Who To Blame?

During Frank Beamer's tenure Virginia Tech football has been synonymous with consistency. Ten win seasons, Wild Turkey at tailgates, Bud Foster snarling on the sidelines, and fans blaming Bryan Stinespring for any, and, everything that's gone wrong.

"Defense gave up 3 scores in the first quarter... Stiney better score fifty!"

"Ugh, a fumble and blocked punt... Come on now Stiney!"

Unfortunately, this season Tech's favorite, and most convenient whipping boy will no longer be in charge of calling plays. Oh no! Now who do we blame when the shit hits the fan...? (Don't let anyone fool you, this is an important question.)

Who: Curt Newsome
Plausibility: 7/10
Rational: As of late the offensive line has either underperformed or taken too many games to execute at a high level relative to their potential. Any offense and team is only going to go as far as their offensive line.
Verdict: Casual fans really have no idea what a Curt Newsome is, nor would they want to carry an insurance policy on one once they found out what it was.

Who: Jim Weaver
Plausibility: 5/10
Rational: Death Valley? 8:00 PM kickoff? LSU? Weaver is the one scheduling all these non-conference games we're losing. I'm still baffled at how we ended up playing ECU anywhere but Lane Stadium.
Verdict: If I was Jim Weaver and I read this, I'd come to my house wearing a jeweled, feathered and studded robe over a singlet and chop me down while screaming, "to be the man..."

Who: Bud Foster
Plausibility: 0/10
Rational: The defense, like the rest of the team, comes up lame against elite competition.
Verdict: Bud is infallible.


Don't you effin' think about it. /barks

Who: The "Invent the Future" Horse

Plausibility: 4/10
Rational: Horses are built to take abuse.
Verdict: This, horse, is, on, a, treadmill. And that's the future I want to live in, horses on treadmills, polar bears squatting quad plates, and dogs reverse curling quarters on muscle beach.

Who: Mike London
Plausibility: 2/10
Rational: Slowly but surely Mike London is putting out Al Groh's dumpster fire at UVa. He's embraced alumni, recruited / is recruiting the 757 and is building depth from the inside out with talent from the state at some expense to the Hokies.
Verdict: An absolutely laughable notion. There's a snow ball's chance in hell that Hokies credit Mike London for doing anything positive.

Who: Bryan Stinespring
Plausibility: 9/10
Rational: Did you really think a demotion to a more behind the scenes position would make him any less of a scapegoat?
Verdict: Guilty, with no parole.

Who: We don't knock anyone and accept that things won't always go the team's way.
Plausibility: 0/10
Rational: It makes too much sense.
Verdict: Hahahaha /breathes Hahahaha. It’s not happening.

You are more than welcome to play the blame game too.

Contact the editor about this post anytime by phone: (703) 646-1931 or mail: 3057 Nutley St Suite 633, Fairfax, Virginia 22031.

Comments

you forgot GW

Who: Jeron Gouveia-Winslow
Plausibility: 5/10
Rational: Inconsistent play and missed assignments have made him an easy scapegoat.
Verdict: #dangitGW

Thought

thought he's Canadian, so it's a double whammy!

I'm a man! I'm 40!
Hokie thru and thru.

Neighbors to the North

I don't think the Stone Masons can be blamed for Hokie woes. I look to the North.

Is Bryan Stinespring Canadian? If so, it all makes sense now.

Who: Canada
Plausibility: 10/10
Rational: Beady eyes and hockey hullabaloo
Verdict: We must blame them and make a fuss before somebody thinks of blaming us!

this is easy

Who: Craig James
Plausibility: 8/10
Rational: He alegedly killed 5 hookers at SMU, He got the Pirate fired, and just listen to his announcing.
Verdict: #FireCraigJames

"I don't know what a Hokie is, but God is one of them.' So I'm going with God. I'm going with Virginia Tech." Lee Corso Aug 23, 2000

http://www.thekeyplay.com

blame

who: Not really a who but an it. The Orange Helmets.
Plausability: 9/10
Rationale: Whenever were not sold on our uniform we underperform. Orange helmets in the Orange bowl was like putting red in front of a bull. One named Luck.
Verdict: If these supposed orange pants show up against Ark St we may be fukt.

Current Students

Who: The current VT students
Plausability: 7/10
Rationale: Everybody who has been back to a game after graduation has said at one time or another, "The student section was so much louder when I was in school..." If you're a current student, its "these new freshmen suck..."
Verdict: Get out to the tailgate early, enjoy bourbon, beer, and bacon for breakfast, and it won't be an issue.

twitter.com/weavez22

Can we still blame Sean Glennon?

Who: Sean Glennon
Plausibility: 2/10
Rationality: If he isn't completely lost, Tyrod redshirts in 2008 and is the QB this year for a loaded offense.
Verdict: It's a lot of fun to blame him.

dang dude

This one deserves more than a 2/10...I go with 9 in all seriousness.

I think you just strengthened the case for Curt Newsome...

The OL never gave Glennon the time he needed.

Ole School

Who: Ronyell Whitaker
Plausibility: 4/10
Rationality: No one ever committed more penalties or gave up the big play late in a game after playing his ass off for the first 55 minutes.
Verdict: Street tough, he'd kick my ass if he reads this.

Respect

Who: Hokie Respect
Plausibility: 10/10
Rationality: A subset of Jim Weaver, but nothing boils my blood more than hearing these fucking announcements during the game. It makes me want to go all London on the opposing fans and sometimes our own.
Verdict: FUCKING. RAGE.

Kanye

Who: Kanye West
Plausibility: 2/10
Rationality:
Let's play the blame game, I love you, more
Let's play the blame game for sure.
Let's call her names, names, I hate you, more.
Let's call her names, names, for sure.
Verdict: Pretty good until the last Chris Rock fucks it all up.

colapsable goal posts

remember when we used to be able to storm the field and tear down goal posts after a big win? i never personally did it, but it was always fun to watch. sure there were a few tramatic brain injuries in the midwest, but natural selection and all that.

on a related note, i do have to give Weaver just an ounce of credit as I've personally seen him open the gates to allow students to rush the court in the Cassel.

twitter.com/weavez22

Miami '03

The cadet core surrounded the goalpost in the NEZ as time was expiring and students were threatening to rush the field. It looked like a special forces until collapsing the damn thing. We were crammed up against the wall waiting to get on the field, some were willing to rush past police and more importantly police dogs. A few went, then more went, then a flood of people jumping over the wall, then finally they opened up the gate. It was madness.

Guaranteed.

'Cuz I'm gonna tell him.

NO TWEEDY, IT'S WHIP!!!!!!!

Cam Newton

On behalf of @ewechtal...

Who: Cam Newton
Plausibility: 12/10
Rationality: Its always his fault. Global warming, the London riots, AIDS, the Tea Party, the PS3 network hack, poverty, JFK's assassination, Bud Light Clamato, the last 6 minutes of the 2007 Boston College game, my C in 4th grade math, America's credit rating downgrade. I could go on forever.
Verdict: Why would it change now? Clearly this is the work of Cam Newton. Case closed.

NO TWEEDY, IT'S WHIP!!!!!!!

Don't forget Cecil

I totally agree but think it should be Cecil/Cam Newton, not just Cam. A young man can't bring all that destruction on the world without the help of a strong father figure.

case closed.

i think @HokieESQ has wrapped this up in a nice and neat little bow.

how has no one thought of this yet?

you could blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Blame it on the goose Got you

Blame it on the goose
Got you feeling loose
Blame it on petron
Got you in the zone
Blame it on the bourbon
Got you all swervin'

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

HD

Who: Heather Dinnich
Plausability: 8/10
Rationale: Half assed isnt the word for how she attempts to cover the ACC for ESPN. The diehards know their team and couldn't care less but for Semore Butts in Crewe, VA her link to some other asshole saying we may be NC bound is a springboard for him telling everyone his team is the best and Tyrod's the best WR he's ever seen.
Verdict: If choosing between marry, kill, or F her in any situation always choose kill.

Us

Who: The Good Luck Fairy or Us
Plausability: 8/10
Rationale: Failure/success is in the eyes of the beholders. If the team does not live up to our hopes, dreams, and expectations we would define it as failure. How could the team be better or perform better? We have a good set up for this year but there are no guarantees. Anything can happen so we need to have some luck on our side
Verdict: Don't believe the hype and be glad we are not Duke, UVa, UNC, Miami....