Another Way Too Early 2012 Poll

I started out writing this piece as a pure parody, I wanted to make fun of Schlabach et al for their way-too-early-SEC-MNC predictions, but as I made it, I realized most of what I was typing, I actually meant, and believed. So, here it is, my very own Way-Too-Early 2012 rankings, complete with snark and slight homerism.

1. USC – Yes, I did it. While this is perhaps partially a slight to Alabama and LSU, I do honestly believe that the upcoming 2012 USC team could have scored on either defense Monday. With that said, USC has always been one of the most vulnerable, hot-and-cold teams in the country (especially in sports betting), so they need to be careful of a mid-season let-down. If avoided, Barkley and Co should have an easy route to the Pac12 Championship.
2. LSU – Only if they can find a new QB. Ha. I have no clue who will start for the Tigers next year, and honestly I don’t care. This defense should be nasty, and will likely carry another mediocre SEC offence into the title game. Man, I can’t wait until teams like this get burned in a +1.
3. Oklahoma – Perhaps the only team as perennially over-rated as Free Shoes. Still, Jones will have another year to get things right, and they should easily take care of a RGIII and Weeden/Blackmon-less BigXII. Unless WVU actually plays there this season. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
4. Oregon – Why the hell not? Who is going to beat them except USC? They’ll have talent and speed, and when Washington is finishing second in your division, you better not be losing games.
5. Georgia – This schedule is far too weak for a defense of their caliber to lose a bunch of games. Then again, Mark Richt is still their coach, so what the hell do I know?
6. WVU – IF they’re in the BigEast. This makes me sick, but this team really shouldn’t lose a game in the BE. I’m positive they will, as I think Holgo might be the worst thing to happen to a defense since Drew Brees, but this offense can and will score at will, it’s just a question of if and how often they shoot themselves in the foot.
7. Alabama – Dammit I didn’t want to do this. Had to, though. I don’t think a Saban-coached team can fall off but so far, and McCarron should be mediocre at worst.
8. Michigan – Another painful decision sure to be wrong. Man, I really hate this top-10. Anywho, the Blue should be a solid team next year, and in an otherwise ACC-worthy B1G, they should easily reel off 10-wins and claim a berth in that Jacksonville-esque title game.
9. Arkansas – Knile Davis will play, and they’ll again have the best offense in the SEC West. Gotta be good for something, right?
10. Virginia Tech – Boom. That’s right. I’m actually pretty confident in this pick, too. I’m also realistic, though. I believe we take care of most business, including a mid-season “stunner” by taking down Florida State at home. We should again go undefeated in OOC, and will probably drop Clemson (God, I hate saying that). I think, though, we can take care of them 1-out-of-2 times, so that’s why we’re here, and they’re down the line.
11. Michigan State – I don’t know anything about this team other than they lose their QB, best WRs and best D-lineman. Some guys who spend a lot more time than I on this stuff seem to like 'em, and in a 3-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust B1G next season, they'll be OK, I guess.
12. Kansas State – Probably Oklahoma’s only real thorn next season, but hell, we said that this year and we saw what happened, right? Klein is a monster, and should easily run over a softer-than-ever BigXII slate.
13. Nebraska – Isn’t in the BigXII, but would surely be top 2 if they were. Even in a soft B1G, they’re making their “first” trip to Ohio State, Michigan State and Iowa, and I’m positive they go 1-2. Also, can we start T-Mart for Heisman now?
14. Florida State – I put them here based purely on my expectation that they drop a WF or UVA-type game this season. I think they could possibly take down a team or two ahead of them, but I’m not positive they can string an entire season together. Manuel should be decent, but the running game will still be mediocre, and the defense not as good as their stats suggest. Thanks, though, for winning your bowl game.
15. South Carolina – Should there be a 100%, no-hangover-from-injury Marcus Lattimore on this team, they’ll jump 4-5 spots immediately. Until then, the defense won’t stop people like they did this year, and I’m not so sure they can take care of Vandy (yes, you read that right).
16. Clemson – I don’t know which game we win, and which they do, but I think they go back to Charlotte. I’ve got the Hokies ahead of them because I’m not sure they take care of business at Florida State, but if they do, they could set themselves up for a prime-Clemsoning come November. If nothing else, this team will be fun as hell to watch. Also, Auburn? They better not lose that.
17. Wisconsin – This is where everything turns into a crap-shoot. I expect Ball to be an absolute beast, but if guys can put 9 in the box because of an awful passing game, he won’t do much. This could easily be revised should the defense be decent and they find a capable QB option.
18. Boise State – For old time’s sake. Peterson should find some way to go 10-2, and then quickly jump ship before entering the BigEast. Man, I hope that happens.
19. TCU – They’ve got some talent, and should win Texas, not that that means anything anymore.
20. NC State – Ugh. Trusting a Glennon, I know. Still, I want to see more of Notorious TOB in primetime, and to do that, I need the Wolfpack to win some damn games! GO PACK GO!
21. Arkansas State – Even though we took a bunch of crap for playing them, this was a solid football team that has only gotten better with off-season additions. I expect them to drop an OOC game or two in 2012 (they have to have some million dollar Saturday, right?), but should easily take care of the Sun Belt under Malzahn, and back-in to a top-25 ranking. Also, does Dyer have to sit out a year? If not, they might not drop that OOC game…
22. Notre Dame – Looked terrible in the bowl, gave coach extension. Primed for 8-4.
23. UVA – Because I want another ranked team on our schedule. And I honestly think they could kick the shit out of Stanford next year (who I've seen ranked, WTF?).
24. Oklahoma State – Money can buy a season, but not a dynasty. T Boone is gonna be mighty disappointed with this young squad.
25. Duke – If Spurrier can, I can, too. Also, who else? (Yes, Louisville, you’ll probably win a WVU-less BigEast. Doesn’t mean you deserve to be ranked.)