The Frank Beamer Retirement Chronicles: Pedicure and Milkshake

Frank's about that relaxing life.

[@AyoKJones]

Frank Beamer won't lead the Hokies on the football field this season, but he hasn't completely faded from the spotlight. The former Virginia Tech head coach has made headlines plenty of times since his retirement, and he's even trended on social media. This series is The Key Play's effort to chronicle Beamer's retirement adventures and encounters.

A non-inclusive list of what Beamer's done in retirement includes: reading to kids, instructing/speaking at various coaching clinics, being honored by various groups, starring in a hilarious season ticket advertisement, and now relaxing with a pedicure.

Frank's feet are sore from stepping on UVA's throat the last twelve seasons. Dancing shoes fit way too tight too. In a true boss' move he's hammering down (what seems to be) a Cookout milkshake while soaking his dogs. Frank's affinity for milkshakes know no bounds. Pedicure and milkshake is next-level Netflix and Chill.

Comments

That commercial is freaking awesome...As is cookout.

This is quite possibly the best picture ever taken.

On a side note, I've been in the Cookout drive-through line behind Frank's Cadillac on multiple occasions. I've always wondered what his go-to shake flavor is.

"For those who have passed, for those to come, reach for excellence."

According to a user from reddit.com/r/cfb who apparently works there, he always gets a chocolate shake.

Could anything be more Beameresque than frequenting an establishment with 40 varieties of milkshake and always choosing chocolate? There's gotta be a Stinespring metaphor hiding in here somewhere.

β€œYou got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.”
― John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

I'm not sure how Cookout makes a chocolate milkshake. But, I'm going to say it's made of 3 things: milk, vanillla ice cream, and chocolate syrup. The chocolate milkshake is Virginia Tech football under CFB. The Vanilla ice cream is Bud's defense. It's the base for how we operate. It's solid and is what we base our strategies off of. The chocolate syrup is the special teams. It's what makes the milk shake special (let's not get into a vanilla vs. chocolate debate. Or do.). The milk just helps the whole mixture keep going. It does what it has to - thin it out a little so it can be consumed through a straw. Stinespring would be the milk reaching its expiration date. It kinda works just well enough that you can consume it, but once it goes bad the whole milkshake is ruined and we no longer have 10 win seasons.

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

Wow. You put a tremendous amount of work into that metaphor. Kudos. But I'm guessing you must not have ever actually consumed a Cookout milkshake. Those things are so thick, I nearly pass out trying to drink them through the straw. (Not a knock on Cookout, mind you. I love their shakes. But you need a fork and knife for those puppies, unless you let them sit in the hot car for an hour or so.)

β€œYou got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.”
― John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

Oh I've had a Cookout milkshake. A thick milkshake is the right milkshake. There is just enough milk in there that it can technically be called a milkshake. If you really want to drink it with a straw, it just requires a little more work. But I agree. The spoon is normally necessary.

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

The only good thing about McDonald's is the huge straw they give you with a milkshake.

"Our job as coaches is to influence young people's lives for the better in terms of fundamental skills, work ethic, and doing the right thing. Every now and again, a player actually has that effect on the coaching staff." Justin Fuente on Sam Rogers

I like McDonald's far better than most of their competition.

Depending on who you consider their competition, I don't disagree. To each his own, but personally I stay away from fast food.

"Our job as coaches is to influence young people's lives for the better in terms of fundamental skills, work ethic, and doing the right thing. Every now and again, a player actually has that effect on the coaching staff." Justin Fuente on Sam Rogers

we called them aneurysm milkshakes because that's what you'd end up with if you tried to drink one through a straw.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I am not even going to mention what needs to be stated in this sub-thread.

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

Wahoo. Well-blended

A decade on TKP and it's been time well spent.

Ok, is it time for Alex to connect with Frank for a retirement update interview?

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Absolutely - this sounds like an *excellent* idea!

So the off-season has come down to this? Frank's getting a pedicure, you say?...

May God save our souls.

But, seriously, I'm going to chime in here with a strong PSA:

I, like Frank, was treated to a pedicure with the girls at my own daughter's wedding not long ago. I intially balked, but...my daughter's wedding = Dad complies. (#rulestoliveby) It was my first ever pedicure (no surprise there), but I must report that it was, without a doubt, GLORIOUS! It kinda reminded me of that whole "who the hell needs heated seats" comment that I made when I got a Suburban years ago.

Sometimes, you just don't know what you're missing.

And Frank...I knew it!
BFF!

A picture is worth a thousand words. A gif is worth a million.

Hell ya, you are old and rich and have time on your hands. Do whatever you want!

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
β€œI served in the United States Navy"

A friend of mine met Beamer at the nail place the other day...never really would have picture him as a pedicure type of guy

Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

Gotta give Chip Patterson a few props for that brief, but humorous article.

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

cookout: putting the "dairy" in "legendary head coach Frank Beamer"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Now, if only that tub he's soaking his feet in were filled with milkshake, then he would be leg-in-dairy.

That may be the dumbest thing I have ever come up with.

That may be the dumbest thing I have ever come up with.

I bet that's quite a feet.

"Exit light..."

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

Oh God! Ew!

via GIPHY

Hokies United l Ut Prosim

One cannot upvote this enough!

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Seriously. I'm not sure how I will ever aTOEne for such a bad joke.

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin