The Strangest Reason why CJF will not go to FSU

LOLWUT
SB Nation Article

Yesterday, we brought you the story of FSU Pi Kapps being accused of jumping kicker Ricky Aguayo after a couple of missed field goals in the team's win over Florida last season. According to the report, Aguayo was punched, called tight end Ryan Izzo for a backup and a fight ensued. Now, it appears, Aguayo's role in fraternity disputes has thickened and involves at least one small, innocent little turtle.

Police reports say at about 2 a.m. Feb. 18, Aguayo, Izzo and another man known only as "Shane" were found on the first floor of the neighboring Phi Sigma Kappa house, which had been ransacked.

Fraternity member Daniel Furmanski, who was awoken by loud "celebratory chants coming from the living room," spotted one of the football players holding the house pet turtle, named "Turntle."

Its shell was ripped from its body, according to the police report, and it appeared dead.

The fraternity brother told police it was unclear who killed the turtle. He never confronted the football players nor asked them to leave.

This alleged turtle incident happened roughly two months after the Pi Kapp incident, both of which occurred in the wee morning hours. Aguayo parties, we know that. But is he a turtle murderer? Can he be trusted from more than 30 yards out?

So essentially, FSU Kicker Ricky Aguayo and Star TE Ryan Izzo ransacked an FSU fraternity house and killed their pet turtle after they were mugged last week by members of the fraternity house. You cannot make this stuff up

The Reddit page has gotten pretty hilarious

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Comments

Turntle lolol

Amateur superstar and idiot extraordinaire.

I mean I get it... but hell... Ripping the shell off a turtle and then parading it around?

That's pretty disgusting, and is a warning flag of psychopath status.

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

If you don't want to recruit clowns, don't run a clown show.

"I want to punch people from UVA right in the neck." - Colin Cowherd

Yeah, I'm not a mental health professional, but I think "tortures and kills small defenseless animals" is not good.

Deposit whiskey, receive wisdom.

How do we feel about torturing and killing family pets? Y'know, like dogs?

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

You put those words together, those are my favorite words, Popeyes and bahama
- Mike Burnup

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

2026 Season Challenge: TBD
Previous Challenges: Star Wars (2019), Marvel (2020), Batman (2021), Wrasslin' (2022)

So is this like trolling your own fanbase or what

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it." - K

2026 Season Challenge: TBD
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"Trolling"? Not even. Just noting a whiff of irony.

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

I think it's bad and if you do it you should be punished by the legal system.

Deposit whiskey, receive wisdom.

I think it's bad and if you do it you should be punished by the legal system, re-enter society, perform hundreds of hours of CS, start a charitable foundation, and pay off your debts almost to the cent.

the numbers don’t lie and they spell disaster

Exactly.

Deposit whiskey, receive wisdom.

As a former frat bro and current baby snapping turtle owner (Dino is his name), these allegations are disturbing.

As a Hokie, can we all just relax and realize that Fuente is not going anywhere for at least the next few years?

You will see this game, this upset and this sign next on ESPN Sportscenter. Virginia Tech 31 Miami 7

His decision was made after a phone call with longtime Virginia Tech assistant coach Bud Foster. All Foster told him was, "We win. They don't."

#Justice4Turntle

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

Fraternity member Daniel Furmanski, who was awoken by loud "celebratory chants coming from the living room," spotted one of the football players holding the house pet turtle, named "Turntle."

Its shell was ripped from its body, according to the police report, and it appeared dead.

The Orange and Maroon you see, that's fighting on to victory.

So it sounds like that it's within the culture of FSU to not care for things with "shells."

First crab legs, and now Turntles....

#sauces say CJF hates tortoises, always rooted for the hare as a kid.

He's headed to FSU.

Hokies United l Ut Prosim

Hmm, I do hate Terrapins and their WVU-esque asshat fans

I'm grimacing so bad from reading this that I hurt in the pit of my stomach.

Also, is it sad I instinctively want to down vote this thread (I didn't, btw) because my brain immediately tied doing so to down voting these FSU players IRL?

I can just make another account to downvote excessively as symbolism
/s

You put those words together, those are my favorite words, Popeyes and bahama
- Mike Burnup

Heh. Well, like I said I didn't -- I started to then remembered I'd be down voting you/the post, and not these asshat players who need proper punishment if they're truly guilty of all of this and won't get it because they're Free Shoes U players.

But, God, just the thought of what they did makes me sick and angry.

Daniel Furmanski

Sounds like a member or Delta Tau Chi

Even when you get skunked; fishing never lets you down. 🎣

If my dwindling memory serves me, we were in the mix for Izzo.

The turtles of Montgomery county are safe....

the story of FSU Pi Kapps

neighboring Phi Sigma Kappa house

This alleged turtle incident happened roughly two months after the Pi Kapp incident

So essentially, FSU Kicker Ricky Aguayo and Star TE Ryan Izzo ransacked an FSU fraternity house and killed their pet turtle after they were mugged last week by members of the fraternity house. You cannot make this stuff up

Apparently you can make it up because Pi Kappa Alpha, or PIKE, is different from Phi Sigma Kappa, or BAMFs, and the incidents were two months apart not a week. Either way if I came down stairs and a couple big dudes chanting around a mutilated turtle I would probably try to sneak away slowly without being seen.

Plan for the worst and hope for the best, not the other way around.

As a member of Pi Kappa Phi from VT, I don't understand why this fraternity at FSU is being called Pi Kapps as that is what we are. They should be called Pi Sigs and the players should be called inmate!

Jeremiah 29:11 and Go Hokies!

I have heard Pi Kapp used for both Pi Kappa Phi and Pi Kappa Alpha

Plan for the worst and hope for the best, not the other way around.

*insert obligatory 'fuck Pike'*

I would root for the Russians before I would root for Virginia.

Damn this is cruelty on par with bullseyeing womprats in your T-16.

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
“I served in the United States Navy"

Jesus Christmas how fucked up do you have to be to do that to a turtle? That's some serial killer shit right there.

This story is so out there I'm gonna definitely extend my normal 24 hour rule to 72 hours before making any judgement.

Ya know, this thread has NOTHING to do with Fuente.

Can someone call in to one of the radio shows and get CJF to say this? Then record it and post it here? Should sound perfect.

And then Bud to chime in with a

"When I was growing up, Virginia Tech was a school that was kicking ass and taking names, and it's time we get back to that" - James Franklin

Yeah, Fuente's not leaving. FSU's football program appears to be a shell of its former self.

Haha too soon!

#RIPTurntle

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

#FearTheTurntle

Good thread, poor title. Rip turntle

VB born, class of '14

THE STRANGEST REASON X WILL NOT HAPPEN

IceHokie beefing up that Buzzfeed title game resume.

Outspoken team cake advocate. Hates terrapins. Resident Macho Man Gif Poster. Distant cousin to Dork Magic. Frequently misspells words.

WIth this situation in full swing, I just figured it was another nail in the coffin

You put those words together, those are my favorite words, Popeyes and bahama
- Mike Burnup

Aguayo better watch his back. Turntle had friends...

via GIPHY

Seriously though, not sure how anyone can look at those guys and not think they have some real problems after something like that.

I don't remember that episode of psych.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I saw one a little bit bigger than that when I was driving back from fishing from the James a few years ago, do not want to mess with them at all.

"Oi! What's a Horkie"
"I am ya Grot!"

"Horkies were made for two fings foighten' and winnen'" - Horkie Warboss

"That Gritty git doesn't exactly look like a Horkie, but by Gork and Mork it acts like one!"-Random Horkie Boy

TURNTLES HATE HIM!!!

SEE WHY CJF DOESN'T GO TO FSU USING THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK!!!

“Also, a microwave has never danced it's ass off to Jackie Wilson.” - AssPocketFullOWhiskey

If I had a nickel for every time someone on here speculated Fuente might leave for another school I still wouldn't have enough money to hire a coach for Tennessee

Directions from Blacksburg to whoville, go north till you smell it then go east until you step in it

... or even enough to pay their buyout when Tennessee fires them a few years later.

I could have gone on happily without hearing about this.

RIP Turntle, good night sweet prince

@hokie_rd

I will be at Gameday tomorrow and am thinking about making a RIP Turntle sign.

Do it.

Since I read this thing I've been thinking about it all day and I've been getting myself worked up over it. I'm gonna stay away from this thread.

Maybe those guys will one day be looking up at some folks that might say something like this:

And maybe some of us will think of it as karma.

Updated Police Reports now say Aguayo pissed on Turntle before killing him 🤬😡👎
What a douche, seriously

You put those words together, those are my favorite words, Popeyes and bahama
- Mike Burnup

I hope he falls into a sewer and meets four renaissance-named distributors of karma.

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD