World Cup 2022 Primer - Cymru

Hello, fellow Hokies! I'm assuming, if you're reading this, you are a supporter of the US National Soccer team. It's an exciting time, seeing the Yanks on the World Cup stage for the first time since Tim Howard stood on his head against the Belgians and assumed the mantle, however briefly, of Secretary of Defense. Our country's security has never been in safer hands. You may remember me from various "Foe"rensics escapades, or regularly mocking LOLuva, or when I previewed that particular World Cup which was, holy hell, a long time ago. Well, now here's something slightly different. I am a longtime supporter of the Wales national team; I've watched this team evolve from complete shit to a European Championship semifinalist, and now to a World Cup team that just so happens to be the United States' first opponent in Qatar. So how about I give you the skinny on the upcoming opponent from the opponent's perspective?

1. Who the hell is Wales? Is that even a country?

A. Great question! I mean, a little offensive, but that's fine. Really, what *is* a country, anyway? According to the UN, no, Wales is not a country, it's a component part of the larger United Kingdom, which encompasses England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales. According to FIFA, by rules that the British forced on everyone else, each country mentioned above, known as the "Home Countries"¹, is an independent entity, which is why each of them has their own national team. The only time the United Kingdom has played soccer as a single entity is at the Olympics (also does not recognize Wales separately) when London hosted in 2008, where a composite team was forced together that was EXTREMELY controversial. Each country (except England, who is above worrying about things) was very concerned about losing their independent status with FIFA and refused to sanction it, essentially telling their players they could go play, but not with their blessing. They also played God Save the Queen before matches, which is the English national anthem, which caused a whole new round of controversy when Welsh and Scottish players refused to sing it because they have their OWN anthems (more on that later). There's history there.

Wales is technically a principality; they are a distinct place from England with their own language, culture and history, despite the best efforts of the English to eliminate all of those things. They are tiny; a bit over 8,000 square miles, or just a wee bit bigger than Massachusetts, except if Massachusetts was covered with mountains and full of castles that, say, New York had built all over the place in an ultimately successful effort to conquer it. Wales only has about half the people, a smidge over 3 million, closer to Nevada, only with less casinos and a lot more rain and sheep. Also, interestingly enough, Wales is the ENGLISH name for the country which derives from the Anglo-Saxon word for "foreigner"; to extend our tenuous analogy above further, it's like New York designating the official term for Massachusetts residents as "Massholes" and that's what the entire world calls them². They are exploring changing their official FIFA name to the Welsh name, Cymru (pronounced COOM-ree with an ever-so-slightly trilled r).

While most Americans are very excited to see the Yanks back in the World Cup after an agonizing eight years, their first opponent, Wales, will be making an appearance for the first time since 1958³, where they were knocked out in the quarterfinals by a precocious 17-year-old named Pele. Since then, sixty-four years in the wilderness, which I will not go into, but will sum up by saying NUMEROUS opportunities to qualify, missed penalties, apathetic players refusing to turn up when called to play for their country, deteriorating to the point where a non-league Welsh team in the FIFTH division in the English pyramid, Wrexham, had to have a game postponed because they had three players called up to the national team. First and only time this has happened. Not a great look. Fifteen years ago, you would call Wales a rugby country who dabbled in soccer, and not particularly well.

Things started to change in 2014. Well, things REALLY started to change in 2010, when Gary Speed was appointed manager of Wales. Speed seemed to imbue some fire into the squad, buoyed by some young players who were very committed to the cause. Sadly, Speed took his own life in 2011, and he was succeeded at the helm by Chris Coleman. Cookie, as he is affectionately known, went through some TORID results over the next couple of years, but they really pulled their stuff together in Euro 2016 qualifying, including beating and drawing with Belgium, ultimately topping the group. They went on a tear, making it all the way to the semifinals (including YET ANOTHER victory over Belgium in the quarterfinals), where, playing without a suspended Aaron Ramsey, they fell to Portugal. More recently, they just missed out on the playoffs for the World Cup in 2018, made it out of the group stage at the Euros in 2020 before getting pummeled by Denmark in the Round of 16.

2. So how did they make the World Cup this time around?

A. This campaign, they finished second in their qualifying group (to Belgium, who keep popping up), and qualified through the playoffs, beating Austria and then in the final against Ukraine, delayed due to the Russian invasion, prevailed in spite of the entire world rooting against them. So while the Welsh are very excited to be at a World Cup again, they had to crush a fairytale ending for Ukraine to get there and it's in Qatar. It's like winning an all expenses paid vacation you've been working towards for years, but you won it over a Make-A-Wish kid and it's to Charlottesville, if the Hoos were super into human rights violations and modern day slavery.

3. Who is in charge of this show?

A. Good question! They are led by Rob Page, who only got the full time job after qualifying for the World Cup. He'd been interim manager for two years prior after the previous manager, Ryan Giggs, who USED to be the most famous Welsh soccer player, was charged with domestic violence in a case which is still unresolved. It is important to note that Giggs got the job on his name alone; he had absolutely no qualifications for the job other than being really good as a player, but even then, he was a good club player for Manchester United, not as much for Wales. He had a mixed reputation amongst Welsh fans because he rarely showed up to play for Wales during his career, and then retired from the Wales team a full seven years before he stopped playing for Manchester United. Since then, domestic violence charges tend to not endear you to fans, and Wales are well shut of him.

4. How are they going to line up?

A. Page's preferred set up has three center backs and two wing backs. He likes to play two holding midfielders in front of them, and has used two wingers flanking a central striker OR one attacking midfielder supporting two strikers. So either a 5-2-3 or a 5-2-1-2, but honestly, something that morphs between the two. I could walk you through who is likely to play where, but I have a better idea. Let's categorize them!

5. Let's start with the basics. Who have I heard of?

A. If you pay just the barest attention to soccer, there's two guys you probably know.

1. Gareth Bale. Either at winger or as a striker, Bale is the face of Wales, for better or worse. While he was once the most expensive footballer in the world, he now plies his trade for MLS Champions LAFC, and not getting a whole lot of playing time there aside from a 120'+8' goal to send the league final to PKs and an eventual win for his club. He is the owner of a widely recognizable man-bun which may or may not be the world's most creative comb over, has scored multiple Champions League final winners and is famously passionate about being Welsh. To the point where someone MADE the flag below, and it made its way into the on-field celebrations after Wales qualified for Euro 2020.

The Spanish media, never his biggest fan, was SUPER not into this. Image courtesy of the Guardian

While some will tell you that the team starts and ends with Bale and everyone else is filler, that's not quite true. Bale is a generational talent and they certainly wouldn't be here without him, but both Coleman and Page found a system to get the best out of the whole squad. I mention him as a striker because he made his bones on his speed, but it ain't what it used to be; I've seen him ATTEMPT to outrun defenders a couple of times where he absolutely would've torched them five years ago and just can't anymore. He still possesses a wicked free kick, including the (deflected) one that defeated Ukraine and got Wales here. Yes, he is the likeliest to score goals, but that's just what strikers do, man.

2. Aaron Ramsey. As long as he's not injured, Ramsey is a lock to start either in a midfield pair or pushed up into a CAM role supporting twin strikers. You probably know him from his years as an Arsenal midfielder, but he left for Juventus on a free, won Serie A, and is now playing in France. Despite being overshadowed by Bale, Ramsey has been the engine of the Welsh midfield and this tournament may be his last hurrah as well. He plays with flair, has a lovely creative touch and has a few goals in him as well that Wales will need to get anywhere in this tournament. The Welsh were lucky that Bale and Ramsey came into their prime together, because it set the stage for the last six years of success. Also, during Euro 2016, he thought THIS would be a good idea to do to his hair.

Everyone goes through an Eminem phase. Not everyone does it so publicly.

Ah, the dye job that inspired a semi-final run in 2016. Wales only lost because he was suspended for that game, meaning a blonde Ramsey is essentially indestructible. And I've got GREAT news...bleach is back!

America is screwed now

6. As an American, who is most likely to piss me off during the game?

A. That is a great way to pre-game getting your mad on. Let's tackle this in ascending order.

3. Dan James. The Fulham player (on loan from Leeds) is guaranteed to start out wide or up front. He is a pint sized ball of energy and speed, who you may know from his first attempted transfer to Leeds which was called off by his parent club, Swansea, AFTER he did his medical, the pictures with the jersey, etc. Leeds were actually filming a documentary at the time; it's almost horrific to watch it collapse in real time, so of course I've included it:

Truly the most painful end to a transfer window I've ever seen

James ending up moving to Manchester United for MUCH more money, instead, though he eventually wound up at Leeds a couple of years later. He's on loan to Fulham this season so he could ensure he was getting enough playing time to prepare for the World Cup. I'm going to be honest, watching as a US fan, part of what will anger you is just due to his facial expressions, but also his at-times over enthusiastic pressing where he is quite willing to throw his tiny body at enormous defenders to try and win the ball, physics be damned. As an Aston Villa fan, I got pissed because I thought he was trying to kill Tyrone Mings at one point.

2. Kieffer Moore. The Bournemouth man mountain striker checks in at 6'5, a relative latecomer to top level soccer; this is his first year in the Premier League. People will dog on him for only having 9 international goals at age 30, but he's only been PLAYING international football for 3 years (28 games). When Wales have to resort to the long ball or swing in crosses, they'll aim for him and defenders will drop like flies. A combination of defenders realizing they won't beat him to a header and thus collapsing like they got shot as well as being eye level with his elbows lead to plenty of called fouls and many unwarranted yellow cards. At least one US defender will try to draw a red by pretending that Moore attempted to perform brain surgery with his elbow. You will likely agree vehemently and profanely with this.

1. Connor Roberts. Right back, Burnley player, wind-up merchant. He loves to start shit, will go in harder than necessary on tackles and also loves to play up fouls against him. Not so much diving as, let's say, exaggerating. He is also most likely to immediately jump up from his aggressive tackle or rolling around playing up his injury and do the thing where two opposing players put their foreheads together and yell at each other while they wait to get pulled apart. You are definitely going to scream at the television because you think he's trying to de-leg a US winger, then he's going to draw a freekick in a great location even though he probably should've been called for a foul himself. He's reckless and aggressive. You're going to HATE him.

7. Okay, how about the flip side. When Wales aren't playing the US, give me reasons to cheer for them.

A. Okay, this is fun as well. There's always a chance the US doesn't make it out of the group, and you're going to need a back up team to support. Plus, who else in the group are you going to root for, the country that has declared all of us the spawn of the devil? ENGLAND?! Hell no. Why not root for a country that hates the English as much as we do?

4. Jonny Williams. Known as Joniesta, an attacking midfielder who has been through numerous injuries over his career and is now playing in the 4th division for Swindon Town. He's not going to start; he's not going to play much, but he's here as a character guy. Everyone loves him, despite being roughly 4'6 he has shaved his balding head and grown a big beard in an impersonation of a much larger man. If he pops up with a goal, which would only be his 3rd for Wales, the fans are going to go extra nuts.

Shaving off that hair was clearly the correct choice

3. Chris Gunter. Gunts is the most capped player for Wales, playing for them since he was 18. He's also not likely to start; Roberts has the RB spot locked down, although Page has tried Gunter out on the right side of the back three at times. He is famous for going over to the Welsh fans and gesturing for them to keep their chins up after they lost to England in the group stage at Euro 2016, a prescient move since they would go on to defeat Russia next and win the group. It just baffles me that you just lost to your greatest rival and must be heartbroken and his thoughts go out to everyone else. Another guy here in a character role, he'll be the first sub joining the celebration pile from the bench when Wales score.

2. Joe Allen. Back at Swansea, where he started his career, Allen is a lovely man and tenacious defender with wonderful vision, and is the first choice in that midfield pair if he recovers from a hamstring injury in time. Allen is small (a recurring theme in this team!), but is an excellent tackler and distributor of the ball. Outside of football, he's vegan, and he and his wife provide a home for retired chickens, meaning those that are too old to lay eggs anymore. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it kind of epitomizes him; he does the unheralded little things that end up making a difference (if rehoming old chickens can make a difference). You can extend credit for Wales success over the last decade to Allen as well, in addition to the man below.

1. Ben Davies. On the left side of the back three is going to be Davies, the Spurs left back turned center back who has been Wales best defender for the last ten years, hands down. I will unabashedly say that he is my favorite Welsh player. He is a no-nonsense defender that keeps things organized, won't hesitate to drive forward with the ball, even from a CB position, and is the definition of calm, cool, and collected. Goalscorers get all the credit, but the Euro 2016 run wouldn't have happened without Davies' heroics on the goalline in the opening game against Slovakia.

Seriously, first appearance at a major tournament in 48 years and things were about to go off the rails in the opening minutes, until Big Ben shows up.

8. Who should I pay attention to because this tournament may be their big break?

4. Joe Morrell. Ok, so this is totally a homer pick because I have a soft spot for the invisible guys that do the dirty work. Morrell is 25, with 3rd division Portsmouth, and increasingly unlikely to move back up the divisions at this point. He may not start but will see time, since Page (and Giggs before him) love him, but you won't notice him unless you're looking for him. He screens the defense very well and rarely puts a pass wrong, although he tends to play the safe pass and not the one that unlocks the defense. He's also got an incredible knack for drawing stupid fouls from the opposition when Wales are trying to play out of the back and get themselves stuck.

3. Ethan Ampadu. A CB by trade, there's a pretty good chance that he's going to be pushed up into a defensive midfield position since there are better CB alternatives⁴ than midfield options. Ampadu continues to get paid by Chelsea despite being out on loan for the last four years. A great defender with a decent touch, you may remember him from his now shorn dreadlocks. Chelsea needs to shit or get off the pot in terms of Ampadu's career, and the World Cup is an excellent opportunity for him to make the case for a big money move.

2. Brennan Johnson. The Nottingham Forest man may not start, but he'll be one of the first off bench if Wales need a goal. He lit up the 2nd division last year, and although Forest are struggling in the Premier League this year, he's been a bright spot, helped by the fact that he's the son of Forest legend David Johnson. If Forest go down and Johnson is willing to part with them, he belongs in the Premier League.

1. Neco Williams. Once of Liverpool and now also with Forest, he is a right back that will shift over to the left and use his speed to support the attack from there. He's also a reliable defender, although a bit reckless at times. Liverpool's manager, Jurgen Klopp, said it was really hard to sell him, though Neco needs to be playing at this point in his career. The most endearing thing he's done (besides scoring the winning goal in the Nations League against Bulgaria) is his response to England trying to convince him to play for them instead of Wales.

He weren't havin NONE OF IT

9. What questions are outstanding?

A. Um, who is going to start in goal, for starters. Danny Ward, a career backup goalie who is now a regular Premier League starter for the first time ever at age 29 for Leicester City, would be the obvious choice, and he got the nod through most of the qualifying campaign. However, Wayne Hennessey started both the playoff semifinal and final that got Wales to Qatar; the first due to a Ward injury, the second due to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Considering Hennessey is now likely the 3rd choice keeper at Forest, I would guess that Ward would get the start, but Page is also a big believer in team chemistry, so may start Hennessey on vibes; just like bringing Jonny Williams and Gunter to the World Cup as chemistry guys.

Also up for debate is who is the fifth guy in the back five. Joe Rodon, an unfairly maligned Spurs player out on loan to Rennes, is locked on to be the center...center back, although who knows how his form is because no one watches the French league. We've already covered Roberts, Davies and Neco Williams, so who is the right sided center back? It might be Ampadu, if Page feels comfortable with his midfield choices, and if Ampadu moves up, Chris Mepham of Bournemouth will likely start.

The biggest question of all will be Is X healthy? Unfortunately, this applies to a bunch of guys. Bale has hardly played since moving to LAFC, with injury rumors playing a factor. Allen is working his way back from a hamstring injury, and Ramsey gets hurt more frequently than people change their underwear. Stalwart Ben Davies had been struggling with some injury issues earlier this season, although his lovely goal this past weekend seems to be confirmation he's fine, and even Morrell is nursing injuries, leaving depth in question. If all these guys show up and are good to go, I have a good feeling about getting out of the group. If one or more of them is not fit, it could be a short trip to Qatar.

10. What should I watch for?

A. Overall, the national anthem thing tends to get overdone, but Wales have a banger of an anthem, Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau, which means Land of my Fathers. Wales is known as the land of song, and the entire team and all the supporters will sing it at the top of their lungs. Even better, at some point in the second half, the fans will break out in an acapella version of it, and it will be louder than it has any right to be; frequently the commentators just shut up and let it wash over you. You'll have no idea what they're saying, because it's in Welsh, but it's essentially an ode to how beautiful Wales is and then ending with the defiant message that we're still here in spite of the English.

Another song that may make an appearance is Yma o Hyd, which is LITERALLY "We're Still Here", an ode to the persistent existence of Welsh language and culture despite English attempts to stamp them out. The guy that wrote and performed it, Dafydd Iwan (yep, it's only 40 years old) sang it to (with) the crowd before the Austria semi-final match in March. It was written during the Margaret Thatcher years, when she forcibly closed many Welsh mines and destroyed the local economy, and the original version even mentioned her in an, um, unflattering way.

11. Final thoughts?

A. Hey, it's the World Cup, and neither of these two teams have any expectations of a deep run; they are both the essence of "We're just happy to be here". Now, no one wants the World Cup to be NOW, and no one wants it to be THERE, but here we are. I'd be perfectly happy with Wales and the US being the two teams to advance out of this group, particularly since that would mean England goes home early and the entire country losing its collective shit and probably canning another Prime Minister to boot. So while we will be on opposing sides on Monday, I will be pulling for the US the rest of the way. Unless, of course, Wales advancing depends on the US losing.

I'll leave you with one last thing. It made the rounds on Twitter a few weeks ago, but Michael Sheen, a loud, passionate Welshman, did the following on some random British game show. This was aimed at the England game, where Wales will wrap up their group stage journey, and I hope to hell it works.

¹England calls itself the Home of Football, an obnoxious trait that people then tend to associate with anyone British
²Ever wonder why the heir to the British throne is called the Prince of Wales? Because Edward I (the Longshanks guy from Braveheart) appeased recently conquered Welsh nobles by agreeing that the next monarch would be a "born of Wales", then sent his pregnant wife to Wales to give birth, and voila, a title is born.
³The story of qualifying for that tournament in 1958 is, well, lamentable; they got a second chance after all of Israel's opponents refused to play them and FIFA, pillars of fairness and justice, decided no one could go to the World Cup without playing ANYBODY. Through a series of other countries ALSO refusing, it eventually fell to little 'ol Wales to be that anybody, after having already been eliminated through the regular qualifying process. They won 4-0 on aggregate, became the first and only country to be eliminated from the World Cup and then qualify. They didn't lose a match in the group stage (didn't win one either), had to go to a group stage playoff to beat out Hungary and advance to play Brazil in the quarterfinals. See Pele, above.
⁴Namely, Chris Mepham, although he will do at least one thing that is going to scare the shit out of every Welsh fan