Paul Johnson eats his breakfast - usually eggs and toast - and talks all the way through it, unknowingly spitting little bits of egg and toast everywhere.
Wait.
No, that's my father-in-law.
Still, fuck Paul Johnson.
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Paul Johnson is dreamy. I dream of Paul Johnson. He is my dream coach. I dream of Paul Johnson recruiting me to play for his team. I dream of being an A number one dreamed of chop blocker for Paul Johnson.
Is there any recruit who dreams that?
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Paul Johnson is related to Biff Tannen.
Paul Johnson thinks Piano Man is Billy Joel's best song.
Paul Johnson drinks Baileys from a shoe
Paul Johnson thinks that the turkey is the best part of thanksgiving
Paul Johnson opines that Bill and Teds adventure was mediocre at best.
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Paul Johnson goes to a seafood buffet, eats till he has to shit, thinks the single ply TP in the bathroom is just fine, doesn't wash his hands and goes straight back to the buffet line with shit hands.
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Paul Johnson, as your supervisor, gives you shit for calling off to deal with your broken down vehicle, but then does the exact same thing the next day and it's totally fine.
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Paul Johnson never flushes the toilet. Period. End of sentence. There is no punch line. There is nothing else. If you're still reading this you've messed up. Seriously, you are just wasting your time now. Sorry, not sorry.
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If you have nuts on your wall, are they walnuts? If you have nuts on your chest, are they chestnuts? If you have balls on your chin, then you probably have a d*ck in your mouth.
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Paul Johnson slows down when he sees you waiting to cross at a crosswalk, but then honks and revs his engine qhen you're halfway across because you're taking too long.
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Paul Johnson seemed to be in a big damn hurry when he cut you off and swerved into your lane.
But now that the light is green, he makes the command decision that we'll all just "sit this one out" while he scours the floorboards looking for his chap stick.
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Comments
Paul Johnson didn't like Purdue's win last night.
My wallet didn't like Purdue's win last night...
What in fuck's name
It's a Ballchinian aka Paul Johnson
If you could photoshop the gif with Bud on Tommy Lee Jones and CPJ on the ballchinian* you would be my hero.
*As a side note my iPad recognizes "ballchinian" as an actual word. What a time to be alive.
Paul Johnson thinks that GT has a very efficient AND effective passing game
Paul Johnson thinks that all the rules about chop blocking are just good old fashioned football under assault from these snowflake millennials.
Paul Johnson says "the players want to be chop blocked"
Paul Johnson thinks there's no correlation between football and knee injuries
Paul Johnson doesn't think that was a personal foul.
It's my first game to attend of the year and Captain Chinball's thinks the Chopblocks are going to win.
Paul Johnson sucks.
Paul Johnson eats microwaved bacon on purpose.
Paul Johnson prefers turkey bacon.
But his favorite is vegan "bacon".
I agree. This week and Nov. 10.
Paul Johnson turns off his porch light on Halloween.
No, he goes out but leaves the porch light on.
And doesn't leave a bowl of candy out
Paul Johnson meticulously puts razor blades in Halloween candy
Paul Johnson doesn't thank the bus driver.
Paul Johnson petitioned the NCAA to ban all passing plays at the FBS level
Paul Johnson thinks a Yellow Jacket is a bee....doesn't know the difference between a bee and a wasp.
What a jackass.
Paul Johnson agrees with Larry Fedora on CTE!
Fuck CPJ.
Fuck the Chopblockers.
Fuck other "Tech".
Fuck the refs that absolutely refuse to uphold the rule book equally.
Done.
While we're here, fuck Matt Ryan
And, of course, fuck Pat Nardouchenozzle.
Paul Johnson eats his breakfast - usually eggs and toast - and talks all the way through it, unknowingly spitting little bits of egg and toast everywhere.
Wait.
No, that's my father-in-law.
Still, fuck Paul Johnson.
Paul Johnson blames Coach Foster for Joshua Nesbitt's broken arm.
Paul Johnson is a penis
Paul Johnson got a lip piercing and everyone mistook it for a "Prince Albert"
Specifically, a small penis.
Simultaneously a small penis and a huge dick.
Paul Johnson is dreamy. I dream of Paul Johnson. He is my dream coach. I dream of Paul Johnson recruiting me to play for his team. I dream of being an A number one dreamed of chop blocker for Paul Johnson.
Is there any recruit who dreams that?
This is the stuff of nightmares
Paul Johnson is related to Biff Tannen.
Paul Johnson thinks Piano Man is Billy Joel's best song.
Paul Johnson drinks Baileys from a shoe
Paul Johnson thinks that the turkey is the best part of thanksgiving
Paul Johnson opines that Bill and Teds adventure was mediocre at best.
Leg for the Old Greg reference!
Paul Johnson thinks the chop-block is the cleanest play in sports
Paul Johnson thinks defensive tackles knees are over-rated
Paul Johnson anagrams to Scrotum Mandible
Wait...
Oh! Jokes! I get jokes.
Yessir, leg!
fam, same
I hate to correct you but it's a synonym, not at anagram.
Paul Johnson means to reply to the above post telling them to TKP harder but accidentally makes a new comment
After Thursday night, Paul Johnson will have his own case of the runs.
Because Fuente is going to stomp the shit out of him? I like it.
Paul Johnson goes to a seafood buffet, eats till he has to shit, thinks the single ply TP in the bathroom is just fine, doesn't wash his hands and goes straight back to the buffet line with shit hands.
This is oddly specific. Is everything okay?
Yes, well no.......I FUCKING HATE PAUL JOHNSON
Would you say that you are obsessed with him?
No I just want to shred his knees.
Paul Johnson is developing the quadruple option offense to match the number of chins he has
Paul Johnson sucks.
Paul Johnson creates his own forms of mockery.
He looks like he wants the policemen to take him home and handcuff him
Paul Johnson licks his own balls.
amazed he gets anything done
Paul Johnston doesn't like open bars at weddings
Paul Johnson will pass on Bud, but he won't give Bud a pass.
Paul Johnson's face just pisses me off
paul Johnson thinks stewart scott coined the term "cooler than the other side of the pillow" about him.
Paul Johnson has never watched Seinfeld and has no interest in ever watching Seinfeld.
Paul Johnson hates puppies and took your grandma out for a lovely steak dinner and never called her again
to which he ordered his steak extra well, with a side of ketchup.
NO POLITICAL STEAKMENTS
/ssssearbothsidesandfinishintheoven
Paul Johnson makes his wife wash clothes in a wash tub, forces his kids to mow the yard with a sickle, and uses oil lamps instead of electricity.
Paul Johnson eats the stump of the muffin and throws the top away.
Paul Johnson believes the forward pass represents everything that is wrong with football these days.
Paul Johnson only shoots layups when you play HORSE.
Paul Johnson takes your mom out to a nice dinner at Golden Corral, but when she gets up to hit the buffet, he cut blocks her in the side of the knee.
Paul Johnson doesn't think his passing attack is effective
false
Paul Johnson changes his mind frequently
...which is probably why he runs the ball 95% of the time....
Paul Johnson schedules a meeting to talk about the proper way to schedule meetings.
Paul Johnson shuttles each play in with an actual player. No really he does.
Paul Johnson eats half a donut and puts the other half back in the box.
His chin once gave a great press conference
Paul Johnson thinks Patrick Reed should be the next Ryder Cup Captain...for life.
But will still root for the Euros in 2020 at Bethpage.
Paul Johnson likes it when stores put out Christmas merchandise before Columbus Day.
Paul Johnson is a douchebag and I want to punch him in his chinball face.
Paul Johnson trout fishes with double-barbed treble hooks
Paul Johnson owns stock in the company that makes the medical devices used to fix blown knees.
Paul Johnson shows up to potluck meals with a two liter and 8 family members.
This happened didn't it?
Hatin on threads are my place to vent about society. They've almost all happened.
Same here.
Paul Johnson doesn't like dogs and prefers cats saying "cats are more loyal and lovable, cats are mans best friend"
Paul Johnson, as your supervisor, gives you shit for calling off to deal with your broken down vehicle, but then does the exact same thing the next day and it's totally fine.
Paul Johnson likes Flex Seal Commercials.
Paul Johnson mutters 'that's a lotta damage' to himself as opposing defenders are helped off the field with knee injuries.
Paul Johnson secretly competed in battle bots and put out one of the most infuriatingly successful, but boring to watch bots: Tombstone.
And he lost to a 16 seed in the tournament! That was GLORIOUS!! #BiteforceForLife
Paul Johnson plays paintball and shoots his teammates in the back and says "I couldn't find anyone else."
Paul Johnson comes to a craft brewery and complains that they don't have Bud/Miller/Busch/Natty Light.
Paul Johnson is a sovereign citizen.
Paul Johnson likes turtlenecks...for obvious reasons
Paul Johnson did the #ICEBUCKET challenge with warm water.
Paul Johnson misses the respect that Russell Athletic uniforms brought the program.
Paul Johnson never flushes the toilet. Period. End of sentence. There is no punch line. There is nothing else. If you're still reading this you've messed up. Seriously, you are just wasting your time now. Sorry, not sorry.
Nor does he wash his hands. Not even in a restroom that only has air dryers - no towels.
The lead-in to that
Paul Johnson thought it was a good idea to get rid of the honeycomb helmet, one of the more unique looks in college football uni design.
PJ doesn't remove the bee's nest from his mailbox and chastises the mail carrier for their lack of team spirit.
Wolf: "little Paul little Paul let me in"
Paul: "not by the balls on my chinny chin chin"
If you have nuts on your wall, are they walnuts? If you have nuts on your chest, are they chestnuts? If you have balls on your chin, then you probably have a d*ck in your mouth.
Paul Johnson doesn't like Cake nor Pie. He also hates coffee. Paul Johnson may not be human...!
Paul Johnson unwraps the bacon from his bacon-wrapped scallops before eating them.
Paul Johnson bought Air Jordans from UNC
Paul Johnson is a big, fat, doo doo head
Paul Johnson slows down when he sees you waiting to cross at a crosswalk, but then honks and revs his engine qhen you're halfway across because you're taking too long.
Paul Johnson sees you turn your blinker on to merge into his lane then promptly speeds up to cut you off before you can merge.
Paul Johnson has always been jealous of his more successful, more famous hotel chain founding brother, Howard Johnson.
As the game gets closer I'm getting more amped...but must remain calm at my desk.
Fuck.
Paul
Johnson
Paul Johnson seemed to be in a big damn hurry when he cut you off and swerved into your lane.
But now that the light is green, he makes the command decision that we'll all just "sit this one out" while he scours the floorboards looking for his chap stick.
Paul Johnson thinks plastic sporks were a clever invention.
Paul Johnson thinks K-Cups are great and says to hell with the environment.
Paul Johnson agrees that Grim went down before he nose of the ball crossed the plane.