That's right folks!
As requested by the Three Wise Men (names withheld to protect the innocent): Angel vs. Devil is back!
The angel on my shoulder says:
Angel vs Devil is back, but DA U A'INT
Far from it.
Miami is so bad they make us look good. In fact, they're so bad, we could win this game by not even putting our defense on the field. So we don't. Instead we ask for volunteers from a jacked Lane Stadium crowd and have our team yell at them from the sidelines. They're so intimated, our single game walk-ons have a record day and Miami makes SC ala VT vs Pitt.
Seriously, it could happen.
But, given that our defense is hungry for vengeance and does not mind chowing down (in near cannibalistic fashion) on a fellow ornithoid, we forgo the fan participation, and instead our young and depleted defenders spend all day in the back field snacking on a steady diet of Rosier Rump Roast and Perry Pop Tarts. As if 10 sacks weren't enough, the secondary gets an impossible but true 5 interceptions. Miami's running backs are a no show. They didn't make the bus. Just kidding. They were laid out in the backfield. Farley makes SC again for 4 of the 5 INTs.
Tweet that ESPN.
Not be outdone by their compatriots on the defense, the offense comes out in rare form aided by better play calling. As per Tech Talk Live:
We have the statistical data, we have a book coming into every game that we actually outsource, we pay and it takes into consideration all sorts of external factors and so forth.
The coaching staff discovered the data they were looking at is actually in GMT and turn to the right page during this game. I know that doesn't make sense, and I don't want to hear about it.
Regardless, Willis goes 43/45 for 8 passing TDs, 1 rushing TD and 0 INTs. Kuzmah (he rather fancied the new name given to him by last weeks commentators), Hazleton and Turner have career days with 3, 3 and 2 touchdowns respectively. The running backs, however, would not be denied and broke free for a combined 3 TDS because Miami went into prevent to contain the passing attack.
Our normally silent special teams score on a blocked punt AND punt return.
With 5 Defensive TDs, 12 Offensive TDs, 2 Special Teams TDs and a now classic performance by the D, Miami goes down in Lane 132-0. :-)
What a day.
The devil on my shoulder says:
The defense takes the field and basically sets a new NEGATIVE record. Richt rotates his QB every series just to see who can score the most points. It's like a QB see-saw but more annoying... Their overall performance
is so dominating, it's like watching a doctored EA NCAA video game. Except, you ain't the doctor. Miami scores passing, running and walking. Seriously, we were that bad.
When it's the offenses turn to compete we come out looking okay. But... As per Tech Talk Live:
There's another part of that which is time in game. I'm not a really big believer of chasing the points early in the game.
We don't chase points but we do chase Miami... At a snails pace...
In true devil fashion, we turn to the wrong page of the magical book, and keep calling Eastern Standard Time running plays in to the teeth of Miami's defense. Apparently, in GMT, the guy that's supposed to miss, misses. But, in EST he never got the memo.
Miami never punts. I mean, they punt, but not against us.
Miami 63, VT 14.
What do your alter-egos say?
Comments
Huh?
Exactly.
sums up this post pretty well.
Leg for catching the mistake.
Pure Devil until this team proves otherwise, I do not see any reason for them to break out of this funk both from a player and coach motivational standpoint. 28-21 in an ugly win for da U
Angel: Our offense scores below 30. Again. Our defense, uncharacteristically (but apparently characteristically this season) gives up another 500+ yards to the Miami O as they cruise to a fairly comfortable 42-27 road win.
Devil: Miami scores 35 points in the first quarter. Before the team even knows what has happened Fuente retires and Whit appoints Cornelson as the new HC for the remainder of the season. We lose in even more spectacular fashion next week to finish the worst season in two decades with a loss to our rival and a miserable 4-7 record with no hope of getting the extra 15 practices we very desperately need.
Honestly, I'm expecting something somewhere in the middle. Probably something like 52-17 Miami but with no coaching changes
I snorted
Its been more than two decades.
Angel: Miami's offense is a bigger dumpster fire than our defense.
Devil: Our defense is a bigger dumpster fire than Miami's offense.
Yup, that is the story for this week. I am hoping the angel is right.
Angle:
All season, I've been saying that we'll beat Miami; they're on the second of back to back road games, they're a team of Florida kids that hate cold, fall mountain weather, and they're playing us one week after getting beat up by the GT triple option.
Devil:
But I've never had so little confidence in a VT football team in the decade since my freshman year.
Prediction:
In my experience, improvement in any field is rarely linear. As a player, coach, or fan, you always think that each game you'll improve a little bit from the previous day. You always expect today's practice to be just a little bit better than yesterday's. The reality is, this is almost never the case. A player's improvement tends to look more like a stock market ticker, with crazy swings in the short term, and a general positive trend in the long term.
All this is to say, we're due for a turnaround. By all accounts, the players have not given up, and Foster/Fuente have not lost this team. I don't know how this team finds a way win, but I hope they do.
VT: 21
Miami: 20
I love the angle your angel took. Football weather all day every day.
Angel: Miami-34, "VT"-28
Devil: Miami-58, "VT"-14
Yes, you're seeing correctly. Those quotations indicate that I believe that, when VT traveled to ODU, someone kidnapped every coach and player in the program, and then replaced them all with evil cybernetic doppelgangers, which have been programmed to shit the bed in nearly every game since without making it too obvious that they're not human. This is not the real VT. I mean, what other explanation is there for a subdued Bud Foster just calmly pacing the sidelines at Pitt while his D gets shithoused?
Where is our real team? We may never find out, but the search must begin.
I mean, most of the defense has been replaced, just by 3rd and 4th stringers instead of androids.
Yep. Guess I should have added the /s at the end of that last post.
via GIPHY
Obligatory:
Oh man! Good one!
Angel - We make it through the game with no one else receiving a season ending injury, still get our ass drug 35-17
Devil - The train comes completely off the tracks and we're putting pads on the 12 year olds whose dad managed to snag 50 yard line tickets for cheap 59-7
Still enough to stop Miami's offense.
Angel VT 28 U 24 Lane ROCKS!
Devil. VT 28. U 42. Lane...
1-0