Trail Mix and only eats the M&Ms
Hahaha...yeah I definitely do not do that at all. nope. not me.
KEEP GOING GUYS WE'RE WINNING
Paul Johnson eats pizza with a fork.
Paul Johnson uses timeouts worse than Time Cop
Paul Johnson thinks mustard based BBQ sauce is superior to all.
Paul Johnson likes Nickelback
you win....there is no greater insult...
And he rather enjoys the U2 album that was automatically loaded onto his iPhone
And he thinks $100M is a more than reasonable price to pay a band for distributing an album for free for a month.
Paul Johnson also enjoys
Well, yeah. That's him on the right!
Paul Johnson rooted for Ivan Drago in Rocky IV
Paul Johnson still goes to Blockbuster
CPJ has "chin balls"
And thinks they should never stop making Men In Black movies
A "ballchinian" I believe...
Paul Johnson thinks Da U is back.
Paul Johnson thinks Ed Hardy is a fashionable wardrobe choice.
Paul Johnson is mad that Coke is bringing back Surge.
Paul Johnson double dips.
Paul Johnson takes money out of tip jars.
Paul Johnson gives back an adopted puppy after 6 months because "it's not as cute anymore".
Paul Johnson has 15 items in the 7 or less checkout lane.
Paul Johnson double parks... in handicap spots.
Paul Johnson complains he doesn't get enough fries at Five Guys.
Paul Johnson calls us Virginia Tech University.
Paul Johnson likes Dolores Umbrigde.
Paul Johnson spoiled the end to the Sixth Sense a day after it came out.
Paul Johnson set up the formatting to The Sabre.
Paul Johnson endorses the return of prohibition.
Never go full Paul Johnson.
BREAKING: Paul Johnson will only dress half of his team for the game Saturday..
The rest will have to dress themselves!
CPJ liked the series ends to Dexter and HIMYM and he loved "After Earth", "I whip my hair back and forth"
CPJ doesn't tip the pizza delivery guy
That's unacceptable! You should help those unfortunate UVA grads.
CPJ programs in COBOL
CPJ frequents 4chan for the "lulz"
This isn't English.
It is to CPJ
Not sure if sarcastica or serious, so...
COBOL is a programming language that many programmers despise.
4chan is essentially the nether regions of the internet.
"lulz" is sort of like "lol" but even further bastardized.
4chan. . . not even once
i thought 4chan was 2chanz dad?!?!
Paul Johnson loves RC Cola
He's a monster!
Hey now....an RC Cola and a Moonpie....that's a pretty awesome combination my friend....
Aww hell naw. Am I the only one around here whose mamaw served up a moon pie with a cold bottle of Yoohoo?
While Yoohoo is definitely a delicious treat...there is nothing that goes better with a moon pie than an RC Cola.
I may have to side with a Moonpie and a Cheerwine as being the best combo.
EDIT: (Moon Pie > Moon Cake, FWIW)
I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Dr. Enuf, personally.
My friend served RC Cola and moon pies at her wedding reception. Her Canadian in-laws kept asking where was the beer truck.
Diabeetus
You shut your dirty mouth talking about RC. If you mention moon pies there's gonna be a beatin'.
Mention Moon Pies? That's a paddlin'.
CPJ was the inspiration for the joke "if my dog looked like that, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!"
Paul Johnson actually does shave his ass and walk backwards...
CPJ is dumb, boring, and thinks Oxford commas look funny.
Paul Johnson refuses to be kind and rewind
...because when he called Netflix customer service for instructions on DVD rewinding, they laughed at him, and he's been bitter ever since.
Paul Johnson and Pee Wee Herman go to the movies together.
Paul Johnson thinks that Howard the Duck should have swept the Oscars in 1987.
He therefore thinks that Howard the Duck was far better than Platoon.
I thought the same thing, but I was 5 at the time.
Did you know that Tim Robbins was in that movie?
Me too, but for the love don't try to watch it as an adult if you haven't already. The ignorance of a child is bliss.
CPJ thinks the "You can do that!" kid is just an inspiration and a delight.
Paul Johnson leaves every Marvel movie when the credits start rolling
Paul Johnson knows how to use a semicolon.
CPJ cooks garlic and fish in the office microwave.
CPJ puts his clothes in coin operated laundry and comes back to get it the next day.
CPJ never checks to see if the sock is on the door handle in your dorm room.
CPJ puts the ice trays back in the freezer empty.
...And yes, he uses ice trays, because he thinks the ice maker is a government ploy to spy on him.
CPJ rushed his own field when LOLUVA won
Paul Johnson tips worse than LeSean McCoy and Floyd Mayweather combined.
Paul Johnson drives below the speed limit in the left lane
And flips the bird to everyone passing him on the right.
That's a different level of hate right there.
Paul Johnson thinks the Mission is Accomplished
had to...
CPJ once said if a reporter could find instances where he took credit for wins and blamed players for losses he would kiss that man's ass.
Johnson: If you could ever find one time that I said we won the game because of brilliant strategy I will kiss your butt at city dock and give you two days to draw a crowd. Find it and bring it to me. Tell that guy that if he wants to talk to me I live at (address given but deleted for the transcript) I will be right there. Come ring my doorbell and I will be glad to talk to him.
No word yet on if anyone found a quote. Would be good if they did.
Paul Johnson says if UVA ran the triple option then UVA would have more fans at there spring game.
CPJ holds his spring game on Friday!
CPJ holds his spring game in the fall
CPJ holds his spring game in december!
...during UVA's bowl game...
Wait...CPJ doesn't have a Spring Game? Still more fans there than at UVA's.
CPJ wears Jorts
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as they are cut from regular jeans and are a quarter way up the thigh.
Buying Jorts from a store.. now there's a problem!
example of perfect jorts:
Paul Johnson will open a box of assorted chocolates, nibble each one to find the flavors he likes, and leave the crappy ones behind.
Paul Johnson steals coins from fountains.
Paul Johnson will sit in his car for ten minutes waiting for the quarter he put in the meter to run out.
Paul Johnson drives ten minutes out of his way to get to a gas station that's 1 cent cheaper per gallon.
Paul Johnson picks all of the chex and bagel bits out of bags of chex mix.
Hey CPJ,
Hey CPJ,
and you will have nightmares of Bud Foster
I must say I'm shocked it took this long to see that "For-eh-ver" gif on the web; one of my all-time favorite childhood movies! +1
Agreed!
CPJ always has a Werther's Orginial in his pocket.
Since you brought up his linguistic style:
CPJ uses the phrase "alluded to" when he should say "referred to"
CPJ uses the words alumni, media, agenda, and criteria as singular
CPJ thinks "escapability" is a clever word.
CPJ uses "like" at least once in every phrase
CPJ uses "further" when referring to distance
CPJ uses the word "literally" when he should say "actually"
CPJ pronounces the word lackadaisical as "lacks-a-daze-ical"
And worst of all...CPJ drinks cheap beer.
On second thought, I just described 90% of Americans
...and he "formerly" offers scholarships.
This is "prolly" the case
CPJ stocks his fallout shelter in case of nuke-u-lar war.
He also says "untracked"
agendum is a word?
CPJ wears Frank Beamer pajamas
ummm, doesn't everyone?
I put mine on right after I check under my bed for Sam Rogers.
You don't have to anymore. Sam Rogers stands watch over me to protect me against Corey Moore.
What a relief!
CPJ never flushes in the McDonalds bathroom and uses all the hand sanitizer in the porta-john.
CPJ has every season of "Friends" on DVD.
CPJ thinks knee injuries to college athletes are just groovy.
CPJ shakes your hand without wiping the clammy palm sweat off.
CPJ uses his hands to get food at buffets
CPJ points over the glass at Chipotle
Obscure but oh so good!
Paul Johnson watches Oprah reruns on gamedays
This is too perfect.
I wish I could leg this a million times
Paul Johnson doesn't hold the door for the elderly.
...and takes the tennis balls off their walkers to use to play catch with shih tzu (who he has dressed in a tutu).
NitWhitt, I'm too lazy to look, but is it you that starts these threads every week? They're a blast, I love these. So much so that I legged all 17 of your current comments in this thread
I didn't start the last one. But I'm happy to going forward. I have a lot of issues with people that I can generalize into the opposing coaches. They call it "therapy".
Right, now, with a little more motivation, I found out that it was ChoppinWood. On my way to find posts to upleg now...
I support this becoming a regular thing. As long as it's directed at the coaches, no players.
EDIT: Ugh, apparently ChoppinWood hasn't posted here or on his Urban Meyer thread and I can't upvote from the Recent Comments list so, ChoppinWood, I'll get at you later. Laziness took over again
Paul Johnson wears a speedo to the beach
and kicks sand on your towel when he walks by
Noooo, not speedos . . .
Or doesn't...
Paul Johnson tells his O-linemen to "sweep the leg"
Paul Johnson replaces your Game of Thrones DVD's with Sex & the City DVD's.
PJ practices his drums at 2 AM. Badly.
PJ does his Christmas shopping out of the Toys for Tots bins.
Paul Johnson thinks that "Tomahawk Chop" is just the name of his game plan against FSU.
CPJ thinks Coach Moorehead should have stuck to Dodgeball.
Paul Johnson lets his dog poop on the sidewalk.
Paul Johnson likes the smell of Ben-Gay.
Paul Johnson uses cologne instead of taking a shower.
Paul Johnson agrees with Urban Meyer in that Royal Tenenbaums is a great movie and you just don't get the humor.
Love that movie.
I have this weird feeling of deja vu.
that movie sucks. I bet you are the kind of horse that doesn't like Big Lebowski.
Yup, that's me. And yes, I know, it's like, just my opinion, man
CPJ thought Friday by Rebecca Black should have gone platinum
CPJ spits when he blows out birthday candles
CPJ asks handicap and elderly people for their seats on the bus
CPJ double parks in the last 2 spots in the lot
CPJ said Danny Coale didn't make the catch.
CPJ killed Dumbledore
... and CPJ didn't even have a tragic backstory to make it OK in the end
CPJ thinks Slytherin won the House Cup.
CPJ asked the sorting hat to be in Hufflepuff
CPJ tags himself in all of Malfoy's Facebook pictures
....pisses on the toilet seat and the floor
He walks around all summer sayin "How bout this heat, huh"
He's an asshollllllleee!! (Dennis Leary fans out there know what I mean)
Paul Johnson reads the Trivial Pursuit cards while he's on the can.
Paul Johnson leaves his laundry in the machines at the laundromat.
Paul Johnson sits down when he pees
Beat me to it! Huzzah!
Paul Johnson always takes a penny, but never leaves one.
CPJ thinks Heather Dinich is brilliant.
CPJ drinks white wine at a sports bar
But, Preston...what is wrong with that?
Im a Hokie in ATL. The summer after GT beat us n won the ACC, I saw CPJ waiting in line at a restaurant I was leaving. I said hello coach Johnson and that I thought he was doing a great job (Hokie respect). He didn't say a word, his smug look didn't budge, no flinch or acknowledgement (It was crowded, I'm a foot or so away with a smile, wife n 3 kids in tow looking eye to eye with him). Total d-bag!
Paul Johnson just saved 15% on his car insurance in only 15 minutes right after posting photos to his wall.
CPJ puts items on layaway on black friday
Paul Johnson just opened a Myspace account.
Paul Johnson uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't replace the roll.
CPJs name on facebook is paul webechoppindemkneeswhendeyrunnindatrippleoptionskorindTDs johson
Um...well...he's still a smug a$$.
Bumping this back up...since we have to pull for Duke to beat GiT...
Remember we're doing a good (not great) job. Think that cost us last time.
CPJ wears a toe ring.
Paul Johnson loves weather delays.
CPJ thinks Stacy's Mom DOESN'T have it going on.
CPJ is losing to Duke 21-12
Go HOKIES
CPJ puts water on his breakfast cereal.
While driving, when CPJ sees a "merge now" sign he immediately merges regardless of traffic. Despite the merging lane being a mile long.
CPJ says "VAAAAAHHHHHH Tech."