An Open Letter to the 2014 Recruiting Class

To All 2014 Virginia Tech Signees:

First of all, congratulations! We here at community are thrilled to have you aboard, and think you have really made the best choice possible. Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, HokieNation, are all anxiously awaiting your arrival.

I realize that the transition from high school superstar to collegiate freshman can be challenging, and thinking about all of the forthcoming changes is probably quite intimidating. Lucky for you, I'm here to lay out some of the basics. You see, I've been to college, I've been to college quite recently in fact. I know the do's, the don'ts, the ins, the outs and really most of the things that you'll want to do, but probably shouldn't. I'm basically like a combination of Tinkerbell, Van Wilder and Jimmy Turk.

(Don't know who The Turk is? Hopefully you never will.)

Anyways, let me walk you through the three basics: food, fans, and class.

Let's start with the food. Now, this isn't going to be the average lesson taught to all of the normal freshmen. Those plebeians are told to watch their weight and to make sure that they don't over-indulge in the numerous goodies all over campus in order to avoid the dreaded "freshman 15". You guys? The expectation is that you gain that much weight, and maybe even more (**cough, Andrew Ford**)! You have a team of nutritionists trying to help you out as much as possible, so if anyone can afford that extra cookie, it's you. I mean, this is some of the greatest grub found on any college campus across the country, I think it's your duty to indulge a little (but seriously, Andrew, can we get you anything? A cookie? A piece of pizza? Maybe an entire roasted chicken?).

I do want to mention the difference between good eating and bad eating. Good eating? Basically anything you will be given on campus. Seriously, the food specialists will pump you full of the right calories for proper Gentrification to take place. The bad eating though, that's the tricky part. There's going to be a time where you'll be at Taco Bell around 2:00 AM and want to eat one of everything off the menu for an epic FourthMeal. Contrary to what you may think, FourthMeal weight is not good weight, trust me, I speak from experience.

The next thing I want to walk you through is the support system. You see, the Virginia Tech fanbase is one of the most loyal and supportive groups of people that you will even encounter. They've wanted you to come here, and when you decided to their expectations will be quite high, and won't let them come down. Seriously, these people are still waiting for a guy that committed almost two and a half years ago to show up on campus (here's a hint: he's not coming to Blacksburg).

They will slap you with comparisons to players of yesteryear, whether you know who they are or not. Are you not a highly touted defensive lineman? Well you're the next Luther Maddy (looking at you, Sobczak). Are you an electrifying running back? Well if so, someone will probably see a little Kevin Jones in you, or if not KJ, maybe some Lee Suggs (what up, Shai McKenzie, Marshawn Williams). Are you a white receiver? Well actually, scratch that. Are you even remotely thinking about playing the receiver position? Well then there's a good chance that you could be Danny Coale-esque, right? And if you play defensive back, there is about a 120% chance that you will be compared to someone with the last name Fuller. Yeah, some people have a thing for Fullers.

Does it matter if you know who any of these players are that you're being compared to? Of course not! They only compare you to former greats because they want you to succeed. And if you don't, let's just say that no one is really quick to judge. In fact, the only thing you can do to break their trust and love for you is do something insanely selfish and outlandish. You know, something really REALLY crazy. For instance if you...oh I don't know...hold up a basketball player with two of your buddies and get booted off the team before the Sugar Bowl. Anything short of that and the court of public opinion will give you five strikes. For your sake, though, don't use all five strikes. I know I've mentioned The Turk already, but let's just not go down that road.

The last big thing to cover is class. This is probably the one part of college where the average student has the upper hand. You see, the whole thing about higher education is that no one technically makes you go to class. Should you? Of course. Do you always? Of course not. Now, thinking like that generally leads you to a six-year plan, but it's still technically the truth, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't skip a class here and there to (THIS SECTION HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE AUTHOR'S PARENTS READ THIS SITE).

Yeah, don't do any of the stuff that I just talked about because there is a person that makes you go to class and his name is Frank "The Tank" Beamer. Okay, no one actually calls him The Tank, but you get my point. He's the man that plays a really big role in deciding whether or not you stay on scholarship, not to mention the whole playing time thing. Sorry bros, class is not optional, who do you think you signed with, North Carolina?

Here are some quick hitters to make sure you keep in mind during your first year:

  • Smile, nod, and "thank you" on repeat can help you with any overzealous students or alumni you encounter unless the conversation begins with, "Hey, want to drive this leased car for a while?"
  • You know the scene in Space Jam where Michael Jordan gives the Tune Squad his secret stuff? Wait, you don't know what I'm talking about because you all were barely born when that movie came out? Well that's just...whatever, it doesn't matter. The point of the story is that if you happen to stumble upon a dusty old water bottle labeled "Marcus' Secret Stuff" DO NOT DRINK IT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
  • A lot of people will tell you to try to experience a ton of different things in downtown Blacksburg. It's no big city, but it's restaurant game is pretty solid for a small town. If you want to think big picture, however, I say figure out your favorite sandwich place immediately and try to get a sandwich named after you over the course of your four years. Vincent Mihota may only get four years of eligibility, but the Vinny Mi-hoagie? That's what we call leaving a legacy.

I guarantee that college is the freaking best, and from the moment you step on campus you'll have a great time. That is, unless a man in a straw hat is screaming at you from fifty yards away.



True Hokies STICK IT IN!!!

STICK IT IN Army of Virginia Tech


We clearly have the best signing class in the nation because we are the only ones to boast a player with the same last name as one of Columbus' ships.... Cars, Trucks, Ships, Sandwhiches - our players last names rocks are awesome



Do any football players even read this site?

I know juice williams and AJ Hughes read this, I don't know how often but both have tweeted links

"I'm high on Juice and ready to stick it in!" Whit Babcock

I think AJ Hughes was brought here by this.


I've heard no UNC players read this site.

UNC players can read?

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Only with a university-sponsored tutor

I just sit on my couch and b*tch. - HokieChemE2016

I've heard they've tried.....

If a tree falls in Scott Stadium does it make a sound?

This is fantastic

Go Tech

No hyper link(s) for "North Carolina"? Epic fail.

Please don't do any of the wrong things that require the services of Jimmy Turk.

Make the most of your time on and off the field, and welcome to Virginia Tech Football!

It's all about The VPISU
VT '10, Born & Raised in the 804.
Rockin in The Bakken.
GO: Freeman Rebels, Keydets, Black Knights (the VMI of the North), NY Rangers & Giants, and ATL Braves.

Brian's parents after reading his column each week.

Not true, Joe. I was born one day, but it wasn't yesterday! There's no way his mother and I would ever believe that he attended EVERY SINGLE CLASS during his four years there--we're simply not that naive. (However, we are OK with not knowing exactly WHY he didn't make it to those classes!) We may think Brian's an angel, but he's certainly no saint ("Michael" reference here)--he has too much of his father in him.

Brian's Dad

P.S. If we're ever at the same game, Joe, please come by our tailgate. We'd both love to meet you!

First off. if this is Brian's dad. You rock for being on TKP.

Second, and while I am no expert here, I like to think I know what your father is saying here Brian. And that is:

Yes, I'm really Brian's dad, and a faithful reader of TKP (but rarely one who comments). As for your second point, actually, my advice to both him and his little brother was more like this: "Work hard, be safe, AND have fun!"

Nice. Actually I really respect that as it was the same philosophy that my parents used with me and my older brother. We were given a fairly long leash provided we got good grades and did not get into trouble. And while we caused a lot of trouble we thankfully never got caught nor did anything that was really that bad. We both were at the top of our class and went on to college and then successful professional careers.

It's the same method I plan to use with my child as it seems successful.

I'm traveling to Ohio State, but because of the new baby the only home game I'll be able to make this year is Miami. The plan right now is for the website to host another tailgate to benefit a charity. I don't know if I'd be able to get away from that, but you're more than welcome to stop by. If I make another game, I'll definitely check with Brian to see if you're also in Blacksburg.

Sounds like a plan. Doubt I'll make it up to the OSU game, unless my uncle (the OSU grad) invites me. Not aure about which tech games we'll be attending, either. If not this season, there are many more to come. I certainly understand the radical lifestyle changes having a child produces. Good luck! However, take heart in the knowledge that, if I had to do it all over again, I'd still become a parent.

P.S. It's not just go to class. You must study and understand that that ultimately is why you will be at this institution of higher learning. Don't leave college without truly having an education - meaning useful knowledge in your head that you took the time and effort to put there. That aside, don't forget to kick some arse. Go Hokies!

Not to quibble, but I feel compelled to comment that, according to no less an authority than Augustus Fink-Nottle, true education is a drawing out, not a putting in.

"Our job as coaches is to influence young people's lives for the better in terms of fundamental skills, work ethic, and doing the right thing. Every now and again, a player actually has that effect on the coaching staff." Justin Fuente on Sam Rogers

Nice'n there from Mr. Fink-Nottle. Youse be a right. Wese puts 'er in so's we kin pull 'er out even mores. Thanky fer dat.

In regards to the whole "4th meal" things, DX is now open til 3am apparently. I wish it had been that way when I was on campus! It's also a good place to to buy double cheeseburgers to put in your hoodie pocket and sneak into football games.

3 am??? Sheesh, it's a good thing it wasn't like that when I was there...last year...cuz 3 am woulda been my new bed time. Jk 3 am was always my bed time.

I just sit on my couch and b*tch. - HokieChemE2016

Epic Letter. Your hired as the VT recruiting public relations adviser!

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!