The Key Players Week 7 Fantasy Recap

By: historyhokie

HOWDOITURNTHISON

on October 22, 2013, 11:27 AM | 13 comments

Week 7 is dunzo! As always, keep in mind that I am a) a Redskins fan and b) a troll, so if I have offended you by anything in this GIFcap, thanks!

If you know of any awesome NFL gifs from the week that I missed, please link them in the comments and I'll add them to the post.

Week 1's recap is here.

Your standings:
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EverydayImRussellin 132.70, Hernandezs Legal D 63.78
Cant say I was expecting this one. Hernandezs Legal D was 5-1 coming in and was favored by Yahoos admittedly shitty projections to win by 14 and a half points. Then the fighting Russell Wilsons happened. Wilson scored 25, The Jackson Two (Fred and Vincent) combined for 42.5, Adam Vinatieri had 16, Carolinas D had 20 AND PEYTON HILLIS HAD 14!! The modern day Cochran/Kardashian crew had a nice week from Tony Romo (22) and solid games out of Knowshon Moreno (11) and Stephen Gostowski (10) but had 8 or less out of every other player, including Brandon Marshall (7.5) and Arian Foster (1). The win puts Russellin eighth overall and fourth out of the five teams that are currently tied for fifth place at 3-4. Hernandezs Legal D is still in a comfortable spot, all alone in third place at 5-2.
OrangeBarrelReroute 115.79, Money Badger 73.20
Scobeard was one of the few highly ranked teams that didnt have a poor week 7, handling VTJawos boys by 42.59 points. Peyton Manning (33.5) and Eric Decker (22) led the way and Rob Gronkowski scored 11.5 in his return to the field. Money Badger got nice games from Jacquizz Rodgers (18) and Joe Flacco (20) but no other double digit performances, and saw their first round pick Doug Martin (5.5) go down with a shoulder injury. OrangeBarrelReroute is all by himself in fourth place at 4-3 while Money Badger is last in the tiebreak out of the five 3-4 teams, checking in at 9th overall with 625.53 points scored.
Treadmill Horses 110.61, ANUSTART 83.70
There is a new leader in the clubhouse, as the now 6-1 Treadmill Horses formerly handed ANUSTART their first loss of the year. No single player stood way out for the Treadmill Horses, who got it done via a great team effort; all of their players but Joseph Randle (9.5) and David Akers (6) scored double digits, including Cam Newton (18.5), Jamaal Charles (16.5) and Eddie Lacy (17). Isabelle had to start Josh Freeman (11.5) with Drew Brees on bye, and had a glut of players score 8-11 points, but lacked the big game needed to compete in this matchup with her best player on bye. These two teams now stand tied for first at 6-1, with Treadmill Horses holding the Points Scored tiebreaker by almost 64 points.
#OperationImpatience 103.85, Centaurrian Gray 89.90
I went 12-2 in my fantasy leagues this week (WAY TOO MANY LEAGUES, NEVER DO THIS TO YOURSELF). Well done, Pierson, for being one of my two losses. Nick Napoleon Dynamite Foles only scored 8.5 points, but huge games by Megatron (29.5), Frank Gore (22.5) and Steve Smith (13) paved Piersons way to victory. I actually had three top-notch games as well from Philip Rivers (21.5), AJ Green (23.5) and Ryan Mathews (17), but had three 2-3 point performances and three more 6-7 ones in my other six roster spots. #OperationImpatience is still in last place, but stands just one game behind the glut of 3-4 teams and would beat two of them in the Points Scored tiebreak if things ended today. Centaurrian Gray is now 3-4 and sits third out of the five 3-4 teams and seventh overall.
Imagine Wagons 103.65, JONESing for Austin 95.22
Funny how it was a week filled with upsets in the NCAA world as well as The Key Players fantasy league! Out of our top 7 teams in the standings, just two won this week. Despite starting Sebastian Janikowski (bye), the Imagine Wagons knocked off a very good team in JONESing for Austin, thanks to big games out of Aaron Rodgers (30) and Matt Forte (31). Cody had RGIII (32), Demaryius Thomas (14) and Dallas DST (16) put together solid weeks, but it just wasnt enough. Had Adrian Peterson matched his projected 18.5 points for the week, Cody would have won by 4.5, but he only scored 5.5, so Cody didnt win by 4.5. The Imagine Wagons are now just two games out of a playoff spot at 2-5 while JONESing for Austin sits just on the outside looking in at fifth overall, first out of the five 3-4 teams with the fourth most points scored in the league (750.89).
fry-fry chicky-chick 95.37, Denvers Nuggets 90.12
LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson led Danibails squad for most of the year, so its impressive to see that she won in a week where they only combined for 10 points. Andrew Luck did most of the work, scoring 35 points, but other nice performances were had by Stevan Ridley (11.5) and Steven Hauschka (13) to lead fry-fry chicky-chick to their second win of the year. Beau had four solid games this week: Matt Ryan (26.5), DeAndre Hopkins (13.5), Marshawn Lynch (15.5) and Chris Johnson (19), but got between 0.5 and 5 points from all other players on their squad. Denvers Nuggets are second out of the five 3-4 teams, with 65 fewer points than JONESing for Austin (like I said, Codys team is good) while fry-fry chicky-chick is 2-5 despite having the fifth highest points scored in the league (714.86).

And now, your NFL GIFcaps!
Seahawks 34, Cardinals 22
The Seahawks rode back-to-back third quarter TDs to victory on Thursday night. Russell Wilson threw 3 TDs and managed the game pretty well and Marshawn Lynch added 91 yards rushing and a TD himself. As per the usual, Carson Palmer threw the ball a lot, but just kinda okay (30/45 for 1 TD and 2 picks) and got sacked 7 times. The Cardinals running game is abysmal (18 carries for 30 yards AND A MENDENHALL TD!!). Seattle is a half game ahead of New Orleans for first place in the NFC and one game ahead of San Francisco for first place in the NFC West. Arizona is still just one game out of a playoff spot at 3-4.
Golden Tate celebrates TD that got called back because Golden Tate
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Marshawn Lynch Beast Mode, part 1,000,000
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Awesome effort by Russell Wilson here
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Lynch flipped off his sideline after the Seahawks called a pass on 3rd and goal from the 1
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Redskins 45, Bears 41
THE. REDSKINS. WON. ANOTHER. GAME. It sure wasnt pretty for either team (especially for the Bears), but the Redskins did enough to escape this shootout. RGIII looked pretty good for the second straight week (18/29 for 298, 2 TD and 1 pick, 11 carries for 84 yards) and Roy Helu had three rushing TDs to lead the way for the Skins. Things could have been much different had Jay Cutler not been injured on a second quarter sack, but Bears backup QB Josh McCown was actually really good, completing 70% of his passes for 204 yards and a TD. And I cant just not mention that Matt Forte also had 3 TDs rushing for Chicago. Brandon Marshall is not happy about Brandon Meriweathers hits, and I cant blame him. At this point, Meriweather is hurting opponents, himself and his team with these hits. The Skins are a game and a half out of both the NFC East division lead and the #6 seed in the NFC playoff hunt while the Bears are currently on the outside looking in, tied with Detroit for sixth but with a head-to-head loss pushing them to seventh.

Cutler will apparently be out for four weeks. Heres the play that hurt him:
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The Redskins special teams are fucking horrible
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Falcons 31, Buccaneers 23
The Buccaneers are used to having MRSA all over their faces, but this week it was Jacquizz in their face, as the lil running back caught 8 passes for 46 yards and 2 TDs. Matt Ryan had a productive day (20/26 for 273 and 3 TD) but the Falcons had issues moving the ball in general, with just 15 first downs and 18 rushing yards. Harry Douglas caught 7 passes for 149 yards and a TD, which is cool if youre into a hairy guy named Douglas scoring you lots of points. Doug Martin got hurt, and looks like he may be out for a while, which makes me sad. I made trade offers to get Martin in three different leagues last week; thank goodness none of them got accepted. Atlanta is tied with the Redskins for 12th in the NFC and is a game and a half out of the sixth playoff spot and three out of the division lead. The Bucs are tied for firstin the race for the first overall pick!

Vincent Jackson had a nice day
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Bengals 27, Lions 24
This was a great game if you had Andy Dalton or Matt Stafford (each had 350+ yards, 3 TD and 0 INT). This was a great game if you had one of the stud WRs, AJ Green or Calvin Johnson (each had exactly 155 yards; Green had 1 TD, Johnson had 2). This was a terrible game if you had one of the running backs on either side (the teams combined for 134 yards rushing and 0 TDs, with Reggie Bush at 50 yards being the top rusher in the game). Lions punter Sam Martin let off a 28 yard footderp in the final minute that allowed Mike Nugent to kick a clutch, game-winning field goal for the second week in a row. Cincy has a comfortable (for the time being) two game lead over Baltimore and Cleveland and two and a half over Pittsburgh in the AFC North race while the Lions currently hold the NFCs sixth and final playoff spot and sit just half a game behind Green Bay for the NFC North division lead.

Calvin Johnson did this, proving that I could throw a TD pass to Calvin Johnson
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AJ Green did this, proving that I could throw a TD pass to AJ Green
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The only way to stop Megatron is to knock his head off
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Im going to name my first child Joe Fauria
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Bills 23, Dolphins 21
Remember when the Dolphins started out 3-0? Neither do I. Despite being a mess on offense, the Bills emerged with a road win on Sunday. Thad Lewis had a respectable day, going 21/32 for 202 and a pick; he was sacked four times, though. Five different Buffalo backs had between 11 and 36 yards. CJ Spiller, who was drafted in the top 5 or so in most leagues this year, carried 6 times for 11 yards and caught 3 passes for -4 yards. Its really, REALLY hard to catch 3 passes and have them add up to -4 yards. He must have been hung over still from the ass-whoopin that Florida State put on Clemson on Saturday night. Ryan Tannehill looked good and bad, completing just over 50% of his passes for 194 yards, 3 TD (good!) and 2 INT (bad!). He also lost a fumble. Charles Clay continued his score TDs, do nothing else season with a seven yard TD catch and nothing else. Brandon Gibson caught the other 2 TDs from Tannehills sexy hands (no idea why I just said he has sexy hands). Because the Patriots are dragging their feet, both teams are still in the thick of things in the AFC East, with Miami a game and a half behind and Buffalo a full two games back. Miami is just half a game out of the sixth and final playoff spot, though, as Buffalo stands a full game out. If either of these teams make the playoffs, though, LOL, because that almost certainly means that Baltimore and Pittsburgh miss out.
Cool dive, brah.
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BRANDON GIBSON, FOLKS
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Jets 30, Patriots 27 (OT)
Chris Jones of the Patriots found the perfect time to be the first person called for a new penalty that doesnt allow you to push a teammate into the opposing teams formation: with time waning down in overtime, just as Nick Folk missed a 56 yard field goal. Folk ended up hitting a 42 yarder to give the Jets a huge 30-27 victory, putting them at a very surprising 4-3. Tom Brady had another mediocre game, throwing for under 50% in a game that Gronk played in for just the third time ever. He had 228 yards through the air and 1 pick; Gronk hauled in 8 passes for 114 yards, but didnt get his mitts on over half of his 17 targets from Brady. Geno Smith continued to do enough to win (17/33 for 233, 1 TD and 1 pick, plus 32 yards on the ground and a rushing TD) and CHRIS IVORY HAD A 100 YARD GAME. The Pats still lead the division by a game over the Jets, and the Jets are tied with San Diego for the final playoff spot in the AFC, currently on the outside looking in due to a strength of victory tiebreak.

GRONK SIGHTING
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Bradys ZOMGREALLY?!?!?!1?? face is becoming the rule rather than the exception
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Best spike ever? Worst spike ever? D. None of the Above. Correct answer: most Geno Smith spike ever.
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Darren Sharper, hold my diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!
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The penalty in question
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Heres footage of Folks original kick attempt:
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The Jets did their homework and alerted officials that the Pats broke this new rule regularly

Cowgirls 17, Iggles 3
The Cowgirls were without DeMarcus Ware, but still had no issue shutting down the prolific Eagles offense (note they only have 17 more points scored than the Redskins now, despite having played one more game). Nick Foles was awful (11/29 for 80 yards) before being injured on the last play of the third quarter. Matt Barkley was just as bad if not worse in relief (11/20, 129 yards, 0 TD/3 INT). Tony Romo was good but not great (28/47 for 317, 1 TD and 2 picks) and who cares about this game because its the Cowgirls and the Iggles. Dallas is now 4-3 and first in the NFC East while Philly falls to 3-4. The Iggles are a game out of both the division and sixth place.
This amused me:
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Panthers 30, Rams 15
Its strange how a Carolina-St. Louis game can make me feel all warm and happy inside, but thats what happens when Chris Long loses his cool and then makes fun of Carolina fans for throwing Zimas. POT, MEET KETTLE.

Chris Long gets tossed out by Ben Hartsock, whose name makes me giggle. HE WEARS HIS HEART ON HIS SOCKS.
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Dear James Laurinaitis,
Its more effective to mock the other teams celebration when you dont get doubled up in points.
THE MORE YOU KNOW!
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I still love that this guys parents named him Captain. 11% of the Panthers players were named captains this year, but hes not one of them, even though he is named Captain.
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In other game news, Sam Bradford tore his ACL and is done for the year. Rams fans, hope you like Kellen Clemens! This game looks like it was boring (the teams combined for 599 total yards) so I wont bother you with stats and that janx. Carolina is 2 games behind New Orleans in the NFC South race and a half game out of a wild card spot while the Rams are three out of the NFC West race and one out of the NFCs six spot.

Chargers 24, Jaguars 6
Philip Rivers was surgical in his precision (22/26 for 285 and a TD) and Ryan Mathews had 110 and a TD to defeat the hapless Jaguars. Nothing much else to see here. The Chargers hold the tiebreaker over the Jets for the time being for sixth in the AFC and are three out of the AFC West. The Jaguars are currently trailing the Chargers in the playoff hunt by four games and LOLOLOL I CANT EVEN PRETEND TO WRITE ABOUT THEIR PLAYOFF HOPES WITHOUT LAUGHING. The Bucs are still winless too, though, so at least they have company in the bottomless pit that is last place in the NFL.

Justin Blackmon hates security guards
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49ers 31, Titans 17
First of all, major props to Jake Locker for coming back from the injury and playing competently, going 25/41 for 326, 2 TD and a pick. The 49ers went ahead 24-0 early, and simply coasted along to the end, letting the Titans shoot themselves in the foot with penalties (10 for 100 yards), turnovers (2, including one fumble returned for a TD) and mistakes (offsides on an onside kick with 3:17 left). Colin Kaepernick wasnt special with his arm (13/21 for 199) but had a nice day on the ground, running 11 times for 68 yards and a TD. Frank Gore had 2 rushing TDs apparently for the first time since week 17 in 2009. Chris Johnson was garbage running the ball as per the usual this season but had a 66 yard TD reception. The 49ers are hanging in the division hunt, just 1 game behind Seattle. Tennessee is 1 game behind San Diego for 6th in the AFC wildcard hunt and 2 games behind Indy in the AFC South race.

Bust a Kaep
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Harbaugh face
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Packers 31, Browns 13
The Packers looked good despite wearing their ugly retro uniforms. Aaron Rodgers went 25/36 with 3 TDs and 260 yards. Eddie Lacy had 82 yards and a TD. My main man Jarrett Boykin had 103 yards and a TD on 8 catches. Things got scary, however, as Jermichael Finley was carted off on a stretcher in the fourth quarter after a Tashaun Gipson hit. Thankfully, hes got feeling in his extremities now. Its a shame that he got hurt in a game where he had 0 drops, too; thats a once in a blue moon thing. Jordan Cameron scored a TD for the Browns, because hes apparently the only one that can do such things this year. The Pack are now 4-2 and a half game ahead of both Detroit and Chicago in the NFC North. The Browns fall to 3-4 and are two games down in the AFC North and one behind the last wild card team, San Diego.

Finleys TD
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Finleys injury
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Chiefs 17, Texans 16
It wasnt pretty, but the Chiefs managed to win and get to 7-0. Jamaal Charles and Alex Smith each had a rushing TD for the Chiefs while rookie QB Case Keenum threw a TD to rookie WR DeAndre Hopkins for Houston. Keenum was a competent 15/25 for 271 yards and no picks (although he did lose a fumble). Arian Foster left with a pulled hammy and LB Brian Cushing broke his leg and tore his LCL. The Chiefs are the only remaining undefeated team now that Denver lost (sorry, you havent read far enough to see that Denver lost yet. Should have prefaced that with SPOILER ALERT!!!). The Texans are now 15th out of 16 in the AFC at 2-5, yet are still just 2 games out of the playoffs. With five remaining division games (including 2 vs Jacksonville) and non-division games yet to come vs Arizona and Oakland, I still wouldnt be surprised to see Houston make things interesting.

Dwayne Bowes most interesting play all season:
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Seriously, the Chiefs scored on THIS PLAY:
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Chiefs fans are pissing themselves in excitement over being 7-0!
To make things worse for Houston fans, Bud Adams died on Monday; the fact that he died will probably make them happy, as he is the one who stole the Oilers from them, but hell probably be buried in this pose to give a forever FU to Houston.
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And once again, I present Excited Andy Reid Is Excited (aka what I looked like after the Redskins won on Sunday)
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Steelers 19, Ravens 16
Is there anything worse than a Pittsburgh-Baltimore game? I hate both teams and fanbases (I AM SO BIASSSSSS!) and every time they match up, the game is boring as heck but stays close the whole time. I guess Im glad that the Steelers won, because Pittsburgh is pretty much out of it and theyre dragging Baltimore down with them. Joe ELITE Flacco went 24/34 for 215 and a TD to Dallas I still play in the NFL? Clark, Ben PROBABLY A RAPIST Roethlisberger went 17/23 for 160 and a TD to Heath is this Madden 2006? Miller. Justin Tucker kicked 3 field goals and Shaun Suisham kicked 4. Seriously, this field goal fest was like being stabbed to death with one of those tiny wooden spoons that comes with ballpark Italian Ice. Baltimore is still just one game behind San Diego in the WC hunt but two behind Cincy for the division while the Ben Stillers are one and a half and two and a half back, respectively.
For once, Troy Polamalu timed the jump wrong
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Colts 39, Broncos 33
Andrew Luck outdueled Peyton Manning in a thrilling 39-33 win in Peytons return to Indy. Luck went 21/38 for 228 and 3 TDs (and added a rushing TD), throwing to the likes of Darrius Heyward-Bey, Stanley Havili and Coby Fleener. Seriously, if you throw TDs to those three guys, you should turn into Beetlejuice or something. Luck did, however, end Reggie Waynes season by throwing an awful pass behind his wide open receiver, making Wayne twist his knee to try and grab it, tearing his ACL in the process. He feels bad about it. Peyton had two big mistakes, throwing a pick and taking a safety on an end zone fumble, but just didnt look quite right all game.

Also, Pat McAfee is a beast. And once was arrested for swimming in an Indianapolis canal back in 2010.
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