OT: Dad Jokes

Ask TKP: Looking for guidance from the TKP staff.
I have enjoyed (in my own sadistic kind of way) an app on my new phone called "Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes" sourced by https:/icanhazdadjokes.com . [The jokes are not copywritten and I did get their OK to post them as long as I attributed the content to them. ] Examples:

  • When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I just had to put my foot down.
  • RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
  • What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into an oak tree? ..... Poetry!

While I think they are funny (what Dad wouldn't want to embarrass their kids in front of their friends with a few of these groaners?), but I am not sure if it is TKP-worthy and I can imagine how it might get out of hand. Looking for guidance from the TKP staff.

Forums: 
DISCLAIMER: Forum topics may not have been written or edited by The Key Play staff.

Comments

What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Most people will say it's RRRRRR, when in fact they're in love with the "C"

Pirates spend all their time searching for gold and silver, never realizing that the true treasure is the friendships they make along the way

Pirates spend all their time looking for booty. Which, I can't even be mad at.

"Fat Bottomed Girls Make The Rockin' World Go Round"

-Blackbeard
 -Freddie Mercury
 -Michael Scott
 -APFOW

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

This is actually incorrect. It is "P" because without P they are Irate.

Outspoken team cake advocate. Hates terrapins. Resident Macho Man Gif Poster. Distant cousin to Dork Magic. Frequently misspells words.

Yaaar wrong! It is Aye that is the favorite letter!

My turn! My turn! (Coming from a dad with 6 kids)

What is a whale's favorite game?
—"Swallow" the leader

If it ain't orange, it better be maroon...and if it ain't maroon, it better be soon!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Ones a little heavy and ones a little lighter.

There are wolves and there are sheep, I am the sheep dog

I'm sorry, I missed that. Can this whole thread be merged with that one?

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

...dam

If you want level-headed opinions, don't go on a message board or sports forums

What do West Virginians do during Halloween? Pumpkin

Why go across town when you can go across the hall?

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

I like the embarrassment factor!

"Hey Bud, you wont have to hold the opponent to 17 points anymore."

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's butt? - A mechanic

JP

How do you tell the difference between a boy and girl ant?

Put it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats its boy ant (buoyant).

We put the K in Kwality

Once I was doing the dishes, I said I have to unwet the dishes.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

two guys walked into a bar, third one ducked.

"Why gobble gobble chumps asks such good questions, I will never know." - TheFifthFuller

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..


/s

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

I can fix that no problem.

What does a prospector yell when he finds a precious metal in a gender non-binary mountain?

..."there's gold in them/their hills!"

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

Did you hear about the high pressure camping trip the Scouts went on last weekend?
It was intense (in tents).

Dad Joke Calendar, 21 February:

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
What lies in the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Answer: A nervous wreck.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Did you hear about the elephant with diarrhea?

It's all over town...

It's not Dad jokes, it's popcorn.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Got called out for bad Dad joke when discussing what the differences between a crocodile and alligator.

Crocodiles have smaller noses and live in warmer climates whereas alligators have wider noses and live in more temperate climates and can even survive frozen ice-covered ponds. But, to be honest, the best way to tell the difference is that one you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later.

🦃 🦃 🦃

These jokes are all in good pun,

This is going to be great for the ACC.

If the recruiting threads keep fighting back there, Joe's going to pull the entire website over.

Click here to destroy wall.

Why do ghosts hate the rain?
It dampens their spirits.

They must be drinking the wrong spirits.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

When does a sandwich cook? When it's bacon (Baking) lettuce and tomato

There are wolves and there are sheep, I am the sheep dog

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

VTMidge

Why can't a T-Rex clap?
...
...
...
...
...
Because they're extinct!

We put the K in Kwality

Too soon.

If you play it, they will win.

"How the ass pocket will be used, I do not know. Alls I know is, the ass pocket will be used." -The BoD

Ah...come on. Come on.

We put the K in Kwality

When my preschooler son keeps getting out of bed, I tell him he's going to jail for resisting a rest.

Click here to destroy wall.

The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself.

Can confirm

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
...
...
...
...
The outside.

We put the K in Kwality

Why aren't their any good restaurants on the moon?
...
...
...
No atmosphere

We put the K in Kwality

Me: What's Popeye's favorite food??

Kid: spinach?

Me: nope!

Let's Go

HOKIES

Olive Oil 😜

We put the K in Kwality

You ever notice when geese fly in the v formation one side is always longer than the other? Do you know why?

There's more geese on that side.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way!

A family of tomatoes are walking down the street but little Tommy keeps lagging behind. Daddy tomato gets frustrated and stomps on Tommy as he yells "Ketchup!"

I'm not even a dad (yet)

If a tree falls in Scott Stadium does it make a sound?

What does the crocodile call the alligator he writes letters to?

His pen palligator.

Ill see myself out, thank you.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?

Robin, get in the batmobile!

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

What's the difference between a pork chop and an asteroid?

One's a little meaty...

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

This coffee tastes like dirt...

...it was ground this morning. 🤷‍♂️

___

-What we do is, if we need that extra push, you know what we do? -Put it up to fully dipped? -Fully dipped. Exactly. It's dork magic.

I asked my daughter if she wanted two slices of cake on her birthday. She said yes, so I cut the one I gave her in half.

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
Did you hear about the guy who invented Livesavers? The say he made a mint.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

That story has holes in it.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Dad Joke Calendar, 22/23 February:

If you ever open your own business, try selling stoves. You'll offer a range of hot products.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 24 February:

"I'll call you later."
"Don't call me later. Call me Dad."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

You shouldn't fart in the Apple store. There's no Windows.

Let's Go

HOKIES

What do you call a pitcher who uses the central urinal?

A middle reliever.

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Cashew outside

How bou dat?

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

I was at the park the other day and found myself wondering why Frisbees look bigger the closer they get.

and then it hit me.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?
Nectarines.

Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two tired.

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
Because they're shellfish.

Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
Otherwise, it would have been called a teethbrush.

"Those who jump into the void owe no explanation to those who stand and watch."
--unknown

Dad Joke Calendar, 25 February:

Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York?
A: She fell for the Big Apple!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says "I might be a typo".

Australian IT professionals are from the LAN down under.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender asks "what's his name?". The man says "Tiny". Bartender asks "why Tiny?". "Because he's minute (my newt)"

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Why do chicken coupes have two doors?

Because if they had four, they would be sedans.

We put the K in Kwality

Again from Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes:
Why is it so windy inside an arena?

Because of all those fans.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What do you call a fake noodle?

An Impasta....

What's the difference between the regular alphabet and the Christmas Alphabet?

The Christmas Alphabet has No "L"

ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.

Why doesn't polyester matter?

It's immaterial.

We put the K in Kwality

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants.

Bartender says "ya know mate, you have a steering wheel in the front of your pants?"

The pirate replies "arrrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

Daughter said she was cold. I told her to stand in the corner. She asks why. I answer that the corner of the room is always 90 degrees.

Montecello called, it would like a word with you.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

I don't listen to anything associated with uva ... other than the Declaration of Independence.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

That's a wrecked angle.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Did you know protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I protest this pun.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Saw on this on Snapchat...

Apparently, I misspelled "jacuzzi" and "Yakuza." Now I am in hot water with the Japanese's mafia.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she would make a very good one.

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

Ask wife " Hey did you hear about that actress who got stabbed? Rece Something"

Her: "Witherspoon"

Me " no with a knife"

Wet stuff on the red stuff.

Join us in the Key Players Club

Where did you learn to make ice cream?
Answer: Sundae school

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

I've been slacking, so let me catch up.

Dad Joke Calendar, 26 Feb:
Most chairs are satin.

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 Feb:
Q: What shoes do linguists wear?
A: Converse

Dad Joke Calendar, 28 Feb:
I'm not addicted to brake fluid. I can stop whenever I want.

Dad Joke Calendar, 29 Feb / 1 Mar:
Q: What animal is the least interesting?
A: A boar.

Dad Joke Calendar, 2 Mar:
Don't spell "part" backward. It's a trap!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 Feb:
Q: What shoes do linguists wear?
A: Converse

I should steal this one...

No, I *don't* want to go to the SEC. Why do you ask?

We don't love dem Hoos.

That would make you a cunning linguist, but that guy DC on the recruiting board is a master debator!

Dad Joke Calendar, 3 Mar:
Q: What do you call an average potato?
A: A commontater.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

What do you call a potato that thinks it rules the world?

A Potentater..

VTCC '86 Delta Company, Hokie in Peru, Former Naval Aviator, Former FBISA, Forever married to my VT87 girl. Go VT!

I guess Dictator was too off-color?

Whatever. It was one bad year.

Seasonal Brew means High ABV for football season and standard the rest of the year.

Not if it's name was Richard Tater 🥔

Let's Go

HOKIES

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

An orca-stra.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Not a joke, but:

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids don't eat broccoli

Dad Joke Calendar, 4 Mar:

I confronted a mime today. He did unspeakable things.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 4 Mar:

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: You barium.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Long time lurker (and also a dad) who finally signed up. Wow, first post is a dad joke.

Know why my pizza-based dad jokes are the best? Because no one can top them!

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Thank you.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dad Joke Calendar, 6 Mar:

Q: Why did no one take the bus to school?
A: It wouldn't fit through the door.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

uva - the taint of the ACC
XL Jockstraps 34 - Ascots 31
#15 Straight

I'm ashamed to admit, I look forward to these everyday.

We put the K in Kwality

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Son tries dad joke and it backfires horribly...

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Ouch...

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
I tried to take some high resolution photos of local farmland, but they all turned out a bit grainy.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look sexy?
Put a nipple on it.

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Why is it that Dracula has no friends?

Answer: Because he is such a pain in the neck.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 7/8 March:

I worked out so hard, the police put me in jail. I was charged with resisting a rest.

Dad Joke Calendar, 9 March:

Q: To what dog do other dogs tell their problems?
A: A complaint Bernard!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I saw an interview with the excellent farmer.

He was outstanding in his field.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

This isn't a "dad joke," per say, just the wittiest thing I've ever heard come from my dad.

My sister, who is 3.5yrs older than me, played some travel softball growing up. One of her teammates on that team at the time looked damn near identical to one of her friends back home. As the teammate walks by us, I, at like 11-12yrs old, look at my dad and say "man, she looks exactly like Molly (the friend from back home)."
Dad: "Wow, yes she does."
Teammate: *hears us say that and whips around* "Who's Molly?"
Dad: without cracking a smile or missing a damn beat "Ah, just an old dog we used to have."
That's been nearly 20yrs ago and I can still see the look on her face and how hard I laughed at that.

Amateur superstar and idiot extraordinaire.

not a dad joke, but hilarious and will definitely become a regular response here on TKP:

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dad Joke Calendar, 10 March:

Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Ok. So this was the conversation I had with HokieEnginerd today....
There is a cow pasture a couple of miles from our house (far enough away that we don't usually think about it being there unless we are driving by it). It also happens to be rather windy today... which happens to make the pasture noticeable.
Me:The cows are ripe today
HE: I guess it is time to pick them soon.

2 time Longwood grad married to a Hokie.

Well...the cows were breaking wind.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but,
You can't pick your friend's cows.

This is going to be great for the ACC.

Knock, knock.

Hoos there?

Oh God, don't open the door to let any Hoos in.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

From the Laughs and Groan Dad Jokes app:
Did you know that crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 11 March:

Q: What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A: A synonym roll.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 12 March:

My wife gets made at me for hiding kitchen utensils. But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the longest word in the dictionary?

"Smiles" because the is a mile between the two S's.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is large, grey, and doesn't matter?

Answer: An irrelephant

From my daughter:
What do call a fake noodle?

Answer: An im-pasta!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What do you get when you cross-breed a rhinoceros with an elephant?

Elephino...

Dad Joke Calendar, 13 March:

As a lawyer, the number of wrongful convictions shouldn't surprise me. After all, it's just trial and error.

Don't worry, I'll take my Dad Joke Calendar home so I can keep you entertained while I'm teleworking. ;^)

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From my brother:
I was told that we should expect that in about 9 months there will be a mini baby boom.
.....
and then about thirteen years from then those children will enter their "quaranteens".

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Sorry for the delay, I didn't work yesterday, so I didn't pull out the Dad Joke Calendar from my bag (which I took home, you're welcome).

Dad Joke Calendar, 14/15 March:

"Dad, you put your shoes on the wrong feet!"
"But they're the only feet I have!"

Dad Joke Calendar, 16 March:

Q: What did the cocktail say to the swizzle stick?
A: "You stir something inside me."

Dad Joke Calendar, 17 March:

Ireland's capital is the fastest growing city. Every year it's Dublin.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

The Ireland one brings back good memories. When I first became a Dad, it was my father in law who initiated me into the world of Dad jokes since my dad has about a half ounce of sense of humor.

My father in laws first dad joke that I recall?

"Did you know that Dublin, VA is the fastest growing town in the country?

Yeah, because it's Dublin everyday!"

At the time, I didn't realize how quickly I'd go from eye roll to connoisseur of the dad joke, making my own three kids' eyes roll. Life comes at you fast...

How do you know when you're in the presence of a sick undertaker?

The coffin.

It's a dead giveaway.

That just made me smile and groan inwardly.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've already lost three days.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 18 March:

I hate negative numbers and I will stop at nothing to avoid them

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I'm really worried about my French Press. It's depressed every time I see it.

"That move was slicker than a peeled onion in a bowl of snot." -Mike Burnop

From a friend:
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An In-Vest-a-Gator!

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Well, you know it's a dad jokes thread when the jokes start getting repeated.

the first rule of dad jokes is the more you make the joke, the funnier it becomes. It's science

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

Dad Joke Calendar, 19 March:

Q: What's an easy way to double your money?
A: Hold it in front of a mirror.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 20 March:

I was carrying a nine-foot book the other day, and a woman asked me what I was doing. I said, "Oh, it's a long story."

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Me: what?
Wife: you're being snippy
Me: you're the one that needs to cut it out
Wife: *blank stare*
Me: snip-o-saurus rex over here
Wife: *blank stare*
Me: okay, i'll just hit that joke with a comet, and let it go extinct

TKPhi Damn Proud
BSME 2009

Here's a really bad joke of mine that had my wife and me in stitches years ago.

What does guacamole and Holy Moley have in common?

They have mole.

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
I went on date last night with a girl who works at the zoo.

It was great.

She is a keeper.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 21/22 March:

Did you hear about the buffalo that is two hundred years old? It just celebrated its bison-tennial.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the worst part of being a cross-eyed teacher?

Answer: The inability to control you pupils.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 23 March:

I think I have bad posture, but it's just a hunch.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

This ones an oldie.

When I told my friends and family I was going to do Stand Up Comedy, they all laughed. After 19 shows, no one's laughing now.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Answer: Lack of concentration

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

No one in Antartica has corona virus.
They have been in Ice-o-lation.

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own

I haven't read through all of these so sorry if this is a repeat.

Dad: During the the coronavirus crisis we all need to stafe, so during the lockdown I will only be telling inside jokes.

Dad Joke Calendar, 24 March:

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafè!

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

The worst Dad joke ever which I heard every time we drove with my dad past Pulaski VA was how Pulaski got its name.
It started with " Do y'all know how Pulaski got its name? Well it started with this farmers horse named Laski...."
And if you never heard the rest of the joke consider yourself lucky!

Oh, I suffered that one many many times.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

I have heard it being pronounced, "Poor-lash- ski."

“Who is this Fuentes person that you speak about?” -McHokie540

Dad Joke Calendar, 25 March:

I hate insect puns. They bug the heck out of me.

(And I'm still waiting for the punchline of the Pulaski joke above.)

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What do you call a careful wolf?

Answer: Aware wolf [ werewolf ]

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

What happens if the world runs out of toilet paper?

Depends

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 26 March:

Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted up both legs, it would fall over.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

A man walks into a pet shop and asks for a dozen bees.
The worker at the counter takes out a jar, counts out 13 bees....
The man stops her and says "But that's one too many."
The worker says "It's ok. It's a freebie."

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Dad Joke Calendar, 27 March:

For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged. The plot thickens.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Warning, this news flash just in:

Panic buying of sausages and cheese sweeps Berlin, Munich and Cologne!
Germans said to be preparing for the wurst-case scenario.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting

Dad Joke Calendar, 28/29 March:

Q: What's the worst drink for a soccer player?
A: Penaltea.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Dad Joke Calendar, 30 March:

I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it. It was a cider attack.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:

You can't say that you run through the camp site. You can only say "ran" because it is past tents.

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

Dad Joke Calendar, 31 March:

Q: Why did the noodle get a driving ticket?
A: It drove pasta stop sign.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
Because someone told him to "get along little doggie".
🤣

Pain is Temporary, Chicks Dig Scars
Glory is Forever, Let's Go Hokies!!

Dad Joke Calendar, 1 April:

I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

Not a new joke, but the reaction is great.

Dad Joke Calendar, 2 April:

Q: What's the most evil chord?
A: D min

If you're not sure if my comment warrants a "/s", it probably does.

blind man reading a horror book: "I know this girl is about to be murdered. I can feel it."

Warning: this post occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)..

From the Laughs and Groans Dad Jokes app:
What is the best way to carve?

Answer: Whittle by whittle

Ut Prosim Ad Dei Gloriam

I've had bad luck with both my wives.

The first one left me...

The second one didn't!

Doesn't matter if it's cake or pie as long as it's chocolate.

To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
@BuryHokie #ThanksFrank

Thank you sir. Might be the funniest one on this thread.

Recovering scientist working in business consulting