The Key Players Week 11 Fantasy Recap

HEY YO TKPERS! HERE YO STANDINGS!
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Heres the playoff situation:

PREDICTIONS:
Hernandez's Legal D (1) vs ANUSTART (4)
JONESing for Austin (2) vs Treadmill Horses (3)

Here are some capsules for you, followed by gifs!

Hernandez's Legal D (8-3)
1st in standings, 2nd in points

Charles will have a tough matchup in week 12 against Cody, but even if he finishes a disappointing 1-2, he would at worst tie for 4th place with a pretty solid points scored tiebreak. They're not an official lock yet, but I'd be shocked if they somehow missed the playoffs. Now, they have Tony Romo at QB, so succeeding in the playoffs will be another story...

Week 12 opponent: JONESing for Austin (7-4) 2nd in standings, 3rd in points
Week 13 opponent: OrangeBarrelReroute (5-6) 8th in standings, 8th in points
Week 14 opponent: EverydayI'mRussellin (4-7) 11th in standings, 11th in points

JONESing for Austin (7-4)
2nd in standings, 3rd in points

Cody keeps winning, and faces two teams in the bottom part of the league in the last two weeks, so I'd be surprised if he missed the playoffs either. He's gotten a lot of value out of Julius Thomas this year, so him getting healthy down the stretch is pretty important. And if Bobby Rainey turns into fantasy football's MVP over the next few weeks, I don't even know!

Week 12 opponent: Hernandez's Legal D (8-3) 1st in standings, 2nd in points
Week 13 opponent: EverydayI'mRussellin (4-7) 11th in standings, 11th in points
Week 14 opponent: Imagine Wagons (4-7) 10th in standings, 9th in points

ANUSTART (7-4)
3rd in standings, 6th in points

It was a tough week for Isabelle, as she lost to a terrible team (me) for her third straight loss and saw her stud WR Wes Welker get a concussion on Sunday. If he can't go this week, she doesn't have a backup WR ready (Doug Baldwin is on bye this week) and will have to pick up someone on waivers. Besides a winnable matchup this weekend against Beau, she faces two tough teams in the last two weeks. Still, it's not quite time to panic. ANUSTART blue away their opponents for 7 of the first 8 weeks, and still is on the inside track for a playoff spot.

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Week 12 opponent: Denver's Nuggets (5-6) 9th in standings, 10th in points
Week 13 opponent: #OperationImpatience (5-6) 6th in standings, 4th in points
Week 14 opponent: Treadmill Horses (6-5) 5th in standings, 1st in points

Centaurrian Gray (7-4)
4th in standings, 7th in points

I have a lot of fantasy football teams. Way too many, to be exact. I hate this team's consistent mediocrity (and expect that said mediocrity will continue), and I'm lucky to be in the position I'm in right now. Since this is America, we have the freedom to fight for fantasy football playoff position, which I will get to do over the last three weeks, playing the three teams that threaten my playoff hopes the most. These three teams all have more points than me, and are better than me, so it is my duty as an American to beat all of their asses and teach them that you can be the best and work hard and still lose to a half DB coach/half horse.

Week 12 opponent: Treadmill Horses (6-5) 5th in standings, 1st in points
Week 13 opponent: fry-fry chicky-chick (5-6) 7th in standings, 5th in points
Week 14 opponent: #OperationImpatience (5-6) 6th in standings, 4th in points

Treadmill Horses (6-5)
5th in standings, 1st in points

If you're weird and into horse-on-horse violence, week 12 is your thing, as the Treadmill Horses (THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE????) take on the king of the secondary in god-like half horse form in the battle for the last playoff spot. That sentence feels really weird, but I trust that by this point in the year, you already know that I gave up on creating coherent sentences in week 1. If Mike knocks me off this week, he's in excellent shape, with Beau and a fading Izzy left on the schedule and the most points in the league. If I beat him and Cody and Izzy both win their games, Mike will have to win his last two and hope that at least one of the top four teams wins their last two. Shit's gonna get real up in here.

Week 12 opponent: Centaurrian Gray (7-4) 4th in standings, 7th in points
Week 13 opponent: Denver's Nuggets (5-6) 9th in standings, 10th in points
Week 14 opponent: ANUSTART (7-4) 3rd in standings, 6th in points

#OperationImpatience (5-6)
6th in standings, 4th in points

It's a bit funny that the team called #OperationImpatience required a ton of patience that is finally starting to pay off. It may be too little too late, as they have to make up two games in the standings with three games to play. Fortunately, #OI plays against two of the teams that stand in their way to the magical playoff gates, so they can still at least help their own cause.

Week 12 opponent: fry-fry chicky-chick (5-6) 7th in standings, 5th in points
Week 13 opponent: ANUSTART (7-4) 3rd in standings, 6th in points
Week 14 opponent: Centaurrian Gray (7-4) 4th in standings, 7th in points

fry-fry chicky-chick (5-6)
7th in standings, 5th in points

Copy/Paste what I wrote for #OI because it's pretty much the same for Danibails. The week 12 matchup between the two will determine who is still alive, and then hopefully they'll both lose to me because duh they should totes lose to me. Dani has an easier 3rd opponent, as Beau is 9th in standings and 10th in points and #OI's 3rd opponent is ANUS TART.

Week 12 opponent: #OperationImpatience (5-6) 6th in standings, 4th in points
Week 13 opponent: Centaurrian Gray (7-4) 4th in standings, 7th in points
Week 14 opponent: Denver's Nuggets (5-6) 9th in standings, 10th in points

OrangeBarrelReroute (5-6)
8th in standings, 8th in points

The peak of the season for Scobeard was on Thursday, September 5th at 10:08 PM when he posted:
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In fairness, maybe we should have not made fun of him for drafting the guy who has 26 points more than the next best player in our league. But then again, he is starting Joique Bell still, in week 12, so we can still make fun of him. Scobeard isn't out of it, and only has one really tough matchup left, so he could still make the playoffs if things get really weird.

Week 12 opponent: Imagine Wagons (4-7) 10th in standings, 9th in points
Week 13 opponent: Hernandez's Legal D (8-3) 1st in standings, 2nd in points
Week 14 opponent: Money Badger (3-8) 12th in standings, 12th in points

Denver's Nuggets (5-6)
9th in standings, 10th in points

Beau can still make the playoffs, too, but faces three of the top six scoring teams. Beating these teams will be a tough task, and we'll find out on Thursday night if Matt Ryan can lead him to a head start. Ben Tate and Victor Cruz will be good additions to the lineup this week, too.

Week 12 opponent: ANUSTART (7-4) 3rd in standings, 6th in points
Week 13 opponent: Treadmill Horses (6-5) 5th in standings, 1st in points
Week 14 opponent: fry-fry chicky-chick (5-6) 7th in standings, 5th in points

Imagine Wagons (4-7)
10th in standings, 9th in points

If Imagine Wagons wins their last three and one of the 2-4 teams lose their last three, they're still technically in, but they'd also need to make up a bunch of points. They've got two winnable games and one tough one, so Steven will likely have to settle for 5-9 or 6-8 at best.

Week 12 opponent: OrangeBarrelReroute (5-6) 8th in standings, 8th in points
Week 13 opponent: Money Badger (3-8) 12th in standings, 12th in points
Week 14 opponent: JONESing for Austin (7-4) 2nd in standings, 3rd in points

EverydayI'mRussellin (4-7)
11th in standings, 11th in points

You know how easy it would be to make a 2013 studs and duds column from Jonathan's team? Below, you will find every offensive player on this team, and I don't think that any of these categorizations are much of a stretch:
Studs: Vincent Jackson, Jordan Reed, Fred Jackson, Riley Cooper, Russell Wilson
Duds: Steven Jackson, Roddy White, Shane Vereen, Greg Jennings, CJ Spiller, Bryce Brown, Percy Harvin, Geno Smith

A lot of guys in the duds column appear on a bunch of my teams (Vereen, Harvin and White, specifically), so this is no fault of the fightin' Russells, just an observation. Fantasy football ain't fair sometimes, and some years you're the one that gets the CJ Spiller in the first round dud.

Week 12 opponent: Money Badger (3-8) 12th in standings, 12th in points
Week 13 opponent: JONESing for Austin (7-4) 2nd in standings, 3rd in points
Week 14 opponent: Hernandez's Legal D (8-3) 1st in standings, 2nd in points

Money Badger (3-8)
12th in standings, 12th in points

Behold, the only officially official team that is eliminated from the playoffs! VTJawo had a bigger first round bust than Jonathan (also through no fault of his own), as Doug Martin is on IR now and ow now my shoulder hurts. Jimmy Graham and Gio Bernard were the two shining stars on a team that underperformed otherwise.

Week 12 opponent: EverydayI'mRussellin (4-7) 11th in standings, 11th in points
Week 13 opponent: Imagine Wagons (4-7) 10th in standings, 9th in points
Week 14 opponent: OrangeBarrelReroute (5-6) 8th in standings, 8th in points

Jason Babin, professional football player and professional hairstylist.
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LeSean McCoy, dick
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Michael Floyd was not easy to tackle on this play
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Bungles got a blocked punt TD
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Bungles did a trick play
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Before he got pulled for sucking, Case Keenum did this
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Best highlight from a Bills game ever?
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Brandon Flowers says sit down Wes
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The Bobert giveth, the Bobert taketh away
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Jim Schwartz, you suck at life
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Texans gonna Texan/the pride of Liberty
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Aqib Talib and Steve Smith had a little bit of fun during the MNF matchup:
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Um, Drew, necks aren't really supposed to move like that.
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Rob Ryan is always polite
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The Bears game was windy
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These three are what I look like after winning in beer pong. Fortunately for my friends, I don't win much.
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Andrew Luck doing cool things
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Not NFL, but still hamazing!
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