Dave Clawson spent Saturday night trying to figure out if he took his medication or not before the VT game, said screw it and decided to drink, and THEN, took his meds before bed, and is now hurting the following morning.
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Coach Clawson: Welcome to Wake Forest, or as I like to call it the sanctuary of the Double Ds.
Recruit: Um.... yeah nice to meet you Coach
DC: Call me Dave
Recruit: Nice to meet you Dave
Dave: So back to those Double Ds. I have this program on the verge of busrting out ..
Recruit: Coach Dave?
Dave: Just Dave
Recruit: Do you talk to Coach Doeren at all?
Dave: Oh yeah we're buds
Recruit: That makes a lot of sense
Dave: We room together ever year at the ACC media days
Recruit: you dont get your own room?
Dave: Swofford doesn't like to spend the money it seems. All the other coaches get their own room. Well except Cutcliff, Swofford makes him stay at home and drive everyday.
Recruit: Interesting
Dave: Yeah its been great though, Manny calls us "The Daves".
Recruit: Thats grrreaat.
Dave: Now back to our DD program. The best part about the Wake Double Ds is our unique offensive identity.
Recruit: Dave, I'm a defensive player.
Dave: Oh you wanna watch the game where I set college offenses back 10 years?
Recruit: Yeah, I love a good defensive game
Dave: I didn't say it had good defensive.
Recruit: Oh
Dave: You know what is a selling point about the Wake Double Ds? The women. You dont have to worry about going pro here, find your self a woman and you two can live off her daddy's money.
Recruit: I dont really care about that in a relationship
Dave: Well you'll learn. What are your thoughts about moonshine, cause everyone drinks designer moonshine ironically here.
Recruit: I'm 18 and dont have access to moonshine
Dave: Oh yeah drinking age thing ... Well another perk of being a Wake Double D is that we wear black, like Batman.
Recruit: I do like the black.
Dave: Chicks around here dig the black. We have a saying around here, :::Does his best Will Arnett impression::: ... ABE, All Black Everything. We only use black ink on unfortunately white paper; I was told black paper wouldn't work well. I think asked if I dark gray would work, but alas it still wouldn't be very readable.
Recruit: Are you trying to talk like Batman?
Dave: We need to get you some swag to put on to fell like what it is like to be engulfed in the darkness. It feels like you're in space!
Recruit: Okay lets do that
Dave: :::yells out::: Turn on the Metal! ... No not that one, we need the movie montage clothes trying on metal.
Recruit: The have heavy metal for movie montages, what movie?
Dave: We do things our own way down here, Let's go!.
::: well dressed man servants prance around with athletic equipment for recruits to try on::::
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Dave Clawson sets a "go live" date to a major company system upgrade without even understanding or using any part of the system, talking to the system experts or gathering any information on task lists and duration of tasks. What a donkey's spurtle!
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Dave Clawson isn't even his real name. It's David C. Lawson, but the secretary at his kindergarten typed it in wrong and he's never had the balls to correct it. Bleacher Report Story.
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Dave Clawson was never actually hired by WF. The actual candidates never responded to their emails. Dave just kept showing up to practice with a whistle and WF said, "Whatevs" and gave him an office.
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I think that's the same with things like beer or bourbon or other generally good things. Just because I like it as a whole doesn't mean I don't have a strong preference as to a particular type or that Vlassic are soft wet noodles compared to Claussen.
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Dave Clawson is the annoying pedestrian that has to walk on the street, 6 or 8 feet in from the curb, when there are sidewalks on both sides of the street*.
* seriously, these vermin are all over my neighborhood and I just wish the Death Race 2000 people would come through every couple of weeks to thin out the herd.
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Dave Clawson will take you out to a bar for a round of drinks, and unironically repeats the phrase (loudly, and to the entire bar), "Ain't no laws when you're drinkin' with Claws!!!"
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Dave Clawson already has Christmas decorations up at his house. And his office. And his other house. And his car has Reindeer antlers and a red nose hood ornament. And he works out to a Christmas-only playlist on his phone without headphones.
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Dave Clawson thinks the swoop in the new VT academic logo makes perfect sense and very obviously represents inclusion, as opposed to some bullshit an overpaid marketing consulting group made up.
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Dave Clawson if filing a patent for the TacTrimmer right now to cut your pets nails with unmatched hydraulic powered snips and a 600W LED light to help you see when cutting your dogs nails in a blizzard.
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Dave Clawson got so tired of hearing the term Weak Florist, he bought all the flower shops in Winston Salem and turned them into biker bars and if anyone ever mutters those words again there is gonna be hell to pay buddy. No seriously man it is not that f-ing original and what is so weak about beating Tech 6 to 3 in overtime baby and to this day he is still puzzled why Beamer raised his arms at the end of regulation in celebration, the game was not over and he had a better field goal kicker.
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Dave Clawson plays up how much history is at the Wake Forest campus, and points to areas that Arnie Palmer used to hang out thinking up his now famous drink.
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Dave Clawson chops up the fairway with his 9 iron and refuses to cover up the big hole that's now on the 12th hole. He doesn't tip the beer cart girl, but wants to know what time her shift ends. Everytime he slices to the right, he blames his golf club, "should've spent the extra $500 for some Taylormade".
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Dave Clawson gives a neighborhood PSA that it's fine to mow and weed eat any time of day but complains when a leaf blower is used for more than 10min because he doesn't like oscillating sound.
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Dave Clawson has one 8 year old kid with private tutor who complains to the state education board that their kid isn't getting enough education time going 1/2 days which resulted in all K-5 grades getting 2-4 extra hours of work sent home to be completed each half day they are not at school. He doesn't work full time, doesn't have 3 separate kids in that age group and his 1 kid doesn't participate in any extracurricular activities. Then he goes on social media rants insulting each and every other full time working parent struggling to try and make it work for their kids. Dave Clawson is a douche canoe.
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Dave Clawson thinks it was a fair decision to give undergrad students a 10% reduction in tuition because they "aren't getting the full experience they paid for" while at the same time telling the law students they're getting the same education so what does it matter and they need to pay full tuition
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Dave Clawson was selected to be a contestant on The Masked Singer. He only backed out because the producers wouldn't let him wear the Demon Deacon costume. Even he knew it wouldn't be a dead giveaway.
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Comments
Dave Clawson thinks there needs to be more Taschaver ads on the ACCN.
Dave claws his son
Dave Clawson collects chamber pots.
Dave Clawson spent Saturday night trying to figure out if he took his medication or not before the VT game, said screw it and decided to drink, and THEN, took his meds before bed, and is now hurting the following morning.
Dave Clawson doesn't even own a Spurtle.
Dave Clawson borrows your spurtles and never gives them back
Dave Clawson uses your Spurtles in his chamber pots.
Dave Clawson uses a whisk or fork to mix dry ingredients, like a caveman.
Dave Clawson refers to himself as the Spurtle of the ACC and thinks that's good
Dave Clawson uses the Navage for enemas.
Dave Clawson uses his wife's Navage for enemas.
Joke time....what's the differemce between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? .......
The taste!
How do you know? Is your real name Mack Brown?
Coach Clawson: Welcome to Wake Forest, or as I like to call it the sanctuary of the Double Ds.
Recruit: Um.... yeah nice to meet you Coach
DC: Call me Dave
Recruit: Nice to meet you Dave
Dave: So back to those Double Ds. I have this program on the verge of busrting out ..
Recruit: Coach Dave?
Dave: Just Dave
Recruit: Do you talk to Coach Doeren at all?
Dave: Oh yeah we're buds
Recruit: That makes a lot of sense
Dave: We room together ever year at the ACC media days
Recruit: you dont get your own room?
Dave: Swofford doesn't like to spend the money it seems. All the other coaches get their own room. Well except Cutcliff, Swofford makes him stay at home and drive everyday.
Recruit: Interesting
Dave: Yeah its been great though, Manny calls us "The Daves".
Recruit: Thats grrreaat.
Dave: Now back to our DD program. The best part about the Wake Double Ds is our unique offensive identity.
Recruit: Dave, I'm a defensive player.
Dave: Oh you wanna watch the game where I set college offenses back 10 years?
Recruit: Yeah, I love a good defensive game
Dave: I didn't say it had good defensive.
Recruit: Oh
Dave: You know what is a selling point about the Wake Double Ds? The women. You dont have to worry about going pro here, find your self a woman and you two can live off her daddy's money.
Recruit: I dont really care about that in a relationship
Dave: Well you'll learn. What are your thoughts about moonshine, cause everyone drinks designer moonshine ironically here.
Recruit: I'm 18 and dont have access to moonshine
Dave: Oh yeah drinking age thing ... Well another perk of being a Wake Double D is that we wear black, like Batman.
Recruit: I do like the black.
Dave: Chicks around here dig the black. We have a saying around here, :::Does his best Will Arnett impression::: ... ABE, All Black Everything. We only use black ink on unfortunately white paper; I was told black paper wouldn't work well. I think asked if I dark gray would work, but alas it still wouldn't be very readable.
Recruit: Are you trying to talk like Batman?
Dave: We need to get you some swag to put on to fell like what it is like to be engulfed in the darkness. It feels like you're in space!
Recruit: Okay lets do that
Dave: :::yells out::: Turn on the Metal! ... No not that one, we need the movie montage clothes trying on metal.
Recruit: The have heavy metal for movie montages, what movie?
Dave: We do things our own way down here, Let's go!.
::: well dressed man servants prance around with athletic equipment for recruits to try on::::
Clawson stirs his porridge with a Couthie Spurtle.
Dave Clawson hands out raisins to trick-or-treaters
Loose from the big box, not the little individual snack boxes.
he actually uses the big cardboard cylinder, encourages the kids to dig their hands right on in there to get as many as possible
That's old school.
Dave Clawson assigns your son vocab homework then gives him a zero because he copied the dictionary definition.
If y'all keep talking about quarterbacks, Clawson's gonna transfer.
Dave Clawson thinks the WF stadium is "just like Lane."
Dave Clawson tells recruits that Truist Field is a refined version of Lane Stadium.
Dave Clawson sets a "go live" date to a major company system upgrade without even understanding or using any part of the system, talking to the system experts or gathering any information on task lists and duration of tasks. What a donkey's spurtle!
Dave Clawson says, "I'll get back to you on that," and never does.
Dave Clawson is the kind of guy you squirt with a water bottle
A Squirtle, if you will.
Is this similar to a Spurtle?
This guy gets it.
Dave Clawson changes the zoom settings to participant webcam required.
Dave Clawson thinks Winston-Salem is the prettiest town in North Carolina
He also thinks that the highways in Winston-Salem are well thought out, in great shape, easy to exit on and off and can handle the traffic flow.
Dave Clawson does that weird delayed mesh thing on RPOs.
Dave Clawson uses a capital "d"
Dave Clawson isn't even his real name. It's David C. Lawson, but the secretary at his kindergarten typed it in wrong and he's never had the balls to correct it. Bleacher Report Story.
Dave Clawson was never actually hired by WF. The actual candidates never responded to their emails. Dave just kept showing up to practice with a whistle and WF said, "Whatevs" and gave him an office.
Dave Clawson drinks mimosas at dinner
Dave Clawson made noise complaints about Ziggys.
Dave Clawson thinks there should be a hard seltzer called Dave Claw.
Dave Clawson doesn't like Claussen Pickles because they spell "Clawson" wrong
Legit question. Has TKP had a pickle brand debate? Because I think it has the potential to rival the mayonnaise thread.
I think no
Dave Clawson uses mayonaisal spray
Is there a debate to be had about pickles brands? I mean if some one offers me a pickle I say yes! I don't ask what brand.
P.S. only got me in trouble once.
I think that's the same with things like beer or bourbon or other generally good things. Just because I like it as a whole doesn't mean I don't have a strong preference as to a particular type or that Vlassic are soft wet noodles compared to Claussen.
This is the way
There are definitely bad pickles out there.
Low-key one of the best episodes of classic TV.
Dave Clawson is the annoying pedestrian that has to walk on the street, 6 or 8 feet in from the curb, when there are sidewalks on both sides of the street*.
* seriously, these vermin are all over my neighborhood and I just wish the Death Race 2000 people would come through every couple of weeks to thin out the herd.
Leg for the Deathrace 2000 reference.
And not the more recent abominations.
Dave Clawson watches while his dog poops in your yard and doesn't bother to pick it up.
Dave Clawson enjoys watching the ACC commercial over and over on YouTube TV during football games. He pauses it on the Wake Forrest parts every time.
Dave Clawson jumps out from behind lockers, tickling the team managers while yelling "THE CLAAAAAWWWW"
Dave Clawson will take you out to a bar for a round of drinks, and unironically repeats the phrase (loudly, and to the entire bar), "Ain't no laws when you're drinkin' with Claws!!!"
Dave Clawson had an imaginary friend named Douglas as a child
Dave Clawson already has Christmas decorations up at his house. And his office. And his other house. And his car has Reindeer antlers and a red nose hood ornament. And he works out to a Christmas-only playlist on his phone without headphones.
Dave Clawson leaves his Christmas house decorations up all year ... and the decorations at the office too.
all year 'round
Dave Clawson refers to his school as "Woke Forrest" to make it seem more diverse.
Dave Clawson thinks the swoop in the new VT academic logo makes perfect sense and very obviously represents inclusion, as opposed to some bullshit an overpaid marketing consulting group made up.
Dave grew to like the new VT logo and isn't mad about it anymore.
Dave Clawson if filing a patent for the TacTrimmer right now to cut your pets nails with unmatched hydraulic powered snips and a 600W LED light to help you see when cutting your dogs nails in a blizzard.
Or underwater.
Dave Clawson doesn't like bear claws and doesn't get why you think that's ironic.
Dave Clawson loves the retro 80's color screen the ACC network uses on overhead replays.
Dave Clawson doesn't think Young Frankenstein is a funny movie.
Dave Clawson got so tired of hearing the term Weak Florist, he bought all the flower shops in Winston Salem and turned them into biker bars and if anyone ever mutters those words again there is gonna be hell to pay buddy. No seriously man it is not that f-ing original and what is so weak about beating Tech 6 to 3 in overtime baby and to this day he is still puzzled why Beamer raised his arms at the end of regulation in celebration, the game was not over and he had a better field goal kicker.
Dave Clawson thinks bobbing for apples is a fun team-building exercise.
Dave Clawson likes to put his own spin on bobbing for apples: bobbing for raw egg
yokesyolksdave clawson calls them yokes
But to Dave's credit, he does know that bobbin' for apples just doesn't measure up to having his offensive linemen do UVa snow angels.
Every night, Dave Clawson tucks his kids in and tells them, "You know how I keep your mother happy? I give her the Claw, son!"
Dave Clawson's family sticks him at the Kids' Table at Thanksgiving.
Dave Clawson wears an r-rated Santa costume and tells his wife to "get ready for Santa Clawson to fill your stocking."
Dave Clawson thinks Pat Narduzzi is an all-around great guy
Dave Clawson tucks his shirt into his briefs.
Dave Clawson doesn't think the team name "Demon Deacons" is ironic at all.
Dave Clawson plays up how much history is at the Wake Forest campus, and points to areas that Arnie Palmer used to hang out thinking up his now famous drink.
Dave Clawson chops up the fairway with his 9 iron and refuses to cover up the big hole that's now on the 12th hole. He doesn't tip the beer cart girl, but wants to know what time her shift ends. Everytime he slices to the right, he blames his golf club, "should've spent the extra $500 for some Taylormade".
It's embarassing.
Dave Clawson gives a neighborhood PSA that it's fine to mow and weed eat any time of day but complains when a leaf blower is used for more than 10min because he doesn't like oscillating sound.
This sounds oddly specific.
Dave Clawson has one 8 year old kid with private tutor who complains to the state education board that their kid isn't getting enough education time going 1/2 days which resulted in all K-5 grades getting 2-4 extra hours of work sent home to be completed each half day they are not at school. He doesn't work full time, doesn't have 3 separate kids in that age group and his 1 kid doesn't participate in any extracurricular activities. Then he goes on social media rants insulting each and every other full time working parent struggling to try and make it work for their kids. Dave Clawson is a douche canoe.
Dave Clawson thinks it was a fair decision to give undergrad students a 10% reduction in tuition because they "aren't getting the full experience they paid for" while at the same time telling the law students they're getting the same education so what does it matter and they need to pay full tuition
Dave Clawson is a big fan of Sinclair Media.
Winner right here!
Dave Clawson was selected to be a contestant on The Masked Singer. He only backed out because the producers wouldn't let him wear the Demon Deacon costume. Even he knew it wouldn't be a dead giveaway.