Hatin' On: Dave Clawson

Dave Clawson still wets the bed

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Dave Clawson thinks there needs to be more Taschaver ads on the ACCN.

Dave claws his son

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dave Clawson collects chamber pots.

The Orange and Maroon you see, that's fighting on to victory.

Dave Clawson spent Saturday night trying to figure out if he took his medication or not before the VT game, said screw it and decided to drink, and THEN, took his meds before bed, and is now hurting the following morning.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Dave Clawson doesn't even own a Spurtle.

Dave Clawson borrows your spurtles and never gives them back

My wife takes the kids and leaves the house while I watch my Hokie games.........nuff said

Dave Clawson uses your Spurtles in his chamber pots.

Dave Clawson uses a whisk or fork to mix dry ingredients, like a caveman.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Jet Sweep

Dave Clawson refers to himself as the Spurtle of the ACC and thinks that's good

Dave Clawson uses the Navage for enemas.

My wife takes the kids and leaves the house while I watch my Hokie games.........nuff said

Dave Clawson uses his wife's Navage for enemas.

Whatever. It was one bad year.

Seasonal Brew means High ABV for football season and standard the rest of the year.

Joke time....what's the differemce between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? .......

The taste!

My wife takes the kids and leaves the house while I watch my Hokie games.........nuff said

How do you know? Is your real name Mack Brown?

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Coach Clawson: Welcome to Wake Forest, or as I like to call it the sanctuary of the Double Ds.
Recruit: Um.... yeah nice to meet you Coach
DC: Call me Dave
Recruit: Nice to meet you Dave
Dave: So back to those Double Ds. I have this program on the verge of busrting out ..
Recruit: Coach Dave?
Dave: Just Dave
Recruit: Do you talk to Coach Doeren at all?
Dave: Oh yeah we're buds
Recruit: That makes a lot of sense
Dave: We room together ever year at the ACC media days
Recruit: you dont get your own room?
Dave: Swofford doesn't like to spend the money it seems. All the other coaches get their own room. Well except Cutcliff, Swofford makes him stay at home and drive everyday.
Recruit: Interesting
Dave: Yeah its been great though, Manny calls us "The Daves".
Recruit: Thats grrreaat.
Dave: Now back to our DD program. The best part about the Wake Double Ds is our unique offensive identity.
Recruit: Dave, I'm a defensive player.
Dave: Oh you wanna watch the game where I set college offenses back 10 years?
Recruit: Yeah, I love a good defensive game
Dave: I didn't say it had good defensive.
Recruit: Oh
Dave: You know what is a selling point about the Wake Double Ds? The women. You dont have to worry about going pro here, find your self a woman and you two can live off her daddy's money.
Recruit: I dont really care about that in a relationship
Dave: Well you'll learn. What are your thoughts about moonshine, cause everyone drinks designer moonshine ironically here.
Recruit: I'm 18 and dont have access to moonshine
Dave: Oh yeah drinking age thing ... Well another perk of being a Wake Double D is that we wear black, like Batman.
Recruit: I do like the black.
Dave: Chicks around here dig the black. We have a saying around here, :::Does his best Will Arnett impression::: ... ABE, All Black Everything. We only use black ink on unfortunately white paper; I was told black paper wouldn't work well. I think asked if I dark gray would work, but alas it still wouldn't be very readable.
Recruit: Are you trying to talk like Batman?
Dave: We need to get you some swag to put on to fell like what it is like to be engulfed in the darkness. It feels like you're in space!
Recruit: Okay lets do that
Dave: :::yells out::: Turn on the Metal! ... No not that one, we need the movie montage clothes trying on metal.
Recruit: The have heavy metal for movie montages, what movie?
Dave: We do things our own way down here, Let's go!.
::: well dressed man servants prance around with athletic equipment for recruits to try on::::

Clawson stirs his porridge with a Couthie Spurtle.

Dave Clawson hands out raisins to trick-or-treaters

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Loose from the big box, not the little individual snack boxes.

he actually uses the big cardboard cylinder, encourages the kids to dig their hands right on in there to get as many as possible

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

That's old school.

Life is good.

Dave Clawson assigns your son vocab homework then gives him a zero because he copied the dictionary definition.

If y'all keep talking about quarterbacks, Clawson's gonna transfer.

"It's always great to beat UVA, that makes us all smarter and better looking for a couple days".

Dave Clawson thinks the WF stadium is "just like Lane."

Dave Clawson tells recruits that Truist Field is a refined version of Lane Stadium.

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

Dave Clawson sets a "go live" date to a major company system upgrade without even understanding or using any part of the system, talking to the system experts or gathering any information on task lists and duration of tasks. What a donkey's spurtle!

Dave Clawson says, "I'll get back to you on that," and never does.

Dave Clawson is the kind of guy you squirt with a water bottle

A Squirtle, if you will.

β€œAlso, a microwave has never danced it's ass off to Jackie Wilson.” - AssPocketFullOWhiskey

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Is this similar to a Spurtle?

This guy gets it.

β€œAlso, a microwave has never danced it's ass off to Jackie Wilson.” - AssPocketFullOWhiskey

Dave Clawson changes the zoom settings to participant webcam required.

Another white bronco? The first one didn't go too far.

Dave Clawson thinks Winston-Salem is the prettiest town in North Carolina

He also thinks that the highways in Winston-Salem are well thought out, in great shape, easy to exit on and off and can handle the traffic flow.

Dave Clawson does that weird delayed mesh thing on RPOs.

Marshall University graduate.
Virginia Tech fanatic.
Formerly known as JWillHokieAlum.

Dave Clawson uses a capital "d"

Dave Clawson isn't even his real name. It's David C. Lawson, but the secretary at his kindergarten typed it in wrong and he's never had the balls to correct it. Bleacher Report Story.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson was never actually hired by WF. The actual candidates never responded to their emails. Dave just kept showing up to practice with a whistle and WF said, "Whatevs" and gave him an office.

Click here to destroy wall.

Dave Clawson drinks mimosas at dinner

Warning- Filter lost.

"Look at this... This is just spectacular.... These people are losing their minds"

Dave Clawson made noise complaints about Ziggys.

Five star get after it 100 percent Juice Key-Playing. MAN

Dave Clawson thinks there should be a hard seltzer called Dave Claw.

Dave Clawson doesn't like Claussen Pickles because they spell "Clawson" wrong

1-0 every week

Legit question. Has TKP had a pickle brand debate? Because I think it has the potential to rival the mayonnaise thread.

Here lies It's a Stroman Jersey I Swear, surpassed in life by no one because he intercepted it.

rival the mayonnaise thread.

I think no

Dave Clawson uses mayonaisal spray

Is there a debate to be had about pickles brands? I mean if some one offers me a pickle I say yes! I don't ask what brand.

P.S. only got me in trouble once.

I think that's the same with things like beer or bourbon or other generally good things. Just because I like it as a whole doesn't mean I don't have a strong preference as to a particular type or that Vlassic are soft wet noodles compared to Claussen.

Here lies It's a Stroman Jersey I Swear, surpassed in life by no one because he intercepted it.

This is the way

There are definitely bad pickles out there.

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Low-key one of the best episodes of classic TV.

Click here to destroy wall.

Dave Clawson is the annoying pedestrian that has to walk on the street, 6 or 8 feet in from the curb, when there are sidewalks on both sides of the street*.

* seriously, these vermin are all over my neighborhood and I just wish the Death Race 2000 people would come through every couple of weeks to thin out the herd.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Leg for the Deathrace 2000 reference.

And not the more recent abominations.

Dave Clawson watches while his dog poops in your yard and doesn't bother to pick it up.

Dave Clawson enjoys watching the ACC commercial over and over on YouTube TV during football games. He pauses it on the Wake Forrest parts every time.

Dave Clawson jumps out from behind lockers, tickling the team managers while yelling "THE CLAAAAAWWWW"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

The Orange and Maroon you see, that's fighting on to victory.

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Dave Clawson will take you out to a bar for a round of drinks, and unironically repeats the phrase (loudly, and to the entire bar), "Ain't no laws when you're drinkin' with Claws!!!"

β€œAlso, a microwave has never danced it's ass off to Jackie Wilson.” - AssPocketFullOWhiskey

Dave Clawson had an imaginary friend named Douglas as a child

Five star get after it 100 percent Juice Key-Playing. MAN

Dave Clawson already has Christmas decorations up at his house. And his office. And his other house. And his car has Reindeer antlers and a red nose hood ornament. And he works out to a Christmas-only playlist on his phone without headphones.

It's always darkest before the dawn ~ Thomas Fuller

Dave Clawson leaves his Christmas house decorations up all year ... and the decorations at the office too.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

all year 'round

It's always darkest before the dawn ~ Thomas Fuller

Dave Clawson refers to his school as "Woke Forrest" to make it seem more diverse.

VT Marketing Class of 2009
Current Roanoke-Hokie
Go Hokies!

Dave Clawson thinks the swoop in the new VT academic logo makes perfect sense and very obviously represents inclusion, as opposed to some bullshit an overpaid marketing consulting group made up.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Jet Sweep

Dave grew to like the new VT logo and isn't mad about it anymore.

JP

Dave Clawson if filing a patent for the TacTrimmer right now to cut your pets nails with unmatched hydraulic powered snips and a 600W LED light to help you see when cutting your dogs nails in a blizzard.

Whatever. It was one bad year.

Seasonal Brew means High ABV for football season and standard the rest of the year.

Or underwater.

My wife takes the kids and leaves the house while I watch my Hokie games.........nuff said

Dave Clawson doesn't like bear claws and doesn't get why you think that's ironic.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson loves the retro 80's color screen the ACC network uses on overhead replays.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

Dave Clawson doesn't think Young Frankenstein is a funny movie.

Click here to destroy wall.

Dave Clawson got so tired of hearing the term Weak Florist, he bought all the flower shops in Winston Salem and turned them into biker bars and if anyone ever mutters those words again there is gonna be hell to pay buddy. No seriously man it is not that f-ing original and what is so weak about beating Tech 6 to 3 in overtime baby and to this day he is still puzzled why Beamer raised his arms at the end of regulation in celebration, the game was not over and he had a better field goal kicker.

If there is no enemy within the enemy outside can do us no harm.

Dave Clawson thinks bobbing for apples is a fun team-building exercise.

Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Payne, the Hound, Jeff Jagodzinski, Paul Johnson, Pat Narduzzi.

Dave Clawson likes to put his own spin on bobbing for apples: bobbing for raw egg yokes yolks

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

dave clawson calls them yokes

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

But to Dave's credit, he does know that bobbin' for apples just doesn't measure up to having his offensive linemen do UVa snow angels.

Every night, Dave Clawson tucks his kids in and tells them, "You know how I keep your mother happy? I give her the Claw, son!"

"Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our heart with tolerance."
-Stan Lee

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
-Ron Swanson

"11-0, bro"
-Hunter Carpenter (probably)

Dave Clawson's family sticks him at the Kids' Table at Thanksgiving.

Click here to destroy wall.

Dave Clawson wears an r-rated Santa costume and tells his wife to "get ready for Santa Clawson to fill your stocking."

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson thinks Pat Narduzzi is an all-around great guy

HokieObsession

Dave Clawson tucks his shirt into his briefs.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson doesn't think the team name "Demon Deacons" is ironic at all.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson plays up how much history is at the Wake Forest campus, and points to areas that Arnie Palmer used to hang out thinking up his now famous drink.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Dave Clawson chops up the fairway with his 9 iron and refuses to cover up the big hole that's now on the 12th hole. He doesn't tip the beer cart girl, but wants to know what time her shift ends. Everytime he slices to the right, he blames his golf club, "should've spent the extra $500 for some Taylormade".

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

It's embarassing.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dave Clawson gives a neighborhood PSA that it's fine to mow and weed eat any time of day but complains when a leaf blower is used for more than 10min because he doesn't like oscillating sound.

This sounds oddly specific.

Dave Clawson has one 8 year old kid with private tutor who complains to the state education board that their kid isn't getting enough education time going 1/2 days which resulted in all K-5 grades getting 2-4 extra hours of work sent home to be completed each half day they are not at school. He doesn't work full time, doesn't have 3 separate kids in that age group and his 1 kid doesn't participate in any extracurricular activities. Then he goes on social media rants insulting each and every other full time working parent struggling to try and make it work for their kids. Dave Clawson is a douche canoe.