OT: Dad Jokes

Ask TKP: Looking for guidance from the TKP staff.
I have enjoyed (in my own sadistic kind of way) an app on my new phone called "Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes" sourced by https:/icanhazdadjokes.com . [The jokes are not copywritten and I did get their OK to post them as long as I attributed the content to them. ] Examples:

  • When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I just had to put my foot down.
  • RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
  • What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into an oak tree? ..... Poetry!

While I think they are funny (what Dad wouldn't want to embarrass their kids in front of their friends with a few of these groaners?), but I am not sure if it is TKP-worthy and I can imagine how it might get out of hand. Looking for guidance from the TKP staff.

Forums: 
DISCLAIMER: Forum topics may not have been written or edited by The Key Play staff.

Comments

What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Most people will say it's RRRRRR, when in fact they're in love with the "C"

Pirates spend all their time searching for gold and silver, never realizing that the true treasure is the friendships they make along the way

Pirates spend all their time looking for booty. Which, I can't even be mad at.

"Fat Bottomed Girls Make The Rockin' World Go Round"

-Blackbeard
 -Freddie Mercury
 -Michael Scott
 -APFOW

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

This is actually incorrect. It is "P" because without P they are Irate.

Outspoken team cake advocate. Hates terrapins. Resident Macho Man Gif Poster. Distant cousin to Dork Magic. Frequently misspells words.

Yaaar wrong! It is Aye that is the favorite letter!

My turn! My turn! (Coming from a dad with 6 kids)

What is a whale's favorite game?
—"Swallow" the leader

If it ain't orange, it better be maroon...and if it ain't maroon, it better be soon!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Ones a little heavy and ones a little lighter.

There are wolves and there are sheep, I am the sheep dog

I'm sorry, I missed that. Can this whole thread be merged with that one?

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

...dam

If you want level-headed opinions, don't go on a message board or sports forums

What do West Virginians do during Halloween? Pumpkin

Why go across town when you can go across the hall?

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

I like the embarrassment factor!

"Hey Bud, you wont have to hold the opponent to 17 points anymore."

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's butt? - A mechanic

JP

How do you tell the difference between a boy and girl ant?

Put it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats its boy ant (buoyant).

We put the K in Kwality

Once I was doing the dishes, I said I have to unwet the dishes.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

two guys walked into a bar, third one ducked.

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..


/s

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

I can fix that no problem.

What does a prospector yell when he finds a precious metal in a gender non-binary mountain?

..."there's gold in them/their hills!"

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Did you hear about the high pressure camping trip the Scouts went on last weekend?
It was intense (in tents).

Dad Joke Calendar, 21 February:

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
What lies in the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Answer: A nervous wreck.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Did you hear about the elephant with diarrhea?

It's all over town...

It's not Dad jokes, it's popcorn.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Got called out for bad Dad joke when discussing what the differences between a crocodile and alligator.

Crocodiles have smaller noses and live in warmer climates whereas alligators have wider noses and live in more temperate climates and can even survive frozen ice-covered ponds. But, to be honest, the best way to tell the difference is that one you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later.

🦃 🦃 🦃

These jokes are all in good pun,

This is going to be great for the ACC.

If the recruiting threads keep fighting back there, Joe's going to pull the entire website over.

Click here to destroy wall.

Why do ghosts hate the rain?
It dampens their spirits.

They must be drinking the wrong spirits.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

When does a sandwich cook? When it's bacon (Baking) lettuce and tomato

There are wolves and there are sheep, I am the sheep dog

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

VTMidge

Why can't a T-Rex clap?
...
...
...
...
...
Because they're extinct!

We put the K in Kwality

Too soon.

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

Ah...come on. Come on.

We put the K in Kwality

When my preschooler son keeps getting out of bed, I tell him he's going to jail for resisting a rest.

Click here to destroy wall.

The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself.

Can confirm

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
...
...
...
...
The outside.

We put the K in Kwality

Why aren't their any good restaurants on the moon?
...
...
...
No atmosphere

We put the K in Kwality

Me: What's Popeye's favorite food??

Kid: spinach?

Me: nope!

Let's Go

HOKIES

Olive Oil 😜

We put the K in Kwality

You ever notice when geese fly in the v formation one side is always longer than the other? Do you know why?

There's more geese on that side.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way!

A family of tomatoes are walking down the street but little Tommy keeps lagging behind. Daddy tomato gets frustrated and stomps on Tommy as he yells "Ketchup!"

I'm not even a dad (yet)

If a tree falls in Scott Stadium does it make a sound?

What does the crocodile call the alligator he writes letters to?

His pen palligator.

Ill see myself out, thank you.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?

Robin, get in the batmobile!

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

What's the difference between a pork chop and an asteroid?

One's a little meaty...

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

This coffee tastes like dirt...

...it was ground this morning. 🤷‍♂️

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

I asked my daughter if she wanted two slices of cake on her birthday. She said yes, so I cut the one I gave her in half.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
Did you hear about the guy who invented Livesavers? The say he made a mint.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

That story has holes in it.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Dad Joke Calendar, 22/23 February:

If you ever open your own business, try selling stoves. You'll offer a range of hot products.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 24 February:

"I'll call you later."
"Don't call me later. Call me Dad."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

You shouldn't fart in the Apple store. There's no Windows.

Let's Go

HOKIES

What do you call a pitcher who uses the central urinal?

A middle reliever.

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Cashew outside

How bou dat?

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

I was at the park the other day and found myself wondering why Frisbees look bigger the closer they get.

and then it hit me.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?
Nectarines.

Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two tired.

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
Because they're shellfish.

Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
Otherwise, it would have been called a teethbrush.

"Those who jump into the void owe no explanation to those who stand and watch."
--unknown

Dad Joke Calendar, 25 February:

Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York?
A: She fell for the Big Apple!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says "I might be a typo".

Australian IT professionals are from the LAN down under.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender asks "what's his name?". The man says "Tiny". Bartender asks "why Tiny?". "Because he's minute (my newt)"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Why do chicken coupes have two doors?

Because if they had four, they would be sedans.

We put the K in Kwality

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
Why is it so windy inside an arena?

Because of all those fans.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What do you call a fake noodle?

An Impasta....

What's the difference between the regular alphabet and the Christmas Alphabet?

The Christmas Alphabet has No "L"

ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.

Why doesn't polyester matter?

It's immaterial.

We put the K in Kwality

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants.

Bartender says "ya know mate, you have a steering wheel in the front of your pants?"

The pirate replies "arrrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

Daughter said she was cold. I told her to stand in the corner. She asks why. I answer that the corner of the room is always 90 degrees.

Montecello called, it would like a word with you.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

I don't listen to anything associated with uva ... other than the Declaration of Independence.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

That's a wrecked angle.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I protest this pun.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Saw on this on Snapchat...

Apparently, I misspelled "jacuzzi" and "Yakuza." Now I am in hot water with the Japanese's mafia.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she would make a very good one.

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

Ask wife " Hey did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Rece Something"

Her: "Witherspoon"

Me " no with a knife"

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

Where did you learn to make ice cream?
Answer: Sundae school

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I've been slacking, so let me catch up.

Dad Joke Calendar, 26 Feb:
Most chairs are satin.

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 Feb:
Q: What shoes do linguists wear?
A: Converse

Dad Joke Calendar, 28 Feb:
I'm not addicted to brake fluid. I can stop whenever I want.

Dad Joke Calendar, 29 Feb / 1 Mar:
Q: What animal is the least interesting?
A: A boar.

Dad Joke Calendar, 2 Mar:
Don't spell "part" backward. It's a trap!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 Feb:
Q: What shoes do linguists wear?
A: Converse

I should steal this one...

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

That would make you a cunning linguist, but that guy DC on the recruiting board is a master debator!

Dad Joke Calendar, 3 Mar:
Q: What do you call an average potato?
A: A commontater.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

What do you call a potato that thinks it rules the world?

A Potentater..

VTCC '86 Delta Company, Hokie in Peru, Former Naval Aviator, Former FBISA, Forever married to my VT87 girl. Go VT!

I guess Dictator was too off-color?

Whatever. It was one bad year.

Seasonal Brew means High ABV for football season and standard the rest of the year.

Not if it's name was Richard Tater 🥔

Let's Go

HOKIES

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

An orca-stra.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Not a joke, but:

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids don't eat broccoli

Dad Joke Calendar, 4 Mar:

I confronted a mime today. He did unspeakable things.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 4 Mar:

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: You barium.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Long time lurker (and also a dad) who finally signed up. Wow, first post is a dad joke.

Know why my pizza-based dad jokes are the best? Because no one can top them!

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Thank you.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dad Joke Calendar, 6 Mar:

Q: Why did no one take the bus to school?
A: It wouldn't fit through the door.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

I'm ashamed to admit, I look forward to these everyday.

We put the K in Kwality

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Son tries dad joke and it backfires horribly...

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Ouch...

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
I tried to take some high resolution photos of local farmland, but they all turned out a bit grainy.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look sexy?
Put a nipple on it.

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Why is it that Dracula has no friends?

Answer: Because he is such a pain in the neck.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 7/8 March:

I worked out so hard, the police put me in jail. I was charged with resisting a rest.

Dad Joke Calendar, 9 March:

Q: To what dog do other dogs tell their problems?
A: A complaint Bernard!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I saw an interview with the excellent farmer.

He was outstanding in his field.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

This isn't a "dad joke," per say, just the wittiest thing I've ever heard come from my dad.

My sister, who is 3.5yrs older than me, played some travel softball growing up. One of her teammates on that team at the time looked damn near identical to one of her friends back home. As the teammate walks by us, I, at like 11-12yrs old, look at my dad and say "man, she looks exactly like Molly (the friend from back home)."
Dad: "Wow, yes she does."
Teammate: *hears us say that and whips around* "Who's Molly?"
Dad: without cracking a smile or missing a damn beat "Ah, just an old dog we used to have."
That's been nearly 20yrs ago and I can still see the look on her face and how hard I laughed at that.

Amateur superstar and idiot extraordinaire.

not a dad joke, but hilarious and will definitely become a regular response here on TKP:

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dad Joke Calendar, 10 March:

Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Ok. So this was the conversation I had with HokieEnginerd today....
There is a cow pasture a couple of miles from our house (far enough away that we don't usually think about it being there unless we are driving by it). It also happens to be rather windy today... which happens to make the pasture noticeable.
Me:The cows are ripe today
HE: I guess it is time to pick them soon.

2 time Longwood grad married to a Hokie.

Well...the cows were breaking wind.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but,
You can't pick your friend's cows.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Knock, knock.

Hoos there?

Oh God, don't open the door to let any Hoos in.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Did you know that crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 11 March:

Q: What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A: A synonym roll.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 12 March:

My wife gets made at me for hiding kitchen utensils. But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the longest word in the dictionary?

"Smiles" because the is a mile between the two S's.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is large, grey, and doesn't matter?

Answer: An irrelephant

From my daughter:
What do call a fake noodle?

Answer: An im-pasta!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What do you get when you cross-breed a rhinoceros with an elephant?

Elephino...

Dad Joke Calendar, 13 March:

As a lawyer, the number of wrongful convictions shouldn't surprise me. After all, it's just trial and error.

Don't worry, I'll take my Dad Joke Calendar home so I can keep you entertained while I'm teleworking. ;^)

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From my brother:
I was told that we should expect that in about 9 months there will be a mini baby boom.
.....
and then about thirteen years from then those children will enter their "quaranteens".

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Sorry for the delay, I didn't work yesterday, so I didn't pull out the Dad Joke Calendar from my bag (which I took home, you're welcome).

Dad Joke Calendar, 14/15 March:

"Dad, you put your shoes on the wrong feet!"
"But they're the only feet I have!"

Dad Joke Calendar, 16 March:

Q: What did the cocktail say to the swizzle stick?
A: "You stir something inside me."

Dad Joke Calendar, 17 March:

Ireland's capital is the fastest growing city. Every year it's Dublin.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

The Ireland one brings back good memories. When I first became a Dad, it was my father in law who initiated me into the world of Dad jokes since my dad has about a half ounce of sense of humor.

My father in laws first dad joke that I recall?

"Did you know that Dublin, VA is the fastest growing town in the country?

Yeah, because it's Dublin everyday!"

At the time, I didn't realize how quickly I'd go from eye roll to connoisseur of the dad joke, making my own three kids' eyes roll. Life comes at you fast...

How do you know when you're in the presence of a sick undertaker?

The coffin.

It's a dead giveaway.

That just made me smile and groan inwardly.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've already lost three days.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 18 March:

I hate negative numbers and I will stop at nothing to avoid them

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I'm really worried about my French Press. It's depressed every time I see it.

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

From a friend:
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An In-Vest-a-Gator!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Well, you know it's a dad jokes thread when the jokes start getting repeated.

the first rule of dad jokes is the more you make the joke, the funnier it becomes. It's science

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dad Joke Calendar, 19 March:

Q: What's an easy way to double your money?
A: Hold it in front of a mirror.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 20 March:

I was carrying a nine-foot book the other day, and a woman asked me what I was doing. I said, "Oh, it's a long story."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Me: what?
Wife: you're being snippy
Me: you're the one that needs to cut it out
Wife: *blank stare*
Me: snip-o-saurus rex over here
Wife: *blank stare*
Me: okay, i'll just hit that joke with a comet, and let it go extinct

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Here's a really bad joke of mine that had my wife and me in stitches years ago.

What does guacamole and Holy Moley have in common?

They have mole.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
I went on date last night with a girl who works at the zoo.

It was great.

She is a keeper.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 21/22 March:

Did you hear about the buffalo that is two hundred years old? It just celebrated its bison-tennial.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the worst part of being a cross-eyed teacher?

Answer: The inability to control you pupils.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 23 March:

I think I have bad posture, but it's just a hunch.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

This ones an oldie.

When I told my friends and family I was going to do Stand Up Comedy, they all laughed. After 19 shows, no one's laughing now.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Answer: Lack of concentration

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

No one in Antartica has corona virus.
They have been in Ice-o-lation.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

I haven't read through all of these so sorry if this is a repeat.

Dad: During the the coronavirus crisis we all need to stafe, so during the lockdown I will only be telling inside jokes.

Dad Joke Calendar, 24 March:

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafè!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

The worst Dad joke ever which I heard every time we drove with my dad past Pulaski VA was how Pulaski got its name.
It started with " Do y'all know how Pulaski got its name? Well it started with this farmers horse named Laski...."
And if you never heard the rest of the joke consider yourself lucky!

Oh, I suffered that one many many times.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I have heard it being pronounced, "Poor-lash- ski."

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Dad Joke Calendar, 25 March:

I hate insect puns. They bug the heck out of me.

(And I'm still waiting for the punchline of the Pulaski joke above.)

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What do you call a careful wolf?

Answer: Aware wolf [ werewolf ]

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What happens if the world runs out of toilet paper?

Depends

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 26 March:

Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted up both legs, it would fall over.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

A man walks into a pet shop and asks for a dozen bees.
The worker at the counter takes out a jar, counts out 13 bees....
The man stops her and says "But that's one too many."
The worker says "It's ok. It's a freebie."

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 March:

For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged. The plot thickens.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Warning, this news flash just in:

Panic buying of sausages and cheese sweeps Berlin, Munich and Cologne!
Germans said to be preparing for the wurst-case scenario.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dad Joke Calendar, 28/29 March:

Q: What's the worst drink for a soccer player?
A: Penaltea.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 30 March:

I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it. It was a cider attack.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

You can't say that you run through the camp site. You can only say "ran" because it is past tents.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 31 March:

Q: Why did the noodle get a driving ticket?
A: It drove pasta stop sign.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
Because someone told him to "get along little doggie".
🤣

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

Dad Joke Calendar, 1 April:

I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Not a new joke, but the reaction is great.

Dad Joke Calendar, 2 April:

Q: What's the most evil chord?
A: D min

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

blind man reading a horror book: "I know this girl is about to be murdered. I can feel it."

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the best way to carve?

Answer: Whittle by whittle

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I've had bad luck with both my wives.

The first one left me...

The second one didn't!

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Thank you sir. Might be the funniest one on this thread.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

A Greek mathematician visited a Native American village. He was introduced to the chief who showed him his three wives: a 300 lb woman clothed in hippopotamus skin, a 160lb woman in an buffalo pelt, and a 140lb woman dressed in an elk fur dress.
When he got back, someone asked him, "Pythagoras, what did you learn?"
He replied, "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides."

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What do you call a fat psychic?

Answer: A four-chin teller, of course
.................................................
From my niece:
Why was the fraction apprehensive about marring the decimal?

Answer: Because he would have to convert.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Been lazy, so catching up...

Dad Joke Calendar, 3 April:

I ordered a book about puns last week, but I didn't get it.

Dad Joke Calendar, 4/5 April:

Q: What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A: You would think "R", but it's actually the "C".

Dad Joke Calendar, 6 April:

My friend genetically modifies salad. She is a rocket scientist. (I didn't get this one.)

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

In the UK, and elsewhere, rockets are arugala

Never Forget #1 Overall Seed UVA 54, #64 UMBC 74

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Have you ever been in a car traveling down the road and you notice crows pecking at a dead animal? And, as you get closer to the dead animal, the crows all fly off? Ever wonder why that happens?
...
...
...
There's another crow up in a tree yelling "Car!, car!, car!"

Dad Joke Calendar, 7 April:

Q: What is the best part about living in Switzerland?
A: I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 8 April:

Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Are garbagemen attracted to trashy girls?

This is going to be great for the ACC.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What kind of music do balloons hate?

Answer: Pop music

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Went to the library a while back.
Me: where are your books about turtles?
Librarian: hard back?
Me: yes, with little heads

Dad Joke Calendar, 9 April:

Q: What pastry wanted to rule the world?
A: Attila the Bun.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From my 7 yr old moments ago (at family lunch)

7: Knock, Knock
Me: Who's there?
7: Giraffe
Me: Giraffe Who
7: Giraffe anything to eat around here

It's an unwritten law that it's my lunch pail. I've issued the challenge. If someone outworks me, they can get it.
Darryl Tapp

An oldie; but always good for a groan.

A Greek mathematician visited a Native American village. He was introduced to the chief who showed him his three wives: a 300 lb woman clothed in hippopotamus skin, a 160lb woman in an buffalo pelt, and a 140lb woman dressed in an elk fur dress.
When he got back, someone asked him, "Pythagoras, what did you learn?"
He replied, "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides."

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

I may have to drink twice. Now that I consider things, I may have stolen that from this thread to send to my kids.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Considering I couldn't remember the wording exactly so I made most of that up, you definitely took it from this page...

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dad Joke Calendar, 10 April:

I was really upset after my friend broke my favorite pen. He said, "Don't worry, I'll make this write!"

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

I couldn't get a reservation at the library.
They were completely booked.

It's only a murder of crows if there is probably caws.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 11/12 April:

"Dad, how do you feel about going on a holiday cruise?"
"Great, we can start at Christmas Island and go to Easter Island."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 13 April:

I'm having trouble organizing a hide-and-seek league. Good players are hard to find.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Walked over to my neighbor and he has a pair of donkey that came running up to me.

I thought to myself, "Man, what a pair of asses."

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Did you hear abut the guy who followed his financial advisor advice and sold all of his mutual funds to buy statutes of sitting donkeys. When asked why, he explained he thought it was important to have solid ass sits in these troubled times.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

No one to blame but myself for that one.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Assets.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Dad Joke Calendar, 14 April:

Q: What process is a house in if it is trying to be the same inside?'
A: Homeostasis.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?

Aisle B, back

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Glad someone is finding some

Never Forget #1 Overall Seed UVA 54, #64 UMBC 74

Dad Joke Calendar, 15 April:

A persistent banker wouldn't stop hitting on me, so I asked him to leave me a loan.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable ... one day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 16 April:

Q: What do you call a cow that fell into a hole?
A: A holey cow!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Post-Easter egg jokes.

Why is Easter a dangerous time for investors?
People put all of their eggs in one basket.

Extrapolated from another thread where I noted something could be adjusted to fit the dad joke one.

What do you call an egg that's past its expiration date?
A chicken.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

You misspelled eggspiration.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

imagine your eggs hit their expiration date and then there's a ruckus in your frigerator because there's several chickens in it?????

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.

I asked: "What are you doing?"

He said: "Working from home."

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 17 April:

I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never got the chants.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. The second time let me down.

What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrot?

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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and finely dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

We put the K in Kwality

Dad Joke Calendar, 18/19 April:

"Dad, why do scuba divers roll backward off boats?"
"Because if they rolled forward, they'd still be in the boat."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 20 April:

Q: When does a car stop being a car?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 21 April:

My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults." He was a good man, but a terrible geologist.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Well, I have enjoyed this, but I sense that the idea has run/is running out of steam. Others are welcome to continue but I will close with the following post [unless I come across a really, REALLY good Dad Joke]:

Dadosaurus

This dad has several scene variations which are all hilarious. It does not fall into the embarrass-your-kids kind of joke, but I do think it fits the overall idea.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

It's mr peepers from snl

Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi. Tech, Tech, V.P.I.
Sola-Rex, Sola-Rah. Polytech- Vir-gin-I-a.
Ray, Rah, V.P.I. Team! Team! Team!

I don't know, as long as people are enjoying it, why shut it down? Anyways.....

Dad Joke Calendar, 22 Apr:

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log on.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I am fine with others continuing ; I did say

" Others are welcome to continue but I will close ..."

. I just felt like it was becoming a bit like the 40+ year old bachelor hanging around young singles group at church. Not being a creepy but hanging on when he should just acknowledge I was time to move on. *

I continue to enjoy the comments / contributions; keep them coming if you wish.

* A reflection of my real life experience. I moved on and a few years later found my bride.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I send one of these to my daughters every weekday. They are 38 and 35; and they have admitted stealing them to tell their kids.

Anyway, I get 3 or 4 upvotes for each joke. At that rate, I can make the first page of the turkey leg board in 6.5 years.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Go for it!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

ok. I'll keep playing.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 23 April:

I was accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, "You have a cute baby."

Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are good looking."

"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.

"He looks just like you."

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

We put the K in Kwality

Dad Joke Calendar, 24 April:

Q: Do robots have sisters?
A: No, just transistors!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

sounds like they used to have brothers...

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Was thinking the same thing.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Why is phonics not spelled the way it is pronounced?

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 25/26 April:

Did you hear about the guy who was fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 April:

Q: What city cheats during exams?
A: Peking.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 28 April:

Did you see the horse that could balance a corncob on its head? It was some unique corn.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Imma just gonna go ahead and say that one is a little too forced.

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Yeah - I don't think that is what is meant by "A good Dad Joke is a little corny."

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

I stole this from the internet:

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't. It just shits (poops for it to be a real dad joke) on the floor.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Kinetic disassembly... LOL...

Reminded me of my time as an Electronic Technician where we had a barcode taped over "Machine Maintenance" to "Something Blew Up."

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Dad Joke Calendar, 29 April:

"Dad, do you know any jokes about sodium?"
"Na."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I'm never sure if I actually have free time or I'm just forgetting everything I have to do.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 30 April:

Q: How do you find your dog if it's lost in the woods?
A: Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

How do you get an 80 yr old woman to yell "Shit"?
Get another 80 yr old woman to yell "Bingo"!

Reel men fish on Wednesdays

Where was the toothbrush invented???

West Virginia. If it was invented anywhere else, it would be called the teethbrush.

Dad Joke Calendar, 1 May:

"Dad, your glass of juice is empty. Do you want another one?"
"Why would I want two empty glasses?"

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Ok, I said I was done, but my son sent this to me:

"Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle - it was an ether / oar situation."

My wife panicked for a moment thinking he had had surgery and didn't tell us, then she thought, "Oh, yeah. He is his father's son."

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 2/3 May:

Never trust someone with graph paper. They're always plotting something.

Dad Joke Calendar, 4 May:

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling crumb-y!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Slightly NSFW but an oldy and a goody.

"What did one saggy boob say to the other?"
.
.
"We'd better perk up before people think we're nuts!"

Directions from Blacksburg to whoville, go north till you smell it then go east until you step in it

A lady said she had the old dresser disease. Perplexed, I asked her what she meant. She looked at me in the eyes and said, "My chest fell in my drawer."

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 5 May:

The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

In honor of May the 4th being yesterday:

What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke warm.

“You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.”
― John Madden (describing VT's offense?)

A hundred years ago, only the rich had cars and everyone else rode horses.
Today, only the rich can afford to ride horses. My, how the stables have turned!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 6 May:

Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Explanation.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Why is Bob Hope wearing such frilly clothes?

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Dad Joke Calendar, 7 May:

Did you hear about the truck driver who got a flat tire? It was a wheelie bad time.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Posting this here for VT_Fencer - although I'm sure you've seen it

It's an unwritten law that it's my lunch pail. I've issued the challenge. If someone outworks me, they can get it.
Darryl Tapp

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 8 May:

Q: How many apples grow on a tree?
A: All of them.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

What's the difference between a dirty greyhound terminal and a crab with big knockers?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

this is one of my all time favorites

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
How do you make a hankie dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 9/10 May:

I had to make all these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
I got an "A" on my origami project when I turned my paper into my teacher.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

I am ashamed to admit it took me almost 2 weeks to get it.

Comment Disclaimer: My comment are meant to be take as-is. If you cannot handle it, do not hit ‘Reply All.’

Dad Joke Calendar, 11 May:

Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
A: The teacher tends to Babylon.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 12 May:

Q: When a duck goes shopping, does it pay cash or check?
A: Neither. They put it on the bill.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
I was in my library earlier today when a book fell on my head. I guess I only have my shelf to blame.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I don't think you grasped the entirety of the gravity of that situation.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Am I the only one who read the first part of that in Coolio's voice?

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Elon Musk named his son "X Æ A-12", which, believe it or not is pronounced "KEV-in"

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Dad Joke Calendar, 13 May:

My son just threw a milk carton at me. How dairy?

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

HTHokie93

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 14 May:

Q: What did Tennessee?
A: The same thing Arkansas.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

i always heard that the answer was "Idaho. Alaska."

What? Don't Juneau?

Never Forget #1 Overall Seed UVA 54, #64 UMBC 74

Dad Joke Calendar, 15 May:

Burgers always laugh when they are around pickles. They're probably picklish.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.

We put the K in Kwality

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aid in for repair...

I've heard nothing since.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Why do people always need a lawyer to interpret a will?

It's always a dead give away.

I need to get a new butt
Mine has a cracked in it.

Dad Joke Calendar, 16/17 May:

Q: Why did the dog jump into the sea?
A: He wanted to chase the catfish.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 18 May:

"Dad, are you all right?"
"No, I'm half left and half right."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past X.

I don't know why.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

I love to tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.

ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.

Go up about 1 month, 2 days

👆

We put the K in Kwality

I hate you. I heard that today and had a giggle.

ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.

Still makes me laugh.

We put the K in Kwality

Dad Joke Calendar, 19 May:

Q: Why can't gladiators cry?
A: Because they're never sad.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

He sure was gladiator.

You know what, she was too.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

A man stops by his local florist shop to buy flowers for his new girlfriend. He asks the proprietor, "You know the expression, 'You should say it with flowers'?"

"How about three dozen of my finest roses?" the florist asks.

"Make it a half dozen roses," the man answers. "I'm a man of few words."

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

From my wife:
Do you know where Captain Hook got his hook from?

From the second-hand store, obviously

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 20 May:
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Somebody told me it was actually because they cut the cheese first.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

I hope this rain keeps up.

Then it won't come down.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Dad Joke Calendar, 21 May:

Q: What followed the dinosaur?
A: Its tail!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

"I stand corrected!"

... Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

Dad Joke Calendar, 22 May:

You never see penguins in Great Britain because they're afraid of Wales.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Drink. ;^)

clicky

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 23/24 May:
Q: How do you make a rabbit stew?
A: Keep it waiting.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he had no guts.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam