August Dad Jokes Thread

Since the mega-thread was abandoned for a July thread, I figure I'd make an August thread, as July is done. Put your dad jokes in here this month.

I'll start....

Dad Joke Calendar, 1/2 August:

Q: Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?
A: Because the rest of the days are weakdays.

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From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
Answer: A blood orange

Did you hear the one about the guy with a broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I never thought this would have lasted as long as it has. ******** Pun on!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Did you hear the one about the guy with a broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

I guess he missed the warning tone in his hearing aid that signaled the end of battery life.

Based on true anecdote.

“But do kind of enjoy reading this thread, it's really nice because Auburn can't swoop in and take our juicy ripe tomatoes.” ~ lewiswb

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
How do you steal a coat?

Answer: You jacket it.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

This one was from my son:
There is a new, fast COVID-19 test going around.
First step - Take a glass and pour a good size dram of your favorite whiskey (or rum, or whatever). Hold it up to your nose and if you can smell it, you are half way there.
Second step - Toss back the whole glass and if you can taste it, you should should be good to go, i.e., you don't have COVID-19.
I tested myself nine times last night just to be sure but I woke this morning with a headache, which I understand can be another symptom, so I am going to be testing again today.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Saw on Facebook, sorry if its a repost

How did the farmer catch his wife?

He tractor down.

The large primaries on the end of the wing are called Pinion feathers. A Crow has 16 of these. A Raven has 17. So I guess the difference between a Raven and a Crow is only a matter of a pinion.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.