Saw this article today (https://www.offtackleempire.com/2020/3/22/21190048/big-ten-conference-ma...) and figured I'd do a quick ACC version...starting from easiest to beat up to where I'd certainly die. I ranked the mascots based on their mascots perceived (a) aggressiveness, (b) natural fear, (c) Stamina, (d) Size, (e) Swarming Ability, & (f) Killing Instinct.
1. Syracuse Orange - Please. An orange? I just ate one for lunch...and while Otto's dead eyes would haunt me, it's no contest here.
2. Louisville Cardinals - While I would take no pleasure in this, the Cardinal would be a relatively easy challenge that could be bested without breaking a sweat. A nice tennis racket and *poof*, no more cardinal.
3. Notre Dame Fighting Irish - While I respect the Irish's ability to consume massive quantities of alcohol and be plucky fighters when it comes to the boxing ring, I don't foresee too many issues when dealing with their Leprechaun. Hell, sparing his life will yield me three wishes!
4. Boston College Eagles - Gorgeous, majestic, and dead when I get done with it. While the eagle ranked OK in stamina and killer instinct and I'd most certainly walk away bloody and scratched up (maybe missing an ear), I think I could handle myself.
5. UVA Cavaliers - Cavaliers represent two things: backers of King Charles I in the English Civil War and a type of dog. Both are ridiculous and both could be dealt with. I'm pretty sure that the dog would put up more of a fight...
6. VT Hokies (this was hard) - Ever seen a turkey pissed off? Yea, me too, that's why it's in the middle of the list. Their swarming ability helps their score out as does their aggressiveness, but low scores in natural fear, stamina, & size hold it back.
7. Wake Demon Deacons - An angry preacher is not something to be trifled with. 10s in Natural Fear & Killer Instinct vault this hellish individual to the middle of the rankings. Unfortunately their aggressiveness & lack of swarming ability hold them back.
8. Duke Blue Devils - Named after French troops in the 1st World War, the Blue Devils start the list of mascots who would probably kick my ass. Fearsome fighters help their status, but the fact that they're French limit their ceiling.
9. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets - Low scores in stamina & size hold them back, but 10s in aggressiveness, swarming ability, and killer instinct catapult these small rapscallions to the front of the pack. I'll be able to take my fair share with me, but eventually my ass is grass. Killing them with fire is the only way...
10. Clemson Tigers - Now we get into the killers. Solo hunters hold them back but I'm not walking out of this fight alive.
11. Pitt Panthers - Just like the Tigers except they're black. Like my soul. But worse. I'll end up like some poor gazelle and get pulled up a tree for the panther to snack on my corpse while he contemplates his life choices.
12. NC State Wolfpack - Even Liam frickin Neeson couldn't best the wolf pack and he's got a "special set of skills". At best I take one or two of them with me before the rest take me down and divide my body parts among themselves.
13. Florida State Seminoles - Bested only by one in this list and that's because it's Mother Nature at her finest. The Seminoles are a proud group of native americans and it took the United States MULTIPLE WARS to bring them to their knees, and even then the Seminoles said "F#*@ YOU". They are reported to be the ONLY native american tribe to have NEVER signed a peace treaty with the United States.
14. Miami Hurricanes - 10s across the board in all categories but one, swarming ability, and even then they're given partial credit because while they don't swarm, back-to-back hurricanes will FUCK YO SHIT UP! All I could do was piss in the wind and laugh before it picks up the double wide across the street and flattens me with it.