BCO's College Football TV Viewing Guide
Week 4 is upon us, and it's another good one. It's heavy on southern football teams with five of the six games featuring at least one team from below the Mason-Dixon Line. One game has my attention because of what might happen before it, as much as during it. I admit it, I would give my left nut to hear the titillating conversation between the Mad Hatter and Stewey when they speak at midfield before the game. I can only guess, but I think it would go something like this...
Well gol-ley Lyle, there's a lot of people here, haven't even had a battery thrown my way yet.
What pantywaist let's that shit happen? I'd beat some ass.
Extends fist for pound.
Blank stare. Lifts cap, wipes away sweat from forehead.
Hell if I know Lance? I wish eers standin' to my back would stop trying to throw them across the field. They keep hittin' my head.
Removes his cap, shows knots.
Damn! And I thought these drunk Cajuns were a handful. You must make a lot of bread to take that abuse.
I gotta say, I like how you managed your timeouts during that Marshall comeback. How'd you know when to call 'em?
Easy Lex, see Devine over there, he's got a couple of kids. We let 'em on the bench. Well... whenever I look over and see one gone, I call a timeout so we can go find 'em.
Deep thought for a split second.
Good idea, my kids get bored when we're on offense and...
A confused looking Gary Crowton bumbles over to interrupt the conversation.
Excuse me coach, I need help again.
Frantically flips though a thin playbook pointing at diagrams.
I can't remember what comes first: the one-yard up the gut, bubble screen for loss, or the botched pass where Jordan Jefferson runs for his life and gets sacked...
Shakes his head.
Damn it Gary, can't you see I'm talking strategics here? I told you, we run it up the middle twice, so they don't expect the pass on 3rd and long! Gotta go Stew.
Shakes Miles' hand.
I'm gunna go meet Tony the Tiger, see ya after the game.
Whistles while singing.
Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggety dog, We're splitting the scene, We're full of beans, hot dog, HOT DOG!*
Ok, well, I don't think Gary Crowton would interrupt the two. He would just do rock paper scissors against himself to choose the play, like usual.
Let the games begin...