TKP Fantasy Football - Week 4

Instead of head-to-head recaps this week, I figured Id do a first quarter of the season review by team to see where everyone stands. Here goes nothing. Please note that if I refer to a players overall or flex ranking, its within their leagues scoring settings, so someone could be #4 in one league and #8 in the other.
Here are some gifs to start us out with:


Jay Cutler handling balls dot com

Sorry, Steelers. Just kidding. Fuck the Steelers.

Aaron the Magician Rodgers does a lot to throw a TD that got called back. This is why I stopped trying.

2 weeks in a row with Stevie Johnson. What is this, 2010?

Teddy Football!

Pat McAfee thanks the little people after hitting on a successful onside kick

Steve Smith Sr. treats this ref like a Jr.

Lansanah says no first down for you, LeVeon Bell

Jeremy Maclin can catch!

Turn Down For Watt

Aaron Rodgers thought the referee was Olivia Munn for a second there

Fox jinxed the Steelers

Frat Stafford with the fist pump slide

Frank Beamer Conference

Centaurrian Gray (historyhokie) 1st (t) in record, 1st in PF, 1st in power rankings
Why not start things off with the best team evaaaaaaaa? My squad contains three of the top six fantasy scorers in this leagues settings this year (Matt Ryan, DeMarco Murray and Jay Cutler) and have seen extremely consistent play, scoring between 83 and 108 points in all four weeks. I just need to retroactively change the rules to allow me to start both Matty Ice and Jay the Gunslinger and Ill really crush all of you suckers.

Treadmill Horses (macraw83) 1st (t) in record, 3rd in PF, 2nd in power rankings
Its easy to win when you have a bunch of the top players. Macraw83 has a very solid team, but none of the top 10 scorers in the league, and only one of the top 10 flex players (Julio Jones 6th best flex player so far). Part of this is because Giovani Bernard and Russell Wilson had week 4 byes they could have both competed to get in the top 10 with that extra game. This team looks good already, and will look even better when Mark Ingram and Ryan Mathews return from injury (although theyll both probably get hurt on the first snap when they come back). Might even look better when they dump the backup QB for the Bills! One thing that could hold the Treadmill Horses back is their balanced attack while they've been extremely consistent with their scoring (between 83-98 points in every week), they're one of five teams that have not scored 100 points yet. The only other thing that could hold the Treadmill Horses back is unplugging the treadmill, but only a terrorist would do that.

Team Morton (etch21) 1st (t) in record, 6th in PF, 3rd in power rankings
If you told me Philip Rivers is the #2 fantasy player right now, I would politely tell you to stop spewing lies out of your mouth. You would then slap me across the face with a large fish or something and tell me that you are not spewing lies, and then I would apologize and we would have a fish fry or something. But anyways, Team Morton has the #2 player in fantasy in Rivers, plus the #s 7 and 8 flex options in LeVeon Bell and Randall Cobb. Hes a little further back in the power rankings due to his inconsistency in scoring (60, 100, 71 and 120 points) but has the chance of scoring the most points in the league any given week. I guess every team has the chance to do that each week, but thats just a technicality. Also, lets get Team Morton a real team name leave your best ideas in the comments. My suggestions: My Favorite Morton, LeVeon Taco Bell and Philip Rivers Is Shitting On The NFL And Nobodys Noticing (or is that one too long?).

Team daniballsdeep (danibails) 1st (t) in record, 5th in PF, 4th in power rankings
Last year, we got to make fun of danibails because she scored the 2nd most points in the league pretty much all of the time and would happen to play the team that scored the most points every week. This year I cant really make fun of her because shes the only team that beat me. Aaron Rodgers didnt look like the #5 fantasy player for the first few weeks, but hes apparently there now, along with the #10 fantasy flex option, Martellus Bennett (words I never expected to type). The fact that Dani is succeeding with a roster full of shitty/injured RBs (Arian Foster, Trent Richardson, Khiry Robinson, Pierre Thomas and DeAngelo Williams) is pretty impressive, but her team is no joke. They did take down the greatest team in the universe. She scored a lousy 65 points in week 1 but is averaging 96 points per week since then, so her team is in pretty good shape.

Vick In A Box (phillyhokie007) 5th (t) in record, 2nd in PF, 5th in power rankings
Vick In A Box may not be able to throw the ball (Brady and RGIII) or run the ball (Ivory, Sproles, Pierce, Forsett and Williams), but they sure as hell can catch the ball (Brown, Cruz, Graham, Green, Decker, Matthews and Donnell). Only Brown (#2) is a top 10 flex player so far this year, but you know that Cruz, Graham and Green are going to end up there (or close to it, at least). They are 5th in power rankings because of their 2-2 record; a 3-1 spot would have them in second. Maybe phillyhokie007 will get tired of Brady soon and will want to deal one of his WR/TE studs for a QB. I heard Jay Cutler is available

Johnny Manzeitgeist (scobeard) 5th (t) in record, 7th in PF, 6th in power rankings
Scobeard was pissed that he didnt get Peyton Manning in the draft, but Drew Brees has worked out just fine, coming in at #9 amongst all players through four weeks. Marshawn Lynch (#5 flex) and Ahmad Bradshaw (#9 flex) have provided excellent value. Scobeards biggest enemy is Scobeard; he won this week 73-53 despite starting Lynch and the Seahawks D; normally that would be a good thing, but they were on bye this week. In weeks where Scobeard starts players who are actually playing in all 9 spots, hes averaging a cool 88 points per game, which would put him into the top half of the league.

Turn Down For Watt (charlesk) 5th (t) in record, 9th in PF, 8th in power rankings
Dont sleep on the Watt. CharlesK was one of the best teams in last years league, and while hes struggled over the last two weeks (72 and 64 points in weeks 3 and 4, respectively), hes a dormant volcano that could blow up at any given moment. Colin Kaepernick (#10 overall player) has been a pleasant surprise, as has Jordy Nelson (not really a surprise that hes good, but a surprise that hes the #3 flex player). Once Matt Forte and Dez Bryant rev back up, this team will be Turnt Up.

BeerMe Egbert (egbert) 5th (t) in record, 11th in PF, 9th in power rankings
Dont be fooled by the poor power ranking/points for; Egbert had a solid first three weeks, where he averaged 86.7 points. Then the bottom fell out in week 4, where he only put up 52. The rest of the season looks bright, though, with Peyton Manning and Zac Stacy past their bye weeks and Wes Welker healthy/past his bye week/not popping mollies (I originally typed pooping mollies WHAT IF WES WELKER IS SOME SORT OF GENETIC FREAK AND ALL OF THE MOLLIES IN THE UNIVERSE ARE FROM HIS POOP AND THATS WHY HE TESTED POSITIVE FOR MOLLY). Getting Jordan Cameron and Knowshon Moreno back from injury relatively soon will help, but Egbert also needs Stacy to step up his game, as 26 points through three weeks is pretty mediocre for a lead back.
Team Griffindor (realdiehl) 9th in record, 4th in PF, 7th in power rankings
On paper, this team is stacked, with Andrew Luck (#1 overall in fantasy), LeSean McCoy (#1 overall pick in many leagues), Alfred Morris, Emmanuel Sanders, Larry Fitzgerald, etc. This team has the 4th most points in the league and only one win, which is bizarre given the fact that theyve played the #s 6, 12, 8 and 4 teams in the league. Theres apparently just something about playing RealDiehl that brings out the best in your team. Over the next four weeks, he gets the #s 1, 2 and 3 as well as #10, so this could be a make or break stretch in the year. Even though he has Luck on his side, hell need a little bit of luck on his side to gain momentum back.
Demaryius Targaryen (The Fighting Gobbler) 10th (t) in record, 8th in PF, 10th in power rankings
After scoring 120 points in week 1, weve seen Demaryius Targaryen put up an average of 69.7 points per week. Week 4 was a solid rebound, with 87 points, but it just wasnt enough to grab a second win. The talent is there, with a top 10 QB (Stafford, #6 QB and #8 overall), RB (Jennings, #5 RB) and WR (Megatron, #9 WR), but losing your 1st round pick (Peterson) and having a mediocre first few weeks from your 3rd round pick (Demaryius) is tough, and especially tough when you consider those two were deemed to be about as safe, no-brainer picks as you could make. This team cant afford many more poor outings from Stafford, who has mixed in two great games (29 and 25 points) with one mediocre (13) and one bad (3).

The Belealver (badmaroonrising) 10th (t) in record, 10th in PF, 11th in power rankings
Like Johnny Manzeitgeist, The BeLealver had a pretty solid first three weeks (86.7 points per week) before having explosive baby diarrhea all over themselves in week 4 (53 points), as Beau started Julius Thomas and Denvers defense on a week where Denver did not play football (and while Denver allowed 0 points this week, it doesnt count as a shutout in fantasy). Beau isnt in bad shape moving forward since it appears that Jamaal Chaarles is heaalthy now, but the other starting RB spot on the team will have to come from the woodwork, as only Alfred Blue, Shane Vereen and Tre Mason are there right now.

Team Cody w/ a C (biz_belle) 12th in record, 12th in PF, 12th in power rankings
Make it happen, Izzy:

Last year, her team ANUSTART was one of the better teams in the league at 8-6, narrowly missing the playoffs due to the points scored tiebreaker. This year, her team is not very good, with three sub-60 point performances due to two disappointing running backs (Montee Ball and Andre Ellington, both with only 22 points), two disappointing receivers (Roddy White, 30 points and Michael Crabtree, 34 points) and a disappointing QB (Cam Newton, 41 points). Fortunately for Team Cody w/ a C, Ball and Ellington are past their bye weeks and White, Crabtree and Newton cant be this bad all year (right?). Consider week 5 to be ANUSTART for this squad. ANUSTART ANUSTART ANUSTART.

Bud Foster Conference

Denied Pussy Touchdown (prripper) 1st (t) in record, 1st in PF, 1st in power rankings
Prripper likes to be #1. Tied for 1st in record. 1st in points. 1st in power rankings. Has the #1 overall player in the leagues settings (Luck). Has the #1 flex player in the leagues settings (Brown). Is #1 at making custom model football figures. Tied for #1 in TKP Meme team names. Through four weeks, Prripper is doing everything right, including putting up an insane 152.5 points last week. And this is all with Matt Forte, Isaiah Crowell, Lamar Miller, Chris Johnson and Mark Ingram at RB. This team is good.

Vick In A Box (Alex Koma) 1st (t) in record, 3rd in PF, 2nd in power rankings
Koma isnt a slouch either, going 4-0 as well, led by Peyton Manning and LeVeon Bell. Amazingly, Vick In A Box have scored between 103.5 and 112 points each week. Thats ridiculous consistency. When Peyton really starts tearing it up, this team is going to look even better. The one thing that could hold them back is RBs; LeVeon Bell is obviously a stud and Frank Gore is solid as long as he stays healthy, but the depth consists of Fred Jackson, Khiry Robinson and Terrance West, who could all be backup running backs within the next few weeks. But we know Alex knows what hes doing, so I aint worried about it.

Houston Swedish Chef (Andrew) 3rd in record, 6th in PF, 4th in power rankings
Andrew has the closest competition to Prrippers 1-2 punch of Luck/Brown with DeMarco Murray (#3 overall player) and Matt Ryan (#5 overall player). I really like this squads WR corps, with Dez, DeAndre Hopkins, Emmanuel Sanders, Keenan Allen, Kelvin Benjamin, James Jones and Mohamed Sanu. As with the other two top teams, Im wary of the RB depth (they have DeMarco Murray, Rashad Jennings and Joique Bell), but with all of those nice WRs, they can surely make a deal if needed. And if Andrew decides to move on from Kirk Cousins as his backup QB, he already has a nice one in-house Mohamed Sanu, who is 2/2 passing this year for 68 yards and a score (and 4/4 for 166 yards and 2 TD in his career).

Cajun Graham-balaya (MVNet2011) 4th (t) in record, 4th in PF, 3rd in power rankings
Im impressed by how good MVNet2011s squad is considering they might be underachieving so far. Hes one of two teams (the other being Denied Pussy Touchdown) to score 100 or more points every single week, and thats with banged up RBs (Foster and Ellington), a traditionally good-not-great fantasy QB (Wilson) and a surprisingly unproductive WR corps (Wayne, Edelman, Fitzgerald, Hawkins and Patterson). I guess it doesnt hurt to average 16 points out of your TE each week and add in a 32 point outing from your backup QB. The next two weeks are going to be tough, as Cajun Graham-balaya faces top-half teams in Fosters D and Denied Pussy Touchdown, but I like their bench depth about as much as anyone in all three leagues, so I trust them to be solid as bye weeks start piling up.

Dork Magic (mnemonic) 4th (t) in record, 2nd in PF, 5th in power rankings
The Bud Foster conference better watch out, because Dork Magic may be fully dipped soon. At 2-2 despite having the second most points scored, they look to get even better than theyve been already; Julio Jones (#9), Martellus Bennett (#15), Colin Kaepernick (#16) and Joe Flacco (#17) are all in the top 20 overall players in the league so far, and the likes of Giovani Bernard and Michael Floyd are on the verge of breaking out (in my opinion, at least). Dork Magics schedule lightens up a little bit, with 2 matchups vs. Vick In A Box left on the schedule but no more matchups against Denied Pussy Touchdown or Houston Swedish Chef (coincidentally the two teams that have defeated Dork Magic).

Foster's D gets after ya (vtdirk12) 4th (t) in record, 7th in PF, 6th in power rankings
Fosters D is acting like Bud Fosters D in real life a team effort that doesnt rely on a single player to succeed. Despite only having 4 top 50 players (Rodgers #7, Lynch #21, Donnell #32 and Wallace #44), they are hanging with the big dogs. There is a lot of talent on the bench due to injuries or suspensions (Vernon Davis, Knowshon Moreno, DeAngelo Williams, Mike Evans, Carson Palmer and Josh Gordon); getting a few of these guys back could help out the team since they are short on depth at the moment. Getting Reggie Bush and Andre Johnson back on track would be huge for vtdirk12.

3rd and 31 (jhnbrynt) 4th (t) in record, 4th in PF, 7th in power rankings
How is 3rd and 31 1st in points and 4th in power rankings? Your lowest score is a part of the rankings weights. If the ranking actually mattered (like if it were used for a tiebreaker) I might tweak it a bit, but since its all for show I wont bother with it. jhnbrynt has three of the top 12 players so far (Nelson #6, Steve Smith #10 and Stafford #12). Its crazy how good of a pickup Steve Smith has been for both the Ravens and 3rd and 31. This team will get better with Wes Welker back and LeSean McCoy (theoretically) improving. RB depth is currently scarce, with just McCoy, Ivory, Sankey and Helu, but Sankey looks like hes getting closer to taking over as the Titans starting RB as the season progresses so its not THAT big of a deal.

Ticket Oak (VTimHokie85) 4th (t) in record, 12th in PF, 10th in power rankings
If you look at VTimHokie85s squad and say man, they dont deserve to be 2-2, they are last in points, reconsider your position. This gritty squad has won two games in spite of having their top three picks (Adrian Peterson, Doug Martin and Ben Tate) combine to play four games and score 25.5 points in those games. Even if youve gotten disappointing performances from your first rounders like McCoy and Lacy, at least theyve been in football games. The team will need Tom Brady or Andy Dalton to step up at QB and Victor Cruz to get back to his 2011-12 self to stick with the other teams in the league, but this is fantasy football and stranger things have happened before.

Rocco's Italian Army (rocco) 9th (t) in record, 8th in PF, 8th in power rankings
It was a bad week for Rocco, as he lost a game as well as a win, as a stat correction from last week created a tie between him and HightyTighty. The two of them didnt just tie last week, theyre tied in the standings. More ties here than Fathers Day. Week four was tough because Montee Ball and Julius Thomas were both on bye weeks, and once they are combined with a healthy Megatron, Michael Crabtree and Philip Rivers, they have a solid core. The points may come in an inconsistent manner (high score of 138.5 in week 1, low score of 69.5 in week 4), but theres still a lot of talent here.

Highty Tighty Phoenix (hightytighty) 9th (t) in record, 9th in PF, 9th in power rankings
It was a good week for HightyTighty, as last weeks loss was turned into a tie thanks to the aforementioned stat correction and a win was finally put on the board as well. I have the same combination of Matt Asiata and Eddie Lacy as my two starting RBs in a few of my leagues, so Im hoping its a recipe for success (spoiler: probably not). Nick Foles is their sole top 25 overall player (and hes #25), but they have five others in the 26-50 range: Delanie Walker (#29), Sproles (#37), Asiata (#41) and Terrance Williams (#50). HightyTighty needs Lacy to play better to provide a true stud talent, but there is a solid distribution of points in the lineup and some 0.5 PPR upside with Terrance Williams, Justin Forsett, Golden Tate, Torrey Smith and Justin Forsett around.

Cartoons Plural (hokiehighlander) 11th (t) in record, 10th in PF, 11th in power rankings
I thought Cartoons Plural had one of the better drafts in the league, as they got Jamaal Charles, Drew Brees and Alshon Jeffery in the first three rounds. The three have put up solid but unspectacular numbers so far, and hokiehighlander has been plagued by mediocrity from the RB2 position (Vereen/Blount) as well as the WR2 and Flex positions (Roddy White, Brian Quick, Boldin, Malcom Floyd, etc.). There are a bunch of veterans on this team who didnt just all of a sudden forget how to football, so dont be surprised to see them bounce back, especially if Drew Brees and Jamaal Charles play like theyre supposed to.

Kuhn On The Cobb (petebuddywilson) 11th (t) in record, 11th in PF, 12th in power rankings
Our resident bag man had one really good week, week 2, where he put up 102 points. Unfortunately for him, he was laying Alex Koma, who scored 103.5. In the other three weeks, Kuhn on the Cobb has only scored 67.5, 61.5 and 73.5. Nowhere to go but up, though! Randall Cobb is a stud (#19), and Tony Romo (#27) and Alfred Morris (#42) are contributing as well, but guys like Cam Newton, Demaryius Thomas and Zac Stacy need to play better to get Kuhn some Ws.

Sam Rogers Conference

NOTE - the further down your team is in the standings, the drunker I am. Sorry that these are shorter than the other two confs - I'll write the Sam Rogers Conf ones first next week.

Doges Plural (such hokie very football) 1st in record, 3rd in PF, 1st in power rankings
Chances are, if you have Andrew Luck, you're in good shape this year. When you have Matt Forte, Dez Bryant, Julius Thomas, Michael Crabtree, etc. you're in better shape. Just wait until those guys heat up, too, because they haven't all started out hot. AND DON'T FORGET FANTASY LEGEND LARRY DONNELL. He didn't start himself in fantasy last week and lost because of it. He should have known that you ALWAYS start your TE's against the Redskins.

Bourbon BeamerBudBrewer (jctaughtme) 2nd (t) in record, 2nd in PF, 2nd in power rankings
Teams that drafted Adrian Peterson in our three leagues are a combined 8-4. JCTaughtMe's RB's are a little scary right now, with Jeremy Hill in the RB2 role and new Carolina starting RB Darrin Reaves on the bench, but when you have Antonio Brown, Randall Cobb and Philip Rivers, you're looking pretty solid this year. This team is pretty damn fast, and *****SPOILER ALERT****** are out to an early lead in week 5 as I type this thanks to a Randall Cobb score.

Whigs and Torreys (taylork) 2nd (t) in record, 9th in PF, 5th in power rankings
TaylorK has played the #'s 1, 2, 11 and 12 teams in the league this year. That's weird. I can't believe this team is 9th in points. Shady McCoy, Montee Ball, Alshon Jeffery and Matt Ryan is a solid core. They've got depth. They just need production out of the WR2/flex spots, where Torrey Smith and Terrance Williams are holding down the fort this week. Toby Gerhart's suckitude certainly hasn't helped flex-wise (I have him in a billion leagues despite not wanting him in any this year, so I feel your pain).

Carolina Sex Panthers (vtmaroonorange) 4th (t) in record, 1st in PF, 3rd in power rankings
Aaron Rodgers is looking like Aaron Rodgers again, and VTMaroonOrange has seemingly grabbed all of the waiver wire types worth keeping in the first few weeks, with Asiata, Delanie Walker and Steve Smith on the team (I'm too lazy to check and see if you drafted any of those 3, and if you did, we know you got the 2014 NFL season results in advance and were just humoring us by losing two games). Getting 1 healthy RB out of the combination of Foster/Tate will be important, but depth isn't a huge issue with Frank Gore having a nice little season in SF as well.

Demarcotion Criteria (ftkeith) 4th (t) in record, 4th in PF, 4th in power rankings
Off the top of my head, ftkeith has the least amount of "bad players" on his team. I don't mean that in terms of ungood players, I mean it in terms of players who haven't done well to start the year. While Demarco Murray (20 points per week) and Russell Wilson (18.3 poitns per week) are the only two studs, Doug Martin is the only guy on the team that has scored less than 22 points. Often in fantasy football, having a high floor can be more valuable than having a high ceiling points-wise.

Sarah Stone DD Here 4 the TD's (Choppin wood by the JUGS) 4th (t) in record, 5th in PF, 6th in power rankings
I like Sarah Stone's combination of consistency and upside, with guys like Kaepernick and Le'Veon Bell putting up good numbers weekly and the receivers Floyd, Benjamin and Thomas all possessing the ability to blow things up any given night. The Andre Ellington trade hurts now, with Pitta getting injured, Moreno getting hurt as well and Helu having to fill in at RB2, but with a wealth of WR depth, she can probably find a trade partner to help her out there if needed.

Megatrons Johnson (mooreheads axe) 4th (t) in record, 6th in PF, 7th in power rankings
Eddie Royal has outscored Calvin Johnson in fantasy this season. Boom, roasted. There is a lot of depth on this team. Big Ben as the only QB made me wary originally, but it's worked out great so far. Rashad Jennings and Ahmad Bradshaw have been nice pickups, and Mark Ingram and Jerick McKinnon should provide second half value. Gronk will put up numbers if he stays healthy. I like this team. Lots of good pickups, seems moorehads axe has been #choppinwood

Team Powers' Mojo (8300A_Hokie'12) 4th (t) in record, 7th in PF, 8th in power rankings
I could make a joke about how good this team would have been in 2012 with the good Manning, Alf, CJ2K, Jordy, Cruz, Witten, Boldin, DeSean, DeAngelo, the bad Manning, etc. That squad is pretty damn good in 2014 too, with room for improvement. You can have a lineup with Peyton Manning and a bowl of watch batteries filling up your other 8 spots and you can probably win a few games, and this team has a bunch of football players to fill the other 8 spots instead of watch batteries.

Fuller Up (will_castel) 4th (t) in record, 11th in PF, 9th in power rankings
My favorite team in the league because they have the Ky Fuller high fiving the ref gif as their pic. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD USE GIFS AS YOUR PICTURE IN ESPN FANTASY. WILL, YOU ARE THE BEST. The #ALLOFTHETES strategy looks solid so far, with Jimmy Graham and Martellus Bennett combining for 100 points so far, and the likes of Jay Cutler, AJ Green, Wes Welker and CJ Spiller should look good moving forward. RB Depth is an issue (this is a theme, but with 12 team leagues and lots of RBs by committee, shit happens) with just Spiller, Forsett and Peterson, but the rest of the team looks solid. You can win without a great RB2 in fantasy.

champagne supernovaks (eshiben5) 10th (t) in record, 8th in PF, 10th in power rankings
This team hasn't looked good through 4 weeks, but they'll be fine. Stafford, Charles, Julio, Gio, etc. 1-3 because Charles missed time, Gio had a bye and Stafford had that one turrible game. For some reason, I think Marques Colston is going to be amazing for the rest of the year, but I'm also many beers deep. Regardless, ALL IS WELL, FANS OF PISSING KICKERS. ALL IS WELL.

Team FranklyIncensed (coach mcguirk) 10th (t) in record, 10th in PF, 11th in power rankings
All of the teams that need RB's, here's where to look - Coach McGuirk has 8. They may not be good RB's per se, but they are RB's! Coach McGuirk has Brees and Lynch as bright spots to start the year and Bush, Garcon, Harvin and Richardson as relative disappointments. There's a lot of boom/bust potential in those guys, so there will be more wins for the man the myth the legend who hadn't played fantasy football in a long time.

Team Copeland (dieter dangler) 12th in record, 12th in PF, 12th in power rankings
Nothing has gone right for Team Copeland this year. I liked the Lacy/Stacy/VJax/Fitzgerald top 4 picks, but they've all been disappointments this year. There wasn't a single pick in the draft where I said "wtf", yet here dieter dangler sits in last place in all three categories. If Lacy and Stacy get on track (I just like putting them together because they rhyme), they'll win some games, especially with Jordan Cameron seemingly healthy and Larry Fitzgerald past his bye. Having Christian Ponder throw to Cordarrelle Patterson doesn't help, either.