"Hate is a bottomless cup; I will pour and pour" — Euripides
I asked VTBox, BilldozerVT, Furrer4Heisman, and Brian to contribute to this post. They obliged, and we are all better for it.
It's Hate Week
An Introduction — Joe, VTBox (Graphic)
I don't hate UVa for the traditional reasons. I didn't grow up in a neighborhood that had VT and UVA flags jutting out from garages. None of my high school friends attended college in Charlottesville. If Hoos want to wear ties to games, slug back bottles of wine, and nibble on cheese at tailgates, then YOLO.
However, Virginia fans remain the worst. The masses only support their program when it's convenient. When it is popcorn and movie night, when a spring practice travels to their neck of the woods. They leave Scott Stadium bare-assed for a noon-thirty kick against Wake Forest. They sell their tickets, their dignity, and any chance at home field advantage Thanksgiving weekend to Maroon for a couple bucks. They quit on their team early, and they do it without a second thought. It's all too easy for them to check out.
Virginia fans care more about Tech losing than UVa winning. They are quick to point out Tech's losses in BCS games, lack of a national championship, and every other Hokie disappointment. They are even quicker to deflect the fact they haven't sniffed a victory against Tech in 8 seasons.
They are irrelevant not only nationally, but in the Commonwealth. They have never won an outright football conference championship (the one they covet the most). They can enjoy every last damn loss we suffer, as long as they don't get the satisfaction of doing it themselves.
The Mike London Regime
The #NewHoos statewide takeover hasn't happened yet — Joe, VTBox (GIFs)
When Mike London was hired to replace Al Groh the Hoos rejoiced. They had their man. He was a former position coach and defensive coordinator at UVa. They said he understood their culture, and he knew to sell it. He could repair relationships with high school coaches. He had success as a collegiate head coach. He would bring in talent, and rebuild Virginia football.
Not everything has gone according to plan. In fact, after three seasons London has been unable to best his predecessor.
|Al Groh||Mike London|
There has been some success along the way, but each season has ended in failure.
Virginia wins under Mike London against BCS conference schools: Miami (x3), Indiana, Georgia Tech, Maryland, Duke, Florida State, Penn State, NC State. That's just 11 BCS Ws in almost 3 full seasons.
Furthermore, questionable coaching decisions are undoing the notion that London is a smart game day coach.
Nevertheless, he remains entertaining.
It sucks to be U...VA, Hate Week edition — Brian
Okay, this is not going to be a particularly complicated thesis: UVA sucks. I mean suuuuuuucks. Not like, "Man, I have a cold during Thanksgiving," sucks...No, more like, "My wife of ten years gave me a venereal disease," sucks.
I always tell myself that I hate other teams more. I've said multiple times that I hate Georgia Tech (and more specifically Paul Johnson) more than anyone else in the ACC.
That is, until I get to hate week.
That is until I remember that UVA tries to act like Hogwarts and call all of their students by year, instead of class. Until I remember Mike London clowning for television time on the sidelines practically screaming "look at me insert name of bigger school here I COACH THINGS!!!"
They just suck. There's nothing necessarily fun about the Tech/UVA rivalry because I don't think they get the jokes. They just suck. Here are examples as to why they suck so much:
They like to think of themselves as "Mr. Jefferson's School". Gag me. Jefferson was a redhead...a ginger if you will. Gingers have no souls, therefore UVA IS SOULLESS.
Lee Corso picked against Tech...his car was struck by lightning. Colin Cowherd famously eviscerated the Cavaliers and their fans...he was promoted to TV.
To make it even clearer:
If the head coaches in the rivalry were James Bonds, fat Frank Beamer would be Sean Connery (obviously the best) skinny Frank would be Daniel Craig (far and away second best). Mike London would be Pierce Brosnan — extremely overrated because expectations were so low coming after Al Groh/Timothy Dalton.
If the quarterbacks in this series were SNL actors, Logan Thomas would be Will Ferrell, Mike Rocco would be Chris Kattan and David Watford would DEFINITELY be Dane Cook. (If you're saying to yourself 'wait a minute...Dane Cook was never on SNL...he's not even funny!' you just got the joke).
Mike London used to be a cop. There's no joke there, I am just legally obligated to say it if I use his name more than twice. (Seriously though...do you think he interrogated criminals the same way he handles the refs? Just annoyed the ever-loving hell out of them until they gave him what he wanted?)
Rooting for UVA sucks just as much as drinking too much crappy Burnett's vodka. It's gross, but you tell yourself that you can't do any better. Eventually you forget that you are even drinking it and that you're an awful person.
Why Beating UVa will Always be Important
The worst part about Thanksgiving — Furrer4Heisman
I hate UVa. The fact that they bring out the worst in me during the holiday I love most only makes me hate them more. There is nothing to admire about UVa or its culture. UVa people have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. They and their school represent the thing I abhor most in this world, pretentiousness and privilege, and beating them at anything is reason to celebrate.
This is the game that always makes me the most nervous, regardless of record. It's UVa and the thought of losing this game more than any other makes me physically ill. It's easy to be funny and creative when it involves the outcome of a sporting event you aren't actually playing in yourself. But this is different. This is the UVa game. Anything other than the complete decimation and humiliation of the Wahoos and everything they stand for is unacceptable.
Go Hokies, beat UVa.
BilldozerVT puts you in the perfect state of mind for Saturday.
Current students at Tech might not have much of a reason to hate UVA. That's understandable since they have been our punching bag for the last 8 years. Just wait until you get out into the real world and you bump into a UVA graduate. They'll likely remember when it was actually a rivalry, and will piss you off with BS stats from before you were born, then claim their education is better than yours. They are assholes. It's a fact.
Maybe last year, with the Coastal Division up for grabs, you got a taste of their smug coming to surface. Then 38-0 happened and all was right with the world. This game is probably bigger than any others in recent memory considering Tech's long standing bowl streak is on the line. Can you imagine what kind of slime would crawl out of the woodwork in Hooville if they could lay claim to ending such a run? I couldn't live in a world like that.
We can still get satisfaction from an awful season by beating the hell out of UVA.
After all, that's what we do.