Hatin' on Bret Bielema thread. And anyting else pig like. It's time

Bret misses Wisconsin winters.

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Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Bret incorrectly spells his name with one t. Just because.

VB born, class of '14

I wish I could make this go plaid. NO ONE understands how irritating that is!!

"The Big Ten is always using excuses to cancel games with us. First Wisconsin. Then Wisconsin. After that, Wisconsin. The subsequent cancellation with Wisconsin comes to mind too. Now Penn State. What's next? Wisconsin?" -HorseOnATreadmill

go plaid

Deserves all the legs for the day.

30 years after starting grad school at Virginia Tech, I finally defended my dissertation and earned my PhD.
Don't give up on your dreams.

Bert.

Merry Christmas!

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

Bret forgot to put the Hokies in his top 25.

Huh I haven't heard about that. You should make a thread for it...

Using /s is for cowards.

I...welll...I just can't hate on hogs, I purely love their addition to my pleasure on earth. Had a little pig once, it was a damn fine pet while he lasted. If I couldn't have another dog, I'd go for another pig. I mean, if the little devil makes too much of a nuisance of itself, you can fire up the roaster and make it enjoyable. Try that with a dog, or a kid for that matter. Now, hatin' on Bret, I can do, but hogs? Nope.

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

Travelng salesman to Farmer. Why does that pig only have 3 legs?
The farmer answers that the pig saved his entire family from a house fire one night.
Salesman asks again, what about having only 3 legs?
Farmer says that if you own a good pig like that, you can't eat him all at once.

Cliff notes version.

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Heard that one but the pig turned out to be an unusually talented car mechanic.

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

Brett Bielema out kicked his coverge, big time.

I'm sure it's his looks and personality that does it for her and not the millions.

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

Mod edit in 3... 2... 1...

Using /s is for cowards.

Bret Bielema wears poorly tailored white suits. Dude looks like a clown.

Is it bad that I'm staring more at that poor fitting suit than his wife? Dude has a jillion dollars. Go to a damn tailor and get measured. Shit.

Is it bad...

Sorry to be so blunt, but YES.

Well, given Bret's... width, compared to that of his wife, Bret (and his shit suit) take up a significantly larger percentage of the picture. So it makes sense that you would notice the suit first.

Modern. Southern. Style.

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Bret Bielema looks like old Butthead. Nuff said.

Bret re-gifts instead of buying Christmas presents, and tells every one what you got them before they can open it.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

I know the softball coach at Arkansas pretty well. Asked her about Bert at our wedding a couple weeks ago, she said he's a super nice guy. So...his wife is a smokeshow. WHAT AN IDIOT AMIRIGHT...I'm bad at this sometimes.

Amateur superstar and idiot extraordinaire.

Booo this man! I used to date her?

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Bret models for cartoons on the side

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Bret tells little kids there is no santa.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bert tips his mailman for the holidays with the Dominoes coupons he got in the mail Thursday.

Fuck Pat Narduzzi

Bret gives his waitress a 3% tip on Christmas eve.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret Bielema is that guy who takes his shirt off at parties:

if one suffers from bielema, it must be the opposite of suffering from bulimia.

Bret Bielema is an anagram for Rabbit Melee. He's way less intimidating though

How does this not have six thousand legs????!?

What behind the rabbit?

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
“I served in the United States Navy"

It is the rabbit!!!

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Bret Bielema hit a car in the parking lot and left a note with a fake plate, phone number, and car description on it.

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

Bret farts and blames his wife. seriously, THAT wife. He must have a killer life insurance policy.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Brett gets mad at people who wish him a Marry Christmas and corrects them to Happy Holidays.

Outspoken team cake advocate. Hates terrapins. Resident Macho Man Gif Poster. Distant cousin to Dork Magic. Frequently misspells words.

Bret buys everyone socks.

The Orange and Maroon you see, that's fighting on to victory.

And goes out of his way to avoid buying them at Belk.

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-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

When Bret signed on at Arkansas, he thought a motorcycle and mistress came with the job.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I look at him and his HA wife. It reminds me of the bedroom scene in Knocked Up. Gross.

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Bret's wife has the same hypnotist as shallow Hal.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret has a membership to BJ's, Costco, and Sams Club but only shops at 1 of the 3.

FIRST DOWN, HOKIES!

What a dick

Bret owns two treadmills

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

But both are for horses

Psh. He wishes.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret Bielema doesn't eat bacon. Not for dietary or religious reasons, he just doesn't like it.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Jet Sweep

I didn't know such humans existed. Sad, indeed if they really do.

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

Finally. A thread made for an SECw fan. Heeeeeere goes...

Bert thinks having the biggest OL = best OL.

Bert days and does dumb stuff on a regular basis just to get Arkansas back in the media attention.

Bert shows his dad belly off as "ideal proportions" this OL.

Bert thinks winning 7 games at Arkansas is better than winning 10 games at Wisconsin.

Bert thinks the SEC is vastly overrated and a little #GrownManFootball will blow the conference away.

I HATE BERT BULIMIA.

Am I the only one thinking, "Who is this Bert guy"?

What's
Important
Now

Over on EDSBS, he's almost exclusively called Bert... to the point that some people have forgotten his name actually is Bret.

Best duos in Hokie history: Hall & Adibi, 3rd & Tyrod, Georgia & Liz

Bret is confused as to why Gillette won't return his calls. After all, they'd make a great sponsor for Arkansas football.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret says his players feel slighted and deserve to play against a marquee opponent in an exotic location.

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-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

I don't know where else to put this at the moment without starting a new thread. This guy is ok for an Arkie. Pretty funny; but he's bitching about the Hokie bird and posts their pig with the article. Really? NC sauce or St Louis style?

https://www.seccountry.com/arkansas/10-things-hate-virginia-tech-u-bowl-...

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Always in the shadow of the University of Virginia, even now that Virginia Tech is the more notable football school, there seems to exist this "little man" phenomenon in Blacksburg.

Wat gif

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

This whole damn list has me ready to fight.

Virginia Tech admits 72.6 percent of its applicants each year, according to Google. So, pretty much only one out of every four students who tries *doesn't* get into Virginia Tech. Across the Natural State, up in Jonesboro, they're letting in 72.4 percent of its applicants. In Fayetteville, 62 percent of those who apply gain admission.

Looks to me like Arkansas is the tougher academic school.

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

Arkansas is the only legit top 150 school academically, in the state (as evidenced by every governor has graduated from there). Virginia not only has VT and LOLUVA, but W&M, JMU and VCU. Ark st isn't close to either of those last 3.

30 years after starting grad school at Virginia Tech, I finally defended my dissertation and earned my PhD.
Don't give up on your dreams.

George Mason is very underrated as well, their law school is quickly ascending up the rankings.

I'm not one for claiming the accomplishments of other schools as my own (**cough cough SEC teams**) but seriously VA has a lot of great options for college. The only other states I would say can compare are California and Texas. Arguably Florida as well but I think ultimately VA schools are more prestigious than their FL counterparts.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Jet Sweep

No, no, no. Florida schools do not compare. Bret Bielema sends his kids there.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

I messaged the author and asked if the article was open to corrections he said yes, already fixed the NFL players list. Anyone have others?

Edit: Nevermind the author tried to tell me a player who hasn't taken meaningful snaps or that is on IR isn't an active NFL player.

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

His #s count down from 10 but also end with 10.

10...9... ... ... 3 ... 2 ... 10

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-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

With regards to #4

National college rankings:
Arkansas - #135
VT- #74

Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

With regards to #10/#1:
All of America used to belong entirely to Native Americans, hence the 'native' part

I appreciate good-natured ribbing though. This article, inaccuracies included, sure as hell beats "It's basketball season now" as football smack talk. Kind of wish I was going to the game so I could see what Ark fans are all about.

Looks to me like Arkansas is the tougher academic school.

Awww, that's cute they think that. Bless their heart!

Sounds like a reach to me

21st century QBs Undefeated vs UVA:
MV7, MV5, LT3, Grant Wells, Braxton Burmeister, Ryan Willis, Josh Jackson, Jerod Evans, Michael Brewer, Tyrod Taylor, Sean Glennon, and Grant Noel. That's right, UVA. You couldn't beat Grant Noel.

Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

Bert's man breasts come from not being able to push himself away from the dinner table..breakfast nook...lunch wagon.

foresthokie
US Navy Vet

Bret's favorite movie is Deliverance

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Thats because his father played the depicted role.

Plan for the worst and hope for the best, not the other way around.

Bret is a mouth breather.

The Dude Abides

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret refuses to eat Memphis dry rub bbq, because he thinks good bbq is up north.

Side, ate at the Rendezvous in Memphis while working in Arkansas. Best bbq I have ever had.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Bret Bielema thinks Bobby Petrino got railroaded out of Arkansas

Bobby was definitely laying some track

The Dude Abides

Bret Bielema is the most interesting man in Arkansas

Onward and upward

Bret thought he was auditioning for the mascot, but they hired him as head coach instead.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret switched to eating turkey sausage and bacon when his bowl opponent was announced. He now prefers it to the pork version.

A looks analogy:Bret Bielema is an unranked G5 team where as his wife is a ranked P5 team.

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

I think she's incredibly qualified for her chosen career.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Wow the story where he met his wife leads down a very, very odd rabbit hole through some Big Ten blogs from 4-5 years ago....

Though, it did lead me to this article on foxsports

Bret Bielema was playing blackjack at the Wynn Las Vegas three years ago in the early evening when he spotted a smiling blonde, brown-eyed woman wearing a teal tank top, blue jeans and black flip-flops.

He was so intrigued he got up from the table without his chips to walk over and introduce himself. He was in town for an annual University of Wisconsin athletics fundraising event but didn't tell the woman, Jen, he was the Badgers' football coach.

He simply told her and the couple she was with that he was from Wisconsin and asked her to join him at the blackjack table. She was visiting Las Vegas for the first time and hadn't played the game before, but Bielema promised to teach her.

Over the next five hours, they talked and played. When Jen walked away from the table, she had won $600 and, most important, had exchanged telephone numbers with Bielema.

Although the two didn't see each other again for another five months, it was a life-changing moment for college football's most eligible bachelor.

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Met in Vegas.....walks away with $600 from the table.....not saying she was but damn does that sound like Mrs Bielema may have been "working" the casino floor that night.

As I said....

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

If she was working the casino, they both would have walked away to his room.

Give the man some credit for putting his cheese curds out there.

The Dude Abides

"$600 and all she did was blow on my dice... and that's not a euphemism"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

it was a life-changing moment for college football's most eligible bachelor.

Are we just going to skip over this gem of a line from the article? Even in Wisconsin, are we to believe that he is College Football's Most eligible bachelor? Seriously? Nice try Fox Sports.

What next, going to try to shove Skip Bayless and Shannon Sharpe down our throats as compelling TV?

The Dude Abides

Bret's best pitch for being the coach of the razorbacks is that he shaves his back hair.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Bret Bielema claims to be on the football rules committee but doesn't know the fucking rules.

"Exit light..."

If he thinks that that call was "back the way it was supposed to be" he should find another "hobby".

Bret Bielema went to the esteemed Pat Narduzzi School of Berating Officials, currently ranked number 1 in getting shitty calls during the game and ranked dead last in acutally coaching your team to wins!

in fairness to Bret, he seemed fairly even-keeled when speaking to refs. I didn't get the sense that he was a whiny baby throwing a tantrum, yelling and screaming and throwing shit until the refs got tired of it and placated him by giving him what he wanted. That's what Nardz does. Bret at least had the courtesy to speak to them like an adult.

Onward and upward

Bret Bielema thinks football games only last two quarters.

"Nope, launch him into the sun and fart on him on the way up"
-gobble gobble chumps

"11-0, bro"
-Hunter Carpenter (probably)

Bret Bielema thinks possession of a fumble counts as touching the football, because "he is on the rules committee"

-Semper Primus

Bret looks like the blueberry girl from charlie and the chocolate factory.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I wonder if anyone looks at Bret with that beard and thinks "damn, Larry Fedora has really let himself go..."

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..