Upcoming Basketball Game Mascot Analysis

Hello All,

On this fine website we all frequent there used to be a section before football games that was called "The Mascot Mock." It was a beloved tradition up to the point where we forgot about it, resurected it, immediately lost an important game, and then imediately burried it, scortched and then salted the earth where the dead body of the Mascot Mock lay. This little forum post is decidedly not that.

I was talking to one of my friends about why it is better to have only one mascot. The answer would seem to be the obvious "branding" but who really cares about that, right? It's time to talk about characterization!

In our next basketball game, which Buzz and his band of merry ballers could win, could lose, flip a coin, Virginia Tech will be taking on local rival Radford University. And when I say local rival I mean right across the river kind of rivalry. We're talking there are students that attend one university that have rented a house that is closer to the other. So let's dive in and take a look at the characters that won't be taking the court.

Here, we have the Hokie Bird. You know him, you love him. But why? Why do we feel this way about our large feathered friend? It's because he has hopes, dreams, and fears. Let's dive into that now.

Hopes
The Hokie Bird has a simple hope, really. He just hopes that Virginia Tech wins more games. It's a hope that a lot of us can identify with. I certainly know I can. With football stock at it's lowest value in a long time, I'm taking this opportunity to diversify my portfolio, and invest in other sports. The Hokie Bird has already been there though, loving all things Virginia Tech far more than I could begin to. Here's to you Hokie Bird.

Dreams
The Hokie Bird is actually a fitness junkie, and how could he not be at one of the most physically fit universities out there? He dreams of one day doing more pushups and bench presses than any other mascot. I don't think we can expect him to bench press during a basketball game as that is just too many points.

Fears
The Hokie Bird actually has many fears. But the one that is the most relevent against Radford University is his fear of the noise bucket. For those of you who have never been able to attend a basketball game at Cassell Colleseum, the noise bucket is a big trash can with a lid. When the lid is removed, Cassell gets real loud real quick. The Hokie Bird does want Cassell to get loud, but the noise bucket definitely confuses him. He generally tentatively opens the lid and immediately slams it back down again, until eventually knocking it off and fleeing the scene.

And here we have the Hokie Bird's arch rival this week, the Highlander. I've done some research into his hopes, dreams, and fears. And when I research, I mean, I made it all up just by looking at him. So let's get started shall we?

Hopes
There's a lot of confusion about where the highlander is from. Many think that he is from Ireland. Some say he is from Scotland. The truth is he is from Radford. It's not even actually that high a land when you think about it. At an elevation of 2,103 ft, Radford is about half as elevated as the Scottish Highlands. But I guess he's from 20 feet higher than the Hokie Bird's native elevation. But then again, the Hokie Bird never claimed to be from any particularly high land. In fact, as I recall, the Hokie Bird only ever claimed to be a hokie, and a bird.

Dreams
The Radford Highlander largely dreams of being compared to Sparty the Spartan of Michigan State fame less often. Perhaps if his chin didn't strike a marked resemblance that would be easier. Maybe a part of his dream is that the basketball program at RU rise to the level of Michigan Sate. I don't know how to tell you this Dr Highlander (he actually has a doctorate in education), but I don't think that will happen anytime soon.

Fears
I would assume that the Highlander fears axes based on the wooden buckler he carries with him. Another guess I made was that he feared another Mascot yelling "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE" seeing as how he is totally unprepared for a battle to the death. But I found this out, through very extensive research and breaking into his house. He has Acrophobia. Fear of hights. The irony.