Here is a quick breakdown of the rumored 'War Memorial Pylon' Helmets. They start with a shiny metallic orange base (because: Oregon Y'all) and will likely be worn in the Maroon Effect game. Starting this year, Hokie feet stickers will be awarded for various distinguishing performances. Actually, fuck it, everyone gets their helmet completely covered because everyone on the team is a rockstar.
The main logo is of course the War Memorial Pylons, however the date has been updated to 1999 because: seriously, did we even football before then? Below the date is one of those holographic stickers of a horse on a treadmill. When the players head turns side to side the horse will appear to be running.
Turkey legs will be dangled in front of every helmet for encouragement. Players can share their turkey legs with each other to promote teamwork, however, they can't use their hands to eat (grease on their hands will negatively affect performance) and they must remain attached to the helmet. A good use for this would be if Logan Thomas gets sacked, an offensive lineman can offer an apology by letting Thomas take a bite of delicious smoked turkey.
An awesome new technology will be incorporated to give the players a superior advantage on the field. The visors are maroon over one eye, orange over the other. It may look like a simple attempt to promote homerism, however, when looking through these visors players will be able to see holographic images of the coaches which will allow them to give facial gestures to let you know how they feel the player is performing. The holographs are still be tweaked as they currently just stare with desire at the turkey legs:
I don't know about you guys, but I am pumped to see them in action. I have a good feeling about this year!
Comments
I know we do have a special helmet this season that looks pretty sweet. They are supposed to have Hokie stone pattern all over them with a maroon VT. Not sure which game we'll wear them for, but they'll probably be auctioned off after the game.
Would love for these to be standard wear. Love the stone gray/maroon color combo.
Bud foster wants your turkey leg.
Seriously though, this was hilarious
I want to turn this whole post into an 8-bit video game. It would be hilarious. Logan get sacked? Snacks on O-lineman's turkey leg... +1 boost and he trucks a DB on the next snap. Then hologram Loeffler gives him a thumbs-up. Saving progress? Horse on a treadmill.
PS. Brilliant post. I laughed my ass off.
What an excellent, not at all sarcastic, article you've given us Billdozer. I am truly excited to see the results from the dangling turkey legs
Every time a running back cuts, the defender will continue in the direction of the swaying turkey leg. When Logan pump fakes, he twitches his head in the direction he wants the db to go.
#TURKEYLEGSALLDAY
good laugh, please no horrible helmets this year though
Not bad.
Maroon with the VT logo is all we need!
I'd love a maroon Uni and helmet with Hokie stone in the numbers and the VT on the helmet
One of this years rule changes requires the numbers on a jersey to be a solid color distinctly different from the color of the jersey, so the hokie stone on the numbers won't be possible.
http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/3/7/4075572/new-ncaa-footb...
It could be ghosted on either white, orange, or maroon numbers. Several teams new unis have a ghosted image
Good grief, I hope whoever really does come up with our helmet designs doesn't see this post. It's the kind of thing that would make them go, "hmmm...maybe I could use this..."
Hahaha this is great. I clicked on this link expecting worse, actually.
Not that bad actually.
Math Appreciation Day Helmets to be auctioned immediately following the game. These glossy maroon helmets feature one of the iconic and beautiful locations in Blacksburg: The Math Emporium.
I like this concept; it'll crush the opponents' spirits with the sheer drudgery of the Empo!
The best part is if an audible is called and a player isn't sure what the new play is, they can place a red solo cup on their helmet to request assistance.
I'd like to request a mock-up of the helmets with the TKP 2012 Uniforms designed last year with the Bourbon and Turkey Leg patterns...
I laughed so loud, I scared my cat. Good job!