In what can only be described as the most embarrassing three
hours quarters in the history of football at Lane Stadium, Virginia Tech lost by 35 to Duke last week. And there's no amount of alcohol that can make that sentence any less painful, because, trust me, I tried.
With little sign of progress on the horizon, we'll get right into the gambling this week.
(Oh, and The Fifth Fuller makes his debut on Halfwits and Wagers. So maybe there's a little hope.)
On to the lines!
Over / Under 0.5 Reference of Justin Fuente's $15MM buyout during the broadcast.
Joey: Over. I mean, what else is there really to talk about with Virginia Tech football right now? Squeaking by Furman? The crisp-level of the turkey bacon?
Going a step further, I wouldn't be shocked if ESPN starts to broach the subject of (gasp) Justin Fuente's potential replacements. Could Matt Campbell be interested? Does Brent Venables want to become a head coach? Perhaps Josh Heupel wants to move into the Power 5?
Answer: no, no, and no.
/Opens White Claw.
The Fifth Fuller: Despite Joey refusing to build all the lines around Kyle and Kendall Fuller's pending immaculate performances this coming Sunday, I agreed to participate, seeing that we could all do with a little more Fuller in our lives this week. Season. Decade?
This line is way too low. If this is anything like previous games this season, something will inevitably go wrong and the entire team will immediately look panicked like preschoolers that got caught throwing mom's nice china through windows. That's when it'll come up the first time. As the wheels fully disengage from the vehicle, it will come up again. This step may be repeated. Also, they'll bring up memories of when the Hokies weren't a dumpster fire, like the ten-win season streak (pour one out), Tyrod and Vick, and when they had running backs. Lastly, you'll hear about Bryce Perkins and the chances of the Commonwealth Cup leaving Blacksburg. In fact, this may be the ideal opportunity to put the TV on mute and listen to Laaser and Burnop, who I'm sure could cheerfully point out the upside of the coaches getting into a fistfight on the sidelines.
Laaser: And Willis appears to be trotting back out to start the drive despite throwing his fourth interception last time out and, OH MY, Foster appears to have cold-cocked Fuente in the jaw!
Burnop: I gotta say, Laze, that was a pretty solid right cross, he wasn't holdin' anything back there. Showin' a little bit of fire that may get those defenders fired up, try to salvage something out of this game.
Laaser: Well, he's certainly passionate. We all know how much Bud loves this place and his players, although he appears to be expressing that with a little too much exuberance. Aaaaand, don't worry folks, it looks like security has removed the headset cable from around Fuente's neck and they've restrained Coach Wiles from continuing to kick him in the kidneys. Good show of energy, let's see how it translates to the field.
True or False, this is a 7-point game at the beginning of the fourth quarter.
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