Mack Brown spends his Fridays cutting his pension checks in half with scissors, cause he doesn't need that much money. After his 3rd nap of the day, he goes to the bank, drops them off with the teller, and walks away. Thinking he's an old senile man, the teller chuckles, until she realizes the checks are cut long ways. She can't put them in the reader, and can't figure out which check number on the top part matches with the check value on the bottom part.
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Mack Brown thinks UNC fans care about football
Mack Brown invites you over for a good ole fashioned NC BBQ and serves microwaved hot dogs
This is oddly specific
With reason
And the ice in the drinks is made from hotdog water.
Mack Brown drinks orange juice after brushing his dentures and thinks it's ok.
Mack Brown puts his lips directly on the Old Well fountain
I gagged reading this. Leg dammit.
Not to get political, but the hate is strong in the replies to that Tweet. And they have a valid point.
I want to be against the outrage, but I love that it's against Carolina so...
Mack Brown dips his Oreos in orange juice
Mack Brown is old.
Mack Brown improves his lies when landing in the rough. On every hole. Repeatedly. But never counts it as a stroke or a penalty. Then claims he shot 75 because his putter was cold.
Mack Brown's favorite Looney Tunes episode is Southern Fried Rabbit.
Damn man
Oddly specific. I would expect any of the censored eleven to be on the list.
Mack Brown thinks "UNC is the UVA of North Carolina" is a compliment.
Mack Brown's candy dish at his desk has unwrapped candy that's stuck together in a giant clump instead of Werther's Originals like a responsible elder should.
Mack Brown thinks Michael Jordan played football at UNC and the Jordan logo is Michael Jordan making a one-handed catch.
Does Mack Brown suffer from incontinence?
Depends
Mack Brown carries a mack brown in his depends.
Mack Brown keeps Werthers in his pockets on game day.
I actually really like Werthers. Get them every year in my stocking. 44yo.
Unwrapped Werthers that are coated in pocket fuzz.
Those are just the ones he offers to others. He has a secret stash of good ones for himself.
Mack Brown still eats at the K&W at 4:30 every day with Sally even though it closed last year
Mack Brown will leave halfway through your Friday night game to call a different one on Saturday.
I really wish he would
I am an avid listener of The Ticket in Dallas, and Gordo from the morning show does the perfect fake Mack Brown (and also fake Jerry Jones). Go ahead and have a listen if you have some time.
https://www.theunticket.com/fake-mack-brown-hurricane-sally-9-18-20/
Mack Brown's color commentary covered the spectrum from tan all the way to beige.
Man I'll never forget that 2015 game of ours at home vs NC State he covered. Repeatedly called Motuapuaka "Motupookoo".
Mack Brown is already complaining that the hurricane cost him the game.
If we can pull this one off, this comment wins the section.
His legal name is really Brown Muck.
Mack Brown ran out of Ensure
Mack Brown looks like a sleazy salesman.
Mack Brown thinks Dre Bly committed to UNC because of their impressive football tradition and not Dean Smith
Mack Brown thinks his waitress at Hooters is into him.
Mack Brown left Texas and went back to North Carolina because he thought twangy Carolina-style bbq was superior to delicious Texas-style brisket.
And he was right
Mack Brown prefers to play in empty stadiums.
Mack Brown thinks the U is Bak
Mack Brown gives large bags of cash to kids to commit to UNC...wait, are these supposed to be fake accusations?
Nah, you can hate him with real ones, too.
Mack Brown couldn't win a natty in a 100 years, that's why he only has 1
Mack Brown is the guy who stop by to get beer on his way to your house but always buys the kind he likes instead of something that everyone might like, and buys it off the shelf instead of from the cooler. Then when he gets to your house he puts one in the freezer so it cools down quicker and then grabs one of your other beers from the fridge. By the time he leaves he hasn't drank any of his own beers but says 'well if no one likes these i'll just take them home with me' and leaves with his now-cooled beers after drinking a bunch of yours. He forgot about the one in the freezer. You discover it the next morning.
This sounds like something you have experienced...
Straight up pwned my socially-unaware younger self with that one, roughly
My goodness. This felt like a personal attack against someone lol.
The way you wrote this made me feel this, but why would you have a guy like that in your life? Life is too short to put up with the "Mack Browns" of this world.
Why? I'll tell you, because he's your jackass brother-in-law, that's why!!!!
That's your sisters or brothers or wifes, husband's problem, nit yours, he gets the ban hammer!
Mack Brown acts like he didn't feel or hear those farts he let in room, but he did.
He definitely did.
Mack Brown likes to call himself 'Mack the spork'
...or 'Mack the spurtle'
Dammit. Take your leg.
Introducing the latest product from Bell & Howell's tactical line!
The Tac-Mack!!!!!!
In all seriousness, if VT needs some extra revenue or NIL cash, they should hang a Tac Light above the tunnel that motion sensors on when they run out.
Mack Brown told Whit that Fuentes scheme is tough to game plan for
Mack Brown thinks Sandstorm is the best stadium song out there. Really pumps him up
Bill Brown
Mack Brown's wife asked him to pick up dinner on the way home but he could not remember whether he was supposed to get Enfamil or Ensure.
Mack is short for Macaroni.
Mackthew.
Mack Brown gets on the airplane first as a senior citizen and then takes your window seat when he has the center. He gets testy when you challenge him and then asks to be reseated because you were being "unreasonable" for not accommodating a senior citizen.
Anyway we can slow down the hurricane to hit on Friday night I've heard the tobacco road cheaters hate playing in the rain
Preparation H...it'll get after you!
Mack Brown wanted to rename Preparation H to Preparation Brown.
His effort failed, for obvious reasons.
Mac Brown retired to coach back at UNC because he remembered the good old days when no-one cared if the football team won.
Mac Brown wants to name his great-grandaughter "Ida".
Mack Brown gives knock-off Bell + Howell presents for all occasions. He told his wife that he was giving her something *wink* really nice for Christmas. She opened a Spurtle.
Mack Brown thinks his porridge doesn't taste right if it isn't made with an authentic spurtle.
Mack Brown gives out spurtles for Christmas in July
Mack Brown tried to get the kickoff time moved up, because 8:30 is his bed time
Mack Brown collects Social Security and is on Medicare!
Mack Brown thinks recruiting is important
via GIPHY
Mack Brown takes his dentures out to eat his Uncle Herschel's special at Cracker Barrel for his game day breakfast. He asked the waitress to pull his finger when he finishes his meal.
Mack Brown is the asshole that camps out at the Food Lion Chicken Wing Kiosk and fills up 5 trays of just the drumsticks and Mozzarella sticks leaving only scrawny wings for everyone else.
mack brown gets fried chicken and mozzarella sticks from Food Lion
Mack Brown buys mayochup.
Mack Brown slows down for green lights, because they might change. Then, when it turns yellow, he gasses it through the light, leaving you, stuck behind him, at the red.
Naturally, he does this in his shiny white BMW 7 Series.
(No, seriously.)
Reminds me of a joke I heard a long time ago...
"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has pricks on the outside."
Of course you can sub any make, but that's the original way I heard it. So yeah, I would imagine Mack drives a BMV.
I can confirm that he does, and that it's white.
Semi-full disclosure: I walk past it every day on my way from the parking garage to my office.
Mack Brown is such terrible coach he destroyed the P-5 system.
MB's staff recruits better than ours. I hate him.
Mack Brown replies to an email from LAST FKING YEAR about his availability for a meeting, and then throws a fit that you're "trying to make him seem mentally unfit to fulfill his Board duties" when he showed up and nobody else did, and tries to get you fired for it.
I'm going to be downvoted into oblivion, but you do realize that the check number appears on the MICR line at the bottom, right? So cutting the check long ways (and I've seen this done before) makes no difference to the teller. They will just match up the check numbers and tape it back together and put it through the reader 🤦♀️
Also, Mack Brown drives exactly the speed limit on the interstate in the fast lane, then shakes his fist at everyone passing him on the right and complains about how everyone is in such a hurry these days.
That's nice 🙂
But when you're waiting in line to cash your first ever Christmas bonus ($125), and there's a one teller, and she is spending a bit over 45 minutes trying to not only match these up, but also taping them together so they can go through the card reader, and there's a line going out the door, and you have to piss...
It's awful
I figure any time is a good time to hate on Mack Brown. Saw this when checking out the tweet that had 247 saying Bowen was a recruiting rock star.
What a Douche.
Mack Brown thinks those are Converse All Stars that'll make him run faster, jump higher, and win more.
So you're saying we need to get a Beast?
Nah, The Beast is already out there. You just gotta have the cajones to pickle him.
Pssst... those are PF Flyers. Which are also superior to All Stars.
That was part of the joke cuz he's so far out of touch he doesn't know PF Flyers from Converse All Stars
[This is what I get for not refreshing this page for 25 minutes. Already drinking]
Ah his age must be getting to him. Everyone knows that you can only get guaranteed results like those from PF Flyers.
Sack Brown
because he wipes back to front
This is an image I didn't need.
It's not often you see a 'hello fellow kids' meme in real life, and yet here you go
Is that ascot??!!
Probably not, but fits the theme.
I mean I'm not against a monthly or quarterly hatin' on Mack Brown thread.
This should be a TKP best practice.
Hey It's an exciting eve for Mack... Heading out at 430 after the nap for the K&W buffett.
At least he recognizes he is too old to be driving. Just hanging out in the passenger seat, changing from slipper into his shoes while waiting for someone to help him stand up.
He's got that old fat guy tie up on his shoe laces where it's off to the one side because the stomach gets in the way while trying to tie his shoes up
I replace all my laces with elastic lace so this never happens to me
Ditto
Never knew this was a thing... I'm gonna notice this all the time now.
It's like that last little bit of lettuce on top of a balding guys head. Refusing to succumb to the realities of aging and Velcro strapped mall walker footwear.
Remember when UNC used to negative recruit Beamer because of his age?
Yeah
Sadly, this speaks to me.
I didn't get in on this at the time.
Mack Brown would look even goofier with a beard.