OT: Need help settling a marital debate over cucumbers

It's been been 3 straight hours of my wife complaining about how I ate a cucumber. I got home from work and needed a snack before dinner was ready so I got out half a cucumber that I peeled a day ago but hadn't cut up yet, and just started eating it. My wife, who hates cucumbers in general, flipped out on me for not slicing up the cucumber. Why get a knife dirty right?
She has googled how to eat a cucumber, and showed me the top 20+ ways all were top slice them. I don't understand how I got her so upset. So is it wrong to not cut up a cucumber and eat it?

Edit: Fixed martial to marital

EDIT2: The debate has evolved to whether a cucumber is a fruit or vegetable (it's a fruit). And that fruits can't be green (honeydew). I think I might be winning this!

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Comments

No, but only if you eat it in one bite.

Multiple bites, I know my wife says I have a big mouth but I don't think she means literally.

Did you call it a CuteCumber before you ate it? Thems fighten words...

No I sat down and started eating it, then a look of horror was on my wife's face. No words.

Not sure u should get answers from a bunch of internet friends. Could get complicated.

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

First I get the fifth degree from my wife and now from some one on the internet that sounds like my wife, I just can't win.

I have no problem eating a whole pickle... but munching on a cucumber like a banana is being a degenerate.

Recruit Prosim

And you guys tell me I have issues...

Five star get after it 100 percent Juice Key-Playing. MAN

I agree, cheese on a cucumber would be odd.

Mixed in a salad I'm ok with as long as there is a lot more than cheese and cucumbers.

Do not google "husband and wife with a cucumber"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Or dont do this either

via GIPHY

Directions from Blacksburg to whoville, go north till you smell it then go east until you step in it

If it's homegrown then no problem, but store bought cucumbers aren't good enough to eat like that.

Farmers market.

Its time to double down man, that seems like the reasonable thing to do. Get an entire cucumber lather some ranch on top of it and eat it like a hot dog

Taylor, looking desperately throws it deep..HAS A MAN OPEN DANNY COALE WITH A CATCH ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE FIVE!!!!....hes still open

Im with you - why dirty a knife?

Danny is always open
23 can't read

I used to work with a guy that ate tomatoes like apples. By those standards, your method for cucumbers is fine

Dude! ITS NOT ABOUT THE CUCUMBER! she's pissed about something else. Apologize and ask her how she's doing? Then listen and don't fix! It will make you crazy but may save you tons of grief!

Nope did that, She is still going on about the cucumber.

oh then you really done messed up

I just sit on my couch and b*tch. - HokieChemE2016

^ this is either a very wise man or woman.

I've eaten them like you have and don't think there's anything wrong with it. Then again I'm a single 34 year old who probably won't get married so these are things I won't have to worry about.

My sister and her husband befriended a German foreign exchange student at VT years ago. Kids name was Axel. Super nice guy and very eccentric. He said his favorite snack were "Coo Coom Bears." Took us awhile to figure out what he was talking about until he showed us a cucumber at Kroger. I cannot look at a cucumber now without saying that in my head.

You will see this game, this upset and this sign next on ESPN Sportscenter. Virginia Tech 31 Miami 7

Freud would have had a field day with this.

Not to mention Dr. Ruth...

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

. Thought it, just didn't say it!

Sometimes a cucumber is just a banana.

This cucumber argument seems like something that may have been fermenting for awhile. Sounds like you're in quite the pickle.

Used to pick them out of garden. Wash off with hose and start munching. You're good.

Um, that was probably your wife's special cucumber for when you are out of town...

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
I served in the United States Navy"

KCCO

Someone had to say it...

"Hey Bud, you wont have to hold the opponent to 17 points anymore."

I feel like on the scale of weird ways to eat things, this falls somewhere between "eating a banana sideways" and "eating an onion like an apple"

edit: it does not rise to the level of "eating an orange without breaking it into sections"

NEED HELP SETTLING A MARTIAL DEBATE OVER CUCUMBERS

Damn dude. Don't need to bring your karate chops in a debate about cucumbers.

Ever notice 'marital' and 'martial' are only 1 letter placement off? Two sides of the same coin?

I work with a guy who eats apples, core and all.

Oh, and dude, she totally had other plans for that cucumber!

I wish I was healthy enough to ever even consider a cucumber a snack. To me, a cucumber is only a pickle that hasn't found his way in life yet.

Amateur superstar and idiot extraordinaire.

I'm taking this as a compliment so +1 to you!

Disclaimer: didn't read any of this thread.

Whatever you did, you are wrong. Admit that and let your wife have her way.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies

I don't think it has anything to do with the cucumber or she simply would have made fun of you.

And if she did make fun of you and you are calling it complaining, then it still has nothing to do with the cucumber.

Not making fun of me, trust me I know what that sounds like I hear it almost every day and typically it involves a different cucumber.

Her response this morning when I tired to apologize for what I had done was "eww so gross, how could you eat it like that".

After thinking about this, I have two thoughts:
1. Since she hates cucumbers, it's more about how she can't believe you are eating a cucumber, raw, and not in something else (like a salad). I'm kind of like this when it comes to carrots. If they aren't mixed in with a salad, I'm not eating them. Unless they are cooked
2. Do you do anything else "straight from the fridge"? For example, drink milk/juice/etc from the carton, take a bite of cheese straight from the wedge, or peanut butter with a finger?

If I can finish the milk then sure from the jug. But never drink and put it back. Why dirty a glass. Don't think I do that with anything else, but if I did only if I could finish it right then, never put it back in the fridge.

I'm of the "you do you" school of life. Why must people judge how one eats various foods just because it's not the way everyone else does it?

I don't eat cucumbers, but to me, why slice it if it's not going on or in some other food?

Not cutting it up is a sign of psychosis

"We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior" Stephen M.R. Covey

When life knocks you down plan to land on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up, if you fall flat on your face it can kill your spirit David Wilson

So to confirm, one must cut a cucumber but it's perfectly OK for one to bite into a pickle?

Tweedy can run like a dadgum antelope or whatever. I like to use scalded dog. Do antelopes lumber? Cheetah, OK. He runs like a cheetah. He's fast. - Bud Foster

Sort of. This was one of my main arguements. However, she thinks pickles should be cut lengthwise while cucumbers should be cut into medallions. Though the really small pickles could be eaten whole

Though we both agree that fried pickles should be medallions, because any other way messes with the batter to pickle ratio, and it just doesn't taste right.

OK. We agree on fried. However, what about the ol' school, corner store huge jar of pickles? Would she reach in, grab one and look for a plastic knife?

Tweedy can run like a dadgum antelope or whatever. I like to use scalded dog. Do antelopes lumber? Cheetah, OK. He runs like a cheetah. He's fast. - Bud Foster

She wouldn't grab the pickle in the first place.

Cucumbers are gross to me, so she is right!

However, I will eat a pickle all day!

What's
Important
Now

We buy packs of the mini-cucumbers all the time. Our kids pull them out and eat them as a quick snack all summer. No skinning. No slicing.

Hokie fan | W&M grad

The only way to eat a cucumber is in pickled form. Save the juice for brining meat or for hangovers. Vlassic has the best juice for the latter.

You were eating it as a snack, right?
So next time you have a snack....

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Happy wife, happy life!

"Take care of the little things and the big things will come."

I'm not sure how to judge this debate. Post a picture of your wife so that we can judge the quality of her argument.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

You put those words together, those are my favorite words, Popeyes and bahama
- Mike Burnup

Any way one decides to eat a raw cucumber is an exponentially better decision than eating a rotten mummified cucumber (pickle).

The first rule of Fight Club is we don't talk about turkey leg votes

I will not down vote an opinion

What's
Important
Now

Larry the Cucumber: Meth, not even once.

Pickle Rick...

We are truly in the off-season.

What about biting off string cheese?

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Never could get those dam things tied properly.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

You're a monster

Step 1: Set up hidden camera
Step 2: Do it again, but use 2 half peeled cumbers and alternate bites
Step 3: Share with TKP

Oh I'm eating my cucumbers this way from now on. Not sure about the hidden camera.

Everyone knows that cucumbers are to be used to scare cats

Let's Go

HOKIES

Got a cat a few weeks ago. I have cucumbers in the fridge waiting to be used for just this.

Seriously, WTF????

This was actually one of my wife's arguments last night, she texted me a cat jumping, it was one of the ones in your montage.

Ain't nothin better than a good cucumber salad in the summertime

King Alum of the House Hokie, the First of His Name, Khal of the Turkey Legs, The rightful Heir to the Big Board, the Unbanned, Breaker of Trolls and Father of Gritty

Cucumbers are fucking gross, and they ruin literally everything that they touch.

Don't @ me.

I think you meant to say tomatoes.

I had a mixed drink the other day at a fancy bar that put a damn cucumber slice in it, and all I could taste was the damn cucumber. I was pissed!

What's
Important
Now

And you didn't send it back, saying, "Try this again, without the cucumber."?

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

This reminds me of the debate my wife and I had about a fiddle vs a violin. I knew I was right but I was also far enough into the marriage to just shake my head and say, "uh-huh, I guess so". I've learned to save my battles for important things like which way the toilet paper roll is supposed to go.

lol that was one of my first thoughts reading this, he must be a newlywed to be fighting over something this trivial...

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
I served in the United States Navy"

KCCO

Not newly weds, 7+ years, lived together almost 10. Our fights are only about trivial things. This wasnt a fight as much as an "eww, gross, why are you doing that, Stop it" while I laughed so much I cried.

You should have seen the fight about "is a J.D. a doctoral degree", that last like 8 hours while we were running errand one weekend.

Also the is spelling a grammar error argument was pretty epic. Turns out that this is like PhD type arguments that have gone on for years and there isn't really an answer that everyone accepts. (to make this applicable to VT grads it's like emacs vs vi)

EDIT: forgot about the is a milkshake a drink or a desert argument.

You should have seen the fight about "is a J.D. a doctoral degree", that last like 8 hours while we were running errand one weekend.

JD = Juris Doctor

Whoever said "yes" won. :)

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

That was my argument and my wife argued against me because she can. And she had basically given up and I misread the situation so I was determined to win and at dinner I was like fine I'll prove it. I took our my phone and looked it up and we both are wrong the doctoral degree just a JSD, Doctorof Judicial Science.

A week or two later my in-law took us out to dinner at Restaurant Eve, a really nice fancy expensive place. My wife was telling the story to her mom, she had told her dad already. And when she got to the end I interjected "And I was right a JD is not a doctoral degree." My father-in-law almost pissed his pants for me taking the winning side after losing the argument.

JD is considered to be a professional doctorate, much like the MD, DO, or DDS.

JSD is the research doctorate for the field of law and is analogous to the PhD.

Both are doctorates, but not equivalently so (at least according to the Department of Education and the NSF).

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

So, one (JD) practices while the other (JSD) researches?

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

My wife is happy and amazed that the cucumber argument is now about Law Degrees.

As a side bar, one day I had a developer tell me (Civil Engineer) "It's not like you guys are practicing a science or anything!" (He was complaining about prices, but willing to poor money into an architectural sketch.) I took him into our conference room where each of our PE's had their degree and at least 3 states of PE licenses apiece. Covered the wall. "What do you think those pieces of paper are for then? And would you like to see the Professional Liability insurance statement just for fun?" We got a lil more 'spekt from him from that day forward.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

That goes to show the randomness that is TKP...

2 time Longwood grad married to a Hokie.

Legal cucumberedness.

It is legal to bite a cucumber without slicing it.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Pretty much, although you do have JDs going into research, especially in faculty positions at law schools.

JSDs primarily get the degree to do research and to train other law scholars.

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

I think she was just grossed out because in her mind, she was thinking cucumbers were made to enjoy, not to be eaten... and here you were eating it right after she enjoyed it.

"For those who have passed, for those to come, reach for excellence."

What are you, some sort of savage??

In all fairness, I don't see anything inherently wrong with eating a cucumber this way, and this seems like a very peculiar hill for your wife to die on. You sure she didn't have anything else going on that set her off?

I don't have a dog in this fight, but will share two things:

1. Hogs won't eat cucumbers (according to my grandfather, who also despised cucumbers. I have no actual knowledge or experience with this.).
2 An Asian restaurant that my wife and I frequent serves cucumber marinated in rice wine vinegar as an appetizer, and it's actually pretty good.

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

Did I just log in and find a thread about eating cucumbers?

ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.

No one has mentioned anything about dipping them in mayo yet!

Or Virginia Mexican Restaurant White Sauce

so........ basically mayo.................

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

OH YES! LET'S TURN THIS INTO A MAYO THREAD!

What's
Important
Now

That's a big bowl of wrong right there.

Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor.

...I can't watch these without damn near vomiting. Lol. I don't mind mayo but this is wrong on some many levels

Always the cucumbers! My grandparents had a similar dispute many years ago.

They had a fairly large garden and had a metric ton of cucumbers. Granddad came home from work, saw the massive pile and said, by his own admission, "With all these cucumbers around here you'd think someone could get some in their lunchbox."

So next day he did. Grandma stuffed his lunchbox with whole cucumbers and nothing but. Apparently everyone in the office got one and thought it was real funny. All Granddad says about it now is "Touche"

Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate, and hetzers gonna hetz

cucumbers are gross, eat a damn steak

"What are you going to do, stab me? - Quote from Man Stabbed

Not quite sure I understand. Can you make a video or gif and post it for us?

Green fruits include honeydew, kiwis, grapes, pears, just off the top of my head. There are a bunch more if you go outside ones we generally see in the US. Additionally, the following are generally considered vegetables, but botanically speaking are actually fruits: cucumbers, green beans, zucchini, peas, avocado, olives, and bell peppers, among others.

So my wife doesn't like green grapes and she told me pears were more yellow than green so Honeydew was the first one she'd accept from my list. Forgot kiwis.

Wait, you put avocados in a list of foods that are generally considered vegetables??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

I would think more people think of an avacado as a vegetable than a fruit along with the rest of the list of fruits that are looked at by a lot of people as vegetables....

(add if applicable) /s

"If Fu goes to 2 acc champ games in 4 years, I will never criticize him again." - dcwilson

I have literally never once thought an avocado was a vegetable.... it grows on a tree! it has a pit! there's nothing about it that should make someone think "vegetable"!

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

there's nothing about it that should make someone think "vegetable"!

1. lack of sweetness
2. overall disgustingness

I found 2 things without even trying.

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.
John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

"I have a poor excuse for a palate" isn't exactly an argument for why something should "generally" be considered a vegetable over a fruit.

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Regardless of the biological definition of the word fruit, most folks associate the word "fruit" with something sweet. The ones that are not sweet tend to get lumped in with the vegetables. Do you think of a zucchini as a fruit? Or a strawberry as a vegetable?

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.
John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

No and no, but I'm not taking exception with the idea that people generally think of a zucchini as a vegetable, but rather the assertion that an avocado is generally considered a vegetable. that's just not "generally" true.

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

From a google search....

Avocados are fruits. and are technically considered a single-seeded berry. What makes the avocado so versatile is its sweet yet savory flesh. Nutritionally, avocados are more like a vegetable and are listed as such in the USDA sites.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

What makes the avocado so versatile is its sweet yet savory flesh

so touche to the guy who says they're considered vegetables because they aren't sweet. also, if you google "avocado vegetable", you get a bunch of results saying "actually, it's a fruit", soooooo

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Don't disagree, but I bet it's 50-50 fruit-vegetable on the Family Feud scale.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

i'm running an instragam story poll, and it's currently 20-8 in favor of fruit

Edit: 77 votes total, 63/37 split in favor of fruit

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Can't bring to mind another fruit with so much fat.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Olives, which sure aren't sweet either.

What vegetables have that much fat?

"Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our heart with tolerance."
-Stan Lee

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
-Ron Swanson

"11-0, bro"
-Hunter Carpenter (probably)

2. overall disgustingness

All the milennials be like:

Let's Go

HOKIES

Bring it!

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.
John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

2. overall disgustingness

All the milennials adults under 40 be like:

ftfy

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Limes, lemons, and grapefruits are not sweet. No one considers them vegetables.

"Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our heart with tolerance."
-Stan Lee

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
-Ron Swanson

"11-0, bro"
-Hunter Carpenter (probably)

So because you never thought of avocados as a fruit, that means no one has and it's shocking that they would? I'm guessing you're under 35.

Is this the part where the millennials adults under 40 get to poke fun at you for "being old" and confusing your words? And conveniently ignoring the rest of the comment?

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Based upon the fact you can't eat it like an apple, easily.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

that's a stupid criteria for what makes a fruit a fruit.... explain bananas!

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

I bet watching you eat a pineapple is hilarious

We put the K in Kwality

That can is real easy to open. And the plastic containers even more so.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

And this...

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

That's not how you eat an apple.

We put the K in Kwality

I was responding to your pineapple comment...

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

And I was responding to your apple comment:

Based upon the fact you can't eat it like an apple, easily.

We put the K in Kwality

Not with that attitude you can't

(add if applicable) /s

"If Fu goes to 2 acc champ games in 4 years, I will never criticize him again." - dcwilson

Green fruit.... Hello Granny Smith apples? Limes?

2 time Longwood grad married to a Hokie.

I eat them without slicing all the time. The real question is why would you bother peeling the darn things? The skin is where a large chunk of the nutrients are.

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.
John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

Because I don't like the skin.

This is a great thread. Lawyers, cucumbers, mayo and avocado. It's awesome that you can use the mayo or avocado to lube the cuke when the lawyer rams it home.

"Hey Bud, you wont have to hold the opponent to 17 points anymore."

Yeah, Avacadoes are just mayo on the vine.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Your wife definitely makes a good point.

You should counter with telling her that you want to watch her eat a cucumber like that but very slowly. if she doesn't find it either funny or erotic, you need to seek out a marriage counselor or divorce attorney, because the problem is deeper than the cucumber.

...the problem is deeper than the cucumber.

The problem is that he's NOT deeper than the cucumber.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Meant to reply above. Maybe I should drink.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Would you like a cucumber martini?

We put the K in Kwality

Pimms Cup is the only acceptable drink with a cucumber slice.

Hendricks

This is going to be great for the ACC.

I think I might be winning this!

No, you're not.

Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

I have a guest bedroom thank you very much!

Though on a completely different conversation with my wife she stated "I can't tell if you are a genius or a new kind of idiot."

I have a guest bedroom thank you very much!

So do I, but the bed is perpetually covered in laundry to be folded.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I would love to sleep in the couch when she is pissed at me. I get the joy of still sleeping next to her in all her rage AND she's an Aries so this is a regular occurrence.

What's
Important
Now

Over cucumbers?
I'll never get over Mach cucumbers.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

So my wife let this spill today ... she was at work last week and some guy started eating a cucumber just like I was. My wife's work friend, who knows about this thread, asked my wife if she was going to go yell at him and my Wife said no. Her reasoning being that he was not eating as loudly as me. So I suspect he didn't have fresh crisp cucumbers from the farmers market. Either was she still holds a grudge against my superior cucumber eating.

On your deathbed you will still be losing this fight, lol. It has become one of those things for her, you will never win because she will never give in even if you are right, it is a crusade at this point!

I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction:
I served in the United States Navy"

KCCO

I think I might be winning this!

Narrator: He wasn't.

Click here to destroy wall.

Oh I'm in her head now. So winning this!

So winning this!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.