OT: Bill Simmons takes a shot at LOLUVA

This is just the best:

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Nobody likes losing - well except for you, Virginia

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

That idea about contract limits is intriguing, but if election years are this bad, we wouldn't have the Coaching Carousel every four years, it'd be the Coaching Cataclysm.

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

OK, that was a riot.

Thanks for the laugh. We're laughing at you, not with you, UVa.

I think the sliding scale should work both ways. If a coach continuously performs below targets then the buyout scale should go in the reverse and allow schools to pay less to get rid of bad coaches. But that would never happen unless every contract for every coach at every school worked the same way.

Agreed, I don't understand why schools can't negotiate performance standards into the buyout. You win as many games as Turner Gill did at Kansas, NO BUYOUT FOR YOU.

Oh, and LOLUVA sucks, EVERYONE'S LAUGHING AT YOU, HOOS.

Yeah I don't get this either. If you're objectively bad at producing results in your job, you deserve to get fired.

It's part of the negotiation process; coaches would rather sacrifice some money on the front end to maintain a higher level of job security.

Love the idea, but there is just too much money flowing toward wanting (needing) a winning program. All about leverage, and right now the coaches have it.

Said differently, if I won the lottery tomorrow (or owned Under Armor), I'd pump serious cash back into VT football. I think a fair number of us would with the necessary resources.

@hokie_rd

Yep, it's the free market system at work.

BRADY HOKE COULD HAVE DONATED A LIBRARY IN HONOR OF HIS INABILITY TO READ A DEFENSE

Tee hee hee ah ha haha

Thanks for sharing 7LoPs

Funny stuff. Bill Simmons was one of the few reasons I went to ESPN'S site. Always laugh reading his articles.

then you will enjoy https://theringer.com

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies

Now he's one of the many reasons to get HBO

Serious question: Is Virginia the worst program in BCS football?

hate to say this, but they do have two wins... a number of teams can't even say that

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies

As much as I'd like to say yes, they have beaten two other FBS teams this year. Maybe the worst in P5 as a program, taking into account their whole body of work, but there are some really crappy teams at the bottom of every P5 conference.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Kansas is far, far worse.

...and paying 2 coaches not to coach there...

We put the K in Kwality

They might not even be the worst in the acc after last week

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

I don't know what's wrong with all these other jabronis, but the answer you're looking for is YES

Transitive property says Notre Dame is.

Come on, Irish, you lost to a team that lost to UVA!

And, as always

"They got us field position and then the offense stuck it in." - Frank Beamer

Always!

We put the K in Kwality

Nothing quite as funny as the naked, painful truth. Right boohoos?

VTCC '86 Delta Co., Peru Hokie, Former Naval Aviator, Former FBISA, Forever married to my VT87 girl. Go VT!

Well this is easily my favorite thing Bill Simmons has ever said or done. If he is Bill Simmons in UVA's direction again sometime in the future, that will tie this.

21st century QBs Undefeated vs UVA:
MV7, MV5, LT3, Grant Wells, Braxton Burmeister, Ryan Willis, Josh Jackson, Jerod Evans, Michael Brewer, Tyrod Taylor, Sean Glennon, and Grant Noel. That's right, UVA. You couldn't beat Grant Noel.

It's good to get a fresh look at the program by a national pundit, but I'm still partial to Colin Cowherds two part (!) rant.

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

Loved Grantland, too bad Simmons and ESECPN could not work out there differences. Too bad he ended up on HBO and not a no-pay channel...

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
β€œI served in the United States Navy"

For what it's worth, Grantland was kinda sorta resurrected in theringer.com. They lost a lot of their best writers, but a good number stuck around. I don't think it's nearly as good as Grantland at the moment, but it's a start.

No wonder coaches don't mind being fired, here's section explaining Virginia's buyout last year:

# U.Va.'s agreements with London and his staff stipulate that any obligation is decreased by subsequent employment of any kind. So the amounts cited below are maximums.

# With just one winning record in six years, London has next season remaining on his contract. If dismissed, he would be due a year's base salary ($399,300) and year's supplemental pay ($2,169,679), a total of $2,568,979. Despite the Cavaliers' struggles, London received a $750,000 retention bonus in January.

# Defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta is contracted through Dec. 31, 2017 at $500,000 annually and would be entitled to $1 million if excused at the end of this year.

# London's other eight assistants have letters of appointment that expire at various times from Jan. 29 (linebackers coach Mike Archer) to June 30 (defensive line coach Jappy Oliver, offensive line coach Dave Borbely, and running backs coach Chris Beatty). Based on a separation date of Dec. 31, Virginia would owe them a combined $579,083.

# So Virginia's maximum obligation to London and his staff would be $4,148,062.

so what are the odds I could become UVa's next football coach?

history shows that I don't actually need to know anything about football and I could walk away a multi-millionaire..I'm gonna go for it

Onward and upward

Depends, are you currently a cop? Bonus points if you wear khakis and a sweatshirt

And how do you feel about timeouts?


He has the same philosophy on timeouts...

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies

My God the cringe

Why Lucas Why?!?!?!

"That kid you're talking to right there, I think he played his nuts off! And you can quote me on that shit!" -Bud Foster

Someone hold me and remind me that the new trilogy is going to be better than the prequels.

Thanks, Han. Wait -

Now I'm sad again.

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

that reminds me:
SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!!!

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Wait, is 10 months after the movie came out still spoiler territory? Guess I should've added this to my comment:

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

Did we have to buy out our coaches from our last regime? I.e. Loeffler, Stinespring, etc?

Per Teel,

In discussing Foster's deal, athletic director Whit Babcock said he did not know the exact salaries for Beamer's other assistants, all of whom work under a letter of appointment rather than formal contract.

And, per Bitter,

Although it didn't make the news cycle in August, the Hokies quietly extended offensive coordinator Scot Loeffler's original letter of appointment by a year -- from June 30, 2015 to June 30, 2016 . . . The Hokies' assistant coach salaries in 2015 are as follows, with the length of each appointment letter listed (only Foster is on a contract, which is five years long):

So, I think everyone was due to be renewed this season.